Sadness was all he could feel in his heart. Sadness for the innocents whose lives were lost. Sadness for those left behind to suffer.
And suffer he would.
The feeling of being given a gift, only to find it is to be taken away in another instant, is perhaps the worst feeling in the world. And being left there, his love taken away from him once again, he knew he may not be able to bear it. He knew his loss would not be as great as the others that had transgressed most unhappily, but...for him, it still hurt just as badly, if not moreso.
He checked, and checked again the restraints on his fallen love, a task more painful than deat. At least in the balmy darkness of death there was forgiveness. But for this task, his heart was elsewhere. Yes, yes, he could forgive her. Hyne, he could have forgiven her for anything more severe! He knew this was not her doing. Forced. She was Adel's slave, and for this, she surrendered and sacrificed herself for the sake of so many.
Laguna recalled the feelings of mere minutes ago. The feelings of being present in some other place with Raine: seeing what she saw, sensing as she had the cruelties forced upon her. But no, she refused his pity. All she asked for was his forgiveness, a simple thing, to give her at least one happiness. Despite what his mind screamed over the cries of his heart, he knew...he knew he could forgive her...
...But still...he couldn't allow her to be free. He couldn't let the demon inside her take over ever again, even at the cost of his love.
He hated himself for this, but he knew he had no choice.
Another check of the restraints.
Laguna whispered the sweet words of Esuna, and watched as Raine's eyes slowly fluttered into consciousness. He could sense she felt the same uneasiness about this strange parting, but he kept reminding himself about the evil that would one day consume her if he were to give into these feelings of turning back. He knew that the welfare of everyone else was so entirely more important than his own, and he would sacrifice his own life for that.
But he wasn't giving Life.
He was giving up hope.
As Laguna had held Raine so tightly in his arms while aboard the Ragnarok, he held a small flame of hope inside his heart that one day he would be able to emancipate her from captivity. But until that day, this single act would keep her safe. Safe, so far away from him. But he slowly also began to realize that Raine's powers...the untamed powers of Adel...would grow and multiply as they became more accustomed to their New Home. The risk of freeing his angel from her cage would soon be too much to chance. She would stay there, alone, until some other power would free her.
Or perhaps the stupidity of a madman.
He stared into her beautiful, clear eyes as though it was their first meeting. The emotion flowing through the both of them so hot, so intense. A thousand words passed between them without so much as a sound. He was thankful for this silence, though, for he knew that all she would have to do is ask. Ask for him to not leave her. And he would oblidge without a second thought. The people of Esthar didn't need him. Even his own son didn't need him. He feared being left behind by the one person who understood him. He already witnessed what happened after Rinoa...
"It's time..." a solemn voice echoed down the floodlit hallway.
"I...I know..." Laguna replied, taking advantage of his last moments with Raine.
He kissed her sweetly, and could taste the salty tears on her lips. Tears that weren't her own.
They pulled him away from that cold place he immediately cursed with hatred. Laguna couldn't even bare to look at her one more time. He instead kept the burning image of her eyes fresh in his mind as he ran out of the Memorial as quickly as he possibly could.
They told him that she was silent during the process, but her last word was his name. She said it over and over again, as if she were in a trance-like state, his very name her mantra prayer.
A prayer for forgiveness.
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AuthorNotes:My God, I'm so sorry about this entire story. Perhaps if I could write better, it wouldn't have turned out so horribly in the end. I didn't plan on it being this way, but being as spontaneous as I am, I just went with whatever sounded good in my mind. I may later go back and write a second version (with an alternate ending and plot >.>), but that won't be for a while. A sequel is extremely doubtful, but if interest is shown, I'll consider it, and plan for it. It's just that I'm used to sequels being horrible...and mostly involving characters no one's ever heard of (fandom..yay...)...and usually ending with everyone being old and with kids. Well, as you can see, there's like hardly anything left to recover from the remains of this cast (*shiku-shiku*), so I'm not worried about sequels as of yet. Do, however, look for more fics as I write them (they won't be so morbid, hopefully, but...I'll have my days *^^*), and a sort of original novel I'm working on :D Thanks for keeping with me throughout this story, and...try to not hate me too much ;_; I'm just as saddened as most others by this, if not more (hey I WAS Rinoa at AX2k1!!!). Thanks again for being a Trooper, for reviewing, and to read one of my longest site-exclusive fics ever!
~*Cynthia Hall