Painted Memories
Subaru Shôjo
Author notes: Nobuhiro Watsuki is the owner of this
characters, please read and review. An Aoshi/Misao fic, WAFF Alert. Also a
Misao/Aoshi Childhood.
My feelings are filled with the performance of time,
With a clear voice, the endless future continues to walk to your eyes.
"Again…" he murmured in his cold and
stern way, as he repeated the same page an eleventh time. He combed his ivory
black hair with his fingers, resting his forehead on his hand. It hasn't been a
good day, all he did was putting her in place, that's all. He told her one more
time, he didn't need her, to leave him alone…She couldn't understand he didn't
love her, why? Maybe she's too young to understand it. You know she isn't, so,
why are you feeling so guilty? Maybe 'cause you made her cry? Or because those
bluish eyes looked painfully at you? No, I don't care what happens to her, I'm
not anything for her, she doesn't need me…So why did she cry? When someone
needs you, they cry, don't they? Can you shut up! I'm working on this papers! I
made it clear! It's not my problem she doesn't understand! Oh really?
Understand what? That you're unworthy for her? That she deserves better? No…
So?
Never mind…
As his mental fight was opening deep
wounds, he scratched his head in frustration, not letting his expressionless
mask disappear. He couldn't, he opened his eyes widely. Then, a flash of anger was across his eyes,
he stood up from his desk and with his long firm arm, knocked all the papers
there were on it, making papers fly in all directions from his room. The candle
light died out, there he was, alone, in the darkness, that was really how he
felt, he belonged to the darkness, he was meant to be alone. He sighed as his
head bent letting his long bangs fall into his face dreadfully. Again his hand passed through his hair, he
closed his eyes again, so he could concentrate to put his expressionless mask
back to his face. But he couldn't, he was still thinking in that blue-eyed
girl, always happy always loving…the opposite of him, he couldn't return what
she has offered to him, he could only feel, pain, sorrow, hate…
Then as if send from heaven a light storm
began…rain poured menacingly into the earth,
the clouds as black as his mood,
lightings flashing and trembling trough the sky, illuminating his room
between periods…
In one of them he looked back to his
desk, an unseen paper took his attention. He took the piece off paper in his
hand. It was wrapped with a light blue lace, the paper seem old, very old…He
unwrapped the paper, and put the lace into his trench coat.
"Where does it came from? I don't
remember have this paper on here before" he said with a glint of curiosity in
his eyes. He unfolded the old paper, and a gasp escape from his lips as he saw
the content of the paper. It was a drawing from a little person, obviously he
knew that person, it was a special drawing the little girl gave to him…he
remember it perfectly.
Higher than everybody else. Close to the sky.
I am close to something bright and shiny.
I wished for light.
If I were burning, I will be o.k.
Everything is accompanying the truth.
FLASHBACK
"Misao-chan!! Where are you?!" Omasu yelled from the kitchen
window, it has been raining for two weeks, it has stopped in the morning, but
it started again a couple hours ago. Misao at age of 6, was playing in the
garden, well she said she was making something special for her Aoshi-sama, she
said that when she was done, she will enter the building immediately. But you
know how children are when they are so small, and they want to explore
everything, so, little Misao was 'exploring' the garden so she could find
something special for her Aoshi-sama. Aoshi was on his room searching for some papers,
he was 16 years old. Then he could hear Omasu's yells through all the Aoiya. He
sighed wanting some peace, so he went to the kitchen. He leaned on the
doorframe, with his stony eyes looking at a desperate Omasu. She turned to see
him, and she began to weep like a baby, Aoshi got sweat drops on his head,
trying to calm down the poor desperate Omasu.
"What is it? Does Misao-chan made
something?" he said in his icy voice, Omasu only nodded, and her weeping
dissolved into sobbing and sniffles.
"I can't find Misao-chan, she said she
was on the garden, I was watching her from here, but when the rain began, I
couldn't see her anymore" she said shedding more tears. Aoshi patted Omasu's
shoulder.
"Don't worry I'll bring her back" he said
picking up an umbrella, and getting outside. The rain was heavy, for a second
he thought the rain will ruin his umbrella. But then he saw between the blur of
the rain the little figure below a tree. He approached more when he saw the
little Misao concentrating on the paper she had in front it was attached by two
nails to the trunk of the tree. She had two brushes and little buckets of
colors by her side.
"Misao?" was all he could handle to say,
Misao without noticing, answered automatically.
"Hello Aoshi-sama" then she registered
Aoshi's voice on her head, panicking and trying to cover the picture in front
of her.
"Aoshi-sama! What are you doing here?!
Don't watch! Close you're eyes!" she said jumping trying to cover her drawing,
but he had seen it all, from the first moment, although the rain ruined it.
Aoshi bent a little and said with his stony eyes.
