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Season Eight: PART ONE (Yea… I'll be adding chapters sometime…)
(Scene: Wedding reception… Chandler and Monica's first dance…)
Monica: Chandler… they're all starring at us!! Did you tell everyone I was pregnant or something??
Chandler: No, Mon, I think they're just watching the newly weds dancing together.
Monica: (Feeling stupid) Oh yeah, sorry. But why do you think Phoebe said all that about a pregnancy test in my trash?
Chandler: Who knows… maybe Phoebe just got… well, Phoebe like.
Monica: Yeah, maybe, but what if she wasn't lying?
Chandler: (Sighs) I don't know Monica. Can't we just dance? It's our song!
Monica: (Kissed him softly) Sorry…
Ross: I can't believe they are actually married now!
Phoebe: I know! It's so exciting! And just think, a baby now too! I'm so happy for them!
Joey: Baby?
Phoebe: (Glancing at Ross) Oh, right! See, Monica's pregnant. Ya hoo!
Joey: Baby? Pregnant? Monica? NO!
Ross: Yes, Joey.
Joey: How? (Phoebe and Ross give him looks) Well, not how but… oh nevemind! (Gets up from the table and talks to the waiter about more food)
Ross: My baby sister's married! She's gonna have a baby! I- I don't believe it.
Phoebe: Ok, Ross calm down. Or I might have to hunt you down and kick your ass again.
Ross: (Trying not to laugh) Ok Pheebs. Speaking of, I'm just glad we found Chandler in time. I really don't wanna kick my best friend's ass.
Phoebe: (Laughing) Oh Ross, please! Stop!
Rachel: (Leans over to hear what the others are talking about) Hey Pheebs, Ross. The wedding was so beautiful, huh?
Phoebe: I should write a song about their baby!
Rachel: Oh, you shouldn't do that. Monica doesn't know that we know yet.
Phoebe: Right… I should go tell her!
Ross: She's dancing!
Joey: (Sitting back down) Chandler just told me that there isn't any baby. (Glares at Phoebe)
Phoebe: What? How can that be? We found the test! Maybe… oh! I bet it was a sign!
Ross: Right… what do you mean there's no baby? Monica's not pregnant.
Joey: Well, baby and pregnant usually go together.
Rachel: (Trying to change the subject) Who wants to dance with me?
Joey: Not me, I'm waiting for that hot waitress to bring me more chicken! Anyone want-
Ross: No Joe. You can keep the chicken you're not gonna eat. Enjoy the skin though. Come on Rach, let's dance.
(Offers his hand out. Rachel takes it and they walk over to the dance floor, next to Chandler and Monica)
Monica: Rach! What is all this about me being pregnant?
Rachel: Uh… well, Mon, we found the test in your bathroom!
Monica: But I didn't take a test!!
Ross: Chill out! Chandler, did you show her the outfit? Maybe she'll know you're ok and admit it.
Monica: I'm NOT having a baby! Would I not know if I was! And I would never hide that from you guys anyway! You know how I am about kids.
Rachel: Maybe… but what other way is there to explain the test! If it's not mine and it's not yours and it's not-
Ross: Oh my God, Phoebe's pregnant!
Rachel: (Sighs and shacks her head) Do you really think she'd keep that from us? And besides, after the triplets, she said she didn't wanna go through that again.
Chandler: Then whose is it? You 3 are the only girls that would ever use our bathroom.
Rachel: I dunno… can we just dance? This is so depressing.
Ross: (Dancing away from Chandler and Monica) Why is this depressing?
Rachel: I'm never gonna get married!
Ross: Sure you are! And it's gonna be just as beautiful as this one! I hope my… 4th wedding is this great.
Rachel: (Smiling) You're actually planning a 4th wedding? Oh wait, what am I saying? Of course you are, you're Ross!
Ross: Geesh! Can you guys go one day without making that joke?
Rachel: Why should we stop? It's such an easy one to make.
Ross: I wonder if Pheebs really is pregnant. I mean, it's obviously not Monica's and if it's not yours…
Rachel: Yeah, but come on. I mean, who? She doesn't even have a boyfriend or anything.
Ross: Hey, here's a weird thought. Have you noticed that Phoebe's been a little too friendly with Gunther lately?
Rachel: Ew! Ross! I seriously doubt that!
Ross: Here's another weird thought- what if my 4th wedding and your wedding are just as beautiful as this one… and they are the same wedding.
Rachel: (Stops dancing and steps back to look at him) Are you serious? Ross!
Ross: Hey, hey, sorry. Just a thought.
Rachel: (Starts to dance with him again) Look, Ross, that's really sweet of you to offer, but I'm not ready to marry you… or anyone. Besides, we keep breaking up over the same-
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: Stop saying that! That's exactly why I won't be marrying you! I say one thing and you say another.
