Chapter Four
Love Always Waits
Pulling her sheets over her head, Pan closed her eyes and tried to relax. She never should have done that. ~It wasn't all my fault though. He kissed me back...right? So maybe, maybe he does love me?~ Pan thought about how great it was, to finally kiss him after thirteen years of wanting to. She really did have fun, but she wasn't ready for this. It was like he didn't even really want to, like she had forced him or something.
"Just get him off your mind. Why did he suddenly want to see me again after so long anyway?" she sat up, contemplating the thought. "It has been four months that we haven't seen each other, what would make him want to see me after so long?"
Stepping off out of her bed, she walked to the unfinished book on her desk. Sitting in the chair, she twirled her hair through her fingers in thought. ~It was fun though. But I can't believe that...that I kissed him.~ Her heart raced just at the thought of that moment.
She smiled guiltily and looked at the book. ~That was really fun...I wonder if he will ever want to see me again...~ She frowned at the thought. ~But he kissed me back. And he was the one who wanted to see me in the first place! Oh...it is just that I have loved him for so long...I don't know if I can wait any longer.~ She set her head down on her book and closed her eyes. ~He is just the most amazing person...~
~*~*~*~*~*~
Waiting and Waiting...
He walked back to the stump he had sat down on when he first saw her. ~I wonder if she will come back?~ he asked himself, squeezing the water out of his shirt.
"Why did I have to be so direct? I should have just let it run its course. This little crush thing or whatever it is that I have on Pan will NOT last! I shouldn't have kissed her. I didn't even mean to kiss her. But she just looked so beautiful sitting there wet with pond water, even with the grass on her head..." he sighed. ~Now I am rambling.~
He got up from the stump and gave the pond one last look before he flew back to work. It looked so different now...there was a vague reminder of how it once was. Kind of how he felt. After what happened, he didn't know if he could ever feel the same. He knew he loved Pan. He just wasn't ready to admit it even to himself. Once he was back at his desk, where he felt safe, he buried himself in his work. He didn't want to think about anything that had happened. Not yet. He just wasn't ready. He knew that he had to see Pan again, though. And soon. For some reason, since he had left the woods, he didn't feel complete. It was almost like in that simple kiss, he had given her a part of him.
~What am I thinking?!~ he asked himself silently, staring at his computer. ~I don't need to go all soft like that. For one my dad would kill me...and two...what would everyone else think of me? Goten thinks that I am a lady's man and Marron...well..~ he blushed, thinking about the romance they had the summer before. But it just didn't feel right thinking about it now. It felt like he was betraying Pan...the person who didn't even really want to see him in the first place!
He leaned back in his leather chair and casually propped his feet up on his desk. ~Man, it is not like she really went out of her way to see me. I am the one who came all of the way from the city just to see her! Why did I so suddenly assume that she wanted to see me anyway?~
He sighed, remembering the almost-hate in her voice when she asked why he was there. It didn't bother him at the time...he thought he had startled her. But now he realized that she had, of course, sensed his ki the whole time anyway! He bit his lip in deep thought. ~So she knew I was there...and she acted...so mad that I was...until...she hugged me...it was like she changed...it was like we were just friends again...but then...I kissed her...and it got weird again...maybe...it is just...maybe...it's my fault.~
He did not want to accept this, but it was the only possible conclusion for what had happened. Pan simply had no feelings for him other that "big brother-little sister." And he had mistaken those feelings to be something more. ~Why did I realize so suddenly that I love her?~
Love. Whoa. That was a new one. Sure, he had liked...A LOT of girls. And dated them...and all of that...but LOVE. That was just too weird for him. He just didn't know how he could come to that realization so quickly. He sighed, rubbing his temple, which was now formulating into a severe headache. He leaned further back in his chair and thought of the time. It had been so long ago. He was only 24 and Pan had been only 13. She had professed her love to him. And he had laughed at her.
Now he regretted that. They were so far apart in age...almost 12 years. It just didn't seem right...at the time. Now everything in his heart and soul told him how wrong and stupid he had been. He would give anything to erase that moment from time and take it all back. But it was too late now. ~That must be what Pan was remembering today at the pond...she seemed so happy, but changed so suddenly.~ Thinking about the pond, and the running...it all made him remember that day. The day that he felt so stupid for now...but the day that he felt so mature and important for then. The day that he rejected Pan and made her feel like she was nothing. He could never forgive himself for that. He only hoped she would be more forgiving than himself.
* * * *
Pan looked up at Trunks happily with deep admiration. She slipped her tiny hand into his and fell in step with him, "Where ya goin?" she asked happily, looking into his shining blue eyes.
"Oh, nowhere really...to the pond." He smiled, but shook Pan's hand away. What was her deal with touching him anyway? ~It's nothing...I am like a big brother to her. But great Dende, she gets on my nerves.~
She seemed sad for a second, then grabbed for his hand again. She stared ahead in deep thought.
"Look Pan, I don't really want you to come with me. I am meeting someone there," Trunks said, less happy now. She was really bothering him. Teenagers. Why were they so touchy feely?