"I was about to ask you the same
question, you're soaking wet Misao, get inside" he said straitening himself.
Misao looked at him in disapproval, and crossed her chubby arms across her
little chest.
"No, until I'm done with my masterpiece"
she said determined. Aoshi's brow's met, he wasn't in the mood to hold on with
a childish wish. He want people to obey him, he won't let a 6 year old girl to
disobey him.
"Misao get inside, now!" he's voice deep
and demanding, Misao kept saying no, and continued painting, but her efforts
still failed as the rained ruined the paint and spill it in all the paper.
"You don't have to finish that 'thing',
it's already ruined Misao, you can do it tomorrow" he said loosing his
patience.
"It's not ruined Aoshi-sama, you see? I'm
making art with the paint droplets!" she said showing part of her work proudly.
Aoshi frowned again, loosing his temper.
"For me it's just a ruined paper, a
soaked paint and a drenched paper" he said holding his umbrella tightly. How
stubborn this child could be sometimes! Aoshi grabbed Misao's wrist.
"Now we're getting inside! You're going
to be sick if you don't change those clothes!" he said dragging her. Misao was
struggling, she grabbed the little bucket of blue and throw it to Aoshi's back
head. He dropped the umbrella and tightened his grip. He turned around to see
Misao giggling. His eyes glanced at her threatening. Misao's giggles stopped.
She gulped as Aoshi turned totally and left Misao's wrist, the rain washing the
blue paint through his clothes.
"You little…" he hissed approaching to
her. Misao went one step backside gulping more. Aoshi grabbed another bucket of
red, the he spilled it on Misao's head. Misao went for the green one, and
splashed it all over his face, making him spit some. Misao was laughing louder,
she went one step more, and she fell into the mud. Now her smile and eyes her
brighter…Aoshi spilled more yellow paint on her, as she did de same with the
other ones…Until there was no more paint but the black one. They were looking
at each other, approaching more to see who got the black paint. But then
Misao's attention took place in the paper. She smiled brightly.
"Look Aoshi-sama, we did a masterpiece!"
she said pointing the picture, it was the paper covered with all the colors,
and some mixed up because of the rain. It was a colorful picture, it hasn't a
figure, but the colors made it an abstract picture. The Misao grabbed Aoshi's
sleeve and said.
"May we write our names on it? With
black?" he looked at her confused, but he nodded, and grabbed the brush. He put
their names on it with kanji. Misao smiled, even she didn't understand quite
well.
"You're letter is ugly Aoshi-sama, you
ruined our masterpiece!" she said teasingly, Aoshi flickered menacingly at the comment. He gave her the brush.
"Then do it" Misao gulped a little, she
doesn't knew the kanji very well, so she grabbed Aoshi's hand and spilled a
little black pain on it. And crushed it on the paper. Then Misao did the same
with hers. Aoshi was still shocked at the child's touch, and how her little
hand seem so delicate in his large an thin one.
"That's a better firm, We're done
Aoshi-sama!" she said cheerfully. Aoshi bowed his head, and a slight curve was on
his lips. Misao grabbed the paper, covering with her body. So it couldn't be
'ruined'.
Misao was running as Aoshi walked through
the rain calmly.
"Aoshi-sama!!! Run! We're going to catch
a cold!" she said hurriedly, Aoshi's mind ordered to smile, but still his mask
won't let him. He nodded and caught Misao's pace.
"MISAO-CHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!" Omasu yelled as
she ran to the wet little Misao. Aoshi
shook his head, letting little drops fall to the floor. Omasu felt Misao's wet
clothes and hair. She glared Aoshi, who only gulped a little.
"Why on earth, were you doing?! I told
you to bring Misao dry! Not wet with paint all over her body!" she said washing
her hands. And looking them as a protective mother.
"Omasu-chan, don't blame Aoshi-sama, it
was my fault" she said regretfully, playing with her hands. "But look! I made
Aoshi-sama's gift, well he helped me, but I started all!" she said jumping
showing Omasu her damp paper. Omasu rolled her eyes and from the corner of the
eye, he looked at Aoshi, he avoided her glance, he turned to see the window. He
walked, and with a husky voice he said.
"I'm going to take a bath, let me know
when dinner is ready" he said passing them by. But Omasu caught Aoshi's shirt.
Aoshi stopped, then Omasu warned him.
"You have to wash this child, she's your
responsibility!" Aoshi turned and arched brow.
"Since when?" he said, Misao only looked
at their faces and hid behind Omasu's legs. Aoshi eyed Misao, She only gulped
more.
"Since the paint war was between you two,
and you let her outside for a long time!" she said gritting her teeth.
"She didn't want to enter!" he hissed,
little Misao began to sob…Omasu went on her heels.
"What is it Misao-chan?" she said tenderly patting Misao's head. Misao wiped
out her tears.
