Looking for a nice Taiora? Then you're in the wrong place. Looking for an angsty Hikari mooning over Miyako? Good, come on in!
Disclaimer: none of the characters in this fic are mine. Neither is the poem at the beginning. as in they don't belong to me. Meaning I don't own them. So don't sue me, I'm saving up to buy all the kenshin tapes (Sano.....)
Authoress's notes: this story has both shojo ai and mild shonen ai in it. You don't like that, go elsewhere. It also has almost no dialogue, because I'm lazy and bad at conversations anyway. Unrequited Hiyako, Taishiro, and perhaps a smidgen of Yamaken hints, and good old Daikeru later on, we'll see. Told from Hikari's point of view.
To Madchan ~ for introducing me to the pure kawaiiness of Daikeru
The Wind Shifts
This is how the wind shifts:
Like the thought of an old human,
Who still thinks eagerly
And despairingly.
The wind shifts like this:
Like a human without illusions,
Who still feels irrational things within her.
The wind shifts like this:
Like humans approaching proudly,
Like humans approaching angrily.
This is how the wind shifts:
Like a human, heavy and heavy,
Who does not care.
~ Wallace Stevens, 'The Wind Shifts'
I love my brother. I really do. But as he wriggles awkwardly in his chair at the diner table, I feel a surge of anger. He's telling them what all the destined already know. That he is gay and in love with Koushiro Itzumi, who loves him back. I hate him, for being able to be brave enough to do what I can not. It's not Taichi's fault, he doesn't know how I feel.
My parents are surprised, but they smile at Taichi and tell him that they're glad he's happy. Besides, my father says, we'll always have Hikari's kids to spoil. He grins at me, but I can tell he's only half joking. I send a forced smile back, my eyes meeting Taichi's across the table. His eyes are shining with happiness and he beams at me.
My mother changes the subject to me, asking about my history project with Takeru. I know my parents think that we'll end up together, but I'm not so sure. He always has been more like a brother then a boyfriend. But I feel guilty, both of my parents have been so supportive, and I feel like I'm letting them down if I don't at least try.
We spend the rest of diner talking about my project. I excuse myself after cleaning up, knowing that my parents will want to talk to Taichi more. I change into my nightgown and burrow into my covers, hugging a pillow to my chest to fill my empty arms.
School inches by slowly. By lunch, all I want to do is lay my head on my arms and sleep. Each class seems longer then the last one.
"Hikari!"
I lift my head wearily to see Takeru and Daisuke pushing through the crowd, lunch trays in their hands. Lately they haven't been very hostile towards each other, which has been a great relief to me, since I've always wished that the two of them would get along better.
"Hey 'Kari, how's it going? You look worn out. Everything ok?" Daisuke words are caring, but they no longer hold the worshipful tones they once had.
I smile at him, in the time since he lost his crush on me, we've become friends. "I'm ok, just tired. Tai broke the news last night"
"how'd they take it?" Takeru asks anxiously
"good, they seemed a little bewildered, but I think they'll be okay with it" I answer contentedly.
"that's great!" they exclaim in unison.
"jinx!" Takeru grins. Daisuke rolls his eyes and drums his fingers on the table.
"Daisuke!" someone calls from across the cafeteria. We all look up to see the goalie from the soccer team waving Daisuke over. Daisuke sighs and pushes his tray over to me, reluctantly pushing away from the table.
"see you in science Dai" Takeru shouts after him. Daisuke grins and waves.
"so, what should we do for the history project?" I start off.
" I dunno, I was thinking we could do it on the art or architecture" Takeru answers.
We speak rather aimlessly about the project for a few minutes, then I decide it's time to go for it. I can't let my parents down. "Takeru, do you think we could go out?" I say, proud of my steady voice.
"wha-?" he asks intelligently. "go out with you?"
I nod.
Takeru sighs and shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "I'm really sorry Hikari, I just don't feel that way about you. It'd... It'd be like dating my sister..."
I smile at him gently. "That's okay Takeru, I understand" I say, and mean it. I feel the same way and if I didn't feel like my parents expected me to date him, I probably wouldn't have asked.
He smiles back gratefully, and we sit there a little longer in silence. I sense he feels embarrassed, so I take mercy on him and get up. "bye Takeru, see you later"
I walk out of the cafeteria and decide to take a break in the small courtyard nearby. What just happened finally sinks in and I feel my mind go numb. I open the door outside mechanically and plop down on the grass underneath a cherry tree. Takeru was the last shield between me and my heart. While he was still an option, I kept myself in denial, but now that he's no longer potential boyfriend material, I have nothing to save me from my feelings. I feel a tear fall, leaving a fiery trail behind it. I draw my knees up against my chest, resting my head on them wearily.
"Hikari!"
I hear a loud voice behind me. Miyako. The last person I want to see me like this.
"Hey Hikari! Guess what? I jus-" she sees my face and stops chattering immediately. "Are you ok?" she whispers.
I sigh. "yes... I think so..."
Miyako sits down opposite me. "What's wrong?" she asks in a low voice.
