The Voyage to Forget...and to Remember
Jenn
PG /thoughts/ and /their bond/
Spoilers: For JA and maybe for JA 15-it maybe AU when we really find out what happens. Non slash
Timeframe: Obi-Wan is 17. Eight months since he and Qui-Gon where on Apsolon
Achieve: Jedi Council forums, , Mailing lists: Jedi Apprentice Early Years, Jedi Legends. Anyone can achieve this, but ask first.
Feedback: Of course!George Lucas owns Obi and Qui. Jude Watson owns Xanatos and Tahl.
I am making zero money.
I get this story idea from Hannah's For All that is Unspoken. So thanks Hannah for your great story and for this idea. Erika, has influenced this story as well.
Seventeen-year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi just watched his Master in silence. His Master, Qui-Gon Jinn stared out at the pouring rain, not sentient of his Padawan's intense stare.
Obi-Wan couldn't take this any more. His Master had been withdrawn and had not paid any mind to his apprentice for the last eight months. With his emotions and his lack of sleep, Obi-Wan lashed out to his Master's back.
"You have to stop this, Master." He said in a serious and tense voice.
Qui-Gon didn't turn around. He knew what his Padawan was saying but didn't say anything, but asked, "Do I?"
His anger and frustration flew higher. "Master, you haven't been doing what you are suppose to do! You care more about running you self ragged and try to be this perfect Jedi." /With me dragged all the way./ he thought.
Qui-Gon tensed. He turned and shoot ice blue daggers at Obi-Wan. "Your out of line, Padawan." He emphasized the last word.
"Am I? Or is it that you are running from what happened on Apsolon?"
With his hands balled into tight fists, Qui-Gon walked over to his apprentice.
"I would watch-" Qui-Gon had that tone in his voice that no one dared to cross. Obi-Wan took that dare.
"Tahl is dead, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan interrupted with blazing and hurting eyes.
Qui-Gon felt like he got stabbed in the heart with these words. With his rage burning in his ears, he raised his hand and make contact with Obi-Wan's cheek.
Obi-Wan felt the slap like it was hot coals against his cheek. He touched it lightly.
Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan's eyes grow stormy like crashing weaves. Then just has it appeared it was gone, in its place was the hopelessness of a 12-year-old boy again.
Obi-Wan didn't say anything. He turned around and stormed out of their guest quarters into the flooding rain.
Obi-Wan just ran. He didn't know where be was going, but he had to get way from shell of a man that was his master.
With rain streaming down on him and making his clothes glue to him like a second skin, he stopped for a minute. He had forgotten his cloak, little help it would have been. He wasn't sure if the rain on his cheeks from rain or tears. His right cheek was on fire, so the rain cooled it a little.
The apprentice had no idea where he was. With the rain the city in which they where in, was pitch black. There had to be some cover from the rain somewhere.
But Obi-Wan didn't get far. The padawan's emotions where in an uproar and with the blackness around him he failed to see a sign that had contraction just in from of him and fall into a hole that was being fixed up.
Falling and landing in dirty water, the apprentice felt a sharp pain in his ankle where he fell on it the wrong way.
With the Force, he was able to dampen the pain a little, but with emotions in chaos, it was difficult.
The hairs on the back of his neck rose. With the Force, he was able to sense a creature that was close. A creature that was very close and very hungry.
The padawan got his lightsaber out. But it was no use. The fall in the water had made it shorten out.
That moment cost him. The little creature was on him a second, biting his forearm.
With a scream that was from the sharp teeth digging in like needles, Obi-Wan throw the creature off of him sending it across the sewer wall.
With a snarl the creature ran off, knowing the thing he attacked was too big for him and not worth eating. Though he was small, he was as fast as lightening when it came to hunting for prey.
Obi-Wan didn't know what the thing that attacked him was, but he know that he better not stay here.
Wincing when he stood he dampened the pain the best he could. The padawan had to get out of here.
At least the rain had stopped. /Which means people will be out soon./
As if someone heard his thoughts, Obi-Wan heard a voice above him.
"Hey, kid! Are you alright?" asked a man. He looked to be one of the people of the planet that he and Qui-Gon where on now for negotiations for a new governor.
Qui-Gon was pacing. He was furious with Obi-Wan. But he was more furious with himself.
Obi-Wan's voice of him not really doing his job ran over and over his head. What was worse was his padwan's voice, "Tahl is dead." That was going over more and more and he felt like Obi-Wan was repeating stabbing him with his lightsaber over and over.
