17 years and 58 seconds
Chapter 4
The next morning, I felt well enough to get out of bed and shower in the adjoining bathroom. I was just finishing dressing when there was a knock at the door.
"You decent?" Logan's voice called through the door. No, not Logan's voice, I reminded myself. Remember where you are.
"Come in." I sat on the bed and watched Logan stroll into the room.
"How do you feel?" He asked. That smile nearly undid me.
I shook my head. "You can drop the disguise, Mystique. I know it's you."
He raised his eyebrow in mild surprise, but didn't argue. Within moments where Logan had been standing, now was Mystique - her blue skin seeming to radiate in the morning light. I felt a pang of regret that Logan, even the fake visage, was gone. Another reminder of how alone I really was.
She pulled up a chair and sat to the side of me. Non-threatening. Not blocking my exit. Very clever of her. When she spoke, her voice was low and throaty. She was eloquent, articulate. I was curious.
"How long were you watching me? Or was it just luck that you happened to catch me so far from the mansion?"
"We had been watching you for weeks. Quite frankly we were getting worried when you stopped going outside and stopped going to classes. I knew something must be very wrong. I was hoping you wouldn't try what you did, but it did give us the opportunity we were looking for."
I was defensive in the blatant reference to my attempt at suicide.
"How do you know what's going on with me? You don't know anything about me." I spoke in a low even tone. I would NOT resort to hysterics.
Mystique actually chuckled.
"What would *I* know about feeling alone? Incapable of human love?" she moved a blue arm in front of me. "Do you think I have men beating down my door wanting to be with me? I have to pretend to be someone else to get their attention, their affection. No, Rogue, I couldn't possibly empathize with you and your pain."
She stared at her skin for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. When she raised her head, she caught her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She looked away, disturbed by her own demons, I guess. She quickly stood.
"If you're feeling better, come with me and we'll have breakfast. If not, I can have breakfast delivered here."
"No," I said quickly, "I'm feeling better." Actually I was feeling
claustrophobic and wanted any kind of new surrounding. Even in the company of Mystique, enemy of the X-men.
I walked out of the room first, Mystique behind me. I was two paces down the hallway when I heard the distinctive sound of glass breaking. When I returned to my room later, the mirror was gone.
Breakfast was a chance to feed my body and my mind as I tried to take in everything I was seeing. Unlike the Professor's new and
modern mansion, this was an aged castle built of stone. I was directed up a flight of stairs to a large landing, then through a set of doors to a balcony. A table was set with a sumptuous breakfast - at least to my eyes. I started eating with gusto. Mystique waited for a few minutes before speaking.
"I know you're confused and upset but you don't have to be afraid of me, Rogue. I don't mean to harm you. In fact, we have a lot in common. I would like to be your friend. You can stay here as long as you like. You're not a prisoner."
"Why should I trust you? You and Magneto nearly killed me!"
"Magneto nearly killed you. I never wanted to go as far he. I was against his plan, but I was outnumbered. When I saw you and got to know you, I saw a little bit of myself in you. When Magneto was arrested, I decided to keep an eye on you, in case you needed any help."
I nearly choked on the toast I was eating.
"You think I'm like you?"
Mystique smiled to herself.
"Honey, *no one* is like me. What I mean is that I can come closer to understanding your problems better than anyone else. I could help you."
"What makes you think I need or want your help?"
"53 sleeping pills"
We continued to eat our breakfast in silence, mine was shame induced.
"I think I can help you, Rogue, if you'll let me. I think you could learn a lot with the Brotherhood, but you don't have to answer me now. I believe I can earn your trust and teach you things you never thought you could do. Think about it. But while you're thinking about that, think about this ... Wolverine gave you a second chance at life. He took a risk giving so much of his life force to you. I wonder why you're so eager to throw that away. Wolverine gave you a chance to find your place. Don't waste it."
She got up and walked away, leaving me with my thoughts. Damn if her remark about Wolverine hadn't hit me hard. I had taken his precious gift and nearly pissed it away. I'd been selfish, too wrapped up in my misery to see the future. I stared out at the forest which surrounded the castle and considered my options. I had three. One, go back to the Professor. Two, stay here with Mystique and the Brotherhood. Three, run away again. Alone. I was so tired of being alone. And I didn't think I could take going back to a place that reminded me so much of Logan.
