Disclaimer: Sonic and all related characters and settings are copyright Sega Corporation. None of it belongs to me, but all property is theft, man. Whatever that means. Spot the STC references!
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Chapter Four - The Ultimate Guide to Surviving Against all Odds.
Sonic rummaged through the large metal box of 'emergency supplies' dubiously. This was a collection of the vital items Dr. Robotnik had managed to pack into the escape capsule, but Sonic couldn't see that any of it would be useful to anyone in a survival situation. Amongst the junk he found was a rubber ball made of elastic bands wrapped around each other, a book entitled Stress Control Through Self-Hypnosis, a bag of chocolate mis-shapes that were so mis-shapen they actually seemed to defy the very fabric of space, half a jar of Scalp Polish, a diary (which, to Sonic's disappointment, was empty), a Mr Cuddle Bunny colouring book with a packet of crayons, and a rather worn-out corset.
"You're a weird guy, you know that?" Sonic remarked.
Robotnik angrily snatched the metal box away from the hedgehog. "Get out of my things!" he wailed, "all of this is mine, and I have absolutely no intention of sharing it with you, nor any obligation to do so!"
"Calm down, none of this rubbish is any use in this kind of situation anyway."
"That's where you're wrong," Robotnik said, straightening up and standing over the crouched hedgehog. He plunged his hand into the box and brought out a small book, "The Ultimate Guide to Surviving Against all Odds! This book tells you the best thing to do in any situation."
"We're saved." Sonic deadpanned.
"No, Sonic, I'm saved," Robotnik replied, clearly not sensing the sarcasm in Sonic's statement. "You have nothing here, just jump in the water and swim over to the island where your little furry friend is."
"I can't swim!"
"Even better." Robotnik said darkly.
Sonic bristled. "You're lucky I'm such a kind and caring soul," he said, "and that I'm prepared to stick around and protect you, even though you're a complete jerk." Sonic had said this without thinking, and hearing the words made him wonder exactly why had automatically decided to help Eggman. The villain had only just tried to kill Sonic and Tails!
Dr. Robotnik didn't respond; he was doing something to the escape capsule. He flipped a small keypad down from the side of the pod and pressed a few buttons with his gloved finger. Slowly, the walls of the capsule grinded outwards and a metal canopy slid over the front, transforming the machine into a rather impressive-looking steel tent.
"A complete jerk with some shelter!" Robotnik shouted childishly, "Enjoy yourself Sonic! I -hahaha!- I hope it rains!" And with that, the scientist disappeared inside his capsule to read the Survival Guide- Part Seven, Dealing with Unwanted Rodents.
Sonic shook his head in exasperation. Well, he thought, might as well be adult about this.
The hedgehog sat down on the floor with a wide grin on his face and started hurling stones at the capsule.
"Look Eggor!" Tails exclaimed excitedly, "I've made a fire!" The little orange fox was overjoyed. In the space of an hour, he had managed to gather together a good selection of firewood and rub a length of it against a large chunk of tree bark to kindle a substantial blaze. During this time, Eggor had been clanking around taking the ship to pieces, but it was a mystery to Tails what he had actually been doing with the parts.
"Very good," said Eggor in a monotone voice.
"What have you been up to, Eggor?" Miles asked cheerfully.
"Oh, I managed to build a small oven, a distress signal that uses electric residues to illuminate the sky, a long distance radio receiver, a water distillation unit and run a full maintenance on my systems in the spare time." The robot replied in an offhand manner.
"Ah." Tails looked at his miserable little fire.
Eggor clanked over to a large pile of parts he had salvaged from the bridge, and Tails eyed a pile of sticks to his right. It took a while for him to realise that those were not sticks he'd gathered for his fire, they weren't neatly stacked like his were. Additionally, they didn't look like they had been snapped off trees like his-- it was as if they'd been torn from the bark…
"Shall I distil some water for drinking?" Eggor asked of the distracted fox.
"Oh, sure, yeah…" Tails replied. He took another glance at the slithers of wood and guessed that they must have been created when part of a tree was ripped apart by the falling bridge. That was the only explanation there could possibly be.
Chink… chink… chink… chink…
A pause as Sonic reached out for a different crayon to colour Mr Cuddle Bunny's Happy Birthday Party scene.
Chink… chink… chink… chink…
The hedgehog had been hurling small stones at the hard metal side of the capsule for about forty minutes now, and he was beginning to admire Dr Robotnik's endurance. The scientist, however, was fighting a losing battle against Sonic's remarkable power to annoy. He reached the very end of his tether right about… n--
"WILL YOU CEASE WITH THAT AGONISING DIN, YOU INSUFFERABLE RODENT!!!" he screamed in extreme fury.