Ross: Ok. Sorry, I was just offering, you-
Joey: (Taps Rachel on the shoulder) May I have this dance?
Rachel: (Turning away from Ross and into Joey's arms) We'll talk later Ross. (Ross walks away) Hey Joe, how was your chicken… skin?
Joey: Great! You sure you don't want the chicken? I didn't lick it or anything.
Rachel: Eh, no thanks.
Joey: So, about the baby thing. What exactly happened?
Rachel: (Sighs) Me and Phoebe found a positive pregnancy test in Monica's trash can this morning. And so, it's her bathroom, so we thought it was her's. But she keeps saying it's not. And it's not mine… (Waiting to see if Joey will come up with the Phoebe being pregnant answer)
Joey: Huh. Well, it's not Mon's and it's not your's… that really only leaves one person!
Rachel: I'm pretty sure it's not Phoebe's Joe.
Joey: Phoebe? Oh! Sorry, I was thinking it was like a wedding guest's or something.
Rachel: (Shakes her head and laughs) No, Joe. It's not one of them either.
Joey: (Sadly) Oh. Well, then who?
Rachel: I guess we'll all talk about it later when the six of us get the chance. Can I go make a phone call?
Joey: Sure.
Rachel: You got money?
Joey: Uh huh… (Pulls out some old oreos from his uniform pocket) Oh! Want an Oreo?
Rachel: (Looks at the squished cookie) No. I'll see you later Joe. (Gets her purse across the room and pulls out some change. Goes down to lobby and finds the pay phones. She deposits the money and dials)
Ross: (Hears his cell phone playing a soft song from his pocket) Uh, sorry Mon. (Let's go of Monica, who he's dancing with, and pulls out his cell phone. Walking away, he puts it up to his ear. "Hello? Rachel? Where are you calling from? Downstairs… why are you crying? Ok, Rach, chill out, I'll be down in a sec. (Puts his phone back in his pocket and walks back to his sister.) I have to go check on something downstairs, but we can finish our dance later.
Monica: Ok. (Pulls Chandler out of Phoebe's arms and spins him around to face her.) My husband.
Rachel: (Sitting down on small green chair in the lobby, waiting for Ross. Sees him coming and smiles.) Hey Ross.
Ross: (Pulls another chair up and sits across from her.) What's wrong Rach?
Rachel: (Looking around) Well, first of all these chairs do NOT match this room!
Ross: That's why you were crying?
Rachel: No… Ross… I'm the one having the baby.
Phoebe: (Back to dancing with Chandler) Is something wrong? I can sense it.
Chandler: Rachel says she's not pregnant. And Monica's not pregnant either. So… are you?
Phoebe: No Chandler! I'm not pregnant. Who would be the dad anyway? Not my brother again!
Chandler: (Shaking his head) Ok Pheebs. But this means someone is lying. Because we can't have 3 women not having babies and one pregnancy test. It just doesn't work that way.
Phoebe: Oh! Want me to go sniff out the liar?
Chandler: Sure… you go do that… (Watches as Phoebe goes over to Monica and waves her arms around her back. Turns back to Chandler and shakes her head furiously. Chandler gives her a weird smile and looks away.)
Ross: What? Rachel!
Rachel: (Gets a weird look on her face) Whew! I feel SO much better now! Thanks for listening Ross. Let's go back upstairs. (Gets up and walks to the staircase.)
Ross: (Running over to her) Rachel! You have to talk about this!
Rachel: (Turning to face him, annoyed) No, Ross, I don't. I have to go back up to my best friends wedding and not tell anyone else… or I'll hunt you down and kick your ass. (Ross gives her a look) Sorry! It was easy! (Runs back up the stairs)
Ross: (Running after her) Rachel! Wait!
(Roll Credits… Commercials)
(Little Clippy at the end)
Chandler: (Dancing with Monica as Ross and Phoebe dance next to them) I can't believe we actually made it!
Monica: Yeah, that reminds me! We are gonna talk about your little detour later.
Chandler: I know, I know. But hey, Ross, at least I went through my wedding and it's not gonna become automatic divorce!
Ross: (Glares at him) I bet you $100 you can't go the rest of the night without making another crack about that. (Hoping his voice doesn't sound too shaky. Rachel wouldn't talk to him at all)
Chandler: Hey! Isn't that how you and Rachel got married? In Las Vegas? In the casino? Where the bet and… no! I SO do not agree on that bet!
Phoebe: Good! Because I have one right now! Ross… (Voice fades out as laugh track comes on and theme song plays)
MORE COMING SOON