Sailor Senshi Deathmatch
Episode 7: The Inner Senshi vs. Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Scott Kennedy, & Carlos
Oliveira
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this deathmatch belong to us. So don't go trying to sue us
because… well, just don't. Hah hah hah, we should really think of something different to say
here… but… oh well! It's not like anyone reads this crap anywayz, so why are we wasting our
breath?
A Very Small Note from Fire Angel: The thing I want to know is… DOES anyone actually read
disclaimers? Cos if they don't, I'm one stuffed cookie. Not that you'd care anywayz, cos if you
don't read disclaimers, you're not reading this, are you? So why am I going on like this? Don't
ask me, cos I don't know. Anywayz, have fun and enjoy the episode. Bai.
A Very Small Note from Satan's Angel: Yelloo… hi. Well, I just thought I'd say that F.Angel is
not her usual, well… pulled together self at this point in time. This is NOT my fault, so don't
even think of blaming me… it's all… ZACH'S fault (If you don't know Zach, maybe that's a good
thing, seeming as sometimes I wish I didn't…. did I say that out loud just now? Never mind…).
E-mail us your opinions at fizzy86@hotmail.com (Of me-ness!) or rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com
(Of Fire…ness… um… yeah…!). Have fun and enjoy life!
Setsuna: Good evening everyone. Welcome to the seventh episode of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch… the
show in which the coolest warriors of love and justice defeat any opposition that have the
courage to defy them. I'm Meiou Setsuna, also known as the enigmatic Sailor Pluto, the guardian
of time! I'm your commentator for today, and I'd like to introduce our guest commentator… a
creature created by a mysterious virus - the Nemesis!
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Setsuna: Excuse me?
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Setsuna: *sweatdrop* Err… Sumimasen, I don't understand.
*the Nemesis starts to reply, but the phone rings and he picks it up, answering with a grunt. He
listens to a yelling voice for a minute, grunts again, then hangs up*
Nemesis: Hi. I'm the Nemesis, but YOU can call me Nemmie.
*the phone rings again, answered with a very flirtatious hello from the Nemesis. He listens, then
hangs up*
Nemesis: Sorry. My producer says I was being TOO nice. Anyway, I'm here representing tonight's
challenging team… a small group of young adults who fight to protect a little town from the likes
of… me. Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Scott Kennedy and Carlos Oliveira!
Carlos: Hi! Hello everybody! Bonjour! Ni hao! Konnichiwa! Aloha! ¿Cómo Estás? Gesundheit… err… I
mean… ah, crap.
Setsuna: *sweatdrop* Right… anyway, here we have the champions of love, justice and all that… the
Inner Senshi!
Inner Senshi: Konnichiwa, minnasan!
Carlos: Can't you think of anything more inventive to say?
Mars: How about… you open your cute little mouth again and I'll kick that hot ass of yours into
next week?
Carlos: Uhh… konnichiwa was definitely better. Stick with that.
Nemesis: Now that that little tiff is settled… LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!!!!
!!DING!!
Setsuna: And the game has begun with a cheer. Jill waves to the crowd and pulls out a rather
large rocket launcher and gets down on one knee to aim. She certainly isn't wasting any time
fooling around.
Carlos: *Looks down at Jill who has knelt just beside him* Look, Jill. I know you love me - All
women do - but can we just get on with the game? You can propose to me later.
Nemesis: And the sound of hand to flesh at an extremely high speed can be heard around the arena.
Carlos stumbles back as Jill starts to aim again.
Setsuna: Jill is taking her sweet time, all right. But Claire is there to protect her from Sailor
Jupiter, as the latter attacks with a flurry of hard punches.
Jupiter: What? You think you can stop me? ME?! From getting through?! Ha you must be jok…
*Claire brandishes an automatic rifle and points it calmly at Jupiter's head*
Claire: I've had too deal with zombies and the like, so compared to that, YOU'RE nothing.
Setsuna: And Jupiter is backing off, trying not to let fear show on her face…
Nemesis: Meanwhile, Jill seems to have the rocket launcher ready to go… she's aiming it at
Jupiter, whose eyes are carefully watching Claire…
Setsuna: Sailor Jupiter, look out!
Nemesis: Jill fires the rocket launcher… and… WHAT?! HOW DOES THAT WORK OUT?!