I bow my head "I... I'd rather not talk about it" I reply, tears still running down my face. I look up at her, expecting to see annoyance on her face, but she give me a serene smile and leans forward, enfolding me in her arms.
"Shhh" she whispers, stroking my back. "It's alright. Shhh...". I press my face against her shoulder and let go, weeping like my heart has been broken when really the opposite has happened.
We stay like that for a while, her kneeling in front of me, wiry arms around me, me facing her with my cheek against her shoulder. She holds me until the sobs wracking my body have disappeared into a slight trembling, all the while murmuring soothing words to me. I finally pull back a little to look into her face.
"thank you" I whisper.
Miyako gives me a smile and a hug, answering "Anytime. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, just remember I'm here for you" She stands and offers me a hand up, pulling me gently to my feet. "Are you going to be ok?" she questions me.
I don't want to waste anymore of her time, so I force myself to smile and say I'm fine, only to find to my surprise that I really am all right.
Miyako smiles back at me, her eyes becoming half moons. She draws me in close for a quick hug then offers me her arm.
I stare at her in confusion, then comprehension dawns in my eyes and I rest my hand in the crook of her arm with a giggle. She gives me another grin then we sweep out of the courtyard as the end of lunch bell rings.
Miyako escorts me to my next class then departs for hers with a smile and a parting wave. The rest of the day goes by in a blur, the only thing of note being history class where Takeru and I decided to do our report on early Japanese architecture. To my relief there was no discomfort between the two of us, it was as if nothing had ever happened.
I walk home with a strange feeling of lightness. Opening the door, I find that my parents have gone out for the rest of the day. Walking through the living room I discover that Taichi and Koushiro are both here, but they seem... preoccupied... I allow myself a small smile, I'm glad that Taichi's found someone to love, and I'm even happier that it's smart, loyal, patient Koushiro. They balance each other out.
I sit down at my desk and get to work on finishing my homework. After spending an hour on homework, I sit down at my computer and surf the web for a while, gathering information for the history project. I work another hour on homework, then walk back to the kitchen to start making diner.
Taichi and Koushiro had left to go to a movie, so I simply stand at the counter and quickly eat my diner. After brushing my teeth and hair, I change into an old tee shirt and curl up in my bed. Sleep overwhelms me, and I slip into dreams of flyaway lavender hair and loving arms.
~ end part 1 ~
In the next chapter find out about: Why daisuke isn't jumping around trying to impress hikari. Why takeru turned hikari down. All in the next chapter of 'the story has no definite ending'
End notes: well, that's it for now. should I write more? Was it good? Was it bad? Am I a sick little girl who should be locked up? You can answer all these questions and more if you review my story!
Disclaimer: none of the characters in this fic are mine. Neither is the poem at the beginning. as in they don't belong to me. Meaning I don't own them. So don't sue me, I'm saving up to buy all the kenshin tapes (Sano.....)
Authoress's notes: this story has both shojo ai and mild shonen ai in it. You don't like that, go elsewhere. It also has almost no dialogue, because I'm lazy and bad at conversations anyway. Unrequited Hiyako, Taishiro, and perhaps a smidgen of Yamaken hints, and good old Daikeru later on, we'll see. Told from Hikari's point of view.
To Madchan ~ for introducing me to the pure kawaiiness of Daikeru
The Wind Shifts
This is how the wind shifts:
Like the thought of an old human,
Who still thinks eagerly
And despairingly.
The wind shifts like this:
Like a human without illusions,
Who still feels irrational things within her.
The wind shifts like this:
Like humans approaching proudly,
Like humans approaching angrily.
This is how the wind shifts:
Like a human, heavy and heavy,
Who does not care.
~ Wallace Stevens, 'The Wind Shifts'
I love my brother. I really do. But as he wriggles awkwardly in his chair at the diner table, I feel a surge of anger. He's telling them what all the destined already know. That he is gay and in love with Koushiro Itzumi, who loves him back. I hate him, for being able to be brave enough to do what I can not. It's not Taichi's fault, he doesn't know how I feel.
My parents are surprised, but they smile at Taichi and tell him that they're glad he's happy. Besides, my father says, we'll always have Hikari's kids to spoil. He grins at me, but I can tell he's only half joking. I send a forced smile back, my eyes meeting Taichi's across the table. His eyes are shining with happiness and he beams at me.
My mother changes the subject to me, asking about my history project with Takeru. I know my parents think that we'll end up together, but I'm not so sure. He always has been more like a brother then a boyfriend. But I feel guilty, both of my parents have been so supportive, and I feel like I'm letting them down if I don't at least try.
We spend the rest of diner talking about my project. I excuse myself after cleaning up, knowing that my parents will want to talk to Taichi more. I change into my nightgown and burrow into my covers, hugging a pillow to my chest to fill my empty arms.
School inches by slowly. By lunch, all I want to do is lay my head on my arms and sleep. Each class seems longer then the last one.
"Hikari!"
I lift my head wearily to see Takeru and Daisuke pushing through the crowd, lunch trays in their hands. Lately they haven't been very hostile towards each other, which has been a great relief to me, since I've always wished that the two of them would get along better.
