Author: Lioness
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: It takes place a month after "Departure."
Legal Stuff: Roswell and its characters don't belong to me. Rick and Jewelie, on the other hand, belongs to me totally and completely, along with all original characters. Oh, and if they've made mention of what their parents' actual names are, whoops! I didn't catch them.
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It was okay when my dad remarried. You know, I'd been expecting it for a while. Catching him and Amy DeLuca making out on the couch, where I slept by the way, was a good indicator. Also I knew if, more so when, he married her, I'd be adopting Maria as a step sister. I'd known Maria since before I can remember. We were practically brother and sister already. I was perfectly fine with all of this. It wasn't even bad that they eloped two weeks after she left.
The thing I wasn't expecting: Moving out of our house. Dad insisted on it. He said we needed a bigger place with three bedrooms. We weren't moving in into her place, they weren't moving in with us. We needed a bigger place. It was clear and obvious, but I couldn't help but wonder if they just wanted to get away from the memories of their past lives.
I was packing up my room. The room in which she slept. Her stuff, combined with my stuff, the room was crowded. I packed my things in a big cardboard box. I packed her stuff in another cardboard box. We were taking her clothes to the Salvation Army, selling her books to the used book store. I kept her CDs and other electronics for myself, though.
As I packed, I felt a presence in the room. I looked up. Standing in the doorway was Maria. "Hi." I said.
"Hey...need help?"
"Sure. Oh, and you can go through that box of clothes. See if you want any of her old clothes." I avoided using all names on purpose. If someone heard me say 'she' or 'her' they knew who I was most probably talking about.
"I don't want any of her clothes," Maria said automatically. Then she paused, "Well, she did have this really cute skirt that I liked..." She began digging through the box.
I almost laughed. Laughing was something I rarely did anymore. My dad was concerned about me, but I told him to go and be happy and not worry about me. I was a big boy and I shouldn't be his first priority anymore. Dad told me I would always be his first priority. I almost cried. At least he knew it had nothing to do with his marriage. That was something he didn't have to worry about. No family counseling for us.
I was sitting on my naked bed cleaning out the drawers of my nightstand. I tossed the trash into my garbage bag, and the things I wanted to keep into my box. I tossed a package of tampons at Maria and asked if she wanted them.
"Not my brand," She replied, throwing them into the trash.
I pulled out a picture of my father and my mother holding a few days after I'd been born. My mom left when I was six years old. I barely remember her. God, she was beautiful. I held the picture out to Maria and asked if she remembered her dad. We were in similar situations.
She took the picture and looked at it, "Not in general. I have flashes of memories, but I can't tell you what he was like or anything. He left when I was seven for crying out loud."
"Yeah, she left when I was six, so...I was just curious." I grabbed the picture away from her and tossed it in the trash.
"Don't you want the picture?"
"I've lived in this house my entire life, and now I'm moving away. If my dad doesn't want to live here to start a new life, so can I."
Maria didn't comment. She continued going through the box of her clothes. She had a growing stack of clothes sitting next to her on the bed. She held up a couple of shirts and asked me if I thought they'd fit on her. I gave my honest answers, as a guy. She smacked me a couple of times, though.
Out of nowhere she looked at me and asked if I ever wanted to find my mother.
"Do you ever want to find your father?" I retorted.
"Yes, many times I have. A million times I have. But I'm afraid that I've built up such an image of him, that what I really find isn't at all what I expect."
"When I was younger I always wanted to find her. Now I see the reality of it. She was immature and not ready for the married life, let alone the mother life. She had better things to be doing with her time, and if that's the way she feels about me, it can be the way I think about her."
"Kyle, do you think that may not be the way she sees you?" Maria asked gently.
"Maybe it is, maybe it's not. She's just not worth my time."
More silence, but I could tell she was thinking up a plan. I just packed my boxes and waited.
"Let's go together," She said suddenly.
"What?"
"Let's go find our parents. There's still two months left to the summer, and that will give Jim and Mom time alone, which it's not like they need, but they'll appreciate. We could go together, so if we don't find either one, we'll still have a good trip, and if we find one, or both, and it's...heart-wrenching, at least we wouldn't be alone. Come on, Kyle. You know you want to."
"I don't want to."
"You know you do. Please? I've always wanted to find my father, but who would I go with? Who would know what the hell I've been through? You know, and...even if you don't want to find your mother, will you come with me to find my father? You could change your mind at any time. For me?"
I shrugged, "It'll be better than listening to them go at it every night. Besides, I need to get away from all of this," I gestured around the room, "and moving to another house isn't going to get me away from it so easy."
"So it's a yes?"
It's a yes.
Two days later the four of us were moved into our new house. I unpacked my clothes. And three days after that, I packed my clothes back up, and I put them in the car trunk. Maria did the same thing. Then we went into the kitchen and told our parents what we were doing.
Needless to say, they were shocked.
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Dad asked, standing up in that way he does when he's about to blow his top.
"So we wouldn't be hearing your perspectives of them for the days prior to our leaving," Maria explained calmly. "We wanted our own views. We never really knew them. We want to find out for ourselves."
After a few seconds of silence I quietly said, "Don't worry...we'll come back."
