Sailor Senshi Deathmatch
Episode 5: The Inner Senshi vs. Marill, Vulpix, Pikachu & Togepi
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this deathmatch belong to us. So don't go trying to sue us
because… well, just don't. And don't tell us we start each deathmatch with the same disclaimer,
or… we'll… err… umm… yes, that's what we'll do. So beware!
A Very Small Note from Fire Angel: We had a request from Sailor Shining Star to do Ronin Warrior
at some stage. Err… unfortunately, we know nothing about Ronin Warrior (and in a way, we're glad
of that fact) but if anyone else wants to see us kill the characters from that show, well, please
e-mail us some information. That would be nice. In the meantime, we've treated you with the
deaths of everyone's… err… favourite… err… Pokémon.
A Very Small Note from Satan's Angel: Yes and hello to all. As was said above, who the hell are
Ronin Warriors?? Sorry about that, but I tend to put things much more cruelly than Fire Angel. If
that offended anyone, oops. Yes, well e-mail us if you want us to do a death match on those
weirdo characters (or if you don't for that matter!), at fizzy86@hotmail.com (me) or at
rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com (Fire Angel).
Michiru: Good evening, and welcome to episode five of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch, the show where
everyone's favourite female warriors defeat all opposition who dare to face them. I am Kaiou
Michiru, better known as the beautiful warrior of the oceans, Sailor Neptune, and I am your
commentator today. I'd like you to give a big round of applause for our guest commentator… who
appears to be a talking Pokémon.
Meowth: Hi, I'm Meowth. In case you haven't guessed yet, the contestants today are four Pokémon
trainers and their Pokémon. Introducing… Tracey and Marill, Brock and Vulpix, Misty and Togepi,
and ASH KETCHUM AND HIS PIKACHU!!!!!
*big applause from the audience as the trainers walk in with their Pokémon*
From the audience… Mrs. Ketchum: Wooooohooooo! GO HONEY! YOU'D BETTER BE WEARING CLEAN UNDERWEAR!
Ash: *sweatdrop* Uhh… mum, you're embarrassing me!
Michiru: And, on the champions' team, we have the all-famous, even dub-famous, Inner Senshi!
Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus… and just for the hell of it, SAILOR JUPITER!
Inner Senshi: Konnichiwa, minna!
Sailor Venus: For peace, love and very short skirts, we are the Inner Senshi!
Misty: No, it's… *strikes a very 'Venus' pose* I am Misty, and I stand for peace, love and…
Pokémon!
Sailor Venus: *sweatdrop* You have no idea, girlfriend.
Meowth: Can we start now? Because I'm getting bored. Please?
Michiru: All right. On with the show!
!!DING!!
Michiru: At the moment, the Pokémon are standing, looking blankly at the senshi, while the senshi
'ooh' and 'aah' over the 'cuteness' of the Pokémon. Come on guys, this is getting sooooo boring
already!
Tracey: Come on Marill, use an attack of some sort, type and description. I know! Marill! Use
WATER GUN!
Marill: Marill Marill! *shoots water from its mouth at Mercury* Marill Marill Marill Marill!
Sailor Mercury: Oh, what a shame. What a crying shame. I'm all wet. Boo. Hoo. Oh, I am so sad.
Boohoo indeed.
Sailor Venus: *bursts into tears* You're a jerk, Tracey! You made Mercury cry, and your Pokémon
wet her dress! I'm not sure which is the greater sin! *ponders over this for a second* YOU WET
HER DRESS, YOU JERK!
Meowth: *sweatdrop* God, that Venus chick is a ditz.
Michiru: Thanks for pointing that out, Meowth. I never would have guessed, otherwise. Anyway…
Mercury retaliates with a quick blast of ice directed at Marill AND Tracey… err… aren't they only
supposed to attack the Pokémon?? Ah, well. Both of them are frozen and unconscious now, as a
sobbing Nurse Joy drags them off stage.
Nurse Joy: *sobbing* Oh, you poor, poor boy! And your poor Pokémon! Don't worry, Marill, we'll
have you and your trainer all fixed up very soon!
