Sailor Senshi Deathmatch
Episode 9: The Inner Senshi & Sailor Moon vs. Captain Planet & The Planeteers
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this deathmatch belong to us. So don't go trying to sue us
because… well, just don't. And don't try to sue us because we use the same disclaimer each time,
either - there's no law against that! So blerrrrr! *poking out tongue very childishly* Deal wit
it!
A Very Small Note from Fire Angel: Howdy, everybody. I'm over my little 'Celine' mood, so I'm
perfectly fine here now. If anyone who reads this doesn't know who the Planeteers are, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS?! Seriously it's a DiC cartoon series (they did the first series
of Sailormoon) about people who use magical rings (Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Heart) to save
the planet from pollution and bad guys who like to pollute it. When they get into trouble, they
combine their powers and create… CAPTAIN PLANET! That's about the gist of it. Anyhoo, enjoy this
episode (it's our second to last for this series) and e-mail us comments and requests for battles
in the next series, and get ready for the BIG finale! Ja ne, and Jota!
A Very Small Note from Satan's Angel: Howdie peoplez! Hmmm… yes. The Planeteers. Wow. Not. I
personally hated the show, but that's my opinion, not yours. I mean, people who want to save the
planet from being polluted, that's lame. We already have people to do this… they're called
GREENPEACE!!!!! They're annoying as it is! We don't need a cartoon based on those twerps (My
special word for this episode!)!!! And magic rings!? I mean the tooth fairy and Father Christmas
are believable, but magic rings are just stupid! (BTW - Santa, if you're reading this, I want a
new wardrobe, some sunnies, and electric geetar, a computer AND a laptop etc, etc…) Anyhoo (I'm
very annoyed that F. Angel stole my rather cool word… BLERRR 2 U!), e-mail us your opinions at
fizzy86@hotmail.com (this is me Santa!) or rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com (Don't bring her nothing
but coal or hay or whatever the hell it is!) and… well, It's my B'Day soon so send me prezzies
(this includes you Santa!!!) Luv yaz and have fun!
Yaten: Hello everyone and welcome to the ninth episode of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch… the show in
which the warriors of love and justice defeat all the bad guys! I'm your commentator, Kou Yaten,
otherwise known as Sail… uhh… Tuxedo Star Healer!!
From the audience… Teno'u Haruka: Dude, just admit you're a Sailor Senshi. There's no shame in
admitting you're a hermaphrodite. I've got no shame in admitting that I'm a homosexual. So what
if you turn into a girl? Besides, I think you're cute when you're a girl.
Yaten: Fine! I'm SAILOR FRICKING STAR HEALER, and I'm your SAILOR FRICKING SENSHI COMMENTATOR!
Teno'u Haruka: Woah, dude. Calm down; I was just getting the facts straight.
Yaten: YOU CAN'T GET ANYTHING FRICKING STRAIGHT! YOU'RE FRICKING GAY! *looks at the audience, who
are staring at him/her, and gets a sweatdrop as he/she starts to blush. Then he/she smiles
sweetly at the audience* Anyway, our guest commentator for tonight is Gaia, Greek Goddess of the
Earth, and the founder of the Planeteers. Gaia, welcome!
Gaia: Uh, hi, Mr… Mrs… Yaten.
Yaten: *silently fuming* Anyway, it's time to bring on the battle! Introducing… the unbeatable…
the short-skirted… the big-breasted… the… ah, just bring em out! The SAILOR SENSHI of the INNER
PLANETS and SAILOR MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Sailor Senshi: Konnichiwa, minna!
Gaia: And the challengers. Introducing… the ringed… the clean… the planet-saving… the earth, the
fire, the wind, the water, and the heart! The Planeteers, in their solar-powered airship!
*The ceiling opens up and the yellow ship that the Planeteers fly floats in and lands on the
floor of the arena, even though it's night!*
Yaten: I betcha it's really petrol-powered.
*The hatch opens and the Planeteers jump out, complete with the monkey Su-ki*
Gi: Petrol is bad. It pollutes the water…
Linka: And pollutes the air!
