Disclaimer: I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of its characters.
Chapter Fifteen
"Timlars?" Lister repeated. "Don't tell me you finally found your aliens, Rimmer."
"No, they're human. Deranged and vengeful humans, yes, but still humans. On my last jump I met a man named George Harper and he told me their history."
They began to walk towards the landing bay as Rimmer continued the story. "605 years ago, or at least 605 years from their present day, a large group of crazed science fiction fans was raising hell all over Earth. Dressed up as their favorite characters from their favorite shows, they would act out their fantasies on the helpless populace. Some of the more intelligent ones were even able to construct realistic weapons like the ones used on their favorite sci-fi programs. They would obliterate buildings, destroy private property, and force people to take part in their games, sometimes even killing them if they refused. All in the name of science fiction fandom. Finally the Earth council decided they had had enough. Not only was the group out of control, but the fact that such a group existed was disturbing enough. They summoned the unofficial leaders of the group and offered them a choice. They could either be relocated to a different planet to act out their strange obsessions, or they could remain on Earth and act like normal, civilized people."
"And they chose to go."
"Of course they did, now don't interrupt me. Anyway, they were relocated to Navus 7, a nice enough planet that was very far from Earth. Once there, the group split into two factions, and one of the factions decided to move to a planet in a nearby system called Timlar 4. Now that there were two sides, they could engage in real science fiction battles. For a few years, everything went great. Both sides built up their own civilizations as well as their strategies and task forces. But after four years of endless battles and relived scenes, the Navetians grew tired of it all. They wanted to settle down and get on with their lives. So the factions called a truce. The Timlars cut off all contact with the Navetians, but they didn't care much. They stopped all production of munitions and turned their attention to building up agriculture and economy. But the Timlars had other ideas in mind. A year after they had signed the truce, the Timlar fleet surrounded the planet and bombarded the settlements, beginning a reign of tyranny that lasted for 600 years."
"But how could you tell that they were the ones attacking the Enlightenment?"
"When the group was sent to the new planet, the council wouldn't let them bring any sort of weapons with them. They didn't want them destroying each other after all, no matter how tempting the idea was. So the two sides had to develop their own weapons. The Navetians continued to rely on reproductions of devices used in science fiction programs, but the Timlars began to experiment with sound. They developed weapons that produced fantastically destructive sound waves and frequencies. After a while, sound became their only weapon. That's what they used to bombard Navus 7, and that's what they're using right now as they attack that ship."
"But I thought that sound waves can't travel in space?"
He blinked. "Look, don't ask me to explain the science of it, I only know what I saw."
"Heard."
"You KNOW what I mean."
"There's just one thing that still bothers me, bud," said Cat from behind him.
"What's that?"
"How did you get your hair to look so good?"
They all ignored him. As they entered the landing bay, Rimmer broke away from the group.
"Where you goin', bud?"
"I'll take the Wildfire. You stay here where it's safe."
"What are you talkin' about, Rimmer? We're all going. C'mon, we'll take Starbug."
"Lister, you can't be serious. These people need help NOW. We shouldn't waste time riding on a craft that could easily be outrun by an anesthetized sloth."
"It's not like that anymore, Rimmer. The drive's been converted. It's quick as lightning now."
"What? When did this happen?"
"Not too long ago."
"All right fine, we'll take Starbug. Tell Holly to watch A.J. while we're gone." He pulled on his collar. "Diane, stay here, but keep an eye on us, ok? We might need some backup."
"You've got it, Ace."
They climbed inside Starbug and blasted into space. Rimmer sat down at his old station like nothing had ever changed. In fact the only thing that seemed different to him was the fact that Starbug was actually traveling fast. He looked up to see Lister looking back at him with an 'I told you so' expression on his face.
Kryten turned towards him. "One thing still puzzles me, sir. How do *you* fit into all this?"
"Who do you think ended their 600 year reign?" he asked as he flashed his best Ace grin.
"Get outta town," Lister scoffed.
"No, it's true. They're probably out for revenge. After 600 years as science fiction villains, their fandom has become their culture, not just an act. They often overact and use tired, overused lines in their everyday speech, all the while wreaking havoc on the universe. To tell you the truth, they're quite nasty people." Suddenly his face clouded as he realized something horrible.
Lister noticed something wasn't quite right. "Rimmer? What's wrong?"
He looked back with guilty eyes. "It's my fault. My God, it's all my fault."
"What's your fault?"
"Somehow they followed me and--A.J.'s house. They were trying to get *me*, not him. I KNEW I recognized that attack pattern!"
"Rimmer, what are you--"
"And now they've followed me here. But how? Oh smeg-the aft sensors. We couldn't detect them. Why didn't I fix the sensors?!" He looked at Lister as if asking for forgiveness. "I led them here. It's all my fault. They destroyed A.J.'s house and almost killed him. Now they're going to destroy--"
He bit his knuckle in worry and shock. The others didn't know what to say; they were too confused about what was going on to really say anything. A moment later, Rimmer looked up and banged his fist on his console.
