Title: Etched in My Memory
Author: Spin
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Rating: PG
Summary: How does Harm react to Mac leaving him?
AN: Adrift never happened. Mac plans to be married in Australia.
Harm's Apartment
2330 Hours
I can't believe it. She's gone. I'll never see her again. I have no more reason to live.
She came to tell me last night. She decided to give him the wedding he wanted. She was going to Australia the next day. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't make her stay with me. I didn't know what to do. I had so much to say, but there were no words. I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted to beg her to stay with me and never leave again. But I didn't. She wants to marry him. It'll make her happy, and all I want is for her to be happy. God I love her.
I didn't tell her anything. I cried. Correction, I bawled my eyes out, but I didn't tell her. My heart was breaking, but all I did was hug her, kiss her cheek, and tell her that if that was what made her happy, that that would make me happy. God what a lie. My life now holds no meaning. I dread living the rest of it. It will be a long, lonely life. I feel like I've been banished to hell.
I'd just as soon end my torture now, but she wouldn't want that. For some unknown reason she cares what happens to me. That small bit of caring is a gift from heaven. I have no idea how I ever thought that and angel such as her could love a monster such as me. Just getting to look at her is more than I deserve.
So anyway, here I am, starting my new, harrowing existence. I decided that I mine as well try and give myself some comfort, so out on the table is my sketchpad. It only has three pages left, so I thought that I could use it up tonight. I think I'm doing a sketch right now. I really wouldn't know. I don't want to return to reality. The dream world I'm in right now is so much nicer. I don't have to look to sketch her anyway. I've drawn her beautiful face so many times that my muscles just remember how to do it. Such a beautiful face. So beautiful.
Harm's Apartment
124 Hours
I told him last night. I told him I was leaving. I told him that marrying Mic and moving to Australia would make me happy. God what a lie. I don't want to marry Mic. I don't want to move to Australia. I don't want to feel this pain. I just want him to love me.
He cried. I don't understand it. Why would he cry? One of the strongest men I know cried because I was leaving. That makes no sense. He must have been crying about something else. He probably doesn't even care all that much that I'm leaving.
I have no idea what the hell I was thinking. Ok...that's a lie. I know what I was thinking. Harm didn't love me, so I mine as well leave and marry Mic, who did. I'm an idiot. Even if Harm never learns to love me back, I can't marry a man I don't love. Talk about hell on Earth.
But I see my logic. What if Harm can never bring himself to love me? I don't know what I'll do. Pretty much, I'm doomed. How the hell could a god like Harm learn to love a peasant girl? It's impossible. Just getting to see him is more than I'll ever deserve. God I love him.
I'm here to see him now. I decided, after ditching Mic at the airport, that I needed to see him. Just look at him. So here I am at his door, at 1:24 am. I'm nuts.
Harm's Apartment
124 Hours
A knock rings out in the apartment and a distressed woman paces in the hallway. She has no idea what she's going to say. She loves him, but how to tell him. How to convince him to love her back. An impossible task she nevertheless feels a need to accomplish.
Harm's Apartment
131 Hours
I think someone just entered my apartment. Wait, didn't I have the door locked? Oh, well. Who the hell cares anyway? I probably left it open and now some thug is going to put me out of my misery. Thanks thug...
Oh well, I guess not. Maybe no one even came in. I'm not inside my body right now. I'm actually on a beach. And guess who's with me...Mac. Of course she's with me. It's my daydream. She's always in my daydreams. The funny thing is, she's dressed in jeans, a heavy sweater, and her hair is all wet and messy. Weird. I mean, she still looks like a goddess, but usually she'd be dressed a bit nicer. Oh well, maybe I'm so depressed that I can't even imagine her the right way anymore.
Hang on a minute...that's really weird. Dream Mac is talking to me, but nothing's coming out of her mouth. Maybe I can tell what she's saying. I'm.... Here.... Harm. Yeah, I think that's it. Well, why the hell is she saying that? Of course she's here. I dreamed her up. She's always in my dreams. Jesus, I can't even control my dreams anymore.
Anyway, I decide to answer her. I tell her the truth.
"You are a figment of my imagination. You left today to go to Australia and marry Mic. You're in love, and I'm stuck in a hellhole some people might refer to as a life. That's ok though. Goddesses weren't meant to love monsters. And monsters aren't supposed to love goddesses, but what can I say. I'm a stupid monster, I fell in love with you anyway."