Setsuna: Wow! Sailor Mars saw the danger to Jupiter and managed to flame the rocket while it flew
towards her, blowing it up upon impact. There's too much smoke; it's hard to see if anyone got
hurt… Someone turn on the high-speed fans!
Nemesis: Oh. No.
Setsuna: It looks like Sailor Mars hit the rocket just as it flew past Claire… I think she's
dead…
Nemesis: You think? You THINK?! LOOK at her, her blood and guts are splattered all over the
arena! Her arm is in the audience, for crying out loud. Her head is…
Setsuna: I GET THE POINT!
Leon: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!
From the audience… Chris Redfield (Claire's brother): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!
Nemesis: I think the cop's angry.
Setsuna: Yeah, me too. He's brandishing a magnum and pointing it straight at Sailor Mars, a look
of fury and pain on his face.
Mars: *sarcastically* Oh wow. A magnum. I am sooooooooo scared. I am going to run away now.
Leon: You think I'm joking, don't you?! I'm not joking, I'm going to kill you for what you did to
Claire!
Mars: What? Killed her?
Leon: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Chris: Go Leon! KICK THAT BITCH'S SHORT-SKIRTED ASS!
Nemesis: Leon looks ready to completely murder the warrior of love and fire, but all of a sudden
his gun is encased in a block of ice.
Mercury: I will not allow you to destroy Sailor Mars! She was merely defending Sailor Jupiter,
and it was purely an accident that she killed Claire!
Setsuna: Leon's gun… it isn't waterproof, is it?
Nemesis: No, it isn't. Why do you ask?
Setsuna: Because… when the ice melts into water, Leon's gun will be completely useless, as water
will have gotten into it. Sailor Mars, melt the ice! Melt the ice, it'll render his gun useless!
MELT THE ICE!
Mars: Gotcha, Setsuna-sama. FIRE SOUL!
Leon: Well, that was a pretty dumb move. Now I can kill you, Sailor Mars! Prepare to descend into
the depths of hell!
Nemesis: And he attempts to fire his gun… with no success.
Leon: What? Why isn't this working? What's going on?
*Leon turns the gun around to have a look. He mucks around with the trigger, and as he does so,
Sailor Mars sends a gentle stream of fire to evaporate the water in the gun*
Carlos: LEON! That's it bitch, you're dead! *pulls a knife from his weapon belt* WHAT?! A KNIFE?!
Why in God's name do I get a KNIFE?! I'm supposed to be the guy with the heavy artillery!!
From the realms of God… Fire Angel: Don't question us, Carlos. We chose to give you a knife, so
you've got a knife.
From the realms of Satan… Satan's Angel: So stop complaining and get on with the battle!!!!
Setsuna: There goes Leon's head, flying halfway across the arena and landing by Venus' feet.
Venus: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! *wistfully* Oh, he used to be so cute!
Carlos: Him? Cute? I don't think so. I am the cute one here. All the foxy ladies love my accent.
It drives em crazy!
Venus: *sweatdrop* What does your accent have to do with your sex appeal?
Carlos: C'mon Sailor Venus. You know you want me.
Venus: *ponders that thought* Actually, he might be right.
Nemesis: What type of strategic move is that?! Sailor Venus just pinched Carlos' butt!
Carlos: Wha?! *spins around, tightly gripping his knife*
Venus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Setsuna: *giggling* Oops. When Carlos spun around, he managed to cut Venus across the face. Oh,
God.
Nemesis: Why is she so angry?
Setsuna: So far, she's been cut across the face in EVERY death match she's been in. She got cut
by glass, scratched by a wolf, slashed by a dagger, cut by a seemingly innocent and helpless
Pokémon, and hit by one of Sailor Saturn's attacks. In fact, the only episode she HASN'T been
hurt in is episode three!
Nemesis: Aah. I think that this is the end of Carlos.
Setsuna: So do I.
Carlos: Uh oh… please don't hurt me. It was just an…
Venus: VENUS WINK CHAIN SWORD!!!!!!!!!!! VENUS FUCKING WINK CHAIN SWORD!!!!
Setsuna: *covering her eyes* Ohhhhhhhh yuck.
Nemesis: Coooool! BLOOOOOODD!!!!!!
Venus: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HACKED UP INTO LITTLE TINY PIECES, YOU MORON?! HOW DOES IT
FEEL?!!!?!? HUH?!!? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT!?!?!?