I found Mystique at her own personal target range. She was squeezing off rounds with a large handgun, a look of serene concentration on her face. Her accuracy was amazing. I made a mental note of that.
"What's your decision, Rogue?" Survive, I wanted to say.
"I-I-d like to stay." Did I really just say that? "So long as I'm free to leave - whenever I want." I still didn't trust her, but I felt was sincere with me. Maybe I did remind her of herself.
Mystique smiled and I tried to feel good about my decision. She seemed genuinely happy with my choice.
"Excellent! We'll get started with your training tomorrow. Tonight, let's go out and celebrate!" She laughed and pulled me behind her as we went to her room. Her bedroom was spartan containing only a bed, a dresser and a closet. No mirror. She opened her closet to reveal a large collection of stylish clothes.
"We need to find you something spectacular, Rogue!"
For the next few minutes we could have been like any two women getting ready to go out on the town. We laughed about clothes and men. We laughed at our own vanity. I was struck later that something so ordinary would mean so much to me. This is what I'd been missing, what I hadn't been getting at the Professor's.
Mystique chose to change herself into a model she saw in a fashion magazine. She was strikingly beautiful as the model but I somehow missed her blue skin.
"You look good," I said.
"Yeah, but ..." she shrugged and I knew instantly what she was thinking. Would someone love her for herself and not the people she could become? How odd to think of an enemy having such a personal weakness - like my own.
She drove us to a town nearby and I discovered that I was still in New York state. How interesting. We were closer to the Canadian border though and I let my mind wander to Canada.
Logan. Oh damn. Logan. I could feel my sadness coming back to me, like waves. Somehow I'd managed to be depression free for a day but here it came, rushing back to me. I tried to shake it off and have a good time. Damn it, I deserved a good time!
Mystique and I ate dinner and went to a small club without any problems. She'd been generous enough to snag me a fake ID so I got good and plastered. I danced and laughed and generally felt like a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. Almost normal. But you know, life isn't always what you'd like it to be.
When we were ready to go home we found we'd attracted some admirers. Two young men who seemed to be looking for trouble. Mystique brushed them off and went to get her car, leaving me waiting on the dark street. It didn't take our admirers long to find me, alone. I panicked and looked for Mystique but she was no where to be seen.
"Hey baby, where's your friend?"
"Yeah, we just wanna party s'all." They sauntered closer, trying to cage me in. I backed away, frightened.
"Stop it. Leave me alone." I sounded so scared, pathetic. Weak. They continued closer and I became angry. *I* was the one with the power, damn it! They should be afraid of me! As they advanced toward me, I casually removed my right hand glove.
"Come on, baby. Show us what you got."
"Alright" I said, and smiled like I'd seen other women smile. "Come closer. I've got something for both of you." Right then, I wanted them to know fear. Panic. Pain.
They high-fived one another and whooped. I pulled off my second glove like a strip tease and tossed it toward them. As they celebrated what they thought was to come, I came up to both of them and touched their faces with my bare hands. Instantly, their eyes widened as they realized something was wrong. They fell to their knees in pain and I let go. Because they weren't mutants, I drained them quickly. But because I remembered Cody, I knew to let go quicker so that I wouldn't do permanent damage.
As they writhed on the street corner, gasping and flapping like fish out of water, I saw Mystique. She was standing next the car, a smile of approval on her face. She motioned with her head to get in the car and I stepped over the two guys to pick up my gloves.
"Thanks for such a good time, fellas. Let's do it again sometime."
In the car, Mystique was beaming.
"I'm so proud of you, Rogue."
"But I hurt them." I was feeling pangs of regret.
"You DEFENDED yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. You know, that's the problem with that school for mutants. They make you afraid to be who you really are. They make you ashamed of what you can do. Well not here, Rogue. Not with me."
I nodded in the dark of the car and thought about this as we drove back to the Brotherhood. She was right. I'd been afraid of my power. Afraid for so long that I didn't have anything left to look forward to. Well not anymore.
From now on, it's Rogue's time to shine.
