Accidents Happen
Disclaimer: You and I both know they ain't mine.
Author's Note: This plot idea has been kicking around in the old noggin for a really long time. Constructive criticism is totally welcome. I first wrote this many months ago, but never got around to putting it up. Therefore, all of these events have obviously taken place before this big story arc that started with 45. Thank you, and enjoy. If you don't enjoy, I'll find you and kill you…or at least tickle you until you beg me to stop.
Chapter 1—Rachel
We were gathered in Cassie's barn, numbed after a particularly bloody battle. This sort of post-traumatic shock had become "normal" for us, but this time was different. There was no banter between Marco and I. Jake didn't have his prematurely old and worried face on. Instead, there was something much worse.
Cassie fussed with a broken-winged duck, just as she had been for the past hour. Marco stared at the ground, trying at all costs to avoid my eyes. There was nothing for him to joke about right now, and he knew it. Ax and Tobias simply stood where they were, neither daring to break the hours-old silence that filled the barn. Tobias, as a hawk, was unreadable, but I knew that he was watching me out of the corner of his eye, trying to figure out what would happen next.. And I…
I stood, with my hands buried in my hair, a bad taste in my mouth. Coming out of my daze briefly, I realized that that taste was blood. I had been biting down hard on my lip for a while now.
Marco was the first to speak. "What are we going to do? I mean, Jake, your parents know when you and Tom should be getting back. We can't keep pretending that he's only a few minutes late…that he'll be home soon."
Cassie, sounding more than a little hysterical, said, "We could always ask the Chee to help us…you know they would…or we could do like we did when Tobias got stuck, say he ran away or something…I mean, we've gotta do something! I can't believe this is happening, it's so unreal—" Just then Jake looked up, deep into Cassie's eyes. She realized she was babbling, and turned back to her patient.
It was like someone had opened a floodgate. Everyone started talking at once, Marco being the loudest.
"You crazy bitch! I knew this would happen some day! You are OUT OF CONTROL! Shit, what is the matter with you?" Marco was almost in tears now, and I knew that he was thinking of when Jake had pushed his mother off a cliff. "Who the heck gave you that call? You weren't supposed to listen to Yeerk hecklers! You were supposed to be watching Ax's back…"
As his ranting washed over me, I closed my eyes, playing and replaying that afternoon's events.
The big Hork-Bajir slashed at my face and hit only air. I came up from my crouch, ripping open his stomach in the process. I ignored his screams and the deafening mental roar of Jake. Rachel—what are you doing?! Get back to Ax! I need you to cover him NOW! I ignored the message. There were Yeerks to be disposed of.
I looked down at my right hand that looked as though I had tried to tie-dye my flesh red. Under my fingernails, in the grooves of my palm…my hands could never come clean. Morphing can't get rid of dirt or, in this case, blood. I physically shuddered at the memories that assaulted me. I wouldn't get nightmares from this battle. I would get panic attacks.
Slipping on blood and the damp grass of the field, I spun around and roared in triumph and rage. Come on, slugs! Yeerk slime! You think I'm a coward, I'll make you wet your pants! I felt a deep, burning pain in my arm. I had been grazed by a Dracon beam. Raising my left paw, I turned to tear out the throat of my opponent. One second too late, I saw his face.
I stared at my silent cousin, asking with my eyes for him to say the words, to say that her forgave me, to say that we would figure something out. He wouldn't look at me. Finally I opened my mouth to speak. "Jake—" I said, my voice cracking. I couldn't go on.
He sighed, and finally looked into my eyes. "I don't know what to say, Rachel. I don't know this time. I could ask everyone what they think I should do, but I think it really ought to be between you and me." With that he stood and left the barn. I simply stood up and turned to follow him. Nobody moved to follow me.
Tom's eyes only held life in them for a second, but in that second I knew that he knew who his murderer was. There was only one thing that penetrated at the moment—the look in Jake's eyes. He had been standing to his brother's right. And he had seen the whole thing. For just a moment I thought that he was about to go insane…and then he went quiet. It was like something was dictating his actions. Retreat! he yelled.
There was no talk between Jake and I as we walked together. Finally, he stopped and sat down on an old tree trunk. We were well into the forest…well out of earshot of the others. He glanced at me, then looked at the ground. "You know, everyone would have really differing ideas about what I should do now. I guess I'm gonna ask a Chee to pose as Tom for a few months—you know, until 'Tom' can move out and join the army like he always planned. But what we should do about you…"
He looked straight into the sun, not blinking, not moving. I began to feel a deep pit of fear in my stomach. "Ax wouldn't like to say it, but you know his thoughts on revenge when it comes to family. Marco would, at the very least, want to make you personally explain to my parents what happened. Cassie would say what I'm thinking: accidents happen, but you went berserk out there. I'm not sure how far even Tobias would go to defend you right now. You went against a direct order, and you killed my brother because you are a psychopath."
I looked up, startled. "Marco was telling me for a long time that you're a violence-crazed lunatic, and I always figured that your rage would help us in our fight.. What just happened was a fight we wouldn't have even gotten into if it hadn't been for you."
This time my voice didn't waver. "You said it was an accident—it was! You knew you might have to kill Tom one day, so why would you be upset now—YOU didn't have to kill your brother! I took that decision from you, just like you did for Marco."
He stared at me for a long moment. "No. Like I said, that was a fight that should never have happened. You act as though I'm your leader, and I told you to stay back. We were only in there to get that disk, not to start a massacre. If Tom had found out about us and we had to kill him for the good of humanity…then…well, I'd still be angry but I would understand."
"You don't seem angry right now."
"I'm in shock. What did you expect? Tomorrow I'll cry, I'll grieve, I'll yell. Today I need to make a choice." He looked away bitterly. He hated himself right now, I could see that. I could almost hear the thoughts running through his head. I was right there! I could have stopped her, I could have ordered the retreat earlier, the battle wasn't that important!
Finally, staring off into space, he said to me, "You're out Rachel. You're a loose cannon, and for all our sakes I can't have you fighting with us any more."
"So what are you going to do with me, kill me? An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life?"
"That's your way, Rachel. Not mine. The only demand I will make—and I do mean demand—is that you don't morph anymore. You are out of this war. Consider it a dishonorable discharge. What you do now is your business." With that, he left. I remained, staring after him, not believing what I'd heard. Up to me? That war was my life! What else would I do? There was no place in the world for someone like me. Still…
Maybe I didn't always follow orders, but I did understand honor. A kind of warrior's honor. I had disobeyed an order, killed my cousin, and God only knows how many other innocents that had gotten in my way.
I owed this sacrifice to all those who would have lived. Under the setting sun, I made the hardest decision of my life. I took a deep breath and—
(Like it? Hate it? Please review. If ya all like it, I'll write the next part. BTW, I know people are a little out of character here, but after all, I don't think this was a situation they'd expect.)