The One With All the Wigs
Alright, by popular demand, or two suggestions, I've decided to write a
continuation of TOW the
Missing Video Tape. Thanks to everyone who reviewed it, and I'm glad
you enjoyed it. I can't think of a good summary, so just read and review. Also,
this fic continues later that evening.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, so what.
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's, around 1 a.m. Monica has shut off the lights
preparing to go to bed when there's a light knock on the door.]
Mon: (to herself) Who in the hell is this? (opens the door) Oh, it's you.
Chan: (steps into the apartment) Hey, what's up.
Mon: Do you know what time it is? What are you doing here?
Chan: (shrugged) You know....
Mon: Chandler, I don't think now is the best time for a booty call,
considering what happened.
Chan: What? No, I'm here for the tape.
Mon: Why didn't you just get it when you were here earlier?
Chan: Because Joey and Rachel were here, and it was a very awkward moment.
Mon: Okay.. well hurry up and get it. If Rachel wakes up and finds you here
I don't know what we're going to do.
Chandler and Monica walk quietly to the living room.
Chan: So (gestures with his hands and knocks the lamp off balance) Uh-oh!
Mon: Shh!
Chan: Sorry.
Mon: (hands him the tape) Here.
Chan: Thanks, and I'll make sure Joey never gets a copy of the tape.
Mon: (gives Chandler a quick peck) Now go.
Chandler tries to switch hands with the tape and drops it on the floor.
Chan: Oops! (picks it back up)
Mon: Chandler! (hears Rachel's door open) Hide!
Chandler dives behind the couch just as Rachel comes out of her room.
Rach: Monica, what are you doing? It's after one o'clock in the morning!
Mon: Honey I'm sorry I woke you. (glances at Chandler)
Rach: Why are you still up?
Mon: Uh.. well I had a nightmare that something wasn't clean, so I got up to
check it.... yeah that's it.
Rach: Mon, you seriously need to get some help.
Mon: I know.
Rachel turns around as if she's going back to her room then faces Monica
again.
Mon: What?
Rach: Since I'm up, I might as well get some water.
Mon: No, Rach! I'll get it for you.
Rach: Are you sure? Okay then. (enters her bedroom)
Monica goes to the kitchen and Chandler prepares to make a quick escape. But
before he could, Rachel exits her bedroom again and walks to the kitchen.
Chandler crawls behind the armchair.
Rach: Mon, on second thought, never mind the water. I'm just so tired..
Mon: Okay.. no (notices that Rachel will see Chandler if she turns around)
No!
Rach: What?
Mon: (watches Chandler sneak into her room) No problem!
Rach: You should sleep in late tomorrow... seriously.
Mon: I think I will.
Rachel goes back to her bedroom and Monica rushes into hers, shutting the
door.
Mon: What are you doing? You should've been sneaking out the other door.
Chan: And how was I suppose to do that with you and Rachel standing in the
kitchen?
Mon: (thinks for a sec) Yeah, that's true.
Chan: Well, since I'm here.. (smiles) you wanna have the sex?
Mon: (smiles back) Okay. (falls on top of Chandler on the bed)
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's, the next morning. Everyone but Ross is
sitting at the table eating breakfast. They're all silent and lost in their own
thoughts.]
Chan: (V.O) Okay, so they saw the tape.. No big deal. They only saw a few
seconds, right?
Rach: (V.O) I can't believe Monica made a sex tape... a sex tape! Not only
is she freakishly strong, (looks at Monica) she's a freak.
Mon: (V.O) I can always deny it. Rachel never saw my face, did she? No, that
won't work.
Chan: (V.O) Who am I kidding? It is a big deal! Monica will never agree to
do another one!
Mon: (V.O) I can't deny the tape, that's just stupid. That was some of my
best work, not to mention Chandler's.
Joey: (looks at his plate of eggs, toast and bacon) (V.O) Hey, this would
make a great sandwich.