"Oh, come on. If it is Goten you know he won't mind. And that is who it is, right? That is the only person you ever meet at the pond." She let go of his hand and put her arm around his waist.
He stopped walking suddenly, and her arm slipped from behind his waist because she was still walking. "Come on, what's your problem?" She asked him seriously. He had a really stern look on his face.
"Go home. I am not meeting Goten, okay? Just stop bothering me! I am tired of you following me everywhere. I know you look up to me and all of that, but I am still just really tired of being stalked by a second grader!"
"I am not a second grader!" she yelled at him, turning. "And I am not stalking you. And I don't look up to you. And I don't follow you everywhere. You want me to come. Quit lying. You want me to come!" she took in a deep breath, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Pan?! Just go away, okay?! I am meeting a girl there. We are going to go out, I don't some bratty little kid hanging around the whole time! Just go home to your mother!"
"Trunks..." a tear slid down Pan's soft cheek. She looked at him in awe. "But...I...I love you."
Trunks laughed mockingly. "Love? Please!" he shook is head. "Kids these days!" Trunks turned around abruptly and walked the rest of the way to the pond, leaving a disheartened Pan behind, in the middle of the path on the way to the pond.
* * * *
Trunks rubbed his face with his hands in agony. What had he done? How could he reject someone so harshly, and then turn around...to love them? He hated himself. There was absolutely nothing that he could do to save himself now. Pan was a strong willed fighter. She would do anything before she would put her pride at stake. Again.
He sighed deeply and started the long walk to his house. He just didn't feel like flying or driving to his home. He needed to think what to do next. He had started all of this mess, and now he wanted nothing more than to just get out of it. He looked away from to old park as he passed it. It was so ugly now. The monkey bars were rusted. The merry-go-round no longer moved. The trees were dead and created eerie shadows on the cracked pavement. He couldn't bare looking at it.
~I need to see Pan again.~ he told himself again. ~Nothing is going to get solved by avoiding her. We really need to sort this out. If she honestly doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her, then...she needs to tell me. Enough with all these games. I am sick of crushes and gossip and all of this crap that people like to do and label it with the word love. Love is a deep emotion. The word is just some cliché piece of meaningless...I just have to see her.~
It had to be soon. But not too soon. If he went to her house tonight without telling her first it would result in something like what happened at the pond. Only worse because Gohan would probably kill him. Or at least try. He would call Pan again tomorrow and see if she would meet him somewhere. If she was busy then they would meet the day after that. All he knew was that he had to see her soon because he couldn't stand the wait.
Love Always Waits
Pulling her sheets over her head, Pan closed her eyes and tried to relax. She never should have done that. ~It wasn't all my fault though. He kissed me back...right? So maybe, maybe he does love me?~ Pan thought about how great it was, to finally kiss him after thirteen years of wanting to. She really did have fun, but she wasn't ready for this. It was like he didn't even really want to, like she had forced him or something.
"Just get him off your mind. Why did he suddenly want to see me again after so long anyway?" she sat up, contemplating the thought. "It has been four months that we haven't seen each other, what would make him want to see me after so long?"
Stepping off out of her bed, she walked to the unfinished book on her desk. Sitting in the chair, she twirled her hair through her fingers in thought. ~It was fun though. But I can't believe that...that I kissed him.~ Her heart raced just at the thought of that moment.
She smiled guiltily and looked at the book. ~That was really fun...I wonder if he will ever want to see me again...~ She frowned at the thought. ~But he kissed me back. And he was the one who wanted to see me in the first place! Oh...it is just that I have loved him for so long...I don't know if I can wait any longer.~ She set her head down on her book and closed her eyes. ~He is just the most amazing person...~
~*~*~*~*~*~
Waiting and Waiting...
He walked back to the stump he had sat down on when he first saw her. ~I wonder if she will come back?~ he asked himself, squeezing the water out of his shirt.
"Why did I have to be so direct? I should have just let it run its course. This little crush thing or whatever it is that I have on Pan will NOT last! I shouldn't have kissed her. I didn't even mean to kiss her. But she just looked so beautiful sitting there wet with pond water, even with the grass on her head..." he sighed. ~Now I am rambling.~
He got up from the stump and gave the pond one last look before he flew back to work. It looked so different now...there was a vague reminder of how it once was. Kind of how he felt. After what happened, he didn't know if he could ever feel the same. He knew he loved Pan. He just wasn't ready to admit it even to himself. Once he was back at his desk, where he felt safe, he buried himself in his work. He didn't want to think about anything that had happened. Not yet. He just wasn't ready. He knew that he had to see Pan again, though. And soon. For some reason, since he had left the woods, he didn't feel complete. It was almost like in that simple kiss, he had given her a part of him.
~What am I thinking?!~ he asked himself silently, staring at his computer. ~I don't need to go all soft like that. For one my dad would kill me...and two...what would everyone else think of me? Goten thinks that I am a lady's man and Marron...well..~ he blushed, thinking about the romance they had the summer before. But it just didn't feel right thinking about it now. It felt like he was betraying Pan...the person who didn't even really want to see him in the first place!