The more he thought of it, the more he wondered if Obi-Wan was right. /The boy is wrong. He doesn't know what I'm feeling. How could he? Obi-Wan is different then he use to be./ Another thought come to him, one that wasn't comforting. /Is it the boy who is has changed or you?/ the voice in his mind was mocking. /If you aren't careful the look in Obi-Wan's eyes will became just like Xanatos./ it taunted.
Before he could yell back to the voice, the door chimed.
Walking to the door, he accessed it with the Force. There stood one of the natives with his soaking wet apprentice.
"I found your apprentice in one of the sewers. He must have fallen in during the rain. His ankle may be sprained and he got a good bit out of him with a Zoneeld. You should get him to a med center soon, Zoneelds are not dangerous, but if your apprentice is allergic he could get ill or worse."
"Thank you, ...?" Qui-Gon could go on.
"Madietde Dieai, Master Jedi."
"Thank you, Madietde." Qui-Gon nodded his head with his thanks.
"Yes, thank you, Madietde." Obi-Wan echoed his Master.
You are most welcome, young Jedi." Madietde left.
Qui-Gon squared Obi-Wan with a look. The blood on his Padwan's arm confirmed what Madietde had said. "Go change. We leave for the med center in five minutes."
Obi-Wan didn't look at him but went to his quarters.
Obi-Wan was feeling very uncomfortable. He was very warm too.
They where nearly at the med center. Lucky his master got a taxi to come and take them there.
With his pain from his bandaged Zoneeld bite and his sore ankle, he was petulant. /I hate med centers. But I hate the Healers Wing more./
"Padawan sit still." Qui-Gon spoke as though to a small child. Obi-Wan glared at him, but stilled.
They come to a stop in front of the large building that was the med center. Qui-Gon let the apprentice take the pace with as much as his ankle would allow.
Obi-Wan got checked in, and sat with Qui-Gon to wait.
After about an hour waiting, Obi-Wan felt like he was going to be sick. During the time, they waited his body felt like it was on fire like a day on Tattooine.
Qui-Gon noticed his Padawan looking a bit green. But what worried him was he had beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip. Quickly and efficiently, he helped Obi-Wan up and made a beeline for the refreshers.
They just barely made it, when Obi-Wan's stomach let loose want little food he had in it. His Master helped him up, his head fell onto Qui-Gon's shoulder. Obi-Wan don't move. Some how, his head resting on his Master's shoulder was soothing his aching body.
Qui-Gon half led his apprentice to a sink and got a wet towel, wiping his brow.
"Thank you, Master." He barely heard the words. Obi-Wan straightened and rinsed out his mouth.
When they exited a nurse droid told them the healer could see them.
"I am Iehiy, Knowledgeable of Zoneeld bites as well as a healer. And you are Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Iehiy asked while looking down at the chart.
Obi-Wan nodded. He felt just a little better from the 'business' in the refresher. But it was so hot! All he wanted to do was sleep.
Iehiy examined him and asked him what happened out in the rain. He would nod or write something on the chart. Sometimes he would what precise answers like about the fall and how he got Zoneeld bite itself.
Iehiy wrote some more down on his chart and told a nurse droid to wrap up Obi-Wan's sprained ankle while he went to talked to Obi-Wan's Master.
Qui-Gon was still waiting out side for his apprentice when the healer came out.
After introducing one other, the healer came straight to the point. "Master Jinn, I have nurse droid wrapping up Obi-Wan's ankle. I would like to keep him here over night for observation."
Qui-Gon nodded. "Will he be alright?"
"Master Jinn, we have to see how the medicine, Tyja, reacts with Obi-Wan's system. There shouldn't be any problems. Obi-Wan can leave tomorrow if all is well."
Qui-Gon nodded. It wasn't the first time Obi-Wan had to stay in a med center.
Obi-Wan looked around the room with disgust. Med rooms all looked alike to him.
He walked very carefully to the bed. He was relieved that his ankle was only sprained and he didn't have to worry about crutches.
Laying down, Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a minute. He felt a cool callused hand on his forehead.
Opening up his eyes, he saw concern written on his Master face.
"Padawan, you still are burning up. How are you feeling?" Qui-Gon asked as he pulled up a chair.
It seemed with Obi-Wan not feeling well, the disagreement Qui-Gon and he had was forgotten. Obi-Wan knew that this was not the case, that what had been said was going to came up again. But now was not the time to bring in up.
"I am still hot, Master. But it is starting to feel very cold now," the apprentice replied with a yawn.
Qui-Gon was worried. He knew the healer, Iehiy, had everything under control. But that still didn't stop the Jedi Master from worrying over his Padawan like an overprotective parent. True, he and Obi-Wan had not seen eye to eye for the nearly the past year, but his still cared for the boy.