Twenty minutes later Maria and I were driving out of the driveway of our new house and we were on the road. The only things we had were two Internet searches for their last residences, and two pictures. The one of my parents and I when I was only days old, that I had dug out of the trash, and a cute snapshot of three-year-old Maria, riding piggyback on her father. It was all we had.
Luckily her both our parents had been last living in an area near each other in Florida. "The chances that they even knew each other is pretty good," Maria said, looking up from her book, "Considering that they both lived in Roswell, left within eight months of each other, and then lived only twenty-five miles from each other in Florida."
"But how many people live in Florida?" I asked, gripping the steering wheel tighter. We had gone and told Guerin and Evans what we were doing. Maria said that we should at least do that. She didn't want to tell Liz, and she left that up to Max. Guerin seemed upset that Maria was leaving for the rest of the summer, but of course he wasn't going to show all of that in front of Evans and me.
"A lot," She answered after a moment.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Was is just me or did Michael, emotionless spaceboy, seem upset that I was going away?" She paused, "He's not totally emotionless, but you know what I mean. Guy emotionless, Michael's just double normal guy emotionless."
"Am I going to be dealing with this for the next two months?" I asked, "And yes, he did seem upset. I was just thinking that. Probably pissed that you guys can't do it all summer long."
"How did you...?"
There was a silence as I tried to make sense of what she had just said. And then it dawned on me, "Oh shit, I was just making a joke, I didn't know!"
She dropped her book and covered her face with her hands, "I'm so stupid."
"I just got a really bad mental image," I said, wrinkling up my face.
She brought her head up really fast, "Well, at least that's open. We're going to honest on this trip, baby. No secrets."
"None at all?"
"When I'm on my period, I'll leave you out."
"Thank you, I appreciate that," I said, meaning it.
"But I'll tell you everything else. Even my boring ramblings about Michael."
"Thanks," I repeated, this time my voice was dryer.
Silence.
"And you can talk to me if you want, mister I've-built-a-wall-around-myself-and-no-one-is-gonna-get-in."
"I like my wall. It makes me feel safe."
"It makes you look weak."
"I don't care how I look. I was hurt, and I know everyone was, but no one can know what I went through, and what I'm still going through."
"You know that I lost one my best friends, but you're right. You lost your best friend, and she didn't die a noble death...I'm sorry, I just can't help but think of her as dead." Maria sniffed loudly.
"It's okay. Sometimes I wish she were dead so I could pretend that she didn't do those things. That there wasn't that pain there." My knuckles went white over the steering wheel.
More silence. "Let's change the subject," Maria suggested.
Good idea.
"What are we going to do...if we find them?" She asked me.
"I don't know. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there," I answered. I relaxed my hands, "I've never though about it before. I never let myself think about it, even after we decided to do this."
"Are you mad at her?"
For an instant, I wondered if she was talking about my mom, or if she was still talking about Tess. The answer to both was yes. The answer to both was no. I wasn't really sure.
When I didn't reply, she didn't say anything for a while. "Maybe honest isn't such a good idea." She muttered.
Maybe not.
We drove for probably an hour, which is also the longest amount I've time I've ever been in the presence of Maria DeLuca, where she didn't speak for the entire time. We pulled over at a rest stop after she announced she had to pee.
While she was in the bathroom, I looked over the vending machines, trying to decide if I wanted to spend sixty cents on a Snickers bar or a tiny bag of Chex Mix. That's when I saw her. Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of curly blonde hair.
I turned and looked, of course, but it had been happening for weeks. Ever since she left, really. An eyeful or blonde hair. A sighting of blue eyes. A double take on a smile. I was seeing Tess Harding everywhere I went and she was billions of light years away from me, but there she always was. I hadn't, and wasn't, mentioning this to Maria.
The only person standing there was a girl with light brown hair and glasses. Damn, it was getting bad whenever they weren't even blondes.
I put my money in the machine and bought the Chex Mix. I got a Sprite and I walked back out to the car where Maria was already leaning up against it, "Want me to drive?" She offered.
"Nah, I'm good," I replied. There something strange about my voice. Oh, it didn't sound all quiet and serious. Maybe this trip was actually going to do me some good.
She noticed it as well, and she smiled, "Open my door, Valenti."
"We're almost to Florida," Maria said, trying to fold the road map back up. "You know, Valenti, this has been kind of nice. Sibling bonding and all."
"Oh yeah, I've loved every minute of it," I remarked sarcastically. Of course, it had been nice. It was close to one in the morning, but we were almost there. Wasn't that the whole point, anyway?
"Kyle?"
"Hm?"
"I guess I shouldn't ask this, but I can't help it. Do you think about Tess at all?"
My grip tightened around the steering wheel. To say 'no' would be a lie, but saying 'yes' wasn't exactly right, either. I held back a heaving sigh, "Sometimes."
"Yeah, me too."
"I can't drive anymore. You want to drive, or do you want to stop?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"I'll drive," She agreed. "You could use the break."
My grip lessened, "Thanks."
I pulled over and we traded seats.
"Your mom has a pretty name, with a weird spelling. My dad's name is Rick. How boring is that?" Maria commented as she pulled back onto the road. At my silence she replied, "I'm only trying to make conversation."