Rach: (looking at Joey) (V.O) Joey's probably thinking about a sandwich,
when we just saw Monica having sex on a tape. Whoa, that's another image I
don't want to think about.
Phoe: (V.O singing) la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Ross: (entering) Okay, I need your honest opinion.
Everyone looks at him.
Ross: Is my hair really that scary?
Chan: Are you really asking that question?
Ross: I cannot believe this! I'm on the subway, and this woman actually
hides her purse, like I was going to steal it!
Chan: Well you do look like you'd fit in with the cast of OZ.
Phoe: Not on last week's episode.
Mon: (laughs) Oh, right! That was when the guy was in the shower, and..
Ross: (interrupting) Hello! I was talking about me! (grabs his hair) What am
I supposed to do with this?
Rach: Why don't you just dye it back?
Ross: (sarcastically) Oh, I never thought of that... Thank you! (off her
look) If I put anymore dye in my hair it'll fall out.
Mon: Why'd you streak your hair in the first place?
Rach: Especially without supervision.
Ross: I just wanted to try something different. But what if I get my job
back... I mean, come back from sabbatical? I can't go back to work like this!
Everyone was silent for about a minute.
Joey: So, Pheebs, about that episode. I think I missed it.
Chan: Was that the same one when the sneaky guy overdosed? Because wow..
Rach: Yeah, he played a very convincing drug addict.
Everyone begins talking at once as Ross looks on.
Ross: Oh man! (walks out the apartment)
[Time Lapse: Monica & Rachel's later that day. Monica is on the couch
when Rachel walks in.]
Rach: (singing) "Love to love ya, baby" (sees Monica) Oh, hey.
Mon: Hey.
Rach: (avoiding eye contact) What are you doing?
Mon: Playing Mad Libs.
Rach: Uh-huh, well see ya! (goes into her room)
Mon: (says to herself) Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Joey are there as Phoebe walks in.]
Phoe: Hey you guys.
Joey: Hey Phoebe.
Ross: (depressed) Oh, hey Pheebs.
Phoe: Why so down?
Ross: Have you seen my hair?
Joey: Don't try to change the subject man.
Ross just stares at Joey.
Phoe: Oh! I have an idea. I could cut it out.
Ross: What?
Phoe: Yeah, I can just cut out the parts that are dyed.
Joey: C'mon Ross, let her do it.
Ross: Uh, I don't know about that Phoebe. Are you sure?
Phoe: No not really, but I can try.
Ross: I think I'll just go to a professional.
Phoe: Wait, I have a friend who does hair.
Ross: Really, who is it?
Phoe: You know when I lived with that Albino guy when I was homeless?
Joey/Ross: Yeah.
Phoe: Well he lived in the box next door to us, and he always said he wanted
to be a hairdresser.
Ross: (chuckles) Are you kidding me?
Joey: That is so cool. (to Ross) What's an Albino?
[Scene: Chandler & Joey's. Chandler and Monica are there.]
Mon: I don't know whats going on, but I think Rachel is avoiding me.
Chan: Are you sure?
Rach: (enters) Joey!
Chan: Joey's not here.
Rach: Oh. Well I just came by to say hello. Bye! (exits)
Chan: Avoiding you like that?
Mon: Pretty much. I don't get it.
Chan: I'm sorry sweetheart.
Mon: What about you and Joey. Are you two talking?
Chan: That depends on your definition. If talking means Joey asking me every
5 minutes what having sex with you in front of a camera is like, then yes.
Mon: But Rach and I are different. We're girls. We talk about everything.
Nothing like this has happened since we lost contact.
Chan: Monica, everything will be fine.
Mon: (continuing as if Chandler didn't say anything) I mean, she didn't even
invite me to her wedding.
Chan: Mon..
Mon: She could've at least sent an invitation.
Chan: Monica..
Mon: That's what I would've done.
Chan: Monica!
Mon: What? (off his look) No, I'm fine. I just got caught up in the
memories, but I am so past that now.