Chapter 4
The next morning, I felt well enough to get out of bed and shower in the adjoining bathroom. I was just finishing dressing when there was a knock at the door.
"You decent?" Logan's voice called through the door. No, not Logan's voice, I reminded myself. Remember where you are.
"Come in." I sat on the bed and watched Logan stroll into the room.
"How do you feel?" He asked. That smile nearly undid me.
I shook my head. "You can drop the disguise, Mystique. I know it's you."
He raised his eyebrow in mild surprise, but didn't argue. Within moments where Logan had been standing, now was Mystique - her blue skin seeming to radiate in the morning light. I felt a pang of regret that Logan, even the fake visage, was gone. Another reminder of how alone I really was.
She pulled up a chair and sat to the side of me. Non-threatening. Not blocking my exit. Very clever of her. When she spoke, her voice was low and throaty. She was eloquent, articulate. I was curious.
"How long were you watching me? Or was it just luck that you happened to catch me so far from the mansion?"
"We had been watching you for weeks. Quite frankly we were getting worried when you stopped going outside and stopped going to classes. I knew something must be very wrong. I was hoping you wouldn't try what you did, but it did give us the opportunity we were looking for."
I was defensive in the blatant reference to my attempt at suicide.
"How do you know what's going on with me? You don't know anything about me." I spoke in a low even tone. I would NOT resort to hysterics.
Mystique actually chuckled.
"What would *I* know about feeling alone? Incapable of human love?" she moved a blue arm in front of me. "Do you think I have men beating down my door wanting to be with me? I have to pretend to be someone else to get their attention, their affection. No, Rogue, I couldn't possibly empathize with you and your pain."
She stared at her skin for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. When she raised her head, she caught her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She looked away, disturbed by her own demons, I guess. She quickly stood.
"If you're feeling better, come with me and we'll have breakfast. If not, I can have breakfast delivered here."
"No," I said quickly, "I'm feeling better." Actually I was feeling
claustrophobic and wanted any kind of new surrounding. Even in the company of Mystique, enemy of the X-men.
I walked out of the room first, Mystique behind me. I was two paces down the hallway when I heard the distinctive sound of glass breaking. When I returned to my room later, the mirror was gone.
Breakfast was a chance to feed my body and my mind as I tried to take in everything I was seeing. Unlike the Professor's new and
modern mansion, this was an aged castle built of stone. I was directed up a flight of stairs to a large landing, then through a set of doors to a balcony. A table was set with a sumptuous breakfast - at least to my eyes. I started eating with gusto. Mystique waited for a few minutes before speaking.
"I know you're confused and upset but you don't have to be afraid of me, Rogue. I don't mean to harm you. In fact, we have a lot in common. I would like to be your friend. You can stay here as long as you like. You're not a prisoner."
"Why should I trust you? You and Magneto nearly killed me!"
"Magneto nearly killed you. I never wanted to go as far he. I was against his plan, but I was outnumbered. When I saw you and got to know you, I saw a little bit of myself in you. When Magneto was arrested, I decided to keep an eye on you, in case you needed any help."
I nearly choked on the toast I was eating.
"You think I'm like you?"
Mystique smiled to herself.
"Honey, *no one* is like me. What I mean is that I can come closer to understanding your problems better than anyone else. I could help you."
"What makes you think I need or want your help?"
"53 sleeping pills"
We continued to eat our breakfast in silence, mine was shame induced.
"I think I can help you, Rogue, if you'll let me. I think you could learn a lot with the Brotherhood, but you don't have to answer me now. I believe I can earn your trust and teach you things you never thought you could do. Think about it. But while you're thinking about that, think about this ... Wolverine gave you a second chance at life. He took a risk giving so much of his life force to you. I wonder why you're so eager to throw that away. Wolverine gave you a chance to find your place. Don't waste it."
She got up and walked away, leaving me with my thoughts. Damn if her remark about Wolverine hadn't hit me hard. I had taken his precious gift and nearly pissed it away. I'd been selfish, too wrapped up in my misery to see the future. I stared out at the forest which surrounded the castle and considered my options. I had three. One, go back to the Professor. Two, stay here with Mystique and the Brotherhood. Three, run away again. Alone. I was so tired of being alone. And I didn't think I could take going back to a place that reminded me so much of Logan.
