Disclaimer: I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of its characters.
Chapter Eighteen
Nirvana didn't speak. For the moment, she had practically forgotten how. All she could do was stare and question her sanity.
"Who are you?" she said at last.
"Well, who do I look like?"
"But it can't be. You're dead."
"Nirvana, I'm a hologram. Of course I'm dead. So are you!"
"No no, that's not what I mean. Ace said you were gone and that you were...never...coming..." Rimmer had put the wig on again. "--back?"
"Is that what he told you?" he replied as Ace. "I think he was given the wrong information." He removed the wig again and held it between his hands.
"I don't understand--"
"Shh, I'll explain it all later." He stood up and slowly walked towards her.
She looked like she had just seen a miracle. Her face was bright as her eyes blazed with life. Rimmer had seen lots of pretty and eager faces throughout his adventures as Ace, but none ever held the look that Nirvana was giving him right now.
It was rejection.
"No, I came here to get my memory erased," she said sternly. "I want my life back. I want things back the way they used to be before you came and changed it all."
He stood still. "Nirvana, what are you saying?"
"I'll make it simple for you: leave. Go away. I don't want to see you ever again."
"Nirvana?"
"Just go!" she cried.
Wait a minute! his mind cried. This isn't how it was supposed to be! Where's the happy ending? He turned around in a daze. He couldn't believe it. She didn't want him. Correction: she *did* want him, she just wanted him to leave.
"All right, if...if that's what you want." He made his way towards the door.
Nirvana tried to will the tears back into her eyes, but it was proving to be extremely difficult. She looked at the memory erasure computer, then back at Rimmer. Then she looked deep inside herself. She knew what she had to do.
"...wait," she said, barely above a whisper.
Rimmer turned back around and was met by a long, full kiss.
Kochanski noticed Lister was staring at her. Normally she would have turned on him right away, but at the moment, it felt rather nice to get the attention. She let him continue for a minute before she said anything.
"Lister, please don't stare at me."
"Oh, sorry Kris." He scratched his neck and tried not to look so obvious as he continued to stare.
She noticed anyway. "You're doing it again."
"I know, I just...I'm glad to see you is all. I was worried about you, y'know."
She offered him a flattered smile. "You were?"
"Yeah. What happened anyway?"
"The linkway was incomplete, and I was slingshot back here just as I was about to--" She closed her eyes. "I'd really rather not talk about it right now."
"Ok." He paused as he looked out the window. "Kris, can I ask you somethin'?"
"Of course."
"Why didn't you want to tell me you were leaving?"
Now she looked out the window. "I don't know. I just didn't know how, I guess."
"But I thought we were friends."
"We are." She looked at him at the same time he looked at her. "We are," she said again, and smiled to confirm it. "I just didn't think you wanted to hear about my problems."
"Why, `cause I'm not as sensitive or understanding as your Lister?" he asked sharply.
"No of course not--"
"Because you're wrong. You can talk to me. I'll listen!"
She glanced at him, unconvinced. "You're serious about this?"
"Yeah. Go ahead, spill. What's on your mind?"
Her eyes turned to the ceiling panels as her face became serious. "Everything it seems. I feel so lonely and depressed all the time. Whenever I start to feel at home in this dimension something happens that makes me remember my old life and I start to fall apart." Her voice quivered ever so slightly. "I just miss him SO much. Being without him makes me feel incomplete. I'm so sick of feeling wrong." She paused, then added," Plus I've been getting these terrible cramps lately--"
Lister put his hand in the air. "Stop!"
"What? Why?"
"I'm sorry, I just can't do this."
"Do what?"
"Sit here and talk about...well you know, girl stuff. Feelings and emotions and your, erm--your 'waterworks.'"
"But I thought you wanted to know what was on my mind!"
"Yeah, but I just thought it was something simple, like maybe you lost your earring or you couldn't figure out a trivia question. Not all this sensitive and emotional stuff."
"*My* Dave would have been glad to talk about that sort of thing."
"Yeah? Well good for him. I'm sure he had fun making oven mitts with ya as well."