Chan: (unconvinced) Look you just need to talk to Rachel, straighten things
out.
Mon: Yeah, I know you're right. We live together, we should...
Chan: (shocked) What?
Mon: No, no. Not you and me, Rachel and me. You live with Joey, remember?
Chan: Oh, okay... whew!
Mon: Are you okay? I'm sorry.
Chan: Yeah I'm fine. Those words freak me out. I'm just not there yet.
[Time Lapse: Chandler & Joey's. Chandler, Monica and Joey are there when
Phoebe walks in upset.]
Joey: What's the matter Pheebs?
Phoe: Ugh! I am so mad!
Mon: Calm down, sweetie. What happened?
Phoe: Okay, well I went to go and see if my friend Fredo was a
cosmopologist, and..
Mon: (interrupting) A what?
Phoe: You know, someone who does hair.
Mon: Don't you mean cosmetologist?
Phoe: That's what I said.
Chan: Who is Fredo?
Joey: her Albino neighbor.
Chan: What?
Joey: I know, I didn't know what an Albino was either.
Phoe: No, Joey! (to Chandler and Monica) Fredo stayed in the box next to me
and the Albino guy I lived with when I was homeless.
Mon/Chan: Oh.
Phoe: Anyway, he's not a hairdresser, he's a stupid windshield washer on the
street!
Chan: (mocking) No!
Phoe: Uh-huh! Can you believe it?
Mon: Phoebe, what made you think Fredo would be a hairdresser?
Phoe: Because, that was always his dream, next to taking a bath.
Chan: You know he'd have to go to school, and get a license.
Phoe: (laughs) Why would he need a license? He doesn't drive.
[Scene: Ross's. Ross is watching television when there's a knock on the
door.]
Ross: (opens the door) Hey Phoebe.
Phoe: Hey!
Ross: Come on in.
Phoe: Okay, Ross, I'm sorry but my friend is not a hairdresser.
Ross: That's okay Pheebs. Thanks for trying.
Phoe: But I do have something better. (takes out a large pair of scissors
from her bag) Look!
Ross: (screams) Aahh! (moves away from Phoebe)
Phoebe quickly takes out a Polaroid camera and takes his picture, then
laughs hysterically.
Ross: (sees the camera) What? Phoebe! That is not funny.
Phoe: (still laughing) I'm sorry Ross, but you should've seen the look on
your face!
Ross: Yeah, I'm amused.
Phoe: No, this is what I have for you. (takes out about 5 different wigs)
Ross: Wigs? I'm not going out in public wearing a wig!
Phoe: Ross, would you rather go out with your head looking like a strobe
light or would you rather look normal?
Ross: (still looking at the wigs) Normal... I guess.
Phoe: Okay, then. And look, they're made with human hair!
Ross: Eww!
Phoe: Ross stop acting like a baby! (looks at the picture again and giggles)
Ross: (whines) Phoebe..
Phoe: Okay, I'm sorry.
[Scene: Chandler & Joey's. Joey has just put a tape in the VCR when
Chandler enters the apartment.]
Chan: Hey Joe, what are you watching?
Joey: (quickly turns off the TV) Uh, nothing.
Chan: Okay then. (enters his bedroom)
Joey: (turns TV back on) There it is..
Chan: (exits bedroom) Have you been in my room?
Joey: What? No, of course not!
Chan: (holds up an empty tape box) Oh really?
Joey: Alright! Alright! I took it, okay? But I was only gonna watch like 5
minutes of it.
Chandler just looks at him.
Joey: Okay, maybe 10 minutes...
[Time Lapse: Ross's.]
Ross: So what do you think Pheebs? (wearing the blonde wig)
Phoe: Eh..
Ross: What? No way! I think it looks okay.
Phoe: I don't like it.
Ross: You don't?
Phoe: No, it makes you look weird. But if that's the look you're going for,
then there you go!
Ross: (takes wig off) Okay, moving right along.