Dream Mac looks scared. What the hell is wrong with this daydream? Wait a second. She seems to have an idea of how to fix whatever's distressing her. Before I know it the dream takes a whole new turn and Dream Mac leans in quickly. Her lips touch mine. Oh. My. God. This is too real to be a dream. I repeat. Oh. My. God.
Harm's Apartment
149 Hours
I knocked and knocked and got no answer. Now, any sane woman would go away and leave the apparently peacefully sleeping god alone. Nope, not me. For some unknown reason I just HAD to see him. So I whipped out my extra key and opened the door. I have no idea what I was contemplating. I couldn't just go into his bedroom and wake him up with the explanation that I just needed to look into his gorgeous blue eyes. That would sure help me on my Make-Him-Love-Me quest. It would be such a great start. Boy was I surprised when I got inside though.
Instead of the dark, momentarily uninhabited living room I expected to find, I walked into a warm, light living room, that I thought was inhabited. I was wrong. I walked in and immediately saw Harm. He was facing away from me and didn't seem to hear me come in. That was weird, but I figured he was just really into whatever it was that he was doing. Wrong again.
I walked around to where he was and set my hand on his shoulder. That's when I finally discovered what he was doing. He was sketching. What shocked me even more was that he was sketching me. My face. But what scared me was how he was sketching it. My earlier guess that he was really into what he was doing was way off. I don't even thing he realized what he was doing. Inside those baby blue eyes, which were now sending small tears down his cheeks, I saw nothing. Nothing of the man I love. His eyes were empty. Staring off into space while he silently cried. This body was just an empty shell. Like any woman encountering the man they love in such a state, I freaked. I completely lost it.
What was wrong with him? What had disturbed him enough to do this to him? Who had done this? But most of all... Why was he sketching MY face?
I didn't know what to do, so I did what came to mind first. I told him that I was there. Don't ask me why I thought that would make him so much happier...but then again, he was sketching my face. And it was damn good, if I may say so. Anyway, I kept telling him that I was there. I was expecting him to come back to me. To return to his body and tell me that he was so upset because of someone else. I wanted it to be me in a way, but I would get my heart broken again. As long as he came back. I certainly didn't expect the response I got.
Still sketching, still staring off into space, still crying, he answered me.
He said, "You are a figment of my imagination. You left today to go to Australia and marry Mic. You're in love, and I'm stuck in a hellhole some people might call a life. That's ok though. Goddesses weren't meant to love monsters. And monsters aren't supposed to love goddesses, but what can I say. I'm a stupid monster, I fell in love with you anyway."
Needless to say, this was not the answer I was expecting. I had no idea what to say. No idea what to do. So I did what I always do in desperate situations, I did something reckless. I did the unthinkable. I kissed Harm. Full on the lips, no holding back until I felt him respond. He finally did respond, and as for how I was feeling. Three words. Oh. My. God.
Harm's Apartment
150 Hours
The kiss goes from passionate and intense to more passionate and intense. It's mind blowing, and neither know what to say when they're forced to break apart due to the evil fact that humans need oxygen to live. God Dammit.
Both of them're breathing in short gasps and the only words that are coming, involve an oh, a my, and a god. Harm throws his arms around Mac and pulls her to him in a fierce, protective, and loving hug. God this woman was special. She was everything. Wait, why was she here?
Harm pulls away and voices his question.
"I couldn't marry Mic. I don't love him." She looks down into her lap and a tear slides down her porcelain cheek, "I love you."
A small sob escapes her and she throws her body back into Harm's arms. Maybe you could build a cave in here. That way you could just never come out. You'd never have to face his rejection. Hmmm...He's got a hard chest. Being in his arms feels so right.
Harm forces Mac away to arm length and lifts her head up to get a full view of her gorgeous face and deep brown eyes.
"I love you too, Sarah."
Maybe humans don't need oxygen that much after all.
THE END
AN2: I would like it if you would give me a review. This piece was really an experiment. I tried to use all three writing views. First Person, Third Person, and whatever the view is where you're not in the story but you know what the characters are thinking. Did it stink, or did you like it. Just give me any suggestions or comments you have. Thanks.