"Rest now, Padawan." Qui-Gon said with a soft commanding tone.
Obi-Wan was too tired to argue. He shut his eyes and when into a dreamless sleep.
Qui-Gon was startled wake during the night. The Jedi Master wasn't sure of what the reason was. Looking around the room, his eyes fell to his Padawan.
Reaching out with his hand, he felt the boy's head. The apprentice felt too warm for the Master's liking. Feeling through the Force, Qui-Gon felt the suffering in the boy's sleep.
Using the call button near the bed, Qui-Gon starting sending what healing he could to his apprentice. Just when he thought it was helping, Iehiy come rushing in. Behind him came another healer's aid.
"Move." Iehiy said wasting no time. He looked over Obi-Wan and swore in his native tongue.
He snapped some orders to the nurse, who went rushing out of the room.
"What is it?" Qui-Gon asked the healer.
Still working over Obi-Wan, he said, "The anti-Zoneeld medicine, Tyja, is doing the opposite of what it is suppose to do. If we don't get the Tyja out of his system, he could die."
Qui-Gon stood in shocked incredulity. He stood unmoving while other healers come rushing in.
He heard the sound of loud sirens going off around him.
NO! This couldn't happen! Tahl had left him alone. Obi-Wan couldn't go too!
The sirens grew louder and louder. Qui-Gon felt like he was falling. Then everything went black.
Qui-Gon woke up once again. This time instead of distress he felt...peace. Looking over where his Padawan lay, he saw the boy breathing in a deep and restful sleep. The Master was relieved to see his Padawan's chest rise and fall with his breath he took.
Not wanting to believe with just his eyes he felt through their bond. His apprentice was in a restful sleep. Qui-Gon sighed. Was what he had a dream, or vision?
/Master?/ Obi-Wan asked. He didn't awaken, but sensed his Master's worry through the bond.
/Are you feeling better, Padawan?/ was all Qui-Gon asked.
/Yes, Master. Are you all right?/ Obi-Wan asked. Qui-Gon saw him fighting sleep to wake up.
/Yes, just sleep./ He replied with the Force.
As Obi-Wan slept on, Qui-Gon remained awake.
His dream of Obi-Wan nearly dying was so vivid. The boy was very dear to him. But had he ever told him?
Qui-Gon thought of the missions they had been on. Thought of the way Obi-Wan was with him through these hellish months after Tahl's death.
Qui-Gon realized just how important Obi-Wan had become to him over the years. Why had he, even after all this time, kept his Padawan at arm's length? Why was he still so cold to him?
Qui-Gon knew that they would have to talk. About the good and the bad. And remember things they both so wanted to forget.
Obi-Wan opened his eyes slowly. He first noticed the sun glaring in his eyes. Shutting his eyes for the sun, he sat up. Then he realized that he was not sick or aching all over. The padawan felt fine, with only a slight ache where his ankle was sprained. Finally Obi-Wan noticed his Master sleeping in a chair near by.
Qui-Gon was sleeping in a chair too small for his large frame. The chair had to be one of the most uncomfortable seats Obi-Wan had ever saw. Obi-Wan limped toward the refresher, his Master did not wake up. Obi-Wan wondered, /Did he stay up all night?/
Obi-Wan was hungry. But not so hungry that he would eat the food here. Obi-Wan face turned into a look of distaste. The last time he ate med center food, it had ended up in the refresher.
Obi-Wan sat back on the bed. He didn't want to disturb his Master's sleep, so he went into a light mediation.
He wasn't sure how long it had been mediating, but Obi-Wan felt that Qui-Gon had woken up.
Turning he saw his Master studying him. Qui-Gon's face gave nothing away as usual.
"Good morning, Master."
"Good morning, Padawan. How are you feeling?"
Obi-Wan noted the light concern his Master's tone. But he said, "I am doing better, Master. I almost feel like my old self."
"Good. Have you eaten?"
Obi-Wan forced himself to not make a face. "No, Master."
"Fine. Do you want to eat in the refectory or want for a meal to be brought up?"
Thinking he might have more choice of food, he said, "The refectory."
After they both had their meal, they come back to the room.
After Iehiy came and checked on Obi-Wan and said that the apprentice could go home, Qui-Gon said, "Padawan, we have to talk later on."
Obi-Wan was nervous; he didn't know what Qui-Gon was going to say. Obi-Wan knew he had to owe his Master an apologue. Yet, he wished that his Master could get past Tahl's death and continue to live. And that Obi-Wan was his friend as well as his Padawan who was there to talk to if he needed to.
