Disclaimer: I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of its characters.
Chapter Sixteen
Rimmer dove into the hole without any sort of a plan. He figured it would come to him along the way. Now as he kept falling and falling, however, he was beginning to wish that plan would hurry up.
He tried to catch a glimpse of Lister as they passed through the decks, but he was still too far ahead of him. Rimmer straightened out his body with hopes that he could gain some ground before it was too late to do anything...
Lister's life had begun to pass before his eyes. It wasn't much of a life. Normally he didn't mind it, but in hopeless situations like these, he wanted to kick himself for not doing something with his life when he had the chance. After all I've been through, he thought angrily, you'd think I would've learned. Maybe I deserve what I get.
He heard his name from far away and looked up. Rimmer was about ten feet from him and closing fast.
"Rimmer, what do you think you're doing?"
"I'm writing haiku. What's it look like I'm doing, you goit? I'm trying to save you!"
"You're saving me? But you can't rescue anyone!"
"So you would rather fall to your untimely demise then take your chances with me, is that what you're saying?"
Lister remembered he was falling, and looked back up. "No--just do somethin'!"
"All right. Hang on."
"Oh that's great advice, Rimmer. Like I have anything to hang on to."
Now he was about three feet away. "Lister, I'm going to grab your hand and then switch to soft-light."
"You what? Rimmer, you can't touch anything when you're in soft-light, remember?"
"Wrong. When I'm in soft-light I'll be in tune with this damaged part of the ship and I'll quit falling."
"Yeah great, but what about me? How am I supposed to grab your hand when you're in soft-light?"
"I'm going to try and keep just my right hand in hard-light. Therefore when I stop falling, you'll stop too."
Lister looked down and wondered how many decks they had left. He knew it couldn't be too many. "Rimmer, are you sure this will work?"
"Shut up, I have to concentrate. If I don't time this just right, we'll be in big trouble. Get ready." He stretched his arm down to Lister and grabbed his hand as his anxious mind counted down the seconds.
Three
"Rimmer, hurry up!"
Two
"What are you waitin' for? I can see the bottom deck!"
One!
Rimmer switched to soft light and reached up with his left hand, grabbing hold of a pipe in the lower cargo deck. He looked down and felt a huge wave of relief wash over him.
Lister clung to his other hand. He looked shocked, but otherwise seemed ok. Lister was looking down at the bottom of the ship--just two floors below them--then slowly looked up at Rimmer.
"It worked," he muttered in complete surprise. "I can't believe it worked."
Rimmer breathed deeply. He couldn't believe it either.
"So now what?"
"I'm going to swing you to the side of the hole. It should still be hard-light outside of it."
"What do you mean, SHOULD be? What if it's not?"
"Well, you'll fall through the ship before your brain has time to realize what's going on."
"Now wait a minute, Rimmer--"
"Lister, will you quit arguing with me just for a second? This hard-light shield is only temporary. It could wear off at any minute. I have no other choice."
Lister looked at the room he was in. He couldn't even tell where the 'hole' began and where it ended. To him, the room looked completely solid. What if there were more holes inside it? What then? His mind demanded answers but Lister had none to give it. He looked up at Rimmer and nodded.
"Ok. Just hurry."
Rimmer began to swing as best he could. He wanted to be sure that Lister was thrown clear of the hole. He pumped his legs and began to gain more and more ground. Lister closed his eyes and braced himself for either a hard hit or a great fall. Then he was flying through the air. He hung in nothingness for what seemed like eternity; his heart fell as he began to panic. Where was the ground? Maybe he fell into another hole? Maybe the entire ship was soft light?
He landed with a loud THUD! a moment later. His fingers insisted on feeling the solid ground around him before allowing his eyes to open, and he wasn't about to contest their good judgment. Then he looked back and saw Rimmer drop to the ground. Rimmer brushed himself off and came over to him.
"Are you ok?"
Lister nodded. He didn't know what else to do. Rimmer switched back to hard light and helped him to his feet. Lister stood wide-eyed as he waited for his heart to quit trying to escape his chest.
Rimmer just shared Lister's look of relief. "Come on. Let's get back to the others before the rest of this ship falls apart."
"Sir, do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?"
"Bad news?" asked Gambran sharply. "What do you mean, bad news?"
The ensign cleared his throat. "Right, good news it is, sir. Our plan worked. Sensors indicate that Ace Rimmer is indeed on board the Enlightenment."
"Excellent! And his ship?"
"Not here, sir. Long-range sensors have located it, though. It seems that it was left behind."
"You have to be kidding me."
He shook his head. "No I'm not, sir. It's stationed near some sort of mining vessel, just waiting to be picked up."
"That's wonderful news!" His smile fell as he remembered what the ensign had mentioned before. "So what's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that he's just about to stabilize the frequency on the ship and is also in the process of pinpointing the frequency that will disable our cloak."
"Then we'll have to beat him to it. Go to orange alert. Take the ship back to strike position delta and get to work on plan B."
"Aye, sir."
Lister tried to relax, but Cat was making it incredibly difficult. He kept bombarding him with questions, and the last thing Lister wanted to do at the moment was relive his near-fatal fall.
"So could you see where you were goin' or did you just fall blindly?"
"Sorta blindly. I mean I could see the floor of the room I was in, but that was all. If Rimmer hadn't saved me..." He stopped. He was still in awe.
"You're still tryin' to tell me that Ace is actually alphabet head?"
"He IS, Cat. How many times do we have to remind you?"
"Please. You expect me to believe that Rimmer just risked his own life to save yours?"
"Yeah."
Cat shook his head. "Buddy, you need help." He started preening while Lister became engrossed in his confused thoughts.