"Sorry," I said, pulling down the map light. I grabbed the pages we'd printed from the Internet. "Jewelia is pretty?"
"Yeah. I mean, the spelling is crazy, but it's nice."
"I guess. Jewelia Connelly Valenti. Do you think she kept her married name? Or if she's remarried?"
"Yeah, luckily I don't have that problem with my dad. He'll always be Mister DeLuca," She paused. "When I meet him, or when you meet your mom, how do we refer to them?"
"Ozzy and Harriet?" I suggested, with hardly any hesitation.
Maria laughed, "See how much more fun you have when you joke? And seriously, what do we say to them? 'Oh, hey, I'm your kid that you left and never looked back to see. What's up, dad?' That sounds so..."
"Stupid?" I supplied.
She giggled, "Sort of. I don't think saying 'Dad' or 'Mom' would very wise, when we first meet them, you know? What about using their first names? It's better than Mister DeLuca or Mrs. Valenti. Or Ms. Connelly. Or whatever her last name is by now."
I smiled, "First names'll work. Semi-casual, you know? We don't want to scare them off."
"Exactly my thoughts."
"See, we're closer siblings than anyone thought we would be."
She grinned, "It's not bad."
"I'm going to get some sleep. Wake me in the morning," I said, turning in my seat, pushing the shoulder strap on my seat belt behind my head.
I felt someone pressing my shoulder. I turned over, "What?" I muttered.
"Kyle, I'm about to fall asleep. You're not in much better shape. I found a motel, okay?" Maria asked me. She looked sort of concerned.
"Yeah, sure. I'm sure Dad and Amy would appreciate a phone call too," I looked at my watch, and it was only five AM. We hadn't even been on the road for twenty-four hours. "Are we in Florida, yet?"
"Yeah, we're just inside the Florida border," She replied. "Will you get my bag? It's sort of...heavy and you're stronger."
I unbuckled my seatbelt and was stumbling sleepily out of the car, "Sure."
"Thanks. I'm so glad I brought you along on this trip. I wouldn't trust to be alone in a motel room with any guy, except for you. And Michael."
"Remember how we said we were going to talk about anything?"
"Yeah?"
"We're not talking about that."
She stifled laughter, "It wasn't that. It's just that I've already been alone in a motel room with Michael. Nothing happened! That was back when I hated him. No one could know how relieved I was when you and everyone stormed the castle."
"Oh, that motel experience," I said, suddenly remembering. I opened up the trunk and pulled out my bag. Maria didn't have a bag, she had a suitcase which I picked up, and almost dropped before I slammed it on the ground, "Damn, what do you keep in there? Anvils?"
"No, I left those at home. That's my brick collection," She replied sarcastically. "I'll take your bag, you packed less."
"Gee, thanks," I muttered, picking up her suitcase, trying to keep from throwing my arm out.
We got settled in our room, Maria claiming the furthest bed before I'd even walked into the room. I think she just wanted to make sure I had to carry the suitcase for as long as she could make me. I dropped it at the foot of her bed and told her she was on her own from there.
I sat on my bed, kicked off my shoes, and then I laid down, right on top of the blankets and fell back asleep.
When I woke up, light was pouring in the room from around the curtains. I glanced at my watch. Holy shit, it was noon, actually a little after. I noticed I was now under the blankets, sure that was the work of my dear sister. I kicked the blankets off, and stood up.
Maria came out of the bathroom, her hair wet, "Good morning. The bathroom's free. I do want to warn you of the fungus growing out of the soap dish, though. And the giant crack in the bottom of the bathtub. And the toilet doesn't flush very well. Oh, and there's no soap in there. And there's no-"
"You sure picked a winning motel, didn't you?" I interrupted as I snatched my bag off the floor and tossing it on the table. I opened it up and started rooting around for clean clothes.
She pulled a hairbrush out of her suitcase, "It was cheap, it was close, I was tired."
"Okay," I said. I grabbed a handful of clothes and went into the bathroom and took a shower.
Twenty minutes later, we were back on the road. I was driving again and Maria was navigating. I looked over at her, "Which one of them lived closer to here?"
"My dad did. About forty-five miles away, if I've got this right. And then your mom lived like twenty-five miles or so away from there," She replied.
"Great. I want to do some finding. I'm sick of looking."
"Kyle, these searches are last dated from three months ago. He may not live there anymore. We've only been doing this for two days. It will take some time."
"Did you even think about calling Dad and Amy?"
"Uh...no."
I rolled my eyes, "We'll call from them our next stop. We did promise to call."
"You know, both of us are going onto eighteen within the month, my birthday being before yours, ha ha. But I think we're old enough not to have to call every five minutes."
"I'm sure our being seventeen had everything to do with that and nothing to do with the fact that they worried enough about what we're doing. Knowing we're alive while we're doing it is just an added bonus."
"You're a big guy, I'm a smart woman. What do they have to be worried about?" Maria asked.
"Did you just imply that I was stupid?"
"Of course not."
I nodded, slightly suspicious. "Hey, are we supposed to turn onto any of these upcoming exits?"
"Uhh...the third one. We just go onto another super highway, though."
