Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, Roswell would be a totally different world. This wouldn't be necessary. And I would be SUCH a happy camper. Also, I don't own the song "Time After Time" (I'm using the Matchbox 20 version, but there are others). So please don't sue me.
Author's Note: Alex and Isabel didn't get to play out the story most of us know they deserved. Since the writers chose to kill off a wonderful character, and therefore can't tell the story that still needs to be told, I've decided to attempt it. This is the first instalment of what I like to call "The Stargazer Chronicles," and begins on the night of the prom. Obviously, in my AU world, Alex doesn't die, and he did go to Sweden. Feedback will keep me writing, so if you want more, you've got to tell me. If you love what I'm doing, tell me. If you have any suggestions, tell me. If you hate what I'm doing, tell me. (Get the idea?) Also, this is my first attempt at including songs in my fic – let me know what you think.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive.
Alex POV – Time After Time
It took me twenty minutes to walk her to her door. Well, actually, it only took about thirty seconds for me to walk her to her door. The rest of the time I spent trying to convince myself – and her – that it was a good idea for me to leave her there.
She told me she loves me tonight. She told me she wants to be with me. She made all my dreams come true. She is my dream come true.
And now I can't get her out of my mind.
//Lying in my
bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in
circles confusion--
Is nothing new
Flashback--warm
nights--
Almost left
behind
Suitcases of
memories,
Time after--//
I always knew I loved her. From the very first moment I saw her. She was nine years old, and her long blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail. She was smiling at something Max said as he pushed her on the swings, and her eyes were sparkling. I could hear her beautiful laugh across the schoolyard. She was wearing jeans and a red t-shirt. She always looks wonderful in red.
She wore a red dress tonight. She said she wore it for me.
She told me tonight, as we sat under the stars, that she was scared. Scared to let herself love me. Scared that she would get hurt, and even more scared that I would get hurt. Doesn't she know that with her, I can do anything? Being without her is what hurts. Believe me, I know. I've experienced that particular form of hell on earth far too often. I pray that I'll never know that particular hell again.
I always knew I loved her, but I guess I never really thought I could ever have her.
Now I do. After finally accepting that we could never be anything more than friends, after finally accepting that the memories of those steamy nights under the stars last year were just that – memories - she's come back to me. She's finally ready to be with me.
//Sometimes you
picture me--
and I'm walking
too far ahead
You're calling
to me, I can't hear
What you've
said--
Then you say--go
slow--
I fall behind--
The second hand
unwinds//
Last year, in that magical time we were together, it was like everything was right in my world. Nothing mattered except her. But not everything was right in her world.
She asked me if we could go slow, and I agreed. Anything for her. The only problem was, my definition of slow and hers were totally different. I pushed her, I know now, without even meaning to. I didn't realize it then, but I can see it now. She just wasn't ready for anything that I wanted to give her. She wanted to be with me, just as much as I wanted to be with her, but she couldn't handle what she was feeling. I just wanted her so much that I didn't fully realize just how terrified she was. And then, when I backed off completely – gave in to that destiny crap and let her go to Grant - I almost lost her.
//If you're lost
you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I
will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after
time//
But nothing could ever come between us permanently. If the only thing I could be for her was a friend, I was willing to accept that. I had to be near her, even if another man got to kiss her goodnight. I promised her I would keep her safe, protect her. I will. I'll do anything for her. I would die for her, but I hope it doesn't ever come to that. I want to spend my life with her. I love her.
And now I know she loves me, too.
//After my
picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through
the windows--you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets are
stolen from deep inside
The drum beats
out of time--//
I got flashes when she kissed me tonight. She was so tentative when she kissed me – so frightened that I would reject her. And then she showed me her soul. I saw everything – her and Max as children, her family, her friends.
And I saw me. I saw me the way she saw me. I felt how she felt about me.
I have never felt anything so pure or so right. She loved me. She didn't care how different we were. She didn't care that I was a computer geek and she was the homecoming queen. She didn't care about destiny or what her friends thought. The only thing she cared about was me.
After we finally stopped kissing, she rested her head on my chest. She squirmed for a few minutes, and I asked her what she was doing.
"Looking for my spot," she replied after a moment. I could see her cheeks turning pink in the moonlight.
"Your spot?"
"Yeah. There's this one spot where I can rest my head and hear your heartbeat."
"Izzy, you don't need to listen to hear my heart beat. You're the reason it beats."
She smiled, and then she asked me if I was okay with everything.
//If you're lost
you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I
will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after
time//
"Yes, I'm okay," I told her, laughing a little. Okay? I was great! Terrific! Wonderful! Ecstatic! There weren't enough words in the universe to describe how okay I was. I think she knew what I was thinking, because she smiled back at me. "You're everything I could ever want, Izzy, and now that I know you love me, too, I'm never gonna let you go."
"You better not," she warned. Then her eyes lost their teasing glint and turned serious. "But what happens…what happens if I do it again?" she asked quietly.
"Do what again?"
"Betray them. Like Vilandra did."
"You're not her, Izzy. Everyone knows that. And I swear to you, I'm gonna be there to catch you if you fall. We're in this together, now. Besides – what happened to living for today?"
//If you're lost
you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I
will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time//
"You're right," she said, giggling. "I love you, Alex, and I always will."
"I love you, too. Forever." And I knew I would. I would love her, even if she pushed me away, time after time, because not loving her simply wasn't possible. She's a part of me. I can't live without her.
//Time
after time
Time after
time
Time after
time//
My phone rings as I watch the sun begin to rise. Quickly, I grab it from the cradle before it can wake my parents. "Hello?" I say, even though I know who is on the other end. It's Isabel.
"Hi," she whispers. "Am I waking you up?"
"No, I was awake. Thinking about you. About us."
"Me, too. I love you."
"I love you, too," I tell her, laughing a little. This was bliss.
"Want to spend the day together?"
//How well, then
you said to go slow
I'd fall
behind--the second hand unwinds//
She obviously didn't want to go slow anymore, but I decided to ask her about it. I didn't want to risk any misunderstandings, not after finally finding each other. "Izzy? What about going slow?"
"I want to be with you, Alex. Just you. I learned that the hard way this year, when I almost lost you. I don't want to let anything else come between us, not ever again."
// If
you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I
will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after
time//
"You could never lose me, Izzy. I've loved you since we were nine years old. And I'll love you forever. I can wait for you, for us, as long as you need me to. I'll always be here, waiting for you."
//If you're lost
you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I
will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after
time//
"We don't have to wait anymore, Alex. I'm ready to let you in."
"Isabel…I love you…"
//Time after
time
Time after time
Time after time
It's Okay...//