"Ugh, I don't know why I even bother," she said, throwing her hands up. "Why is it so terrible to talk openly about how you feel?
"Look just forget it. You're a woman, you wouldn't understand."
"I wouldn't understand what?"
"Let me try and explain. Men don't talk about feelings like that. There's no need to."
"It's true, ma'am." They both looked up and were startled to suddenly see Kryten standing above them. They hadn't noticed him sneaking up on them to listen in on what they were talking about. "I've noticed this behavior before. Whenever the conversation has the potential of delving into personal feelings, most men promptly change the subject to sports or home repair."
"And that's why most daytime talk shows hosted by men failed." She sighed. "Look, this is not the time to discuss the male code of acceptable conversation. We have to stop the--what were they?--the Timlars. Let's go--Cat, you too."
They all got up and walked out the door. Lister grabbed Kochanski's shoulder and turned her around.
"Kris?"
"What is it?" she asked impatiently.
He sighed. "I'm sorry you don't feel like you fit-in here."
"Me too."
"And I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you needed me to. I've just got a lot on my mind right now."
"Lister, Rimmer is still Rimmer, he's just more successful now. It's not that hard to accept. Deal with it."
He did a double take. "How did you--?"
"Please. You couldn't be more obvious if you tried." She grinned. "Lister, why don't you just admit it? You're proud of him. You're glad that he's finally managed to do something with his life. There's nothing wrong with that, and you should stop telling yourself that there is."
He seemed to consider this, and looked away to where Kryten and Cat stood waiting for them before turning back to her. "One more thing," he said. "Rimmer was feelin' really guilty about lyin' to Nirvana about who he really was, and he asked me what I thought he should do."
"And what did you tell him?"
"Well at first I told him no. The more people he lets in on his secret, the harder it will be for him to continue as Ace, and if that truly is his destiny, he shouldn't try an' screw it up, right?"
"But then you told him to go ahead, didn't you."
He nodded. "I sorta put myself in his shoes, to see where he was coming from. He had to tell her. Now I'm just wondering if that was the right thing to do."
He noticed she was smiling at him in a strange way. "Kris?"
"Sorry," she said, shaking it off. "Yes, you did the right thing." She smiled again. "I'm also starting to think that Rimmer's not the only one who seems different."
Kryten called from down the hall, "Sir? Ma'am? The lift will be here soon."
"Yeah, we're comin', Kryts."
The lift arrived and the doors slid open, revealing Rimmer and Nirvana. He had his arm around her, and she seemed incredibly content.
"Everyone ready?" he asked as they piled into the lift.
Kochanski nodded and asked, "What do we do first?"
All of a sudden the lights went out. Lister flipped his lighter on and held it in the middle of the group. "What's goin' on?"
"I don't know, bud," said Cat, "but I don't like it. I can't even see how I'm lookin'."
"Oh no, the horror," said Rimmer flatly. A moment later the lights flickered back on, and the lift reached its destination.
Cat grinned. "That's better!" His mirror was out in a flash, and he nodded when he was satisfied that he still looked great. "Let's get off this ship before anything else happens. This kitty's had enough excitement for one day."
The doors opened and Cat started to step out, but Rimmer pulled him back. Cat threw him a questioning glance, but noticed that the rest of them were staring back with pale faces. "What's wrong with everybody?" They all pointed and he turned around.
Ahead of him, the corridor fluctuated out of control, becoming hard-light one moment and soft the next. Crew members fell through the deck as their light bees tried desperately to keep up with the ship, occasionally getting caught in the ceiling or the floor. Worst of all, however, was what could clearly be seen through the large window at the end of the hall. It was a large and very menacing ship, obviously locked in an attack position and ready to fire at any moment, carrying a very familiar ship in tow. An ominous greenish light filled in the background.
Suddenly Rimmer's communicator sparked to life. "Ace, can you hear me?" Diane whispered through it. "I'm afraid we've got a bit of a problem."
The entire ship began to vibrate, shaking a few crew members free of the ship. The buzzing noise they had heard before mixed with the sound of scraping metal as the entire structure began to bend and twist.
"Oh smeg," they all said in unison.