Renaissance
Disclaimer: I want them, but nobody will give them to me.
Summary: Rachel's POV. Jenny is borrowed from book 10, waaaay back in the old days when no one was ever out of character. And, for the record, I don't know if she was a Chee or not. Erik just mentioned her name. So sue me. WARNING: This is like, THE pivotal chapter, so read carefully. Everything I do, I do for a reason.
Rachel emerges from the forest, and just so happens to read the newspaper…
A/N: Okay, what I have planned out (and I mean PLANNED—my metafiction notebook is starting to look like I'm getting ready for World War 3) is 15 chapters. Then, depending on what everyone wants, I'll post chapter 16. The deal is, I have 5 possible endings for this story. I'll let you, the readers vote at the end of chapter 15. :::BTW, the 41 and 42 reference in my disclaimer a few stories back was because I happen to feel that they are the two worst written pieces of trash in the history of the Animorphs.::: Also, I'm sorry this took so long to get done, but six people kept me very busy…Gambit and Chamber, Rictor and Shatterstar, and Northstar and Sasquatch. Lord, I love X-Men slash.
I was tired, dirty and hungry…and I was starting to feel like my old self. Can't say I was happy about that, but it was a relief to feel something other than total numbness for a while. All week—at least, I think it was a week—I had been pretty much sitting in the woods, not thinking about much of anything except Tom. I wanted to go back in time a few days, to reign myself in and make sure that he lived. Needless to say, I couldn't. Finally now, the rational part of me that had kept me from being killed for so long kicked in. I wasn't welcome in this town right now, so I should go somewhere else while everyone cooled off. I could go home and maybe tell my mother that I wanted to stay with Dad for a few weeks. Still, there was the question of the war to deal with…
Then it hit me. Jenny! I had been shocked to learn a while back that my old gymnastics buddy, Jenny, was a Chee…she could come with me, under the pretext of that gymnastics school out where my dad lived! That way, I could stay connected to everything that was going down with the Yeerks.
I felt better than I had all week. Now all I had to do was morph eagle and fly home to tell my mother. She had been so busy lately she'd probably hardly notice that I was gone. I'm sure Cassie had come up with some story for why I hadn't been home all week. I heard my boned begin to crunch and move—and stopped.
My good mood was gone. I had sworn to Jake that I wouldn't morph any more, and I had already forgotten. Oh, yeah, it was time to go. Jake wouldn't forgive me. I couldn't forgive myself.
It was twilight when I found the first 7-11 that welcomes outsiders into our town. I had been walking for hours, and it was getting chilly out. I wandered into the store, ignoring the "no shoes, no service" sign. Wasn't like I had any money anyway. I was so tired that I could barely see straight. I grabbed a Snickers bar and ripped it open. Hang the consequences…I was starving. I'd pay for it later. Luckily, the lady behind the counter saw the way I looked and, without a word, handed me a cup of coffee. I think I gulped it down in about four seconds before sagging to the floor, head resting on my knees. I had to plan out my next moves…I needed to talk to Cassie first, and find out what kind of story she'd made up about my absence. I needed to talk to my mother and father, and pack. Call about plane tickets…I looked up for a moment at the displays of newspapers and magazines, needing a few minutes of teenage normalcy before I confronted some people who were very upset with me right now. Then, I saw IT.
I jumped up, snatched the newspaper and snapped at the cashier, "Can I have this?" She nodded, probably relieved that the wild freak would be leaving the store. I took the paper outside, not feeling the cold at all. I was way too angry. Somebody must have read this paper in the store, and accidentally folded it with the Local section on the outside. I threw the rest of the paper away, looking only at the headline on the front page.
Dead. I was dead. Dead to my mother and father and sisters and the rest of the world. And I knew what had happened, too. Jake…he had made it look like I'd killed myself. I always thought that he was a pretty noble soul, that revenge was below him. I guess I was wrong. I still couldn't believe that Cassie and Tobias had gone along with this, though. Tears nearly filled my eyes, but I held them back. Parts of my plan still held…I needed to talk to Jenny.
I almost morphed again, but remembered in time. I managed to stay in the shadows, avoiding everyone on the streets. No point in making the populous think I was the walking dead, even though I looked like a zombie, with my hair a mess and my clothing torn---whatever would Cassie say? I laughed to myself, knowing that I was delirious and in shock, and not really caring at the moment. I was in an almost euphoric state of mind…intellectually, I knew it was because my body didn't have the resources to waste on anger right now. Plus, I was on a bit of a sugar high.
I don't really remember how I got to Jenny's apartment. I do remember standing on her doorstep, thanking my lucky stars that she was now "old enough" to have her own place. I rapped quietly on the door. I saw Jenny's shocked face, and promptly passed out.
I woke up four hours later, sobbing. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't control my own body, let alone my life.
I sat at the kitchen table, looking at my hands, unable to speak. Jenny set a mug of tea and some toast down in front of me. She stared at me for a long moment, and finally said, "So…want to talk?"
"He killed me, Jenn. Why would he do that? I mean, does he hate my family that much? I told Tobias to tell them that I'd figure out something—that they'd never have to see me again."
"He told me at the funeral that you wanted everyone to think you were dead."
"I was really upset then."
"You're really upset now, Rachel. You've lost weight, and you were never Jabba the Hutt to begin with. Your hands are shaking. You should see a doctor."
I laughed bitterly. "I can't see a doctor. I'm dead."