Meowth: What's that girl in green and pink doing? She appears to be… uh… dragging a… er…
microwave onto the stage… err… why?
Michiru: I think she's got an easy way to get rid of Pikachu. Walking over to the little guy, she
picks him up and stuffs him in the microwave. Ooh. Highest setting for half an hour. I don't
think he's gonna live through this.
*TICK TOCK… for half an hour, audience and contestants look on in awe*
Sailor Jupiter: All done! *opens the microwave and pulls a very dead Pikachu out*
From the audience… Quina Quen: YUMMY-YUMMIES!
*Quina dashes to the stage, grabs the cooked Pikachu, and dashes off again, shoving the Pokémon
into her/his mouth*
Ash: No, Pikachu! You killed my Pikachu! Chikorita, I choose you!
Michiru: Hey, that's not in the rules! You can't pull out another Pokémon!
Ash: YOU THINK I CARE?!?!?!?!?!
Meowth: Steve? GET HIM!
*Steve, the bodyguard from 'Jerry Springer', storms out and drags Ash and Chikorita off. Ash is
screaming the entire time*
Sailor Venus: You know, you Pokémon trainers are beginning to get on my nerves. Well, except for
you… *smiles flirtatiously at Brock* You're cute.
Brock: You think so? Maybe we could go on a date sometime. Just you and me! We're gonna be
together forever, Nurse… err… Officer… I mean, Sailor Venus!
Misty: *sweatdrop* You really get on my nerves, you know that, Brock? And this Venus is kinda
annoying too. She's just like you, except she's a girl! Togepi, get this slutty chick and bring
her to her knees! Use Metronome, NOW!
Togepi: *waving arms from side to side* Togepriiiii! Toge-toge-priiiiiii!
Michiru: In the heat of the moment, Togepi suddenly uses the Cut attack. Oops. Looks like he got
Sailor Venus across the face. Here we go, tantrum time!
Sailor Venus: WHAT THE HELL?!!!??!??!?!?! I'M GOING TO KILL THE CREATORS OF THIS THING!!!
From Hell… Satan's Angel: *sitting forward in her throne suddenly* Say what?
Sailor Venus: Oh. I mean… err… DIE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT-SMELLING EGG!! VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!
From Heaven… Fire Angel: *relaxing back onto her throne* THAT'S what I like to hear, Sailor
Venus.
Meowth: *bawling his eyes out* No, Togepi! I didn't want it to be like this! Togepi, you can't
die! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Michiru: Err… but don't you hate these guys, Meowth?
Meowth: Yeah, all besides Togepi! I RAISED Togepi like he was my own! And then that little brat
took him away from me!
Michiru: Well, she's not a 'little brat' anymore. In the explosion that followed Sailor Venus'
angry cry, both Misty and her Pokémon were destroyed. Looks like it's just Brock and his
weird-looking… is it Vulpix?… left now to fight against four remaining senshi.
Sailor Mars: It's okay girls. Let ME handle this one.
Brock: *sweatdrop* Aahahaha… umm… hello. Do you think we could… errr… get some sort of deal going
here…? Errr… you let me go… err… and I'll do all your housework for a month… yes, that's what
I'll do… yes.
Sailor Mars: *appears to be considering the deal, then shrugs* Why not? You're free to go. But
your Pokémon isn't! FIRE SOUL!!!
Brock: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *leaps towards Vulpix, and both get burnt to a crisp*
Ash: *breaking free from Steve's grip* NO! I will not let the name of Pokémon Trainers be
destroyed! I will take out these girls single handedly… only with the help of my Pokémon!
Chikorita, Squirtle and Bulbasaur… let's go!
*Ash lunges towards Sailor Venus, and finds himself gripping her… err… assets. The shocked look
on his face changes to a grin as he realises what he's done*
From the audience… Zidane (FF9) and Irvine (FF8): YEEEEEEHHAAWWWW! Go AAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Male members of the audience: *break into annoying chant* Go Ash! Go Ash! Go Ash! Go Ash! Go Ash!
