Disclaimer: I dont own anything with Buffy. They all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The title 'This Is My Letter To The World' is the title to an Emily Dickinson Poem (Please when reading the poem, read it and try to understand it the way it can go w/ the fiction, not really the way Ms.Dickinson meant it to be... yes I know that sounds stupid, but bare with me). The poem 'Acceptance' is by Robert Frost. All quotes belong to the movie or song they're tagged with. I only own the character Cora.
Summary: After Buffy's death Spike feels responsible for not being able to save her. While the Scooby gang find a way to get Buffy back, Spike tries to deal with his guilt. Will the gang be in time to save Spike from the unthinkable?
Rating: PG-13 for language
Spoilers: I will go through everything in "The Gift"
Distribution: I dont see why not, but please tell me first-- FlpDivA126@aol.com
Author's Note: This picks up RIGHT where the finale left off. The words that are in astrics (ex: *blah*) are said emphatically... or... you get the point. Thoughts are in double astrics (ex: **blah blah**). Oh and I really crave feedback! Please please do review and email if you want! =o)
Special Thankies: To my GREAT spankadelic beta readers-- Amy and Adrianna!! =o) Thanks to you guys for the outstanding feedback, and suggestions to make this story better! Adrianna, thanks sooo soo much for helping me find songs and stuff! Thank you 80! Thank you fellow begger! =o)
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The coarse wood put splinters into his trembling hands as he pressed the sharp point against his chest. "Cant fail, can't fail, can't fail..." He mumbled the words over and over to himself as pain seared through his chest. The wood only penetrated a few centimeters but it felt like a wall of stakes were pressing into him tipped with holy water. He hollered in pain as he realized these were his last moments-- alone, and dejected.
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Laying lost and wounded
Just myself to blame
Have no life and
Been hand fed pain
Head's a crying wasteland
Filled with shame
Cried for help before and
Nobody came
~Excerpt From 'No Body Came'~~ silverchair
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"Oh my God Spike! No!" She fell out of her chair when he took the piece of wood and held it high; he whispered a soft chant to it, but Buffy could only make out two words-- "Can't fail." Buffy watched in horror as he started to push the stake into his flesh. She got up and started pounding on the singled out box of Spike. "Spike no! No Spike, don't! *STOP!*" She looked around helplessly and turned her gaze back to the window. "Giles! Giles where the hell are you? Giles, Giles, Giles... Hurry home!" She grazed her eyes all over the window to see if anyone was nearing Spike at all, then her eyes locked on a serine picture. Dawn. Buffy bursted out into screams, "Dawn! Wake up! Wake up Dawn! DAWN!" Her eyes were filled with frightful tears as she stood there, helpless.
The night air chilled her tear-streaked cheeks. She listened to the fellow blonde's words in disbelief, and before she could even get a word but "no" in, she was faced with serious, pleading eyes. Waterfalls of tears sped down her cheeks, and she stood shaky with fear. Wind blew in her face as she watched her sister dive into swirls and swirls of lightning. "DAWN!" A familiar voice called, then a thunderous boom made her jolt upright from her bed. Sweat trailed down the side of her face as she heaved in as much air as she could. She started off her bed to get a glass of water from her kitchen. She opened the door to her room and lagged to the stairs. Suddenly a bone-chilling yell came from the kitchen, and fear grew in the pit of her stomach. "Spike," she whispered to herself, her bottom lip trembling. She ran down the stairs as fast as she could and once she reached the kitchen the sight before her almost made her faint. She opened her mouth, but to her dismay no sound seemed to come out. Spike didn't notice her there, partly because his eyes were shut tight, trying to take in the pain he deserved.
Centimeter by centimeter the wood dug into his skin, and blood dripped into his hands. To Dawn's surprise she let out a piercing scream, but felt dizzy and passed out on the floor.
Agony swam through his body, and soon his ears hurt from a deafening screech. It took him a few seconds to process that it wasn't *him* who made the noise-- it was Dawn. He opened his eyes to see her stomach-flat on the floor, then he looked down to see the fragment of wood in his chest. Unfortunately, for him, the wood stopped before his heart, barely missing it by a hairline. He tore it out quickly, and gave a silent grunt. "Bloody hell..." He threw it behind him on the floor, and was at Dawn's side in moments. Carefully he turned her around and patted her cheeks lightly. "C'mon Nibblet, wake up. Wake up fo' me."