"Stop saying that, Rachel. Jake pulled a stupid stunt, and we both know it. Stop saying you're dead."
"I am dead, Jenny." I gave her a sideways glance. "I've been dead since the war started. It was just a matter of time before I got the idea and stopped moving."
There wasn't really anything she could say to that. She just looked at me mildly, and asked, "What do you want to do now? You can stay here as long as you'd like. I'll try to get you set up in another town, if you'd like."
"This war, Jenny…I owe it to my cousin to help end it."
"You promised Jake you wouldn't morph any more."
"I won't…I've been thinking about it. I just need to morph one more time, and that's it." I stared into her face, so hard that I imagined I could see the android body under the hologram. "I can't stay like this, Jenny. I just can't. Every time I look in a mirror, I hate myself all over again. And I hate Jake, because I know I don't exist anymore, not as far as the world is concerned. I can't be Rachel anymore."
Jenny looked alarmed. "Rachel, are you…you won't…"
She was talking to the wall. I had just left the apartment.
At the very least I looked presentable now…I was wearing a pair of jeans, a tank top, and a scarf on my head. It was only eight in the morning, but already there were people everywhere. I closed my eyes for a moment, and prayed that no one would recognize me. For once, my prayers were answered.
I was in a kind of frenzy. I acquired girl after girl. There were seven in total. Seven young women who looked about my age. Seven young women who looked very different from one another.
The second stop was Jake's house. He and his family were out, which certainly made my job easier. I knew where his mother kept the spare key. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and sat down to write.
Only one more stop, and I'd be finished. This one would be the hardest
When I was finished, I went back to Jenny's apartment. She was at work, but had given me a key. I walked in, entered the bathroom, and locked the door.
I took a deep breath. I really had no idea how to do this—I'd only seen Ax do it once, and I had been, by far, the worst at morphing on the entire team. Still…I had no choice right now. I closed my eyes, and began.
I pictured the seven girls whose DNA was now within my body, and I began to change.
Jenny entered the apartment, chattering about how nice the day had been and that she was going to the supermarket later, since she didn't usually have humans around here…she jumped a foot when she saw me, I swear.
I was an inch or so shorter than I had been, and was a bit curvier. I was slender, and had golden tanned skin. My hair was a reddish-bronze curly mass that fell halfway down my back, and my eyes were a silvery gray-green. I was curled up on the sofa with a backpack at my feet.
"R-Rachel?" I shook my head.
"I decided to change my name."
"Really…to what, may I ask? And, uh, how long have you been in that form?"
"About three hours now. And I'm not sure about the name yet. I was thinking maybe 'Renee.'"
"Renee…" Jenny gave me a considering look. "Renee means 'rebirth,' you know. Kind of fitting. Are you sure this is what you want?"
I smiled for what seemed like the first time in a thousand years. "I'm past the point of no return, Jenn. Jake wanted me dead…well, I'm dead now. There is no more Rachel. Just Renee. Renee can still fight."
"Okay…Renee…what's in the bag?"
I shrugged. "Just some stuff. Clothes, my CD player and some CDs, a few books, my journal, a photo album…stuff I really needed to have, y'know?"
"Okay…do you need a place to live? I'm sure we can figure something out."
"That would help." I looked away. "I don't have any money right now or anything…I wish I could pay you back for everything you've done for me."
She smiled at me. "Hey, you want to get rid of the Yeerks. That's reason enough for me to help you out. Look, there is a human Anti-Yeerk movement. You met some of them on the Internet. Start looking there. In the meantime, you can stay with the other Chee. What do you need that we can help you out with?"
I rubbed my temples for a minute. "A computer. Some more clothes--I only brought one set. Basic for a human…blankets pillows, et cetera."
This place was bigger than I remembered. Jenny was giving me the grand tour, while Maria stayed close behind. There were a few rooms off the side of the huge arena-sized park that were built for storage, and I was given one of them. Furniture was found--nothing fancy, just a futon, a desk, and a few shelves. I was left on my own to get situated.
I threw the old blue quilt on the futon, along with some pillows and my new clothing. Rachel would not approve, I thought to myself. These were all items from Goodwill, and consisted mostly of plain white tank-tops, a few pairs of jeans and shorts, and some beaten-up sneakers and sandals. I began to pull things out of my bag: books, CDs, and the photo album all went on the shelves. The journal was on the desk, as was the new laptop I had just been given. I looked around me at the tiny room. My new home. I have a lot of work to do, I thought grimly. I cracked my knuckles, and began.
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Interlude: Jake's POV
I trudged up the stairs, not wanting to pass my brothers room and be reminded of the fact that he wasn't there anymore. Lourdes was doing her best. She had everyone fooled, including the Yeerks. I guess that's all that really mattered at the moment.
I slumped down on the bed and turned my radio on full blast. Wonderful. The Scorpion's 'Eye to Eye.' Yeah, that's all I need right now. It took me a couple of minutes to register the piece of paper taped to my window. As soon as I looked carefully, I realized that the note was from Rachel.
I promised that I wouldn't morph anymore. I won't, except for this one last time. You'll never see me again, Jake, and I know that's what you want. For the record, I'm sorry about everything, not just Tom. I'm sorry I always gave you such a hard time and made you worry. I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I love you Jake…you were the only one who was ever really there for me, and understood me. Not even Cassie or Tobias got me the way you did. Just tell them that I love them too, okay?
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A/N: Okay, I swear it will all make sense in time, all right?