*several slaps follow the chant, and the chant is stopped, as many red-cheeked boys face their
lovers/companions/associates/sluts/friends/wives/or women they just happen to be sitting next to*
Zidane: *mumbles* Sorry, Dagger. Sorry, Eiko. I know you both love me… and I love you too,
Dagger… but she is very beautiful, you know. Plus, she's got big…
*two more slapping noises are heard in the sudden silence*
Zidane: Owwwww…
*Venus reluctantly pushes Ash away, then knocks him to the ground*
Sailor Venus: Wanna play dirty, huh? Well THIS is DIRTY!
Michiru: Oh. Phew. She just jammed her heel into Ash's family jewels. To tell you the truth, I
was expecting her to get down and dirty with him, so to speak. And I REALLY didn't wanna see
that… no way, no how. Man, that would hurt, though!
Irvine: *winces* I feel your pain, Ash! I feel your pain!
Meowth: You know, this fight is beginning to get a little boring. Rightfully, the senshi have
already won, as all their opponents have been defeated. Ash broke the rules by sending out his
remaining Pokémon, so I say we kill him and end this match!
Members of the audience: KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
Sailor Venus: *bends over so her mouth is inches away from Ash's* Have fun dying, sweetheart. I
promise I won't make it painful… *smirks* Well, not much, anyway… Venus Wink Chain Sword!
Michiru: Owwww… with an attacking cry, Venus drives her sword into Ash's mouth, while driving her
heel in even further. Owww, owww, ouch!
Meowth: Well, I'm glad that's over.
Michiru: Me too. I'm never hosting one of these ever again! It's sooooo disgusting!
Meowth: Meowth, that's right!
Michiru: Anyway, I believe Venus is off to the plastic surgeon to get her face fixed… AGAIN… and
that's about all. Once again, the senshi have defeated all opposition, so stay tuned for Sailor
Senshi Deathmatch episode six… in which they'll kill yet another bunch of so-called innocent
people… or toys as the case may be…
Meowth: Toys? They're gonna kill toys?
Michiru: Oops, I've said too much! Anyway… stay tuned for the next episode, and I'll see you
later! *with a wink and peace sign totally unlike Michiru* Ja mata!
Episode 5: The Inner Senshi vs. Marill, Vulpix, Pikachu & Togepi
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this deathmatch belong to us. So don't go trying to sue us
because… well, just don't. And don't tell us we start each deathmatch with the same disclaimer,
or… we'll… err… umm… yes, that's what we'll do. So beware!
A Very Small Note from Fire Angel: We had a request from Sailor Shining Star to do Ronin Warrior
at some stage. Err… unfortunately, we know nothing about Ronin Warrior (and in a way, we're glad
of that fact) but if anyone else wants to see us kill the characters from that show, well, please
e-mail us some information. That would be nice. In the meantime, we've treated you with the
deaths of everyone's… err… favourite… err… Pokémon.
A Very Small Note from Satan's Angel: Yes and hello to all. As was said above, who the hell are
Ronin Warriors?? Sorry about that, but I tend to put things much more cruelly than Fire Angel. If
that offended anyone, oops. Yes, well e-mail us if you want us to do a death match on those
weirdo characters (or if you don't for that matter!), at fizzy86@hotmail.com (me) or at
rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com (Fire Angel).
Michiru: Good evening, and welcome to episode five of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch, the show where
everyone's favourite female warriors defeat all opposition who dare to face them. I am Kaiou
Michiru, better known as the beautiful warrior of the oceans, Sailor Neptune, and I am your
commentator today. I'd like you to give a big round of applause for our guest commentator… who
appears to be a talking Pokémon.
Meowth: Hi, I'm Meowth. In case you haven't guessed yet, the contestants today are four Pokémon
trainers and their Pokémon. Introducing… Tracey and Marill, Brock and Vulpix, Misty and Togepi,
and ASH KETCHUM AND HIS PIKACHU!!!!!
*big applause from the audience as the trainers walk in with their Pokémon*
From the audience… Mrs. Ketchum: Wooooohooooo! GO HONEY! YOU'D BETTER BE WEARING CLEAN UNDERWEAR!
Ash: *sweatdrop* Uhh… mum, you're embarrassing me!