"Whatever. I just didn't want to miss a turn."
We drove, and we drove, and we drove. We talked about stuff, but nothing important. Maria hadn't mentioned Tess since we got up, and it was a breath of fresh air to talk about something different. We talked about movies, and we argued over what radio station to listen to. And finally...
"Turn onto this exit. Down there will be the apartment complex where my dad lived!"
I signaled, and then pulled onto the exit, and sure enough down there were some gas stations, some fast food restaurants, and apartment buildings. I turned into a gas station, much to Maria's dismay.
"What are you doing?" She exclaimed at me.
"We need gas. I don't want to try and pull out of the place and not be able to go anywhere."
"Fine," She huffed. "I want to get some mints anyway."
I got out and filled up the tank, and paid for it. While I was doing that, Maria called Dad and Amy. When I got back to the car she was already sitting there, trying to open a pack of mints. She was trying to get her thumbnail to fit under the little flap of cellophane, but her hands were shaking too much. Calmly, I took the package from her, opened it, and handed it back to her.
"Thanks," She muttered.
"No problem," I said as I started up the car. "Which apartment building was his?"
"Number six in the Gardens. The Gardens. How original."
"Sounds expensive," I said. "Maybe you're dad's loaded."
"If he were loaded don't you think he would have left my mom and I with some money? It's probably a friends' or something. Or he could be living with someone. Or married for all we know. Maybe the woman he married was very rich, and by then he didn't give a shit about his daughter," The tone in Maria's voice had grown from calm, but nervous to angry, but nervous.
"It's okay. Whatever happened, we'll find out, and then we'll know what's going on."
"Maybe my dad has a secret. Maybe that's why mom never wanted me to know him. What if he's like a, a mass murderer and my mom's been covering for him, but she knows if I meet him, he'll kill me in an instant, along with you."
Well, this was getting ridiculous.
"Maria, I am in serious doubt that your father is a mass murderer, and his biggest secret is probably something stupid and embarrassing that your mom doesn't even know about. Like...I don't know, masturbating in a theater while watching 'Bambi.' If you keep playing what if you'll drive yourself insane. We're going not even think about what could lay ahead of us, all right?" It was the trick I had used for the past eleven years.
She nodded, "Okay, then. Don't think about it. Oh my god, there's the Gardens!"
After waiting for a few cars, we pulled into the Gardens, "Building six?" I asked.
"Yeah, six. Kyle, I'm so nervous."
Me too.
I nodded, and pulled into a parking space in front of the building that has the lovely sign saying "six" in front of it. We got out of the car, making sure to lock it. I stuffed the keys in my pocket and we walked to the front door.
There was one of those intercom things, that I absolutely hate. Maria pressed the button and after a few moments a voice, so scratchy you couldn't decipher whether it was male or female, came on and said, "Yes? Can I help you?"
"I'm looking for Rick DeLuca," Maria said clearly into the intercom. She looked at me expectantly.
"I'm sorry, you've got the wrong apartment," The voice said.
This time it was me who pressed the button, "Is there anyway we can talk to the landlord?"
"He has his own apartment, now leave me alone!"
"Great, none of these say landlord on them," Maria said, looking over all of the buttons.
"Don't landlords usually live in the basement or something?"
"A lot of them don't even live in the same building," She said, sounding crestfallen.
Just then a guy came over and he looked at the two of us, "Can I help you?"
Maria looked over at him, "Do you live here?"
He nodded, "Yes, I do."
She smiled, "Do you know Rick DeLuca?"
He thought for a moment, and then he nodded, "He used to live here. He moved away about two months ago."
"Two months?"
The man nodded again, "How do you know Rick?"
"I'm his daughter."
"No kidding. Rick never mentioned having a daughter. Of course he never mentioned much. He and his lady kept to themselves, mostly. He lived across the hall from me, so we always said hello on the way out to work."
"Where did he work?" I asked.
"The local paper. He was a photographer, and a damn good one at that."
"Did he say anything about where he was going to?" Maria asked.
The man thought, for about thirty seconds and then he shook his head, "I'm sorry, no."
"Thanks for your time," She said politely, as she pulled me away.
"Hey!" The man called out.
We both turned around.
"He did mention something about a Miami suburb. Someplace safe for his kid. I'm sorry I can't give you more, though."
Maria smiled, "Thank you."
We got back in the car, and she looked over at me, "Do you know what this means?"
"We're really close to both of them? My mom lived in Miami."
"Well, yes, but this means I've got a half brother. If he never mentioned having a daughter, but he wanted someplace for his kid. I've got a half brother."
I began backing the car out of the parking spot, "I didn't catch that. Them having more kids barely even cross my mind. Who knows how many new relatives we'll find today."
"Yeah..."
"That doesn't sound very excited," I commented, pulling out into the traffic.
"It's just...I don't know."
"Honesty, remember?"
"Oh, all right. Ever since I was little I've had this fantasy of my father coming and just sweeping my mom and me away in his limo and us living happily ever after. Even now, after my mom got married again, and now knowing that my dad at least has another kid...it just ruins it. I mean, he had me, and he left. He goes and meets someone else and has a kid, and he stays. What was so wrong with Mom and me? Why couldn't he stay for us, like he did his other kid?"