Quami: As Planeteers, we would never use something that would endanger our planet!
Gaia: *muttering* Note to self: do not tell the Planeteers the airship is powered by oil.
Eternal Moon: Oooh!! Look at the monkey! It's so cute!! It's so cute!! Can I pat it? Let me pat
it! Please can I pat it?!
*Without waiting for an answer, Sailor Moon lunges forward, snatches up Su-ki, and starts to pat
him on the head. Su-ki squeals at the indignity, before biting her glove-encased hand and pulling
her hair*
Eternal Moon: OwwwwWWWWWwwwwwWWWWWwwwwww! SILVER MOON CRYSTAL POWER KISS!
*Su-ki is very conveniently turned into Moon Dust*
Eternal Moon: Hah-HAH! Moon dusted!
Ma-ti: SUUUUUU-KIIIIIIII! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You'll pay for that, you polluting-person
you! I saw the first episode of Sailor Moon where you threw your test on the ground!
Gaia: Well, I think we'd better start this battle then.
!!DING!!
Gaia: And Ma-ti opens the battle, by using his heart power to call upon dozens of lions, and
tigers and bears.
Yaten: Oh my.
Gaia: Well, I don't think the senshi are going to last long, due to the fact that not even
elemental powers can stand up against teeth and claws.
Mars: I think you're wrong, Miss 'I'm so good cos I'm a Greek Goddess'. I've got news for you.
FIRE SOUL!
Yaten: *laughs loudly for a long time as the fire incinerates the lions, tigers and bears*
Hah-HAH!!! Now that was hilarious! Suck it, Jungle Boy!
Haruka: Can I?
Yaten: EWWWWWWWWWWWW! YUCKY POOS!
Gaia: What the hell? Yucky poos? God, you need some help.
Haruka: Yaten, that's not what you said last night…
Yaten: EWWWWWWWWWWWW! YUCKYUCKYUCK! Haruka, you'd better be careful, or I'll tell Michi
everything. Just cos she's away in America doesn't mean she won't hear about this. In fact, don't
they broadcast this show there too?
Haruka: Errrrrrr… I'll shut up now.
Gaia: In the time these two have been gasbagging, Ma-ti has given up on his ring, believing it
won't be any use in this battle, and has thrown it on the floor. Mercury picks it up and chucks
it to Venus, who slides it on over her glove. What do the senshi want with the Planeteers' rings?
Venus: Oh, it's sooooo pretty! It glimmers like a gem! Wow! It just makes my heart beat a little
faster. Oops! Did I say heart?! Oops!
*all of a sudden a stampede of cute little puppy dogs approaches Sailor Venus. All of them start
licking her face*
Venus: Hey, stop that! HEY! I just did my make-up! Oi!
Getemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoff! GET THEM OFFA ME!
Wheeler: If I save you, will you fall in love with me?
Venus: Sure, handsome! Just HURRY UP!
Wheeler: *ignoring Linka's dirty looks* Excellent! FIRE!
*Venus screams as she gets burnt to a crisp, along with the dogs*
Wheeler: Now do you want me?
Venus: No, you insignificant piece of… of… ah, forget it! You burnt me to a crisp!
Wheeler: What? You promised! Oh, screw you, bitch! *throws the fire ring at her, and it scratches
her across the face*
Yaten & Haruka: Uh oh.
Gaia: What?
Yaten: Wheeler's gonna be dead…
Haruka: …Very, very soon.
*Yaten and Haruka start chanting, 'Wheeler's gonna be dead, Wheeler's gonna be dead!'*
Gaia: Why?
Haruka: Because she just got scratched in the face…
Yaten: …Again. She's been scratched in the face nearly every episode, and it pisses her off no
end.
Haruka: Well, I'd be pissed off too, if my face was as cute as hers.
Yaten & Gaia: EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Venus: ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
*There is a very sudden explosion as her head blows up from the stress. Never again will she have
to worry about her looks*
From the depths of the deepest, darkest Hell: Fire Angel! Whaddid you do that for? She's one of
the good guys!
From the heights of the brightest, lightest Heaven: Sorry. She's more vain than I am, and it was
pissing me off.