Rimmer had saved him. No, not just saved him, but saved him in an amazing way. It wasn't a lie. He really had succeeded as Ace. Lister looked over to Rimmer as he worked with Nirvana and Kryten to try and reestablish the ship's frequency. There was no doubt that he certainly seemed to know at least a little about what he was doing.
Lister's lips formed the words "What a guy" but he shut them tightly as his mind continued the debate.
Rimmer saved me.
Yeah, so?
SO, he's not *supposed* to do stuff like that. He never has in the past. He always weaseled his way out of heroic stuff so he could save himself, remember? Why the sudden change?
Because he's Ace. And that's what Ace does.
But that's just the problem!
No it isn't. I think we both know where the real problem lies. Don't we?
You're asking me?
He snapped out of it when Rimmer clapped his hands. "That's it! We've got it!"
"It's about time," said Cat. "Can we go now?"
Lister looked at him. "But we just got here!"
"I know, but I've got better things to do than watch you fall through floors."
"Like checking out the sex deck?"
Cat flicked his tongue. "Buddy, you read my mind. Let's go."
They got up to leave, but Kochanski stopped them in their tracks. "Before you two go off to satisfy your libidos, may I remind you that whoever it was that attacked this ship is still out there and can strike again at any moment."
"Right, which means that someone has to go after them," Rimmer continued. "The obvious choice for that job is me. I've defeated them before, and I can do it again. Easy as pie." He hoped for an impressed look from Nirvana, but all she gave him was a yawn.
"No, I think it's better if we assemble a task force," replied Kochanski.
"Agreed," said Kryten. "Some of us can stay here and monitor the frequency while the rest can go off after the Timlars."
"That will not be necessary."
They whirled around to see the captain standing in the doorway, with Jason Vogel glaring at them from behind him.
"The enemy has obviously retreated, and as there is no further threat to the ship, you are free to go."
Nirvana looked at them out of the corner of her eye. "You checked the scans, I presume?"
"Of course not, commander. Who would want to take the time to use a sensor, much less read the information it gave?" She shook her head in reply.
Rimmer stood up and firmly shook the captain's hand as he introduced himself. The captain seemed unimpressed.
"I suppose we have you to thank for saving our ship," he said without emotion.
"It was nothing, really."
"Indeed. You didn't have to come here at all. We had everything under control."
"Well I--"
"No matter. At least now you can be among hard-light holograms. How does it feel to be surrounded by such greatness?"
"Well actually I've had hard-light capabilities for quite some time now."
The captain's right eyebrow raised two millimeters. "Really? And how, pray tell, were you able to develop such capabilities on your own?"
"He didn't, sir," said Kryten. "It was a gift from a--"
"Excuse me, but was the captain addressing you ?" Jason sneered. "I don't think so."
Lister stood up. "Yeah, well he wasn't addressing YOU either, was he?"
"Gentleman, please, I have a headache," the captain said. He looked back at Rimmer. "Ace Rimmer, right? We had a technician from your vessel here a while ago whose name was also Rimmer. Any relation?"
"`Fraid not old man. I'm from a different dimension."
"But where is the other one?"
Rimmer blinked. "I'm afraid he's no longer with us. In fact it's doubtful whether he'll ever return."
He turned and was met by Nirvana's empty gaze. She tried to keep up an air of dignity to hide her feelings, but she couldn't conceal the fact that there was no longer any light behind her eyes.
"Did you hear me?"
He looked back at the captain. "Sorry old chum, didn't quite catch that."
"Never mind. I don't want to take the time to repeat myself. Now if you'll excuse me" He glanced at the others, shook his head in disgust, and left.
Now it was Jason's turn to put Rimmer on trial. He stepped in front of Rimmer and peered at him with cold eyes. "So, Mr. Ace Rimmer." He pronounced every consonant crisply, trying to show he was unimpressed but sounding more like he taught proper diction for a living. "How exactly did you reestablish the hard-light frequency?"
"I set up a temporary block on any incoming wavelengths. That allowed me to relocate the original frequency."
"And how did you set the frequency?"
Rimmer gave him a puzzled look. "Well I just turned the knob to the proper setting."
"What a waste," Jason muttered. He looked at them all and held back the urge to vomit, as his mind held up hope that the captain would come to see them for what they really were: a bunch of idiotic, brainless, scum-sucking losers who would surely destroy everything the Enlightenment crew held dear.
"You were just leaving, weren't you Jason?" Nirvana hinted.
"Yes I was, commander. And may I remind you of a little appointment you have in an hour. Don't be late." He whistled as he made his exit. Nirvana sighed and got up.
"Where are you going?" asked Kochanski.
"Sorry, I'll just be a minute. I'm just getting a glass of water."
The guys tried to intercept the silent message the women were exchanging, but came up with nothing. As the women made a hasty exit, Kryten walked over to Rimmer.
"Sir, about that task force. I was thinking that maybe we...should...." He stopped talking as Rimmer slowly walked out the door, turned and went the opposite direction that the women had walked.
"Sir?" he called after him, but Rimmer just kept walking. Kryten shrugged and turned to Lister. "Now sir, as I was about to say, I--"
Lister brushed past him and followed Rimmer. Kryten looked down the hallway and saw them disappear around a corner.
"Well that's just super," he said as he came back in the room. "I come up with the strategy and no one's around to hear it." He looked at Cat, who was busy filing his nails. "Do you want to hear the plan I've come up with?"
"Unless it involves breaking into the sexual recreation deck, no."
"Fine. We'll just sit here and wait for the enemy to destroy us. Then when we're falling helplessly through deep space, I can remind you of this moment when you're all gasping for air." He sat down and began to wonder why he had chosen to put off doing the laundry in order to come with these people.