"Hey 'Kari, how's it going? You look worn out. Everything ok?" Daisuke words are caring, but they no longer hold the worshipful tones they once had.
I smile at him, in the time since he lost his crush on me, we've become friends. "I'm ok, just tired. Tai broke the news last night"
"how'd they take it?" Takeru asks anxiously
"good, they seemed a little bewildered, but I think they'll be okay with it" I answer contentedly.
"that's great!" they exclaim in unison.
"jinx!" Takeru grins. Daisuke rolls his eyes and drums his fingers on the table.
"Daisuke!" someone calls from across the cafeteria. We all look up to see the goalie from the soccer team waving Daisuke over. Daisuke sighs and pushes his tray over to me, reluctantly pushing away from the table.
"see you in science Dai" Takeru shouts after him. Daisuke grins and waves.
"so, what should we do for the history project?" I start off.
" I dunno, I was thinking we could do it on the art or architecture" Takeru answers.
We speak rather aimlessly about the project for a few minutes, then I decide it's time to go for it. I can't let my parents down. "Takeru, do you think we could go out?" I say, proud of my steady voice.
"wha-?" he asks intelligently. "go out with you?"
I nod.
Takeru sighs and shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "I'm really sorry Hikari, I just don't feel that way about you. It'd... It'd be like dating my sister..."
I smile at him gently. "That's okay Takeru, I understand" I say, and mean it. I feel the same way and if I didn't feel like my parents expected me to date him, I probably wouldn't have asked.
He smiles back gratefully, and we sit there a little longer in silence. I sense he feels embarrassed, so I take mercy on him and get up. "bye Takeru, see you later"
I walk out of the cafeteria and decide to take a break in the small courtyard nearby. What just happened finally sinks in and I feel my mind go numb. I open the door outside mechanically and plop down on the grass underneath a cherry tree. Takeru was the last shield between me and my heart. While he was still an option, I kept myself in denial, but now that he's no longer potential boyfriend material, I have nothing to save me from my feelings. I feel a tear fall, leaving a fiery trail behind it. I draw my knees up against my chest, resting my head on them wearily.
"Hikari!"
I hear a loud voice behind me. Miyako. The last person I want to see me like this.
"Hey Hikari! Guess what? I jus-" she sees my face and stops chattering immediately. "Are you ok?" she whispers.
I sigh. "yes... I think so..."
Miyako sits down opposite me. "What's wrong?" she asks in a low voice.
I bow my head "I... I'd rather not talk about it" I reply, tears still running down my face. I look up at her, expecting to see annoyance on her face, but she give me a serene smile and leans forward, enfolding me in her arms.
"Shhh" she whispers, stroking my back. "It's alright. Shhh...". I press my face against her shoulder and let go, weeping like my heart has been broken when really the opposite has happened.
We stay like that for a while, her kneeling in front of me, wiry arms around me, me facing her with my cheek against her shoulder. She holds me until the sobs wracking my body have disappeared into a slight trembling, all the while murmuring soothing words to me. I finally pull back a little to look into her face.
"thank you" I whisper.
Miyako gives me a smile and a hug, answering "Anytime. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, just remember I'm here for you" She stands and offers me a hand up, pulling me gently to my feet. "Are you going to be ok?" she questions me.
I don't want to waste anymore of her time, so I force myself to smile and say I'm fine, only to find to my surprise that I really am all right.
Miyako smiles back at me, her eyes becoming half moons. She draws me in close for a quick hug then offers me her arm.
I stare at her in confusion, then comprehension dawns in my eyes and I rest my hand in the crook of her arm with a giggle. She gives me another grin then we sweep out of the courtyard as the end of lunch bell rings.
Miyako escorts me to my next class then departs for hers with a smile and a parting wave. The rest of the day goes by in a blur, the only thing of note being history class where Takeru and I decided to do our report on early Japanese architecture. To my relief there was no discomfort between the two of us, it was as if nothing had ever happened.
I walk home with a strange feeling of lightness. Opening the door, I find that my parents have gone out for the rest of the day. Walking through the living room I discover that Taichi and Koushiro are both here, but they seem... preoccupied... I allow myself a small smile, I'm glad that Taichi's found someone to love, and I'm even happier that it's smart, loyal, patient Koushiro. They balance each other out.
I sit down at my desk and get to work on finishing my homework. After spending an hour on homework, I sit down at my computer and surf the web for a while, gathering information for the history project. I work another hour on homework, then walk back to the kitchen to start making diner.
Taichi and Koushiro had left to go to a movie, so I simply stand at the counter and quickly eat my diner. After brushing my teeth and hair, I change into an old tee shirt and curl up in my bed. Sleep overwhelms me, and I slip into dreams of flyaway lavender hair and loving arms.
~ end part 1 ~
In the next chapter find out about: Why daisuke isn't jumping around trying to impress hikari. Why takeru turned hikari down. All in the next chapter of 'the story has no definite ending'
End notes: well, that's it for now. should I write more? Was it good? Was it bad? Am I a sick little girl who should be locked up? You can answer all these questions and more if you review my story!