Satan's Angel: Sometimes you worry me, Fire Angel.
Fire Angel: *smiling sweetly* I know.
Yaten: Anyway. Back to the battle, Mars lunges for Wheeler's ring and slips it onto her finger as
Mercury ditches the heart ring to Haruka in the audience. God knows what she'll do with it, but
for now it's safe.
Mars: FIRE SOUL!
Gaia: Yipes! Two attacks in one! By saying the word 'Fire', she's initiated the ring as well as
using her 'Fire Soul' attack. That's the end of Wheeler, folks.
Yaten: And what's this? Linka's crying over his burnt body, and while she's crying… oh, sneaky
sneaky! Mercury's just grabbed Linka's ring while she's crying her eyes out. She's slipped it
onto her own finger and looks awfully pleased with herself. Well, that's three rings down, two to
go.
Gi: You've killed Wheeler, now it's time to pay, scum! WATER!
*Mercury looks at the ring on her hand as the wave of water heads towards her*
Mercury: WIND! Jupiter, go!
Gaia: GI! NO WAY!
Yaten: Hah-HAH! As the wave of water flies back towards Gi, Jupiter electrocutes it with her
'Supremeo Thundero' attack! Water, being electricity's biggest conductoro, is now electrocuted
and kills Gi with a single blowo.
Haruka: Hmmm… blow. I like it, I like it already.
Yaten, Gaia, & Senshi: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
*Mercury plucks Gi's ring off her dead body and chucks it to Sailor Moon*
Quami: Gi! No way! Sailor Senshi, you'll pay! Earth!
*a hole opens under Sailor Moon, and she falls into it, screaming*
Mercury: Wind!
Eternal Moon: I'm flying!
Yaten: Excellent! Mercury's wind attack helps Sailor Moon out of the hole… and knocks Quami in!
This gets better and better! He's hanging on to the edge of the hole, hoping he can climb out…
ooh, what's this? Jupiter's taken his ring and shoved him in!
Jupiter: Let's hope I can get this to work… close up on him! Earth!
*Quami's screams echo as the hole closes up on him with a 'squishing' noise*
Haruka: Guys, you've got all the rings!
Moon: Alright!
Jupiter: Let's try this, shall we? Let our powers combine… EARTH!
Mars: FIRE!
Mercury: WIND!
Moon: WATER!
Haruka: HEART!
Senshi: Goooooooooo, Tuxy!
Yaten: Excellent! The senshi have combined powers to call upon Tuxedo Kamen! Whatta hunk-a-spunk!
Tuxedo Kamen: Ewwwww… oh! By your powers combined, I am Tuxy… Kamen!
Senshi: *singing to the tune of the Captain Planet Theme* Tuxy Kamen, he's our hero, gonna take
the Planeteers to zero! He's our powers magnified, and he's fighting on the sailors' side!
Ma-ti & Linka: Stop stealing our song!
Senshi: *still singing* Tuxy Kamen, he's our hero, gonna take the Planeteers to zero! Gonna help
him put asunder those guys who don't like to loot and plunder!
Gaia: No way! I didn't know Tuxedo Kamen was supposed to have that type of energy! He's just
killed the remaining Planeteers with a blast of red and black energy from a rose! How does that
work?!
Yaten: He's Tuxy Kamen. Not Tuxedo Kamen. And besides, the rings called him; he's more powerful
now. It's simple. Sailormoonology.
Gaia: Okay then, although it sucks! You'll pay for this, Tuxedo Kamen!
Senshi: *yelling* We're the Sailor Senshi, you can be one too! Saving our planet is the thing to
do! Stealing energy is not the way, hear what Tuxy Kamen has to say!
Tuxy Kamen: The power is yours!
Yaten: Well, once again, the senshi have annihilated all opposition, and they have pretty funky
rings, too. As long as Haruka doesn't use Heart on me, I'll be happy. Even though we've lost a
warrior, it's nearly the end of the series, so maybe when it's all over, Fire Angel will bring
her back to life. Anyway, stay tuned for the last episode of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch. Ja mata!