"You're scolding Aoshi-sama, when it was
all my fault!" she said crying now. Omasu patted Misao's head, and smiled at
her sweetly. The when turned her head and glared Aoshi, fire almost in her
eyes, Aoshi gulped more.
"Look what you've done!" she said between
teeth. Aoshi grabbed Misao and carried her out of the kitchen. Misao hugged
tightly Aoshi's neck, he tensed a bit, then he let Misao in the bathroom.
"I'll be outside, I know you can bathe by
yourself" he said patting her head, Misao nodded cheerfully. And went into the
tub. He could hear Misao's splashes and giggling, she was always happy,
shining, with a lot of energy.
"Aaaaachu!!!" he sneezed, rubbing his
nose, and blaming the little girl for this. Misao opened the door, the she
smiled at Aoshi, she was in her pajamas, she looked so cute on them.
"Your turn Aoshi-saaaaachu!!" she sneezed
giggling a bit, her nose a bit red. He stood up and entered the bathroom.
Then both went downstairs, as a cold
breeze surrounded them, they both sneezed at the same time, all the dinner they
were sneezing, with their noses red. And a pair of napkins by their side.
The next day, both were on their rooms
with flue, both sneezing and now coughing a bit. Misao went to Aoshi's room,
she looked so doomed, she entered then and timidly approached to her
Aoshi-sama.
"Gomen ne, I've should obey you, now,
because of my fault, you're sick" she said lamely, sniffing again. Aoshi
carried Misao on his arms. She rubbed her pinkish cheeks, and this time, his
eyes showing a bit of softness.
"Don't worry Misao-chan, it's alright" he
said calmly, Misao grabbed his hand tenderly.
"But we are better, ne? We don't have to
take that ugly medicine" she said twitching her nose, Aoshi laughed mentally.
"Aa…I'm afraid so" he said passing his
fingers trough Misao's hair as he cradled her in his arms. Misao made a face,
but she relaxed as Aoshi was combing her hair. Later she reminded and gave a
piece of paper to him.
"It's already dry Aoshi-sama, it's for
you, so you could take it anywhere you go, and remember Misao-chan forever!"
she said tapping her little fingers on his chest, he lifted the paper, and saw
the two palms printed on it, a little spilled but you could se the form of it.
A big hand and a little hand, and behind a colorful scenery. He smiled. He
really did.
END
OF
FLASHBACK
"The boy saw the hatred to which he is hiding a persons shadow."
I don't want to see this kind of world anymore.
No more! No more! No more!
"We were two weeks with flue" he said
looking at the paper soothing the pain he felt. He left the paper on the desk,
the storm has ceased, but in the tree there was a red thing, it was an
umbrella. It was Misao…
You should apologize…for her sake, for
her broken heart, the heart you'd broken…No, I don't, I don't have to beg any
pardon from her, I know I'm right, and that she understands, she's not a
baby…But still…You know she's not a baby, she's a woman, that has feelings for
you, undying feelings…I…can't…Do you want to live like this? In this darkness?
So lonely? You were always behind a shadow, hiding your feelings in this icy
mask, hurting the one's you love. I don't love her, I don't even what is
love…Poor thing, still Misao-chan has hope on you, but I think it's just too
difficult for a WEAK person like you…I'm not weak!!!!! Oh really? So why are
you feeling so guilty, and you don't even DARE to look at her, to say her you
really care…you're too damn scared don't you?
But I still think of you,
even if the season is coming to an end.
It has rained many times but now it has stopped.
It looks like the scene which
I always watched with my eyes closed.
He took a glance at Misao's figure, she
wasn't a child anymore, she was a woman, a woman that loved him. He couldn't
lover her back, he knew it, and it hurt him. He sighed and relaxed, he took a
red umbrella and went to the rain.
He approached carefully, so she couldn't
notice him, but she said seriously.
"What are you doing here, I thought you
said you didn't want to see me…again" she said giving her back to him, e
gritted his teeth, and clenching his fists, didn't she know it was so
difficult to him? To be here to try!
"I…wanted to say…" he murmured, Misao
turned rapidly looking at him, she threw the umbrella, making the rain fall on
her. Aoshi put his umbrella on her but Misao bashed it, making it fall to the
ground.
"You've said enough! So don't be sorry
for me!! Did Jiya send you? Did he told you to ask for an apology!??" she
shouted, Aoshi's eyes went wide, he looked at her, and then anger welled up on
his body. Misao regret her words, he was very harsh, then she gulped as she saw
Aoshi's face.
"Jiya didn't send me..."he said between teeth. Misao went a step
backwards. Aoshi came closer and grabbed Misao's collar. Misao's eyes went in
horror, Aoshi seeing Misao's expression, let her go, turning his head aside.
The person in pain. The dream which never comes true.
Why does love have to be born in my chest?
The
flowers that are blossoming, are sinking back into the ground.