"Let me use your shelter, and I will." Sonic smirked, finishing off the rim on Mr Cuddle Bunny's little blue hat.
"No, I refuse! And if you continue irritating me, I shan't give you any food either!" With that, Sonic threw the crayon to one side and shot up.
"Food! Food, you said food! Where is food? I want food."
Dr Robotnik sat back smugly against the metal wall inside the capsule. The ball was in his court now-- whatever that meant. "Sonic had better be a good boy, then, and maybe nice, brilliant, eggsceptional Dr Robotnik will allow him to eat just a little bit of--"
"And if Dr Robotnik would like his teeth to stay connected to his gums," Sonic interjected, "he'd better agree to share his food and shelter with Sonic."
There was a silence.
"I choose what you can eat." Robotnik mumbled. Sonic bounced towards the capsule, but before he got there something caught his attention in the water beyond the beach. With a graceful hop, he turned around and blasted into the shallow water to see what was floating around. As he got closer, he saw that there were actually quite a few objects drifting in the sea. A large chunk of metal caught his attention first, formed into a bizarre shape by what was obviously a tremendous force. Holding the end of it in two hands, he pulled it towards him and tried to read the writing on the upper side. It wasn't easy as burn marks covered a lot of the lettering, but he could just about make out each solid black letter:
EGGS-BOX CARGO BAY #5
Ensure all bay doors are secured before take-off.
Keep door area clear during locking procedure.
Areas must be regularly checked for unauthorised cargo.
Below that was a large area of heavily chipped red paint, which Sonic guessed at one time was a large symbol or logo. Presumably an explosion within the cargo bay had blown the wall apart, and this warped sheet of metal was a piece of the debris. Looking around, it certainly seemed like a lot of the junk floating around could have been cargo of some sort. Sonic located two packages wrapped in white plastic amongst the pieces and picked them up. With water up to his elbows, Sonic turned back round and started treading back toward the beach.
"Robotnik! What's this then? Yoo-hoo! He's ignoring me. Oi, Eggman! Ivo! Doctor! You! Oh, it's no good; I'll have to do something drastic. Hey, Master-"
Dr. Robotnik's grinning face poked out of the capsule.
"-What's this, then?" Sonic finished, traipsing up the beach with a package under either arm. Eggman took one of the packets, sat down and tore the outer white plastic off.
"Oh, it's just a parcel. Look." Dr. Robotnik held the cardboard box out to Sonic and pointed at a logo in the top right hand corner. The hedgehog peered at a red logo with the letters EG printed in strange lettering, with the G facing backwards. Right next to it was the name of Robotnik's courier service, Federal Eggspress, and below it in the centre of the box was an address: Ms M Creek, 8U2 Marine Way, Tranquil Harbour Zone. Sonic's gaze floated over the various areas on the parcel, but eventually landed back on the EG logo, which seemed very unusual to him.
"This is your new logo? It's not like your usual ones. The G is the wrong way round! What's that all about, then?" Sonic babbled. To his surprise, Robotnik actually looked quite unsure.
"No real reason, it's just a good design." He replied quietly, taking the other parcel from Sonic. It was considerably smaller than the one belonging to Ms Creek, and Dr Robotnik removed the white plastic to reveal a package in a similar box. "What are you looking at me like that for?"
Sonic shrugged and said; "Shall we open a package, then?"
"Go ahead." Robotnik grumbled and handed Sonic the smaller of the two parcels, "don't expect much, though."
Sonic located the opening in the cardboard box and slipped his finger underneath the tab. The packet slipped open and inside was another colourful cardboard packet with vacuum-formed plastic on each side. He took it out and tore it open excitedly.
"Hey, a football! Robotnik, on yer 'ed!" Sonic swung his leg around and booted the ball with his foot, sending it flying towards the bewildered scientist. It struck him hard in the face, bouncing off his nose and flying off to one side. His blancmange-esque body actually seemed to ripple as he recoiled from the collision.
"WHAT ON MOBIUS IS YOUR PROBLEM? You smelly, stupid, useless little RAT!" Robotnik screeched angrily, staggering around and holding his nose.
"Er, sorry. I, er, don't think I'll open the other one." Sonic was trying hard not to laugh.
"I think my nose is bleeding! Oh, well it isn't, but I think, I think, OH, IT IS! What kind of stupid idea was that, pelting your stupid football at my face? Stupid, STUPID hedgehog!"
"I'll just go into the capsule to, er, think about what I've done, okay?"
Sonic clapped his hand over his mouth and leapt into the capsule, where he sat against a wall and chuckled mindlessly to himself.
"Right. And don't come out until you're ready to say sorry."