Jill: I don't think he can really answer you. He's, ah... a little, well, cut up at the moment.
Venus: SHUT YOUR FAT MOUTH, YOU BITCH!!!!
Jill: *sarcastically* Ooooohhhh, I'm really scared…
Venus: SHUT YOUR FACE! JUST SHUT UP, YOU BITCH! SHUT UP!
Jill: Ooh. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do, huh? I'm the one sittin' pretty with the huge gun,
so you'd better not get me pissed off, little girl.
Venus: SHUT UP!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
Nemesis: I'm getting sick of this. I think the odds are a little unfair. Jill, up against the
Sailor Senshi? I'd better put her out of her misery…
Setsuna: Err… we only have one commentator now, as the other one seems to have entered the ring…
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
*the phone rings, and Setsuna picks it up*
Setsuna: No, he's not here, he's down on the ring. No, he's too busy to speak right now. Yes,
I'll let him know you called. Thankyou, goodbye!
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Jill: No! It can't be!
Setsuna: Jill is extremely white faced. I think she might be just a little scared…
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Setsuna: Jill aims her launcher at Nemesis, just as he aims his at her… Woah woah woah woah woah
woah woah! OH MY GOD!
*the two rockets collide, and smoke fills the arena. All that can be heard is a resounding boom,
many screams, squelches of blood and a roar from the Nemesis*
Setsuna: What's going on? I can't see! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*as the smoke clears, it is possible to see the arena has been completely destroyed, taking with
it the lives of the audience members, Jill and the Nemesis. The commentator's booth has smashed
to the ground, but Setsuna lives. Apart from her, only the senshi are left standing*
Setsuna: Oh my God, the arena's completely destroyed. But it doesn't matter, because the senshi
have won yet again! They have destroyed their pitiful opposition once more!
Mars: But hang on… won't this be the end, because there's no arena any more?
Setsuna: Don't worry, we'll find a way to take care of it. We're the sailor senshi, right?
Jupiter: And in the meantime?
Setsuna: We'll think of something, don't worry! Anyway, the senshi have won, so that's the end of
today's show… obviously. We'll see you next time on Sailor Senshi Deathmatch! Ja ne!
Episode 7: The Inner Senshi vs. Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Scott Kennedy, & Carlos
Oliveira
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this deathmatch belong to us. So don't go trying to sue us
because… well, just don't. Hah hah hah, we should really think of something different to say
here… but… oh well! It's not like anyone reads this crap anywayz, so why are we wasting our
breath?
A Very Small Note from Fire Angel: The thing I want to know is… DOES anyone actually read
disclaimers? Cos if they don't, I'm one stuffed cookie. Not that you'd care anywayz, cos if you
don't read disclaimers, you're not reading this, are you? So why am I going on like this? Don't
ask me, cos I don't know. Anywayz, have fun and enjoy the episode. Bai.
A Very Small Note from Satan's Angel: Yelloo… hi. Well, I just thought I'd say that F.Angel is
not her usual, well… pulled together self at this point in time. This is NOT my fault, so don't
even think of blaming me… it's all… ZACH'S fault (If you don't know Zach, maybe that's a good
thing, seeming as sometimes I wish I didn't…. did I say that out loud just now? Never mind…).
E-mail us your opinions at fizzy86@hotmail.com (Of me-ness!) or rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com
(Of Fire…ness… um… yeah…!). Have fun and enjoy life!
Setsuna: Good evening everyone. Welcome to the seventh episode of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch… the
show in which the coolest warriors of love and justice defeat any opposition that have the
courage to defy them. I'm Meiou Setsuna, also known as the enigmatic Sailor Pluto, the guardian
of time! I'm your commentator for today, and I'd like to introduce our guest commentator… a
creature created by a mysterious virus - the Nemesis!
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Setsuna: Excuse me?
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Setsuna: *sweatdrop* Err… Sumimasen, I don't understand.
*the Nemesis starts to reply, but the phone rings and he picks it up, answering with a grunt. He
listens to a yelling voice for a minute, grunts again, then hangs up*
Nemesis: Hi. I'm the Nemesis, but YOU can call me Nemmie.
*the phone rings again, answered with a very flirtatious hello from the Nemesis. He listens, then
hangs up*
Nemesis: Sorry. My producer says I was being TOO nice. Anyway, I'm here representing tonight's
challenging team… a small group of young adults who fight to protect a little town from the likes
of… me. Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Scott Kennedy and Carlos Oliveira!