Uncomfortable silence.
"Anyway, we're on our way to Miami where you mom lives and we're going to meet her and she's going to be great. I can feel it," Maria said, trying to lighten the mood. "Really, this is just one big growing experience. That's probably why Mom and Jim let us go, you know?"
I agreed with her, and then I flipped on the radio.
Why Miami was at the southern most end of Florida is unknown to me. It was probably one of the furthest places for us to go. This time, we didn't attempt to drive through the night. We were actually in Miami, but it was ten-thirty, and even though the nightlife was booming, we were tired.
We found a motel, and tonight Maria carried her own bag. She quickly claimed the bed closer to the door. Irony of ironies.
"That guy said my dad was at a suburb, and suburbia is not where we're at. This is more like the section of town your mom's address says," Maria said while she brushed her teeth. After having had many a conversation with Tess between tooth-brushings, I understood every word Maria said.
"It would be wrong for us to find them in three days," I said, flipping open a pamphlet about Miami attractions. "Millions of people spend years trying to find their parents. They hire like private investigators and shit. Why would we be so lucky as to find them in three days?"
She spit in the sink, "Because we're lucky. If we were to find both of them in three days, it would be amazing. Even if we found just one of them."
"It just doesn't seem fair."
She shook her head sadly as she flipped the light over the sink off, "It's not."
I tossed the pamphlet up onto the nightstand between our beds and then I pulled the blankets back from behind the pillows. I got down under them and waited for Maria to get into her bed so I could flip the light off.
She smiled at me as she pulled her own blankets back. She crawled under them, and then I turned off the light. "Kyle?"
"Yeah?" I replied into the darkness.
"I was thinking while we were in the car today when we were so close to meeting my dad. I don't want to get to know him. I just want to meet him, that's all. I don't think I could want to know someone who abandoned me and my mom without as much as a good-bye."
"Yeah, you're right. I don't know if I could be close to my mom. I'm close enough to my dad for the both of them," It was easier to say things in the dark.
"Exactly. I think my mom did a pretty good job of raising me all by herself."
I nodded, and after a moment it seemed rather redundant, "I think my dad did a good job too. Just the best they could do."
"Yeah," She agreed so softly I could barely hear her.
When I woke up, I glanced at my watch. Nine-thirty. A respectable hour. I pushed back the blankets and there was Maria sitting on the end of her bed, watching TV. Her hair was wet, and the room smelled like some sort of flowery scent. "Morning," I said as I sat up.
She glanced over at me, "Morning. Are you nervous in the least?"
"About?"
"You could meet your mother, the person who gave you life, today. That doesn't bother you?"
"Bother? No. Excite? Maybe a little," I replied. "What are you watching?"
"I don't know, but in a few minutes it's going to be porn."
I laughed, "I'm going to go shower. Should I be warned about anything living in the bathroom?"
She shook her head, "This one's clean."
"Good."
By ten-fifteen we were out the door, and back in the car. I was pulling out of the parking lot and into the intersection when driving the red convertible next to me, there she was. I slammed on the brakes, and for an instant, Tess was right there, driving that car.
"Kyle!"
Then I came back to reality.
I looked over at Maria, "What?"
"What the hell just happened? Back up, in the parking lot."
"I can't, that's illegal," I said, pulling out into the intersection once again. I glanced over at the convertible. Driving the car was a blonde woman, but of course, it wasn't Tess. Traffic was going slow, so when we stopped at the red light, Maria grabbed onto my arm.
"We're pulling over and I'm driving," She said. "What the hell just happened?"
"Nothing," I said, my eyes suddenly very interested in what color the light was.
"Put the car in park, and we're switching seats now. Damnit, Kyle, do it! You could have gotten us killed back there. I'm driving and you're going to tell me what happened."
She was right. So I put the car in park and the two of us switch seats. Maria clicked her seat belt into place just as the light turned green. She looked ahead at the road, "All right, Valenti, what happened?"
"Nothing," I repeated.
"Like hell that was nothing. We could have been killed. You're going to tell me what happened back there if I have to wring it out of you, and you know I will."
After a moment of silence I said, "I saw her."
"Who?"
"Tess."
"What? What do you mean?"
I sighed, "Sometimes, just for an instant, I'll see her. Usually it's just someone who's blonde or whatever, but there she is. I don't know why or how it happens, but it does."
"That's called post-traumatic stress disorder," Maria said.
"Really. I hadn't thought about that," I spat back sarcastically.
"Sorry, geez. You know, I'm sort of going through the same thing. I'll wake up and I'll plan my day in my head. Going over to Alex's house isn't on the schedule anymore. Every morning, I have to remind myself of that. You know, you're not the only one who's going through stuff." That last light could have been said meanly, but it didn't come out that way when she said it.
"Yeah, I know. You know how I said that everyone had been hurt, but none one was hurt like I was?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"I think about how she used that mind-warp on me. I could have died. I could have just been another body in the ground. Who knows how long I would have survived with her mindwarping me all the time to keep me from remembering. You know, I thought we watched 'Gladiator' that night. Not murder, deception, and betrayal. I was there. I saw it happen. He was practically begging me not to let her do it. How can I get that out of my mind? How can that ever leave me?"