"I'm sorry…" he murmured, Misao stunned,
began to cry. Aoshi's guilty heart couldn't handle more.
"I know I'm not always right, even though
I don't know where to go, cause I don't see my road clear" he paused looking at
Misao deeply.
"I wanted to turn back time so I can
breathe, To take out all that is a burden and the ones are useless, Just for a
moment to be, Just to begin again, To notice the things that they've hurt me,
the one's that I missed…" he murmuring.
"But I guess you don't want a 'thing'
that have hurt you so much, you deserve better Misao, I hope you'll find him"
he said with all the pain on his heart, but his stony mask still held on.
"May be you're right.." she said lowering
her face, Aoshi's expression changed to a surprised one. "Sayonara Aoshi-sama"
she said streching out her hand, not looking at him. He couldn't believe it,
he's worst nightmare was coming true. Aoshi stretched out his hand and close it
gently on hers, he looked at their hands, her hand was bigger, but his was too.
He half smiled, Misao noticed and hold it tighter, she was sobbing now. She
looked aside, then her eyes determined, she grabbed Aoshi's collar, while she
get on her toes, kissing her Aoshi-sama on the lips. He didn't moved, he was
really shocked, feeling her soft lips against his, her warmth, a feeling he
hadn't felt for years, the last time, it was when they were together embracing
each other while they had flue. She pushed away, not wanting to see him, this
was enough. She hated crying, and now she was doing it again. Aoshi got out
from his trance, looking at a heart-broken Misao. She was walking backwards,
making the distance longer, Aoshi as a flash of light, went to her side,
wrapping her wrist tightly.
"Misao…" he said a worrying hint in his
voice. She pushed him away, but he only hold her tighter.
"Don't…I don't want…this…no more…no more"
he whispered on her ear, their heads were only inches from each other, Aoshi
move toward to her more and more, until their lips met. Misao replied at his
kiss, the rain covering both.
Aoshi break the kiss for some air, Misao's pulse was higher, Aoshi
released her, and began to walk to the building. Misao confused, ran behind
him, shouting.
"What was that?!!" she asked furiously.
He turned a with a little mocking smile said.
"A kiss…" Misao went with mouth wide
open.
"So why are you leaving!!!!!!????" she
said desperately. He didn't turn this time, he just stopped and said her coldly
with a hint of mildness.
"Because I don't want to have for two
weeks flue…again" he continued making his figure vanished in the entrance of
the building, Misao smiled brightly.
"He remember…he always did" she said
sweetly, she ran inside the house, being scold by Omasu, she gave her two
towels, Misao looked puzzled.
"One for you and one for Shinomori-san! Hurry
up girl, I don't want an plague like the other time!" she said as she went into
the dinning room. Misao giggled at the comment, and went upstairs to Aoshi's
room. She slide the door, it was dark,
but she could sense no one. She entered and placed the towel on the futon. She
got the fire in the candle, making the room more brightly. She looked at
Aoshi's desk, all the papers were spread in all the room, and one paper was on
the desk. She looked at it, smiling sweetly. He kept it for almost 12 years! He
really loved her, she was so happy. A murmur went trough her neck, she tripped
and fall into something smooth and yet hard, that smell she new it. She turned
around and saw Aoshi with a towel on his waist, his hair yet wet. She straight
up and looked timidly at him. He looked so handsome in towel.
"What are you doing in my room?" he said
teasingly. Misao handed him the towel. He nodded and dried his head with it.
"Arigatou" he said bending his head. Misao smiled and a blush went into her
cheeks.
"I thought you threw this away" she said
grabbing the painting. Aoshi nodded.
"I thought that too, but I guess it was
here to return some memories" he said in his usual tone.
"Yep, painting with Aoshi-sama, it was
fun" she smiled at him, he caressed her cheek with feathery fingers, and
grabbed her head with his both hands, and kissed her briefly. Then he sled the
door, meanwhile Misao was daydreaming with hearts across her head.
"Well, would you mind to let me change?" he said leaning on the
wall, his arms across his bare chest. Misao nodded rapidly running out of the
room, but first she gave him a little kiss on his cheek. Aoshi half smiled,
which made Misao even more happy. She sled the door, as she went to the
kitchen. Aoshi sighed, he picked up the painting, tracing Misao's little
fingers. Then he put it away.
"Aa…painted memories indeed" he said
changing his clothes for another stormy day with her dearest Misao-chan, well,
now Misao…
The time is filled with love.
With a clear voice continues
to give the endless night to your eyes.
The
End
Author notes: Well I think it is a bit
OCC, but I still wait for reviews so!!! REVIEW!!!! Oh! The song I wrote on cursive
it was from my dearest L'Arc en Ciel! I love those guys!!! Well the song is
Niji, but I thought it was useless to put it in romanji so I took one already
translated.