He leaned back in his leather chair and casually propped his feet up on his desk. ~Man, it is not like she really went out of her way to see me. I am the one who came all of the way from the city just to see her! Why did I so suddenly assume that she wanted to see me anyway?~
He sighed, remembering the almost-hate in her voice when she asked why he was there. It didn't bother him at the time...he thought he had startled her. But now he realized that she had, of course, sensed his ki the whole time anyway! He bit his lip in deep thought. ~So she knew I was there...and she acted...so mad that I was...until...she hugged me...it was like she changed...it was like we were just friends again...but then...I kissed her...and it got weird again...maybe...it is just...maybe...it's my fault.~
He did not want to accept this, but it was the only possible conclusion for what had happened. Pan simply had no feelings for him other that "big brother-little sister." And he had mistaken those feelings to be something more. ~Why did I realize so suddenly that I love her?~
Love. Whoa. That was a new one. Sure, he had liked...A LOT of girls. And dated them...and all of that...but LOVE. That was just too weird for him. He just didn't know how he could come to that realization so quickly. He sighed, rubbing his temple, which was now formulating into a severe headache. He leaned further back in his chair and thought of the time. It had been so long ago. He was only 24 and Pan had been only 13. She had professed her love to him. And he had laughed at her.
Now he regretted that. They were so far apart in age...almost 12 years. It just didn't seem right...at the time. Now everything in his heart and soul told him how wrong and stupid he had been. He would give anything to erase that moment from time and take it all back. But it was too late now. ~That must be what Pan was remembering today at the pond...she seemed so happy, but changed so suddenly.~ Thinking about the pond, and the running...it all made him remember that day. The day that he felt so stupid for now...but the day that he felt so mature and important for then. The day that he rejected Pan and made her feel like she was nothing. He could never forgive himself for that. He only hoped she would be more forgiving than himself.
* * * *
Pan looked up at Trunks happily with deep admiration. She slipped her tiny hand into his and fell in step with him, "Where ya goin?" she asked happily, looking into his shining blue eyes.
"Oh, nowhere really...to the pond." He smiled, but shook Pan's hand away. What was her deal with touching him anyway? ~It's nothing...I am like a big brother to her. But great Dende, she gets on my nerves.~
She seemed sad for a second, then grabbed for his hand again. She stared ahead in deep thought.
"Look Pan, I don't really want you to come with me. I am meeting someone there," Trunks said, less happy now. She was really bothering him. Teenagers. Why were they so touchy feely?
"Oh, come on. If it is Goten you know he won't mind. And that is who it is, right? That is the only person you ever meet at the pond." She let go of his hand and put her arm around his waist.
He stopped walking suddenly, and her arm slipped from behind his waist because she was still walking. "Come on, what's your problem?" She asked him seriously. He had a really stern look on his face.
"Go home. I am not meeting Goten, okay? Just stop bothering me! I am tired of you following me everywhere. I know you look up to me and all of that, but I am still just really tired of being stalked by a second grader!"
"I am not a second grader!" she yelled at him, turning. "And I am not stalking you. And I don't look up to you. And I don't follow you everywhere. You want me to come. Quit lying. You want me to come!" she took in a deep breath, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Pan?! Just go away, okay?! I am meeting a girl there. We are going to go out, I don't some bratty little kid hanging around the whole time! Just go home to your mother!"
"Trunks..." a tear slid down Pan's soft cheek. She looked at him in awe. "But...I...I love you."
Trunks laughed mockingly. "Love? Please!" he shook is head. "Kids these days!" Trunks turned around abruptly and walked the rest of the way to the pond, leaving a disheartened Pan behind, in the middle of the path on the way to the pond.
* * * *
Trunks rubbed his face with his hands in agony. What had he done? How could he reject someone so harshly, and then turn around...to love them? He hated himself. There was absolutely nothing that he could do to save himself now. Pan was a strong willed fighter. She would do anything before she would put her pride at stake. Again.
He sighed deeply and started the long walk to his house. He just didn't feel like flying or driving to his home. He needed to think what to do next. He had started all of this mess, and now he wanted nothing more than to just get out of it. He looked away from to old park as he passed it. It was so ugly now. The monkey bars were rusted. The merry-go-round no longer moved. The trees were dead and created eerie shadows on the cracked pavement. He couldn't bare looking at it.
~I need to see Pan again.~ he told himself again. ~Nothing is going to get solved by avoiding her. We really need to sort this out. If she honestly doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her, then...she needs to tell me. Enough with all these games. I am sick of crushes and gossip and all of this crap that people like to do and label it with the word love. Love is a deep emotion. The word is just some cliché piece of meaningless...I just have to see her.~
It had to be soon. But not too soon. If he went to her house tonight without telling her first it would result in something like what happened at the pond. Only worse because Gohan would probably kill him. Or at least try. He would call Pan again tomorrow and see if she would meet him somewhere. If she was busy then they would meet the day after that. All he knew was that he had to see her soon because he couldn't stand the wait.