After the silent ride back to their guest quarters, Obi-Wan sat down and watched his Master stare out the window just as he had the night before.
Qui-Gon turned from the window and went and sat in a chair facing Obi-Wan.
Just before he started to speak, the communications unit rang out letting the two Jedi know that there was someone calling. With a long-suffering sigh, Qui-Gon went and answered it.
After Qui-Gon got done on the comm, he walked back to where Obi-Wan sat.
"That was the advisor of Dzika Ildi, they what me there to continue their negotiations for a new governor. It starts in less then a half an hour. I want you to stay here."
"But, Master-" Obi-Wan began to protest.
"No buts. You haven't fully recovered. I expect you to rest or meditate." Qui-Gon ordered austerely.
Obi-Wan lowered his head in compliance and said quietly, "Yes Master."
"Padawan, I understand you want to be at my side at these negotiations, but I don't want you to exhaust yourself. I don't want to see you in the infirmary again." Qui-Gon said gently putting his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.
Obi-Wan looked up at him with slight surprise. Qui-Gon was...concerned about his welfare? He knew his Master was worried about him yesterday, but Qui-Gon was never a man to show his emotions.
Qui-Gon sighed in irritation. He had wanted to talk to Obi-Wan about yesterday and apologize. But these negotiations had to take place at the worst time.
Giving his Padawan's shoulder a squeeze, Qui-Gon left.
Obi-Wan was left to speculate what it was that had changed his Master.
Qui-Gon walked through the door with a tired sigh. The negotiations had taken all day. But Dzika Ildi was now the new governor. He would have to notify the Council about the success of the mission.
As he came into the living quarters he stopped. On the couch, was a sleeping Obi-Wan. The Jedi Master smiled at the sight. It wasn't the first time his Padawan was sleeping on the couch, nor would it be the last.
Knowing Obi-Wan must have been exhausted and had fallen asleep, Qui-Gon took his dark cloak and covered the boy with it. Obi-Wan started to stitch his nose, where he braid tickled the front of it. Qui-Gon took the braid gently and ticked it behind Obi-Wan's shoulder.
Qui-Gon left the sleeping boy and went to his room to comm Yoda.
When morning came, Qui-Gon was sitting in the chair across from the couch, looking over a data pad, when Obi-Wan awoke. Obi-Wan saw his Master, and tried to get up.
With his brain still asleep, Obi-Wan asked, "Don't you ever sleep more then once a week, Master?"
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow and gave a hint of a smile. "Yes, Padawan I sleep more then once week. But that is not important, you have to get ready to leave shortly."
Obi-Wan looked confused. "Leave?" he asked.
"Yes, Padawan, Yoda has another mission for us."
Obi-Wan didn't hold back is groan. "Another mission?" his voice held a whine in it.
Qui-Gon raised his brow again. Obi-Wan blushed. "I...I'm sorry-", he started to stutter.
"It is all right, Padawan. You forget Yoda was my Master. I understood how you feel."
"Master?" Obi-Wan asked in a serious voice.
Knowing there his Padawan was going with this talk, Qui-Gon set down his data pad and started his own apologue before he let Obi-Wan speak again. "Obi-Wan, I am very sorry for want I did yesterday and for not letting help me these past months."
"Master, I...", Obi-Wan stopped short. "Your sorry?" he asked incredulity.
Qui-Gon sighed, he had always kept Obi-Wan at arm's length, and now Obi-Wan was shocked at his apologue. Obi-Wan was staring at him like he had taken leave of his senses.
"Padawan, I haven't been a good Master since Apsolon and even when you became my apprentice." Obi-Wan flinched at the reminder of the unspoken time of Melida/Daan. Qui-Gon continued, "You made mistakes and so did I. You were willing to go with me to find Xanatos and later to help me through again after Tahl's death. I want to thank you, Padawan."
Obi-Wan stared at him for a moment. Lowering his head he said, "Master, I...I should be the one to say that I am sorry, for yesterday and everything that has happened. And I am sorry for all that happened yesterday."
Silence hung in the air between the two men. Qui-Gon got up and walked over to Obi-Wan. Enveloping his Padawan in a warm embrace, he let his feelings for his apprentice, his son, go through the bond they shared. /Padawan, I love you dearly, like a son./
Obi-Wan was speechless. He returned the embrace and felt the love Qui-Gon had through the bond. In his mind he returned, / I love you too, Master./
They both knew that this wasn't the end of their disagreements, but they knew that they could both overcame anything, no matter what, as master and apprentice, as father and son. They knew too that this was a voyage that would continue as one they would never forget, but always remember.
The End