Episode 9: The Inner Senshi & Sailor Moon vs. Captain Planet & The Planeteers
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this deathmatch belong to us. So don't go trying to sue us
because… well, just don't. And don't try to sue us because we use the same disclaimer each time,
either - there's no law against that! So blerrrrr! *poking out tongue very childishly* Deal wit
it!
A Very Small Note from Fire Angel: Howdy, everybody. I'm over my little 'Celine' mood, so I'm
perfectly fine here now. If anyone who reads this doesn't know who the Planeteers are, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS?! Seriously it's a DiC cartoon series (they did the first series
of Sailormoon) about people who use magical rings (Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Heart) to save
the planet from pollution and bad guys who like to pollute it. When they get into trouble, they
combine their powers and create… CAPTAIN PLANET! That's about the gist of it. Anyhoo, enjoy this
episode (it's our second to last for this series) and e-mail us comments and requests for battles
in the next series, and get ready for the BIG finale! Ja ne, and Jota!
A Very Small Note from Satan's Angel: Howdie peoplez! Hmmm… yes. The Planeteers. Wow. Not. I
personally hated the show, but that's my opinion, not yours. I mean, people who want to save the
planet from being polluted, that's lame. We already have people to do this… they're called
GREENPEACE!!!!! They're annoying as it is! We don't need a cartoon based on those twerps (My
special word for this episode!)!!! And magic rings!? I mean the tooth fairy and Father Christmas
are believable, but magic rings are just stupid! (BTW - Santa, if you're reading this, I want a
new wardrobe, some sunnies, and electric geetar, a computer AND a laptop etc, etc…) Anyhoo (I'm
very annoyed that F. Angel stole my rather cool word… BLERRR 2 U!), e-mail us your opinions at
fizzy86@hotmail.com (this is me Santa!) or rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com (Don't bring her nothing
but coal or hay or whatever the hell it is!) and… well, It's my B'Day soon so send me prezzies
(this includes you Santa!!!) Luv yaz and have fun!
Yaten: Hello everyone and welcome to the ninth episode of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch… the show in
which the warriors of love and justice defeat all the bad guys! I'm your commentator, Kou Yaten,
otherwise known as Sail… uhh… Tuxedo Star Healer!!
From the audience… Teno'u Haruka: Dude, just admit you're a Sailor Senshi. There's no shame in
admitting you're a hermaphrodite. I've got no shame in admitting that I'm a homosexual. So what
if you turn into a girl? Besides, I think you're cute when you're a girl.
Yaten: Fine! I'm SAILOR FRICKING STAR HEALER, and I'm your SAILOR FRICKING SENSHI COMMENTATOR!
Teno'u Haruka: Woah, dude. Calm down; I was just getting the facts straight.
Yaten: YOU CAN'T GET ANYTHING FRICKING STRAIGHT! YOU'RE FRICKING GAY! *looks at the audience, who
are staring at him/her, and gets a sweatdrop as he/she starts to blush. Then he/she smiles
sweetly at the audience* Anyway, our guest commentator for tonight is Gaia, Greek Goddess of the
Earth, and the founder of the Planeteers. Gaia, welcome!
Gaia: Uh, hi, Mr… Mrs… Yaten.
Yaten: *silently fuming* Anyway, it's time to bring on the battle! Introducing… the unbeatable…
the short-skirted… the big-breasted… the… ah, just bring em out! The SAILOR SENSHI of the INNER
PLANETS and SAILOR MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Sailor Senshi: Konnichiwa, minna!
Gaia: And the challengers. Introducing… the ringed… the clean… the planet-saving… the earth, the
fire, the wind, the water, and the heart! The Planeteers, in their solar-powered airship!
*The ceiling opens up and the yellow ship that the Planeteers fly floats in and lands on the
floor of the arena, even though it's night!*
Yaten: I betcha it's really petrol-powered.
*The hatch opens and the Planeteers jump out, complete with the monkey Su-ki*
Gi: Petrol is bad. It pollutes the water…
Linka: And pollutes the air!
Quami: As Planeteers, we would never use something that would endanger our planet!