Carlos: Hi! Hello everybody! Bonjour! Ni hao! Konnichiwa! Aloha! ¿Cómo Estás? Gesundheit… err… I
mean… ah, crap.
Setsuna: *sweatdrop* Right… anyway, here we have the champions of love, justice and all that… the
Inner Senshi!
Inner Senshi: Konnichiwa, minnasan!
Carlos: Can't you think of anything more inventive to say?
Mars: How about… you open your cute little mouth again and I'll kick that hot ass of yours into
next week?
Carlos: Uhh… konnichiwa was definitely better. Stick with that.
Nemesis: Now that that little tiff is settled… LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!!!!
!!DING!!
Setsuna: And the game has begun with a cheer. Jill waves to the crowd and pulls out a rather
large rocket launcher and gets down on one knee to aim. She certainly isn't wasting any time
fooling around.
Carlos: *Looks down at Jill who has knelt just beside him* Look, Jill. I know you love me - All
women do - but can we just get on with the game? You can propose to me later.
Nemesis: And the sound of hand to flesh at an extremely high speed can be heard around the arena.
Carlos stumbles back as Jill starts to aim again.
Setsuna: Jill is taking her sweet time, all right. But Claire is there to protect her from Sailor
Jupiter, as the latter attacks with a flurry of hard punches.
Jupiter: What? You think you can stop me? ME?! From getting through?! Ha you must be jok…
*Claire brandishes an automatic rifle and points it calmly at Jupiter's head*
Claire: I've had too deal with zombies and the like, so compared to that, YOU'RE nothing.
Setsuna: And Jupiter is backing off, trying not to let fear show on her face…
Nemesis: Meanwhile, Jill seems to have the rocket launcher ready to go… she's aiming it at
Jupiter, whose eyes are carefully watching Claire…
Setsuna: Sailor Jupiter, look out!
Nemesis: Jill fires the rocket launcher… and… WHAT?! HOW DOES THAT WORK OUT?!
Setsuna: Wow! Sailor Mars saw the danger to Jupiter and managed to flame the rocket while it flew
towards her, blowing it up upon impact. There's too much smoke; it's hard to see if anyone got
hurt… Someone turn on the high-speed fans!
Nemesis: Oh. No.
Setsuna: It looks like Sailor Mars hit the rocket just as it flew past Claire… I think she's
dead…
Nemesis: You think? You THINK?! LOOK at her, her blood and guts are splattered all over the
arena! Her arm is in the audience, for crying out loud. Her head is…
Setsuna: I GET THE POINT!
Leon: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!
From the audience… Chris Redfield (Claire's brother): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!
Nemesis: I think the cop's angry.
Setsuna: Yeah, me too. He's brandishing a magnum and pointing it straight at Sailor Mars, a look
of fury and pain on his face.
Mars: *sarcastically* Oh wow. A magnum. I am sooooooooo scared. I am going to run away now.
Leon: You think I'm joking, don't you?! I'm not joking, I'm going to kill you for what you did to
Claire!
Mars: What? Killed her?
Leon: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Chris: Go Leon! KICK THAT BITCH'S SHORT-SKIRTED ASS!
Nemesis: Leon looks ready to completely murder the warrior of love and fire, but all of a sudden
his gun is encased in a block of ice.
Mercury: I will not allow you to destroy Sailor Mars! She was merely defending Sailor Jupiter,
and it was purely an accident that she killed Claire!
Setsuna: Leon's gun… it isn't waterproof, is it?
Nemesis: No, it isn't. Why do you ask?
Setsuna: Because… when the ice melts into water, Leon's gun will be completely useless, as water
will have gotten into it. Sailor Mars, melt the ice! Melt the ice, it'll render his gun useless!
MELT THE ICE!
Mars: Gotcha, Setsuna-sama. FIRE SOUL!
Leon: Well, that was a pretty dumb move. Now I can kill you, Sailor Mars! Prepare to descend into
the depths of hell!
Nemesis: And he attempts to fire his gun… with no success.
Leon: What? Why isn't this working? What's going on?