Slowly, she opened her eyes and gave a weary smile, but soon the smile faded into a disappointed glare. "What were you thinking?" She sat up quickly, and burned her eyes into his. In those orbs Spike detected fear, anger, and shame. He hung his head low, but could still feel her piercing glare. "*Well?*" Her tone was firm, but hurt. His sad, ocean blue eyes met her gaze, and that was all she needed as a response. "Spike... come on, maybe you need some rest too." She stood up, and helped him on his way. They were midway up the stairs when Willow, Tara, and Giles walked through the door arguing about something Buffy-oriented. They stayed there, completely oblivious to the others, and watched the lively conversation between sides-- Willow and Tara vs. Giles.
"All I'm telling you, Giles, is that I can do it! Both of us can!" Willow's voice pleaded, but whatever the idea was, her tone didn't phase Giles at all. Tara only stood in the backround, shaking her head emphatically.
"It's ridiculous Willow!" He went on, taking off his glasses and rubbing them with the bottom of his shirt. "An act like this can either be too dangerous, or too much! Even for witches like you and Tara. No, just no!"
"Well I dont care what you say! I'm only looking for your support Giles, not your approval! A little help would do good too, but... but I guess I'll have to look for books somewhere else!" Her voice was now hard, and her facial expression showed she wasn't backing down.
Tara still stood in front of the door while Giles and Willow argued in the living room. She soon noticed the quiet spectators and made her way up the stairs. The other two ranted on as Dawn gave Tara a confused look. "What's going on?"
"Willow and I... w-we think we can bring Buffy back, but Giles.... Giles doesn't think it's a good idea."
"Why no--" Dawn was interrupted by Spike's booming voice.
"Bloody hell Giles! If we 'ave a way ta get 'er back, why can't we juss bleedin' well do it?" He rushed down the stairs and Giles felt as if he were being ambushed.
"Like I told Willow-- it's too much! It's too dangerous! She could come back as anything.... even the possibility of anything *but* human!" He shook his head and sat down on the seat to his left.
Spike groaned in frustration and kneeled down next to Buffy's body, almost as if to seek comfort. He shut his eyes tight, and again screams of guilt filled his mind. Willow looked upon Spike sadly and kneeled next to him, placing a warm hand on his. "We all miss her..."
Surprisingly, Spike jerked out of her grasp and stood up, giving everyone icy cold glares. "You all miss 'er, *WE* all miss 'er... But you lot dont 'ave 'er blood on your 'ands! You're not *responsible* for 'er death!"
Willow slowly got up, and tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Spike... it's not--"
Again, he jerked out of her grasp and pounded on the table. "NO! It *is* my fault, and I *will* bloody get 'er back! Even if I 'ave to face 'nother Ghorra demon!" With that he took a dark blanket, and his car keys, and ran out the door. Everyone stayed silent, listening to the hurling engine, and squeaking tires of Spike's DeSoto until it was too far to be heard. Silence.
In that silence Willow thought over and over about her options-- leave her best friend dead... or find a way to get her back. "I'm going to the Magic Shop," she finally spoke up, "and I'm finding a way to get her back, *with* or without your help. I called Angel alittle over two hours ago and told him about Buffy. He supports this idea, he'll be here to help." She stood in defiance for a moment, then turned for the door.
Giles let out a long exasperated sigh. "Willow..." he paused for a moment to rethink about what he was about to say. She turned around and looked at him with a stern look. "If you find anything... I'll be here... looking through books as well."
A bright, faithful smile appeared on Willow's face. "Thanks" was her only response.
"Well I guess we're goin' to the Magic Shop!" Dawn put in with a grin.
"He'll be fine." A voice tore her from her worries as she watched Spike open his eyes with a piece of wood in his chest.
"Oh Good God!" She whipped around, startled, not expecting anyone to creep up behind her. "Th-the wood, it's... it's in his chest. H-he's not dust!" She stammered on as the lady being smiled at her.
"It's only if the wood hits the heart and is pulled out of the chest when a vampire turns to dust. To his dismay... the wood was millimeters away from his heart, if even that." Buffy whipped her head back around to see Spike just peachy next to her little sister. She looked back at the being and took note of her wide smile.
"What's so funny? Do you find this funny?" The smile only got wider, but soon faded into a serious stare.
"It's not his time yet... but soon... soon." Soon. The word echoed in Buffy's mind.
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A/N: Yes yes, it was short! SUE ME! oh well, ummmmmmm....... yeah. Keep in mind that in *my* fic:: Willow didn't GO to Angel to tell him about Buffy's death..... she just merely CALLED him =o) Thank you, have a nice day.