Gaia: *muttering* Note to self: do not tell the Planeteers the airship is powered by oil.
Eternal Moon: Oooh!! Look at the monkey! It's so cute!! It's so cute!! Can I pat it? Let me pat
it! Please can I pat it?!
*Without waiting for an answer, Sailor Moon lunges forward, snatches up Su-ki, and starts to pat
him on the head. Su-ki squeals at the indignity, before biting her glove-encased hand and pulling
her hair*
Eternal Moon: OwwwwWWWWWwwwwwWWWWWwwwwww! SILVER MOON CRYSTAL POWER KISS!
*Su-ki is very conveniently turned into Moon Dust*
Eternal Moon: Hah-HAH! Moon dusted!
Ma-ti: SUUUUUU-KIIIIIIII! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You'll pay for that, you polluting-person
you! I saw the first episode of Sailor Moon where you threw your test on the ground!
Gaia: Well, I think we'd better start this battle then.
!!DING!!
Gaia: And Ma-ti opens the battle, by using his heart power to call upon dozens of lions, and
tigers and bears.
Yaten: Oh my.
Gaia: Well, I don't think the senshi are going to last long, due to the fact that not even
elemental powers can stand up against teeth and claws.
Mars: I think you're wrong, Miss 'I'm so good cos I'm a Greek Goddess'. I've got news for you.
FIRE SOUL!
Yaten: *laughs loudly for a long time as the fire incinerates the lions, tigers and bears*
Hah-HAH!!! Now that was hilarious! Suck it, Jungle Boy!
Haruka: Can I?
Yaten: EWWWWWWWWWWWW! YUCKY POOS!
Gaia: What the hell? Yucky poos? God, you need some help.
Haruka: Yaten, that's not what you said last night…
Yaten: EWWWWWWWWWWWW! YUCKYUCKYUCK! Haruka, you'd better be careful, or I'll tell Michi
everything. Just cos she's away in America doesn't mean she won't hear about this. In fact, don't
they broadcast this show there too?
Haruka: Errrrrrr… I'll shut up now.
Gaia: In the time these two have been gasbagging, Ma-ti has given up on his ring, believing it
won't be any use in this battle, and has thrown it on the floor. Mercury picks it up and chucks
it to Venus, who slides it on over her glove. What do the senshi want with the Planeteers' rings?
Venus: Oh, it's sooooo pretty! It glimmers like a gem! Wow! It just makes my heart beat a little
faster. Oops! Did I say heart?! Oops!
*all of a sudden a stampede of cute little puppy dogs approaches Sailor Venus. All of them start
licking her face*
Venus: Hey, stop that! HEY! I just did my make-up! Oi!
Getemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoffgetemoff! GET THEM OFFA ME!
Wheeler: If I save you, will you fall in love with me?
Venus: Sure, handsome! Just HURRY UP!
Wheeler: *ignoring Linka's dirty looks* Excellent! FIRE!
*Venus screams as she gets burnt to a crisp, along with the dogs*
Wheeler: Now do you want me?
Venus: No, you insignificant piece of… of… ah, forget it! You burnt me to a crisp!
Wheeler: What? You promised! Oh, screw you, bitch! *throws the fire ring at her, and it scratches
her across the face*
Yaten & Haruka: Uh oh.
Gaia: What?
Yaten: Wheeler's gonna be dead…
Haruka: …Very, very soon.
*Yaten and Haruka start chanting, 'Wheeler's gonna be dead, Wheeler's gonna be dead!'*
Gaia: Why?
Haruka: Because she just got scratched in the face…
Yaten: …Again. She's been scratched in the face nearly every episode, and it pisses her off no
end.
Haruka: Well, I'd be pissed off too, if my face was as cute as hers.
Yaten & Gaia: EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Venus: ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
*There is a very sudden explosion as her head blows up from the stress. Never again will she have
to worry about her looks*
From the depths of the deepest, darkest Hell: Fire Angel! Whaddid you do that for? She's one of
the good guys!
From the heights of the brightest, lightest Heaven: Sorry. She's more vain than I am, and it was
pissing me off.