Michiru: And, on the champions' team, we have the all-famous, even dub-famous, Inner Senshi!
Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus… and just for the hell of it, SAILOR JUPITER!
Inner Senshi: Konnichiwa, minna!
Sailor Venus: For peace, love and very short skirts, we are the Inner Senshi!
Misty: No, it's… *strikes a very 'Venus' pose* I am Misty, and I stand for peace, love and…
Pokémon!
Sailor Venus: *sweatdrop* You have no idea, girlfriend.
Meowth: Can we start now? Because I'm getting bored. Please?
Michiru: All right. On with the show!
!!DING!!
Michiru: At the moment, the Pokémon are standing, looking blankly at the senshi, while the senshi
'ooh' and 'aah' over the 'cuteness' of the Pokémon. Come on guys, this is getting sooooo boring
already!
Tracey: Come on Marill, use an attack of some sort, type and description. I know! Marill! Use
WATER GUN!
Marill: Marill Marill! *shoots water from its mouth at Mercury* Marill Marill Marill Marill!
Sailor Mercury: Oh, what a shame. What a crying shame. I'm all wet. Boo. Hoo. Oh, I am so sad.
Boohoo indeed.
Sailor Venus: *bursts into tears* You're a jerk, Tracey! You made Mercury cry, and your Pokémon
wet her dress! I'm not sure which is the greater sin! *ponders over this for a second* YOU WET
HER DRESS, YOU JERK!
Meowth: *sweatdrop* God, that Venus chick is a ditz.
Michiru: Thanks for pointing that out, Meowth. I never would have guessed, otherwise. Anyway…
Mercury retaliates with a quick blast of ice directed at Marill AND Tracey… err… aren't they only
supposed to attack the Pokémon?? Ah, well. Both of them are frozen and unconscious now, as a
sobbing Nurse Joy drags them off stage.
Nurse Joy: *sobbing* Oh, you poor, poor boy! And your poor Pokémon! Don't worry, Marill, we'll
have you and your trainer all fixed up very soon!
Meowth: What's that girl in green and pink doing? She appears to be… uh… dragging a… er…
microwave onto the stage… err… why?
Michiru: I think she's got an easy way to get rid of Pikachu. Walking over to the little guy, she
picks him up and stuffs him in the microwave. Ooh. Highest setting for half an hour. I don't
think he's gonna live through this.
*TICK TOCK… for half an hour, audience and contestants look on in awe*
Sailor Jupiter: All done! *opens the microwave and pulls a very dead Pikachu out*
From the audience… Quina Quen: YUMMY-YUMMIES!
*Quina dashes to the stage, grabs the cooked Pikachu, and dashes off again, shoving the Pokémon
into her/his mouth*
Ash: No, Pikachu! You killed my Pikachu! Chikorita, I choose you!
Michiru: Hey, that's not in the rules! You can't pull out another Pokémon!
Ash: YOU THINK I CARE?!?!?!?!?!
Meowth: Steve? GET HIM!
*Steve, the bodyguard from 'Jerry Springer', storms out and drags Ash and Chikorita off. Ash is
screaming the entire time*
Sailor Venus: You know, you Pokémon trainers are beginning to get on my nerves. Well, except for
you… *smiles flirtatiously at Brock* You're cute.
Brock: You think so? Maybe we could go on a date sometime. Just you and me! We're gonna be
together forever, Nurse… err… Officer… I mean, Sailor Venus!
Misty: *sweatdrop* You really get on my nerves, you know that, Brock? And this Venus is kinda
annoying too. She's just like you, except she's a girl! Togepi, get this slutty chick and bring
her to her knees! Use Metronome, NOW!
Togepi: *waving arms from side to side* Togepriiiii! Toge-toge-priiiiiii!
Michiru: In the heat of the moment, Togepi suddenly uses the Cut attack. Oops. Looks like he got
Sailor Venus across the face. Here we go, tantrum time!
Sailor Venus: WHAT THE HELL?!!!??!??!?!?! I'M GOING TO KILL THE CREATORS OF THIS THING!!!
From Hell… Satan's Angel: *sitting forward in her throne suddenly* Say what?