Oh and to Angie: Yes, there IS Angel in my story!! But.... I dont think he's going to be Buffy's beau for my fic... Im more for the Buffy/Spike shipping =o( sorrie! But Please keep reading!!! Thanks to my other readers out there!!
Summary: After Buffy's death Spike feels responsible for not being able to save her. While the Scooby gang find a way to get Buffy back, Spike tries to deal with his guilt. Will the gang be in time to save Spike from the unthinkable?
Rating: PG-13 for language
Spoilers: I will go through everything in "The Gift"
Distribution: I dont see why not, but please tell me first-- FlpDivA126@aol.com
Author's Note: This picks up RIGHT where the finale left off. The words that are in astrics (ex: *blah*) are said emphatically... or... you get the point. Thoughts are in double astrics (ex: **blah blah**). Oh and I really crave feedback! Please please do review and email if you want! =o)
Special Thankies: To my GREAT spankadelic beta readers-- Amy and Adrianna!! =o) Thanks to you guys for the outstanding feedback, and suggestions to make this story better! Adrianna, thanks sooo soo much for helping me find songs and stuff! Thank you 80! Thank you fellow begger! =o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The coarse wood put splinters into his trembling hands as he pressed the sharp point against his chest. "Cant fail, can't fail, can't fail..." He mumbled the words over and over to himself as pain seared through his chest. The wood only penetrated a few centimeters but it felt like a wall of stakes were pressing into him tipped with holy water. He hollered in pain as he realized these were his last moments-- alone, and dejected.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laying lost and wounded
Just myself to blame
Have no life and
Been hand fed pain
Head's a crying wasteland
Filled with shame
Cried for help before and
Nobody came
~Excerpt From 'No Body Came'~~ silverchair
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh my God Spike! No!" She fell out of her chair when he took the piece of wood and held it high; he whispered a soft chant to it, but Buffy could only make out two words-- "Can't fail." Buffy watched in horror as he started to push the stake into his flesh. She got up and started pounding on the singled out box of Spike. "Spike no! No Spike, don't! *STOP!*" She looked around helplessly and turned her gaze back to the window. "Giles! Giles where the hell are you? Giles, Giles, Giles... Hurry home!" She grazed her eyes all over the window to see if anyone was nearing Spike at all, then her eyes locked on a serine picture. Dawn. Buffy bursted out into screams, "Dawn! Wake up! Wake up Dawn! DAWN!" Her eyes were filled with frightful tears as she stood there, helpless.
The night air chilled her tear-streaked cheeks. She listened to the fellow blonde's words in disbelief, and before she could even get a word but "no" in, she was faced with serious, pleading eyes. Waterfalls of tears sped down her cheeks, and she stood shaky with fear. Wind blew in her face as she watched her sister dive into swirls and swirls of lightning. "DAWN!" A familiar voice called, then a thunderous boom made her jolt upright from her bed. Sweat trailed down the side of her face as she heaved in as much air as she could. She started off her bed to get a glass of water from her kitchen. She opened the door to her room and lagged to the stairs. Suddenly a bone-chilling yell came from the kitchen, and fear grew in the pit of her stomach. "Spike," she whispered to herself, her bottom lip trembling. She ran down the stairs as fast as she could and once she reached the kitchen the sight before her almost made her faint. She opened her mouth, but to her dismay no sound seemed to come out. Spike didn't notice her there, partly because his eyes were shut tight, trying to take in the pain he deserved.
Centimeter by centimeter the wood dug into his skin, and blood dripped into his hands. To Dawn's surprise she let out a piercing scream, but felt dizzy and passed out on the floor.
Agony swam through his body, and soon his ears hurt from a deafening screech. It took him a few seconds to process that it wasn't *him* who made the noise-- it was Dawn. He opened his eyes to see her stomach-flat on the floor, then he looked down to see the fragment of wood in his chest. Unfortunately, for him, the wood stopped before his heart, barely missing it by a hairline. He tore it out quickly, and gave a silent grunt. "Bloody hell..." He threw it behind him on the floor, and was at Dawn's side in moments. Carefully he turned her around and patted her cheeks lightly. "C'mon Nibblet, wake up. Wake up fo' me."