Satan's Angel: Sometimes you worry me, Fire Angel.
Fire Angel: *smiling sweetly* I know.
Yaten: Anyway. Back to the battle, Mars lunges for Wheeler's ring and slips it onto her finger as
Mercury ditches the heart ring to Haruka in the audience. God knows what she'll do with it, but
for now it's safe.
Mars: FIRE SOUL!
Gaia: Yipes! Two attacks in one! By saying the word 'Fire', she's initiated the ring as well as
using her 'Fire Soul' attack. That's the end of Wheeler, folks.
Yaten: And what's this? Linka's crying over his burnt body, and while she's crying… oh, sneaky
sneaky! Mercury's just grabbed Linka's ring while she's crying her eyes out. She's slipped it
onto her own finger and looks awfully pleased with herself. Well, that's three rings down, two to
go.
Gi: You've killed Wheeler, now it's time to pay, scum! WATER!
*Mercury looks at the ring on her hand as the wave of water heads towards her*
Mercury: WIND! Jupiter, go!
Gaia: GI! NO WAY!
Yaten: Hah-HAH! As the wave of water flies back towards Gi, Jupiter electrocutes it with her
'Supremeo Thundero' attack! Water, being electricity's biggest conductoro, is now electrocuted
and kills Gi with a single blowo.
Haruka: Hmmm… blow. I like it, I like it already.
Yaten, Gaia, & Senshi: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
*Mercury plucks Gi's ring off her dead body and chucks it to Sailor Moon*
Quami: Gi! No way! Sailor Senshi, you'll pay! Earth!
*a hole opens under Sailor Moon, and she falls into it, screaming*
Mercury: Wind!
Eternal Moon: I'm flying!
Yaten: Excellent! Mercury's wind attack helps Sailor Moon out of the hole… and knocks Quami in!
This gets better and better! He's hanging on to the edge of the hole, hoping he can climb out…
ooh, what's this? Jupiter's taken his ring and shoved him in!
Jupiter: Let's hope I can get this to work… close up on him! Earth!
*Quami's screams echo as the hole closes up on him with a 'squishing' noise*
Haruka: Guys, you've got all the rings!
Moon: Alright!
Jupiter: Let's try this, shall we? Let our powers combine… EARTH!
Mars: FIRE!
Mercury: WIND!
Moon: WATER!
Haruka: HEART!
Senshi: Goooooooooo, Tuxy!
Yaten: Excellent! The senshi have combined powers to call upon Tuxedo Kamen! Whatta hunk-a-spunk!
Tuxedo Kamen: Ewwwww… oh! By your powers combined, I am Tuxy… Kamen!
Senshi: *singing to the tune of the Captain Planet Theme* Tuxy Kamen, he's our hero, gonna take
the Planeteers to zero! He's our powers magnified, and he's fighting on the sailors' side!
Ma-ti & Linka: Stop stealing our song!
Senshi: *still singing* Tuxy Kamen, he's our hero, gonna take the Planeteers to zero! Gonna help
him put asunder those guys who don't like to loot and plunder!
Gaia: No way! I didn't know Tuxedo Kamen was supposed to have that type of energy! He's just
killed the remaining Planeteers with a blast of red and black energy from a rose! How does that
work?!
Yaten: He's Tuxy Kamen. Not Tuxedo Kamen. And besides, the rings called him; he's more powerful
now. It's simple. Sailormoonology.
Gaia: Okay then, although it sucks! You'll pay for this, Tuxedo Kamen!
Senshi: *yelling* We're the Sailor Senshi, you can be one too! Saving our planet is the thing to
do! Stealing energy is not the way, hear what Tuxy Kamen has to say!
Tuxy Kamen: The power is yours!
Yaten: Well, once again, the senshi have annihilated all opposition, and they have pretty funky
rings, too. As long as Haruka doesn't use Heart on me, I'll be happy. Even though we've lost a
warrior, it's nearly the end of the series, so maybe when it's all over, Fire Angel will bring
her back to life. Anyway, stay tuned for the last episode of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch. Ja mata!