*Leon turns the gun around to have a look. He mucks around with the trigger, and as he does so,
Sailor Mars sends a gentle stream of fire to evaporate the water in the gun*
Carlos: LEON! That's it bitch, you're dead! *pulls a knife from his weapon belt* WHAT?! A KNIFE?!
Why in God's name do I get a KNIFE?! I'm supposed to be the guy with the heavy artillery!!
From the realms of God… Fire Angel: Don't question us, Carlos. We chose to give you a knife, so
you've got a knife.
From the realms of Satan… Satan's Angel: So stop complaining and get on with the battle!!!!
Setsuna: There goes Leon's head, flying halfway across the arena and landing by Venus' feet.
Venus: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! *wistfully* Oh, he used to be so cute!
Carlos: Him? Cute? I don't think so. I am the cute one here. All the foxy ladies love my accent.
It drives em crazy!
Venus: *sweatdrop* What does your accent have to do with your sex appeal?
Carlos: C'mon Sailor Venus. You know you want me.
Venus: *ponders that thought* Actually, he might be right.
Nemesis: What type of strategic move is that?! Sailor Venus just pinched Carlos' butt!
Carlos: Wha?! *spins around, tightly gripping his knife*
Venus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Setsuna: *giggling* Oops. When Carlos spun around, he managed to cut Venus across the face. Oh,
God.
Nemesis: Why is she so angry?
Setsuna: So far, she's been cut across the face in EVERY death match she's been in. She got cut
by glass, scratched by a wolf, slashed by a dagger, cut by a seemingly innocent and helpless
Pokémon, and hit by one of Sailor Saturn's attacks. In fact, the only episode she HASN'T been
hurt in is episode three!
Nemesis: Aah. I think that this is the end of Carlos.
Setsuna: So do I.
Carlos: Uh oh… please don't hurt me. It was just an…
Venus: VENUS WINK CHAIN SWORD!!!!!!!!!!! VENUS FUCKING WINK CHAIN SWORD!!!!
Setsuna: *covering her eyes* Ohhhhhhhh yuck.
Nemesis: Coooool! BLOOOOOODD!!!!!!
Venus: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HACKED UP INTO LITTLE TINY PIECES, YOU MORON?! HOW DOES IT
FEEL?!!!?!? HUH?!!? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT!?!?!?
Jill: I don't think he can really answer you. He's, ah... a little, well, cut up at the moment.
Venus: SHUT YOUR FAT MOUTH, YOU BITCH!!!!
Jill: *sarcastically* Ooooohhhh, I'm really scared…
Venus: SHUT YOUR FACE! JUST SHUT UP, YOU BITCH! SHUT UP!
Jill: Ooh. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do, huh? I'm the one sittin' pretty with the huge gun,
so you'd better not get me pissed off, little girl.
Venus: SHUT UP!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
Nemesis: I'm getting sick of this. I think the odds are a little unfair. Jill, up against the
Sailor Senshi? I'd better put her out of her misery…
Setsuna: Err… we only have one commentator now, as the other one seems to have entered the ring…
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
*the phone rings, and Setsuna picks it up*
Setsuna: No, he's not here, he's down on the ring. No, he's too busy to speak right now. Yes,
I'll let him know you called. Thankyou, goodbye!
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Jill: No! It can't be!
Setsuna: Jill is extremely white faced. I think she might be just a little scared…
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S…
Setsuna: Jill aims her launcher at Nemesis, just as he aims his at her… Woah woah woah woah woah
woah woah! OH MY GOD!
*the two rockets collide, and smoke fills the arena. All that can be heard is a resounding boom,
many screams, squelches of blood and a roar from the Nemesis*
Setsuna: What's going on? I can't see! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*as the smoke clears, it is possible to see the arena has been completely destroyed, taking with
it the lives of the audience members, Jill and the Nemesis. The commentator's booth has smashed
to the ground, but Setsuna lives. Apart from her, only the senshi are left standing*
Setsuna: Oh my God, the arena's completely destroyed. But it doesn't matter, because the senshi
have won yet again! They have destroyed their pitiful opposition once more!
Mars: But hang on… won't this be the end, because there's no arena any more?
Setsuna: Don't worry, we'll find a way to take care of it. We're the sailor senshi, right?
Jupiter: And in the meantime?
Setsuna: We'll think of something, don't worry! Anyway, the senshi have won, so that's the end of
today's show… obviously. We'll see you next time on Sailor Senshi Deathmatch! Ja ne!