Penance
Part 2 of "Accidents Happen"
Disclaimer: They're
mine…all mine…BWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!! Go on,
Scholastic. Sue me. After 41 and 42, I think you owe me.
Author's Note: Okay,
that little cliffhanger in the last part was cruel. I just wanted to get your attention, and if you are reading this,
it apparently worked. This part is
about Rachel, alone with her thoughts. After all, she has a lot to deal with. I promise, there'll be more action in the next part. I'll try to get every part up as quickly as
humanly possible. I.E., if a day or two
goes by when I don't update, it means that I am busy with something that is
–gasp! --more important than this story. Thank you, and please continue shopping a K-Mart.
I took a deep breath and walked away. I was totally numb—thorns were tearing at
her skin and the night had just become icy cold, but I didn't feel a
thing. Over and over a treacherous
little mantra played in my head.
How dare they how
dare they how dare they how dare they how dare they how…
I begged the little voice to be quiet…I knew i had to atone
for Tom's death. And yet, the quiet
indignation that had ruined my life would not allow me to repent. Be quiet, I mentally screamed. I deserve this!
I walked on and on, barely noticing that I was deeper in the
forest than I'd ever been before, that dawn was approaching, or that my feet
were raw and bloody. My cousin's death
tormented me, but it was nothing compared to being repudiated by the few people
on the planet who understood and accepted and needed me…or so she thought.
I laughed bitterly, the sound of my laughter harsh. "I made a mistake. I fucked up, and they decided it was easier to get rid of me than
to deal. Hypocrites. I tried to kill David, and they hated me for
it. Then, they had me 'remove'
him…" I looked up at the brightening
horizon and watched a hawk turn lazy circles. Suddenly, I was overcome by anger unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I wanted to lash out and hurt
someone. I wanted to morph to grizzly
and tear a tree to splinters.
Suddenly my adrenaline high disappeared, and was left by
only a hollow kind of emptiness. Jake
told me not to morph anymore…who does he think he is, anyway. Elfangor gave me the power…the Ellimist
trusted me with it…how DARE Jake tell me not to use what's MINE!
He is your leader. He is your cousin. You promised
him your respect and support. You
failed him. You took away from him his
hope. He may save the world, but he'll never see his brother again. Because of you. I cringed under the barrage of self-hate. I knew, deep down inside, that I wouldn't
morph again. I couldn't. As angry as I was, I felt that it was right
that I give up the life I'd known in exchange for my cousin's. Jake had been right, as usual. A life for a life…that was my way. It always had been.
I was sitting on the ground, ignoring one of the most
beautiful sunsets the area had ever seen, when I heard behind me a rustle of
wings. I didn't look around, even when
I heard the telltale bone-crunching sound of morphing. Tobias didn't make a sound, either. He just sat down beside me. For a long time, neither of us spoke.
"I'm sorry, Rachel."
I laughed bitterly. "For what? I'm the one who
screwed up. In fact, if I recall, I
nearly hit you a few times last night during the battle."
"That doesn't matter to me. Rachel…are you going to come back? Jake is really upset, but Cassie and I…and your family…they are
going to want to know where you are. Nobody said anything about you going away forever, you know."
I didn't answer him for a while. "Tell Jake I won't morph."
He looked hard at me. Funny—even when he was in human form, he never really lost his piercing
glare. "You can tell him yourself,
Rachel."
"I don't think he and I will be talking anymore. So, please, just tell him I won't
morph. But…" I swallowed hard. "Tell him I won't abandon the fight. I'll do what I can, even if I don't
morph. Tobias, I don't love this
war. But it defines me. I don't have a life outside it. Everything I know and care about is because
of this. If not for the war, I never
would have known you. I would have been
a space-occupying little mallrat with absolutely nothing on my pathetic mind. I can't leave it."
"So what are you going to do?"
I had been thinking about this…made this decision last
night, knowing that there really was no decision. For me, this was the only way left. "I'm going to help the human resistance. You know, get supplies together and
all. Spy. Work on mapping the Yeerk Pool. Anything I can do to make sure we survive this."
Tobias didn't say anything. He fidgeted, tearing a blade of grass to tiny pieces. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth,
but I anticipated the question. "What
should you tell my parents? I don't
know. They always thought I was kinda
unbalanced anyway. Let them think I ran
away or something. Tell them I'm dead."
Tobias stood up. He
looked at me again, and I saw this raw pain and anger in eyes. So, what then? You're just going to walk away from us? Like we'll never see you again?" He stared straight into my eyes. "Do you remember how much grief you gave Cassie when she tried to
walk away? Or when Ax almost left us to
be with his own people again? Or how
about Marco? You called him coward more
times than I can even remember."
Once upon a time I would have jumped up and stared him
down. I would have snapped that they
were different; they deserved second chances. As it was, I looked down at the ground, at the grass I was
sitting on. I couldn't bring myself to
even look up. I was too tired, too
sick. All I could do was mumble, "Go
away, Tobias…please, just go away…"
He stood there another moment, and then began to morph. He launched himself into the sky, and I
heard him scream with frustration and loss. Then, I was alone once more.
Author's Note: Okay,
I know this took a few days to get up, but like I said, this story is almost a
year old, and it was tough to get back in the frame of mind where I can write
Rachel. She's one of my least favorite
characters, but I enjoy writing her. Cassie I generally kill outright. I don't hate her…it's just that she gets in the way of a good story
sometimes.