Slowly, she opened her eyes and gave a weary smile, but soon the smile faded into a disappointed glare. "What were you thinking?" She sat up quickly, and burned her eyes into his. In those orbs Spike detected fear, anger, and shame. He hung his head low, but could still feel her piercing glare. "*Well?*" Her tone was firm, but hurt. His sad, ocean blue eyes met her gaze, and that was all she needed as a response. "Spike... come on, maybe you need some rest too." She stood up, and helped him on his way. They were midway up the stairs when Willow, Tara, and Giles walked through the door arguing about something Buffy-oriented. They stayed there, completely oblivious to the others, and watched the lively conversation between sides-- Willow and Tara vs. Giles.
"All I'm telling you, Giles, is that I can do it! Both of us can!" Willow's voice pleaded, but whatever the idea was, her tone didn't phase Giles at all. Tara only stood in the backround, shaking her head emphatically.
"It's ridiculous Willow!" He went on, taking off his glasses and rubbing them with the bottom of his shirt. "An act like this can either be too dangerous, or too much! Even for witches like you and Tara. No, just no!"
"Well I dont care what you say! I'm only looking for your support Giles, not your approval! A little help would do good too, but... but I guess I'll have to look for books somewhere else!" Her voice was now hard, and her facial expression showed she wasn't backing down.
Tara still stood in front of the door while Giles and Willow argued in the living room. She soon noticed the quiet spectators and made her way up the stairs. The other two ranted on as Dawn gave Tara a confused look. "What's going on?"
"Willow and I... w-we think we can bring Buffy back, but Giles.... Giles doesn't think it's a good idea."
"Why no--" Dawn was interrupted by Spike's booming voice.
"Bloody hell Giles! If we 'ave a way ta get 'er back, why can't we juss bleedin' well do it?" He rushed down the stairs and Giles felt as if he were being ambushed.
"Like I told Willow-- it's too much! It's too dangerous! She could come back as anything.... even the possibility of anything *but* human!" He shook his head and sat down on the seat to his left.
Spike groaned in frustration and kneeled down next to Buffy's body, almost as if to seek comfort. He shut his eyes tight, and again screams of guilt filled his mind. Willow looked upon Spike sadly and kneeled next to him, placing a warm hand on his. "We all miss her..."
Surprisingly, Spike jerked out of her grasp and stood up, giving everyone icy cold glares. "You all miss 'er, *WE* all miss 'er... But you lot dont 'ave 'er blood on your 'ands! You're not *responsible* for 'er death!"
Willow slowly got up, and tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Spike... it's not--"
Again, he jerked out of her grasp and pounded on the table. "NO! It *is* my fault, and I *will* bloody get 'er back! Even if I 'ave to face 'nother Ghorra demon!" With that he took a dark blanket, and his car keys, and ran out the door. Everyone stayed silent, listening to the hurling engine, and squeaking tires of Spike's DeSoto until it was too far to be heard. Silence.
In that silence Willow thought over and over about her options-- leave her best friend dead... or find a way to get her back. "I'm going to the Magic Shop," she finally spoke up, "and I'm finding a way to get her back, *with* or without your help. I called Angel alittle over two hours ago and told him about Buffy. He supports this idea, he'll be here to help." She stood in defiance for a moment, then turned for the door.
Giles let out a long exasperated sigh. "Willow..." he paused for a moment to rethink about what he was about to say. She turned around and looked at him with a stern look. "If you find anything... I'll be here... looking through books as well."
A bright, faithful smile appeared on Willow's face. "Thanks" was her only response.
"Well I guess we're goin' to the Magic Shop!" Dawn put in with a grin.
"He'll be fine." A voice tore her from her worries as she watched Spike open his eyes with a piece of wood in his chest.
"Oh Good God!" She whipped around, startled, not expecting anyone to creep up behind her. "Th-the wood, it's... it's in his chest. H-he's not dust!" She stammered on as the lady being smiled at her.
"It's only if the wood hits the heart and is pulled out of the chest when a vampire turns to dust. To his dismay... the wood was millimeters away from his heart, if even that." Buffy whipped her head back around to see Spike just peachy next to her little sister. She looked back at the being and took note of her wide smile.
"What's so funny? Do you find this funny?" The smile only got wider, but soon faded into a serious stare.
"It's not his time yet... but soon... soon." Soon. The word echoed in Buffy's mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Yes yes, it was short! SUE ME! oh well, ummmmmmm....... yeah. Keep in mind that in *my* fic:: Willow didn't GO to Angel to tell him about Buffy's death..... she just merely CALLED him =o) Thank you, have a nice day.
Oh and to Angie: Yes, there IS Angel in my story!! But.... I dont think he's going to be Buffy's beau for my fic... Im more for the Buffy/Spike shipping =o( sorrie! But Please keep reading!!! Thanks to my other readers out there!!