We were quiet for a long time, until Maria pulled into the parking lot of an apartment building. Quietly, she said, "This is where it says your mom lives."
I shook my head, "I can't do it."
"Kyle, you have to. Your life is a bunch of open doors," She pointed to the building. "Close one of them."
I don't know where Maria gets all of her metaphors. I nodded, and we got out of the car.
This building was set up differently than the one at the Gardens. The building was open, so we were able to actually walk up to the door. With a nervous hand, I knocked firmly on the door.
After a few moments, the door opened and a woman stepped out, "Yeah?"
This woman was not Jewelia Valenti. Maybe she has a roommate, I thought, or hell, she's a lesbian.
"We're looking for Jewelia Valenti," I said, noticing the shake in my voice.
"I don't know no one by that name," The woman said.
"Maybe Jewelia Connelly. I haven't seen her in a long time, I don't know what her last name may currently be."
"Jewelie? You're looking for Jewels, eh? Rented this damn apartment from the poor bitch," The woman exclaimed. "She don't live here anymore."
"You know her? Do you know where she is? Where she works? Anything?" I asked, positive that I sounded desperate.
The woman narrowed her eyes, "What do you want with Jewelie, anyway?"
I swallowed, the words coming out for the first time, "She's my mother."
"No shit! I didn't know Jewels had a kid! Listen, boy, she works down at the Flat Kangaroo down on the strip. You can't miss it."
I said thank you, and then Maria and I were on our way, once again. This was a major lead.
"Why the hell would someone name anything the Flat Kangaroo?" Maria asked, as she pulled out of the parking lot. "What do you suppose it is, anyway?"
"Sounds like the same of a trashy club," I said automatically. Then I paused, "You don't suppose my mom works in a trashy club, do you?"
"Moms aren't supposed to work in places like that."
"I don't know, did you ever see 'Striptease'?"
"No," She said, sounding almost shocked. "I don't watch movies with the words "strip" or "tease" in them. That one was a big no-no."
I laughed, beginning to relax a little. Having this lead to my mother made me forget about Tess for a while. "She was never a very...momish person, anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if she did work in a trashy club."
We didn't drive long before we got the Flat Kangaroo. It was a club, but it didn't seem extremely trashy, at least not from the outside.
"It shouldn't be busy at all," Maria said. "It's only eleven-thirty."
We opened the door, and went inside. It wasn't trashy, just...not exactly clean. We looked around, no one in there. Then a guy came out from behind the bar, "Hey, kids, we're closed. And are you even twenty-one?"
"It's not even noon, what are we going to do? Get drunk?" Maria asked, as she rolled her eyes.
"Fine, but we're closed," The man said.
"You're door is unlocked. That implies open to me."
"Listen, I'm looking for Jewelia Connelly," I said before Maria could get us in trouble. "Is she here?"
"Jewelie? Yeah, she's in the back. I'll get her for you. Have a seat," The man said, walking away. He turned around for a quick second and said, "Don't touch anything."
We sat down at the nearest table. I began tapping my fingers nervously on the table. Then I realized what I was doing and I stopped. I just began to wring my hands.
"This reminds me of Vegas," Maria said, grinning. "You know, the club, the stage, me on the stage, singing my heart out. That was a great night."
"Yeah," I agreed. I was too nervous to think about Vegas just then.
The man came out, and he looked over at us, "She'll be out in just a minute."
"I don't know if I can wait another minute," I said.
"Just take deep breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale," Maria said, placing her hand on mine.
"I'm inhaling fine. It's exhaling that's bad."
"Can I help you?" A voice from behind me said.
I stood up and turned around, and I was face to face with my mother. For a moment, I just stared at her. She looked almost exactly the same as she did in the photograph that was taken almost eighteen years ago. Just a little older. She was dressed in what looked like a waitress uniform for a club of this sort. Short skirt, revealing top, and really high heels. Her hair was still the same, blonde, long, and silky. It was just...it was her.
"What is it?" She asked. She looked at me and cocked her head, "Do I know you?"
Unable to speak, I nodded. I swallowed hard and then I said, "My name is Kyle Valenti."
Her jaw slowly dropped, and in a hushed whisper she said, "Oh my god. I - I don't know what to say to you."
"Well, say something!" Maria exclaimed. Jewelie and I both jumped. I'd forgotten that Maria was even there.
"Who's this?" She asked, a smile beginning to form on her face.
"That's Maria...my stepsister."
"Oh god, Jim got married, that's great. When?"
"Last month."
"You're kidding me. You know, Kyle, and uh, Maria. Let's get out of here. I'll cut work. Let me just go change out of these clothes," She hurried away.
Maria stood up, "So, Valenti, how you doing?"
"I'm just in shock. I can't process anything."
She grinned, "This is so great. This is your mom for crying out loud! Why aren't you showing any emotion?"
"Because I can't. I don't know how I feel about this. I don't know what to feel right now," I answered honestly.
A few moments later, Jewelie came back out, dressed in jeans and long sleeved T-shirt. She smiled at us both, "Do you guys have a car? Mine's in the shop, I got a ride to here."
I nodded, "Yeah we've got a car."