I found Mystique at her own personal target range. She was squeezing off rounds with a large handgun, a look of serene concentration on her face. Her accuracy was amazing. I made a mental note of that.
"What's your decision, Rogue?" Survive, I wanted to say.
"I-I-d like to stay." Did I really just say that? "So long as I'm free to leave - whenever I want." I still didn't trust her, but I felt was sincere with me. Maybe I did remind her of herself.
Mystique smiled and I tried to feel good about my decision. She seemed genuinely happy with my choice.
"Excellent! We'll get started with your training tomorrow. Tonight, let's go out and celebrate!" She laughed and pulled me behind her as we went to her room. Her bedroom was spartan containing only a bed, a dresser and a closet. No mirror. She opened her closet to reveal a large collection of stylish clothes.
"We need to find you something spectacular, Rogue!"
For the next few minutes we could have been like any two women getting ready to go out on the town. We laughed about clothes and men. We laughed at our own vanity. I was struck later that something so ordinary would mean so much to me. This is what I'd been missing, what I hadn't been getting at the Professor's.
Mystique chose to change herself into a model she saw in a fashion magazine. She was strikingly beautiful as the model but I somehow missed her blue skin.
"You look good," I said.
"Yeah, but ..." she shrugged and I knew instantly what she was thinking. Would someone love her for herself and not the people she could become? How odd to think of an enemy having such a personal weakness - like my own.
She drove us to a town nearby and I discovered that I was still in New York state. How interesting. We were closer to the Canadian border though and I let my mind wander to Canada.
Logan. Oh damn. Logan. I could feel my sadness coming back to me, like waves. Somehow I'd managed to be depression free for a day but here it came, rushing back to me. I tried to shake it off and have a good time. Damn it, I deserved a good time!
Mystique and I ate dinner and went to a small club without any problems. She'd been generous enough to snag me a fake ID so I got good and plastered. I danced and laughed and generally felt like a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. Almost normal. But you know, life isn't always what you'd like it to be.
When we were ready to go home we found we'd attracted some admirers. Two young men who seemed to be looking for trouble. Mystique brushed them off and went to get her car, leaving me waiting on the dark street. It didn't take our admirers long to find me, alone. I panicked and looked for Mystique but she was no where to be seen.
"Hey baby, where's your friend?"
"Yeah, we just wanna party s'all." They sauntered closer, trying to cage me in. I backed away, frightened.
"Stop it. Leave me alone." I sounded so scared, pathetic. Weak. They continued closer and I became angry. *I* was the one with the power, damn it! They should be afraid of me! As they advanced toward me, I casually removed my right hand glove.
"Come on, baby. Show us what you got."
"Alright" I said, and smiled like I'd seen other women smile. "Come closer. I've got something for both of you." Right then, I wanted them to know fear. Panic. Pain.
They high-fived one another and whooped. I pulled off my second glove like a strip tease and tossed it toward them. As they celebrated what they thought was to come, I came up to both of them and touched their faces with my bare hands. Instantly, their eyes widened as they realized something was wrong. They fell to their knees in pain and I let go. Because they weren't mutants, I drained them quickly. But because I remembered Cody, I knew to let go quicker so that I wouldn't do permanent damage.
As they writhed on the street corner, gasping and flapping like fish out of water, I saw Mystique. She was standing next the car, a smile of approval on her face. She motioned with her head to get in the car and I stepped over the two guys to pick up my gloves.
"Thanks for such a good time, fellas. Let's do it again sometime."
In the car, Mystique was beaming.
"I'm so proud of you, Rogue."
"But I hurt them." I was feeling pangs of regret.
"You DEFENDED yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. You know, that's the problem with that school for mutants. They make you afraid to be who you really are. They make you ashamed of what you can do. Well not here, Rogue. Not with me."
I nodded in the dark of the car and thought about this as we drove back to the Brotherhood. She was right. I'd been afraid of my power. Afraid for so long that I didn't have anything left to look forward to. Well not anymore.
From now on, it's Rogue's time to shine.