Disclaimer: I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of its characters.
Chapter Three
It was near the end of round two of the female mud-wrestling finals, and the action was just beginning to build. The blond had just tripped the red-head as she was trying to cross over to the other side. She tried to kick her opponent as she was down but the red-head grabbed her ankles and pulled her to the mat. The crowd roared for more. Lister hardly noticed. He had turned from the television screen and was staring at the brunette on the wall.
He had been looking at the pictures on and off for most of the time he had been trying to watch the game, his eyes unable to resist the temptation to look and see if they were still there. Then after he confirmed that they hadn't disappeared, he slowly became entranced in them. They made him feel as if she were still around.
Hearing the bell sound for round three, he suddenly realized that he wasn't looking at the screen anymore. "Stop it," he told himself, snapping his head forwards again. "Staring at a picture isn't gonna bring her back. It never has and it never will." He shoved a forkful of vindaloo into his mouth to settle the matter.
The red-head had just sidekicked the blond, throwing her on the mat once more. She tried to jump her but the blond rolled out of the way. Now both of them were rolling around in the muck, much to the delight of the crowd. Normally Lister would be yelling along with them, but today he was preoccupied. He felt guilty letting a great vid like this go to waste, but he couldn't help it. He just had too much on his mind.
Feeling the weight of her stare again, he shoveled more vindaloo onto his tongue, hoping the spices would somehow clear his head, or at least make for a good distraction. It wasn't working; he felt his head begin to turn, but saved himself just in time. He began to scoop more and more vindaloo in. Maybe if I put enough in my mouth, he thought, it'll weigh my head down so I *can't* look. With that, he finished off his plate, even though his cheeks felt like they were melting away. He could get through this. They were only pictures after all, and not even very good ones at that. It was all a matter of willpower. Simple as that.
He turned and looked again, just like he knew he would.
There were all the feelings and memories, captured forever on two squares of film and paper. Why had she gone? Why was it that whenever he was thisclose to finding happiness, it slipped away from him just as he was about to grab hold and never let go?
He felt himself getting sick; he doubted it was from the vindaloo. Shaking his head, he turned back to the screen.
Kryten walked into the room, whistling happily and carrying a tray of refreshments. He was in a terrific mood. "Ah, hello sir. Are you enjoying your video?"
Lister grabbed some pints from the tray and Kryten noticed his face. "Sir, is something wrong? Why are you sweating so and why are your cheeks red and puffy? You look like you're reenacting the miracle of a chipmunk giving birth."
"Mm fryn foo hleer mm fhred," he replied and began to guzzle the lager as if his life depended on it. The way his stomach was feeling, he probably wasn't far off.
"Excuse me? I didn't quite catch that."
Lister wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "I said I'm tryin' to clear me head."
"Oh, well there's much easier ways than that, sir. You should have just read through Mr. Rimmer's old Risk journal. That's sure to wipe away any small hold you have on reality."
"Yeah I know, I couldn't find it. Have you seen it?"
"Well actually, that's what I came in here to talk to you about, sir. I just finished my supply check and we seem to be missing a few things."
"What? I thought the nanobots were going to replace everything they had stripped from the ship."
"They did sir. In fact, in some cases they've improved on things. The food supplies have been tripled, for instance, and a lot of the smaller technical problems we've had on board have been fixed. But I've noticed that some of us are missing a few personal items."
Lister looked around the room. "I don't think I'm missing anything."
"Well maybe you weren't effected, sir, and if you do find something that's gone, I'm sure it's something you can live without."
"What's missing then?"
"Well I'm missing a spare hand, for instance, and we already mentioned the Risk journal."
"Yeah, but I'm sure we can survive without THOSE, Kryts. So what's the big deal?"
Just then, Holly appeared on the monitor. "Well that's done."
"What's that, Hol?"
"I've just finished checking the shields."
"What shields?"
"You know, the invisible ones that surround the ship and protect it from all sorts of nasty things."
Kryten and Lister looked at each other. "But we don't have shields like that, Hol."
"Yeah I know. And we still don't." He paused. "I guess that clears that up then, eh?" He waited for a thank you, but none ever came. Typical. He decided to change the subject.
"So where's Cat then?"
"I dunno. I haven't seen him since we got back on board and the nanobots fixed me an' me arm." He flexed it, a habit he had recently developed. He just liked reminding himself that it was there. "You seen `im, Kryten?"
"That's what I was getting at, sir. Shortly after we got back, I saw him take off for the main cargo bay with all the fabric and thread he could carry. He's been locked in there ever since. I didn't know why until today."
Lister's eyes widened. "Oh smeg, you don't mean--"
"Yes. It seems the nanobots got rid of his entire wardrobe and neglected to replace it. He's been at work making a new one ever since he found out."