The three of us walked back out to the car. I told Maria to drive, I wasn't sure if I was actually able to right then. Without even being told where to sit, Jewelie got in the back-seat.
"I'll sit back there," I offered.
"Oh, no," She said. "I'm the guest in your car. I'll sit back here."
"If you insist," I said, getting into the front seat. I turned around and looked at her, "Where are we going?"
"Have you guys eaten? There's this fantastic restaurant just up the strip. It's great. It's like this Italian seafood thing. I know it sounds weird, but it's good," She insisted.
"Sounds good to me, I'm starving," Maria said. "Kyle?"
"It's fine," I said rather hurriedly. All of this was wrong. This isn't how this was supposed to go. I never played it out in my mind, but I was sure a hug and a loud "I love you, I'm sorry" was supposed to spill from Jewelie's mouth and by now I'd be referring to her as mom. None of that had happened.
We drove not very far, until we were at the restaurant. We went in and got a table. We sat in silence for about twenty seconds.
"You're mad," Jewelie said, looking at me. "I can tell, you're mad."
"I'm not mad," I said. "I'm just upset, that's all."
"What is it?" She asked.
"I don't know, I was just expecting something more than lunch, that's all."
"Kyle, I'm not very good with emotional...stuff," She said, looking down at her lap. "I'm sure your father told you all sorts of things about me, and I'm sure they're all true. Don't have any ideas about me. I was a bad mother, and leaving you and Jim was wrong, but I did it and I can't take it back."
"He didn't tell me anything about you. We left before he had a chance. I didn't want his opinion. I wanted my own about you. You left when I was so young, and had nothing else to go on than my ideas. And you're damn lucky Dad was such a great father, or I would be really pissed right about now," I wasn't mad before, but I was suddenly getting there.
She smiled and shook her head, "He is a great father, isn't he? He was always better at it than I was. And that's why I left. I figured you would be better off with him by yourself, than with the both of us. I wasn't fit for it. I really wasn't. It's a bad excuse, but it's the only one I've got."
"I don't want your excuses, or your reasons. I never have. I just wanted you there. That's all," Everything was just spilling out.
She looked up at me and she was crying, "Oh, Kyle, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I just thought it would be best. I never meant for you to feel this way. I'm so sorry."
When I didn't reply she said, "I told you I'm not good with emotional stuff. I know I'm not saying the right words, but if you can't forgive me, I'd understand."
I nodded, "I forgive you."
She smiled through her tears, "Really?"
"Yeah."
As if on cue, we both stood up and we hugged. Then we both sat down as if it never happened. But that was okay.
The three of us made small talk, until our food (which, by the way, was fantastic) arrived. Then Maria spoke up and bluntly asked, "Jewelie, did you happen to know my father, Rick DeLuca?"
Jewelie thought about it for a moment and then she nodded, "Yeah, I knew him. He and his wife...what was her name? Andrea?"
"Amy," Maria and I said in unison.
"That's right, Amy. She was like sixteen when Kyle was born, right? They got married right after, I suppose, it was you that was born."
"Yeah," Maria said.
"That's right. What about him?"
"Well, I'm looking for him, or I should say, we're looking for him. We just wanted to know if you had any idea where he went. He just took off about eight months after you did. I was just curious if you knew where he was. We heard he lived here in Miami."
"You know, it's so weird that you would be here and mention him. I saw him like three weeks ago. Oh, where was it? It was at the store. There's this health food store that I always go to, and he was there."
"Where was this store?" Maria asked.
"Just west of here. I can take you there if you want."
"Oh god, Jewelie, that would be great. Last night Kyle and I were talking about how weird it would be to find you both in three days."
So, we finished eating, and we piled back into the car, this time it was me driving the car, Jewelie next to me, and Maria in the back. We drove for probably half an hour, until we got to the store. We got back out of the car and went inside.
"I'm so close," I could hear Maria say in a whisper. She walked up to the counter and said clearly to the man behind it, "Hi, I'm looking for Rick DeLuca. I was told he comes in here."
"You're looking for Rick?" The guy asked.
"Yes, I am."
"You're not a cop, are you?"
"No, I'm his daughter."
"Rick never mentioned a daughter."
"So I hear. Listen to me, My name is Maria DeLuca and Rick DeLuca is my father and I was told he lives near here and I'm going to find him and you're going to help me."
"I don't know where he lives, lady."
"Did I ask where he lived?"
"Uhh...no?"
"Of course not. Now tell me."
"I don't know!"
"Yes, you do!"
I stepped in and touched Maria's shoulder, "It's okay, Maria. The guy doesn't know."
"Your boyfriend is a smart man," The guy said.
"Ew, he's my brother," Maria said, wrinkling up her nose.
"He Rick's kid too?"
"No, he's a test tube baby." Behind her Jewelie laughed, and then she regained her composure.
"Fine, lady, you want Rick's address?"
"Yes," Maria said a little on the too calm side. "Just write it down on a piece of paper, if you know how to write, and then I'll leave you alone for the rest of your life."
"If that's all I gotta do..." The guy scribbled down an address. "That's all I've got, lady."
"Thank you." Maria said before we all left once again. She handed the paper to Jewelie. "You know where that is?"