"Right. They tricked me once and I'm not going to let it happen again. Let's just get there."
A few minutes later, the Enlightenment came into view. It still gleamed with the same calm beauty as it always had, only now it was solid instead of translucent.
Cat frowned. "I thought you said these guys were under attack?"
"They are. The Timlars are using their cloaking device."
"That figures," said Lister. "They have to have a cloaking device. Everyone who's anyone on a sci-fi show has a cloaking device." He looked back at the ship as they got closer. "Still, it doesn't look like they're under attack anymore. Maybe the Timlars left?"
Suddenly a barrage of invisible attacks rocked the port side of the Enlightenment. The ship's image took on an unhealthy glow, and a stream of material began to flow from all around it.
"What is that stuff? Debris?" Lister asked Kryten.
"According to scans, the ship's hard-light generator is slowly breaking down due to the attack. The materials you see emanating from the ship are all objects that weren't able to stabilize with the generator."
"So they're falling through the ship?"
"Exactly."
"How long till the drive completely corrodes?"
Kryten looked back with a worried face. "About 18 minutes, sir."
"Right, I'm going in," said Rimmer, and got up to wait by the door until Starbug had fully docked.
Lister jumped up. "I'm goin' with you."
"No way, Lister. The ship's far too unstable."
"Rimmer, Kris is on there. I have to make sure she's all right." They both stood their ground. Neither was about to give in.
"Docking complete, sirs," said Kryten from the cockpit.
"Come on Rimmer, we don't have time for this."
He gave a reluctant nod, and they both ran through the open hatchway. As they rounded the first corner, they froze in their tracks.
No one onboard was panicking. There were no sirens blaring or warning lights flashing. In fact, if they hadn't known any better, Rimmer and Lister would have thought that everything was perfectly normal. No one paid them any heed as they walked by; any look they did receive was usually from behind an upturned nose. Needless to say, both were quite bewildered.
"Don't they realize what's going on?" asked Lister.
"Of course they do," replied a voice from behind them. They whirled around and came face to face with Nirvana. "They just don't care." She offered them both her hand and introduced herself.
"What do you mean they don't care? Why don't they fight back or somethin'?"
"Oh they all know the danger they face. They just don't want to take the time to actually defend themselves. They feel that everything and everyone is below them. Why should they waste time trying to beat an enemy that they already know is vastly inferior to them?"
"But you're not like them."
She smiled. "Some of us still have our heads on straight. Now come on. We don't have much time."
"Commander, if you'll show me to your hologram shield generator, I think I can stop this mess," said Rimmer as Ace.
Nirvana looked at him and tried to ignore the funny feeling she was getting from him. She reminded herself for the umpteenth time that he was from another dimension, and gathered her wits once more. "Of course. Follow me."
As they turned to go, Lister heard his name being called. He looked up and saw Kochanski walking towards him. He sighed with relief. She was still ok.
"It's about time, Lister," she said in a crisp voice. "We have to hurry before the drive completely fails."
"Nice t'see you too, Kris," he replied. Cat and Kryten came around the corner and joined them.
"Hey, what's with these people?" asked Cat. "Not a single one of them has noticed my suit!"
Kochanski shook her head as she tried to keep her temper. "Right now the damage is affecting random areas of the ship. We have no way of predicting or controlling where it will switch from hard light to soft, so be on your toes."
All of a sudden a soft buzzing sound filled the air. They all exchanged uneasy glances and looked around for the source of the noise. Then just as suddenly, it stopped. Everyone froze as they waited for something to happen.
Nothing happened.
"Weird," said Lister. Everyone began to relax. "I wonder what that was." He took a few steps forward...and disappeared.
Everyone blinked as they waited for their minds to tell them where Lister had just gone. Suddenly it dawned on them.
"Oh my God," said Kochanski. "The sound. It was the hard-light breaking down. Lister's fallen through!"
They all rushed to where he had just been a moment ago. Kochanski knelt down and moved her hand along the floor. Her fingers crept along the surface until her index finger disappeared. She reached forward and let her hand fall through. "There. A shaft of soft light has formed. See, you can feel it." She moved her hand around the hole to demonstrate.
Everyone peered down for a sign of Lister, but couldn't see anything except the floor, which seemed to be perfectly intact. They all looked at each other and waited until someone came up with a suggestion.
"Someone do something!" Kochanski screamed at last, looking at everyone for help. Her brows pinched together as she realized someone else was missing. "Where's Ace?"
They all realized at the same time that there was only one place for him to go. Fingers crossed, they sat back and hoped for the best. It was all they could do under the circumstances.