Choices
Disclaimer: Scholastic, I'll take Tobias, Marco, Ax, and Rachel off your hands. Jake and Cassie you can KEEP!!!
Authors Note: Since all of a sudden people started reading this fic again, and since I am now a jobless high school grad with no life, I figured that I would start writing it again. Also, I now have a beta, which makes life much more fun, seeing as my old beta up and died on me last spring. Sigh…the jokes we make…
Anyway, the usual clarifications: this Rachel (Renee, now) is NOT the Rachel of the earliest books or book fifty four. I started writing this series years ago, all in my head, back when 32 and 37 hit the shelves. And frankly, I don't care how much of a Rachel fan you are or were, she was a total whack job in those books. As for Jake…ummm, we've seen him become totally unhinged by the death of family. He didn't hesitate to sacrifice Rachel in the end to ensure that ultimately his brother didn't wind up a servant of the Yeerks for the rest of his life. So nyah.
This part takes place pretty much immediately after the last part. Sorry it's so short and boring, but I have other big writing projects going on right now, and I still have to get back into the groove in writing this series. BTW, this chapter is necessary for a couple of reasons, including the fact that in a little while we're all going to find out something very interesting about Jake and Rachel that I personally have suspected for a while. (NOT THAT!!! Ewwww…what do you think this is, "The Pregnancy"? Go scrub out your dirty little minds with soap and water.)
I lay flopped down on the straw in Cassie's barn, staring up at the rafters and pondering. Once again a huge life and death matter had been handed to me; more than just my tiny team was a stake on this particular mission. I kept seeing Renee's laughing glances and menacing stares as though they had been burned onto the backs of my eyelids. I could swear that I knew her from somewhere, but I had already looked through every school yearbook I could get my hands on and our mystery girl wasn't in any of them. All I could do was sit there and chew my lip as I let the voices of the others wash over me; sometimes just picking up snatches of their arguments told me more than listen to each of them give an impassioned speech. Only Ax remained quiet. I knew that this was just one of those things that he had classified "a human thing" and was bound to leave to the rest of us. At least all of the time he'd spent with us over the months—no, years, dammit—had made him a little more outspoken and opinionated.
Prince Jake, I… Ax was talking to me through private thought-speak.
"What is it, Ax-man?"
It isn't really my place to say, but…
"Spit it out," I said, smiling.
I think that before we make any decision whatsoever regarding this human rebellion, we must study them. Follow and research them. If we do not, I fear that we may have a repeat of last time.
"Valid point, there. Okay everyone, 'nuff brainstorming. What have we got?"
At this point, I knew the responses of my friends so well that I felt that I could have just about skipped all of this part of the meeting. Rachel had once told me that my strength lay in knowing the hearts and minds of my friends, and that that was the reason I made a good leader. I loved—love!—my cousin when she said that. Sometimes, that girl was my own personal Demon of External Validation. I looked at her and saw either what I wanted to be or what I wanted desperately to keep from becoming. She was my canary in the mineshaft, my early warning system for when I got too close to the Dark Side.
I listened to Marco and Cassie squabble, and, not for the first time, wished that Rachel was there. My anger with her wasn't gone, but it had cooled to the point that I would have brought her back after the first month. Her bloodlust notwithstanding, she had always been the perfect buffer between Marco's ruthlessness and Cassie's sentimentality. Lately, I felt like I couldn't stand either of them. I gave a little frown…this constant degree of irritation that I felt was irrational and I knew it. I had been acting so crazy these last few months that Marco had started to make cracks about PMS. Food for thought…back to business.
"Look, we oughtta just leave them to whatever the heck it is that they want to do. They want to run around picking up Yeerk weapons, let them. I say we just don't get involved, we don't go near them, we don't acknowledge them. We just pretend that they don't exist."
"No way. No way in hell. Look, some of that girl's group were kids. Not kids like us, but little kids."
"Eleven or twelve. We weren't much older when we got the morphing power. Those kids don't have to worry about the Yeerks. All they do is scavenge leftovers from battles. What's the harm in that?"
They could get killed or captured. I don't think we want that on our conscience. Besides, it's already sort of our fault that they're out there anyway. The least we can do is let them know that if they need us, they can call on us.
"Normally, I'd agree with you, Bird-boy, but these kids just aren't our problem. We're kinda shorthanded right now, just in case you hadn't noticed."
We all froze. Nobody talked about Rachel to Tobias these days. It was a real taboo. After she had left—was made to leave, Jake…you made her leave—he hadn't spoken to any of us for days…even Ax. I wasn't an animal expert like Cassie, but even I could see that he had lost weight. Currently, the fierce look in his eye was fiercer than usual; for a moment, I had the feeling that our sweet, gentle Tobias was seriously considering morphing human and decking Marco. Instead, he turned away with a muttered Forget you guys and flew away into the night.
I let out the breath I had been holding. "Okay, that does it, we're going to offer these kids the hand of friendship. Ax, you were right. Before we do anything, we're going to check these guys out and find out how many there are, where they live, and what kind of supplies they have."
I turned to Marco. "You made a good point. We are underhanded and we do need help. So get Erek to help you put together some info on these people."
Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Cassie smiling at me. She mouthed "Thank you, Jake" when the other two weren't looking. I knew what she meant—this was my own personal penance. Only Cassie knew how badly I felt for driving my cousin away. I glanced down at my watch. "Guys, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."
Walking home alone helped me to clear my head. Rachel…
After the first month, I realized what a terrible mistake I had made. Seeing a Chee constantly wearing my dead brother's face was driving me insane, but for my parents' sake it was rather necessary. Having Cassie give me the fish eye was disquieting, but I think on some level, even if she disapproved of my actions, she knew why I had done what I had done. Tobias had been the worst. He never stopped by to talk to me any more, and Ax told me that he often went flying, sometimes for a couple of days at a time before returning.
I had faked my cousin's death and given my parents a ghost of the child they had lost. After I had cooled down, I had looked desperately for Rachel, but it was as though she had utterly disappeared from the face of the earth. I had begun to spend my days at the mall, thinking that maybe she had simply morphed another person and that somehow I would magically be able to tell that this perfect stranger was my cousin by her reckless, wild attitude. Then, I began to think that she had taken the form of another animal, and had traveled the water, land, and sky, hoping to glimpse Rachel in one of he alter-forms. I hadn't had any luck whatsoever.
Rachel? Wherever you are, Rach, you can come home. I'm not really mad anymore. Please come home. Everyone misses you so much. Just then, I passed by the funeral home where my cousin's memorial service had been held. I could recall perfectly the rage simmering through my bloodstream as I sat on the hard wooden chair in the funeral parlour, my teeth clenched to keep from screaming that every word being spoken about her was a lie. She wasn't strong, she was a slave to her emotions, she had no heart and fewer brains…knowing all the while that there was not any real truth to the terrible thoughts coursing through my mind. All at once I felt like laughing and crying.
Rachel wouldn't come back because she couldn't. I had made damn sure of that, hadn't I?
Oh, Rachel, you would understand. A life for a life, and a lie for a lie. Except that you didn't lie. I did.