Jewelie studied the paper for a moment, "Yeah, I do. I dated a guy who lived over there. Of course that was a long time ago, but it's the same drive."
Maria grinned, "Thank you so much! You do not know how much this means to me."
Jewelie glanced over at me and said softly, "Maybe I do."
So, back in the car we went and we drove some more. We were in this cute suburban area. It reminded me of the neighborhood in 'The Wonder Years.'
I pulled into the driveway and Maria got out of the car before I even turned it off.
"Maria, you going to be okay with all of this?" I asked her. "Just don't get too excited. This could be just another dead end."
"No, this is my dad, and I'm going to meet him and it's going to be great." She ran up and rang the doorbell. The door opened and a man stood before her. She gave him a smile, "Rick DeLuca?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"My name is Maria DeLuca."
He didn't say anything for a moment. Then he said, "I'm sorry, I can't talk to you." He shut the door in her face. She stood there for a moment, and then she turned around and she was crying. She practically fell into my arms. She was just sobbing. I wanted to go give mister Rick DeLuca a piece of my mind and a piece of my fist while I was at it, but Maria said not to.
Maria cried the rest of the way back to Jewelie's apartment, where called my father.
"...Maria's dad's is a real jackass. He wouldn't even talk to her. He slammed the door in her face. I was ready to go kill him, but Maria wouldn't let me. So we came back here, to Jewelie's apartment." I told him.
"You like her? Jewelie, I mean."
"Yeah, Dad, I do."
"Good, it's important that you do and I'm sorry about what happened with Maria." I could hear Amy in the background saying "What happened with Maria?"
"I guess we'll be coming back soon. Whatever happened to two months, huh?"
"Sometimes things don't work out, son," Dad said. We said good-bye and I hung up the phone.
"I'll pay you back for the call," I said to Jewelie who was sitting on the couch comforting Maria.
She shook her head, "No, it's on me. Hell, it's the least I can do."
I smiled, "Thanks." I sat down on the other side of Maria. "Hey, you okay?"
She shook her head, "No, this is really bad. I never thought I'd get bad scenarios He slammed the door in my face! How inhuman can he be? I'm his daughter!"
"Honey, I know that people can be heartless. You can't let them get you down," Jewelie said. "While I shouldn't be talking, heartless people should just be dismissed. And you have to realize, your father has another life now. As awful as it sounds, he does. And if he's so much of a fool that he doesn't want you to be part of it, it's his loss. You shouldn't let him get you down."
I looked over at Jewelie, "Is that how you feel about yourself?"
She shrugged, "Sometimes."
"You shouldn't. I know heartless people, at least I did," I said, holding back my own tears. Maria took my hand. "You aren't one of them. I know that for a fact."
She smiled, "Thank you. So, uh, what did Jim have to say?"
"Not much. He was worried about Maria, now."
"No one needs to worry about me, I'll be fine," Maria said. "Sooner or later."
"Well, I'm not going to let you guys drive home, with her like this," Jewelie said. "No way in hell."
I smiled, "Yeah, I guess not."
We were quiet for a while and then Maria spoke up again, "Kyle, can you believe how lucky we are?"
"What?"
"We found both of them in three days, we were thinking two months, but we found them in three days. We were just on the right track, at the right time. We found them. Just because it didn't work out the way we wanted, we're still lucky."
"Luck had absolutely nothing to do with it," Jewelie said, "you guys were destined to this, you know? It was all destiny."
"Don't say destiny," Maria and I said in unison.
Three days later Maria and I left Florida.
"Jewelie's really great. You're lucky to have great parents," Maria said, flipping through the road maps. "I hope we can remember the way we came..."
"You know, you're right. All three of my parents are fantastic. Of course, I've got some of that in me too, right?" I grinned at her.
"Aw, you remembered my mom! How sweet. My mom's great. My dad sucks ass. My step-dad is great -"
"Thank you."
"And what's Jewelie to me?" "I don't know. Really weird out there mother?" I suggested.
"No, that's my mom. Uhh...maybe she's my mentor."
"That would work."
"Mentor is good. I like mentor. My stepbrother's mother is my mentor. That's a mouthful. When are we going to visit her again?"
"Sometime soon. Maybe like Thanksgiving or something," I said.
"You know who she reminds me of?" Maria asked.
"Who?"
"Now, don't yell at me, but she reminds me of Tess. Before all of the evil stuff."
I thought about it. I could see where Maria was coming from, "Yeah, I can see that."
"Which reminds me, have you had of your weird Tess flashes lately?"
"No, not since the other day."
"Good. That was scary."
"It's been scary for a while."
"I think the trip home is actually going to be relaxing. We have some things in order. We know where we stand with our parents. You have awesome parents and half of my biological parents suck ass, the other half kicks ass. It's just not balanced in the least.
We talked about our parents for a long time, until we stopped at a Wendy's to get something to eat. Maria went to the bathroom (which it suddenly seemed to me that's all she does), and I got in line.
I was next in line, and Maria still hadn't shown up was when I saw her standing out in the parking lot. It was Tess Harding and she was waving to me. This time, when I looked back, no one was there. That's when I realized that she was waving good-bye.