Sailor Venus: Oh. I mean… err… DIE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT-SMELLING EGG!! VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!
From Heaven… Fire Angel: *relaxing back onto her throne* THAT'S what I like to hear, Sailor
Venus.
Meowth: *bawling his eyes out* No, Togepi! I didn't want it to be like this! Togepi, you can't
die! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Michiru: Err… but don't you hate these guys, Meowth?
Meowth: Yeah, all besides Togepi! I RAISED Togepi like he was my own! And then that little brat
took him away from me!
Michiru: Well, she's not a 'little brat' anymore. In the explosion that followed Sailor Venus'
angry cry, both Misty and her Pokémon were destroyed. Looks like it's just Brock and his
weird-looking… is it Vulpix?… left now to fight against four remaining senshi.
Sailor Mars: It's okay girls. Let ME handle this one.
Brock: *sweatdrop* Aahahaha… umm… hello. Do you think we could… errr… get some sort of deal going
here…? Errr… you let me go… err… and I'll do all your housework for a month… yes, that's what
I'll do… yes.
Sailor Mars: *appears to be considering the deal, then shrugs* Why not? You're free to go. But
your Pokémon isn't! FIRE SOUL!!!
Brock: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *leaps towards Vulpix, and both get burnt to a crisp*
Ash: *breaking free from Steve's grip* NO! I will not let the name of Pokémon Trainers be
destroyed! I will take out these girls single handedly… only with the help of my Pokémon!
Chikorita, Squirtle and Bulbasaur… let's go!
*Ash lunges towards Sailor Venus, and finds himself gripping her… err… assets. The shocked look
on his face changes to a grin as he realises what he's done*
From the audience… Zidane (FF9) and Irvine (FF8): YEEEEEEHHAAWWWW! Go AAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Male members of the audience: *break into annoying chant* Go Ash! Go Ash! Go Ash! Go Ash! Go Ash!
*several slaps follow the chant, and the chant is stopped, as many red-cheeked boys face their
lovers/companions/associates/sluts/friends/wives/or women they just happen to be sitting next to*
Zidane: *mumbles* Sorry, Dagger. Sorry, Eiko. I know you both love me… and I love you too,
Dagger… but she is very beautiful, you know. Plus, she's got big…
*two more slapping noises are heard in the sudden silence*
Zidane: Owwwww…
*Venus reluctantly pushes Ash away, then knocks him to the ground*
Sailor Venus: Wanna play dirty, huh? Well THIS is DIRTY!
Michiru: Oh. Phew. She just jammed her heel into Ash's family jewels. To tell you the truth, I
was expecting her to get down and dirty with him, so to speak. And I REALLY didn't wanna see
that… no way, no how. Man, that would hurt, though!
Irvine: *winces* I feel your pain, Ash! I feel your pain!
Meowth: You know, this fight is beginning to get a little boring. Rightfully, the senshi have
already won, as all their opponents have been defeated. Ash broke the rules by sending out his
remaining Pokémon, so I say we kill him and end this match!
Members of the audience: KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
Sailor Venus: *bends over so her mouth is inches away from Ash's* Have fun dying, sweetheart. I
promise I won't make it painful… *smirks* Well, not much, anyway… Venus Wink Chain Sword!
Michiru: Owwww… with an attacking cry, Venus drives her sword into Ash's mouth, while driving her
heel in even further. Owww, owww, ouch!
Meowth: Well, I'm glad that's over.
Michiru: Me too. I'm never hosting one of these ever again! It's sooooo disgusting!
Meowth: Meowth, that's right!
Michiru: Anyway, I believe Venus is off to the plastic surgeon to get her face fixed… AGAIN… and
that's about all. Once again, the senshi have defeated all opposition, so stay tuned for Sailor
Senshi Deathmatch episode six… in which they'll kill yet another bunch of so-called innocent
people… or toys as the case may be…
Meowth: Toys? They're gonna kill toys?
Michiru: Oops, I've said too much! Anyway… stay tuned for the next episode, and I'll see you
later! *with a wink and peace sign totally unlike Michiru* Ja mata!