Phoe: Try the red one.
Ross: (puts the red wig on) Hmm... its not bad.
Phoe: It's different... Hey! We could call you 'Red Ross' (off his glare) Or
not..
[Time Lapse: Ross's.]
Phoe: Here's the last one.
Phoebe hands Ross the wig.
Ross: This has gray hair.
Phoe: I know, isn't it cool?
Ross: Pheebs, I don't have gray hair.
Phoe: I know, but wouldn't it be cool to see how you'd look at 50?
Ross puts on the gray wig and likes what he sees.
Ross: Actually I look very distinguished. (looks closer in the mirror)
Hello, Dr. Geller.
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's that evening. Monica walks in to find Rachel
watching television.]
Mon: Hey Rach.
Rach: (still watching TV) Hey Mon.
Monica walks over and cuts off the TV.
Rach: What'd you do that for?
Mon: Because we need to talk.
Rach: Um, can we talk later? I have to do something in my room. (stands up)
Mon: No! I'm tired of us avoiding each other. We need to talk about what
happened.
Rach: Oh, alright. (sits back down and Monica joins her)
Mon: Okay, I'm sorry you saw that tape, I really am. But you gotta just
forget about it.
Rach: I know honey, I'm trying. It's just hard to get that image out of my
head...
Mon: I know..
Rach: And the voices.. don't forget the voices.
Mon: (clenches her teeth) I said I know. (calms down) Haven't you ever done
anything crazy like that?: (thinks) Well yeah, but there's no evidence of it...
at least I don't think.
Mon: Okay, but that's no reason we shouldn't speak. Look at Chandler and
Joey. They're talking.
Rach: Why wouldn't they be talking?
Mon: Uh, because.. they were going through something as well, but that's
really not important.
Rach: Then why did you bring it up?
Mon: I don't know. Hey, I know how we can take your mind off of it.
Rach: How?
Mon: Let's have a girls night out. We'll get Phoebe, and the three of us can
go to a movie. (off her look) Or, we could just go out and have a few drinks.
Rach: Now that sounds like a good idea.
[Cut to: Chandler & Joey's. Chandler's wearing a bewildered expression
while facing Joey.]
Chan: (deadpan) No Joe, I did not realize that I could change the home video
industry by adding music.
Joey: See! You learn something new everyday.
Chan: For the last time, no you may not see the tape!
Joey: I can fast forward it. I won't even look at Monica's face.
Chan: You think it's her face I'm worried about? Look I said no. (enters
bedroom)
Joey: (holds up the tape and giggles) Yeah!
Chan: (exits bedroom and grabs the tape) Thank you.. (re-enters bedroom)
Joey: Aw Crap!
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's the next day. Everyone is there except
Phoebe.]
Ross: So what do you guys think about my hair now?
Ross is wearing a black wig.
Chan: Well before you looked like a skunk. Now you just look like you're
wearing one.
Everybody laughs.
Ross: Ha ha, I'm serious. I'm gonna have to wear it until I can go and get
my hair changed back.
Joey: Just don't expect to have a date for a while.
Rach: Ross you should be used to that then, right?
Ross gives her "the finger."
Mon: Where did you get the wig?
Ross: Phoebe.
Chan: That explains it.
Phoe: (enters) Hey!
All: Hey Pheebs!
Phoe: Okay, I'm here and I have popcorn, so let's get this show on the road.
Rach: What are you talking about?
Phoe: I thought we were going to watch some movies.
Ross: We are? What movies did you get?
Phoe: I didn't get any. (looks at Joey) Joey said we were going to watch Faces
of Death, so I thought sure why not.
Ross: Faces of Death?
Rach: Oh my God.. Flashback!
Chan/Mon: Joey!
Joey: See ya! (runs out of the apartment)
The End
Thanks for reading, and please review. Was this original and funny? Do I
need a beta reader instead of asking all of you these questions? :)
Email me at shannonism_2000@yahoo.com with any other comments or questions.