"Poor Cat," said Lister. He could just imagine Cat sitting down there, sewing and hemming till his fingers bled. "He must've been crushed. Still, I would've thought we'd `ve seen him by now."
"Perfection takes time, sir, but I'm sure he'll be done soon."
"I'm gonna check on `im," said Holly. "At least it'll give me something t'do." His image blinked off.
Kryten began to clear up the dirty dishes. "Sir, is there anything else I can get for you?"
Lister was watching the video again. "Yeah, would you mind turning those pictures around?" He pointed at them but his head still faced the screen.
Kryten walked over to where he was pointing. "These two?"
"Yeah."
He flipped the pictures around and decided to dust as long as he was up. He began to whistle again as he made his way around the room with the feather duster. Lister recognized the tune and frowned.
"Why don't you dance the fandango while you're at it?"
Kryten turned around. "Sir?"
"Honestly, Kryten. Whistling 'Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead.' Real sensitive, man."
"I'm sorry sir, I didn't realize I was bothering you. Would you prefer if I hummed?"
"No I would not prefer if you hummed," Lister shot back in a whiny voice. He shook his head. "She didn't even die. She left, remember?"
"Yes of course I do, sir, although I still can't believe you let her take Blue Midget."
"She didn't want to endanger us an' the Dwarf. The linkway works better when focused on a small space anyway. It was her best chance of getting home. From the flash we saw before Blue Midget disappeared, it looks like she somehow succeeded."
"Or it could mean that something went hideously wrong and she was blown to bits. I don't think we should rule out that possibility, sir."
"I'm sure she's FINE, Kryten. By now she's back with her perfect Lister and her perfect life." He leaned back and put his feet up on the table. "Personally, I'm glad she's gone."
"Of course, sir."
Lister looked up. "What's that supposed t'mean?"
"Nothing, sir. It was just a simple answer."
"Yeah, and it was also very sarcastic."
Kryten put down his duster. "Well I didn't mean to imply anything, sir, if that's what you're getting at. I wasn't pointing out how easy it is to see that you miss her and that you're quite miserable at the moment. No, nothing of the sort."
"Well I DON'T miss her. She's outta my hair now." He winced as he thought of all the times she reminded him of how different he was from 'her Dave.' It made him want to `chuck.
"Whatever you say, sir."
"I really don't miss her, you know that, right? I mean there's no reason for me to. The way she always had to have things done her way and how she treated us like we had no idea what we were doin'. Good riddance to her, that's what I say."
" Of course. I mean, why should you miss her? She was only the woman you've loved all your life, albeit from a different reality. There's no reason whatsoever that you should be sad to see her go."
"Exactly. I'm glad you see it my way, Kryts." He jumped up onto his bunk.
"And I'm sure you only stare at those photographs to make sure that you're not becoming near-sighted. Of course you don't miss her." Kryten waited for Lister to say something, but he only heard him sigh.
"It's that obvious then," he said at last.
Kryten nodded. "I'm afraid so, sir."
"But I'm happy that she got to go back. I am! She got to go back to the life she's used to and that's what counts."
"Yes, and the salad cream is finally back where it belongs." Lister glared at him. "Sorry sir, I guess the sight of chilled salad cream doesn't send joy into your heart like it does with me."
Lister leaned his head back into his pillow. "Everything's back the way it should be." He tried to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind that said otherwise. "It's time to move on."
Kryten watched him as he jumped down. "Sir, why do you still use the top bunk? The bottom one's empty."
"I can't use that bunk, Kryten. That's Rimmer's bunk. Always has been, always will be. I couldn't get used to it bein' any other way."
"But sir, his light bee was destroyed, remember? It's not like he's coming back."
"I dunno about that," Lister grinned. "Stranger things have happened."
Kryten picked up the tray. "Well, if you'll excuse me sir, I have to go. Bob the Skutter is expecting me in the drive room. It seems that the nanobots misplaced some of their John Wayne videos. Confidentially sir, I fear that the skutters might go on strike. Then nothing will get done around here."
"Might go on strike?" Lister repeated. "How would we be able t'tell?"
"I think they're serious, sir. Hopefully an agreement can be reached."
Lister sat down at the television as Kryten walked out of the room. Stopping the tape just as the red-head punched the blond in the jaw, he looked at the bottom bunk. Years ago, when Rimmer decided to move next door with his replica, he'd been thrilled to get his own room. Now it just felt empty. He wondered what Rimmer was up to.
He'd been wondering that a lot lately.
Holly appeared on the monitor again. "Dave? Cat wants you to come down and help him carry his new wardrobe back. He also wants me to remind you to wear velvet gloves."
Lister switched the TV off. "Yeah, Hol, tell `im I'm on me way." He glanced at the empty bunk again and headed out the door.