"Tell me again," My therapist suggests. I push a hand back through my thick blond hair and nod.
"Sure," I reply.
"Who did you choose?"
"Goten." I answer softly. This is one of the subjects that he tends to prod at.
"Why?" He asks.
"I don't know." I reply.
"Why did you hurt him?" If there was one question that I hated from this man, it had to be this one. Sure, I left Goten standing in front of hundreds of people alone on an alter, but I couldn't have very well married him.
"I don't know." I repeat.
"Marron, we go through this bullshit everytime," My therapist said blandly. He pulled his glasses off and set them on his note pad, after a few seconds of consideration, he set that aside too. "give me a strait answer, and stop with this childish 'I don't know' crap."
"I really don't know." He glares at me and goes to pick up his yellow notepad again. "I suppose, it's because I could." I say hastily. He nods, a sign for me to keep going. I began to speak again, and he holds up his hand to stop me.
"Start from the beginning." He suggests. And so, I do.
"Your not going to like this," I say. "But it's the truth. I really don't know why I chose Goten. Maybe it's because He seemed more secure, and less likely to go off and fuck some other girl. He was a committed guy. A guy who wanted me, and only me. I was the center of his world. Trunks..was..well..a fuck buddy to me. One that I grew to love nonetheless. But, like I said. Goten was more solid. More committed. And I soon found him out to be too committed. He wanted to marry me. And stupidly, I told him yes. My mother planned and planned, Gohan and Chi-chi even raised to money to pay half. And then the day came. So far, I hadn't minded in the least bit. But there was something about stepping out in front of all those people and letting them watch me give in to life at suck a tender age. I wasn't even out of fucking highschool, and I was getting married. Where was my honey moon supposed to be? On the play ground? So I though, fuck this, its retarded. And I left, never even stepping into the wedding dress." Getting that out felt good, right, like lifting a heavy burden from my own chest.
"Go on," The therapist pushed.
"I felt bad after words, even cried once or twice. But then I went out and had fun."
"You mean you got drunk and had sexual intercourse with a man you didn't know?" My therapist questioned.
"If that's what there calling it these days." I replied. He indicated I should continue. "And for five months I didn't see him. And it was good, it was fine. He;d call sometimes, and I'd ask my Mom to make up some lame ass excuse, and while she was doing that, I'd be in my room smoking pot or having sex. Daddy got really worried about it." I stopped when I mentioned Daddy. He was my soft spot. I idly hopped Daddy wouldn't be angry with me.
"And they sent you here?" The therapist questioned.
"Yep." I reply.
"Why do you think your here?" He asked.
I shrug in response.
"Did you love Goten?" Another question that pisses me off. Before I can respond, my timer goes off. Thank God.
"See you next time." Add I leave with that. It's not that I don't like my sessions, and it's not like I'm over fucking joyed when it comes to five'o clock. I don't mind. I personally think It's a waste of my time and my parent's money. Daddy thinks I should go. So I do.
"How did it go?" My mother asks as I shut the door behind me.
"Same as always." We walked out of the office and wait for the elevator.
"What did you talk about?" She asks.
"He wanted to know how I clean my guns." I reply. My mother doesn't ask anything else. I don't feel the least bit sorry for her. She wants me to show some emotion to her. Well, she can God damn well show me some too. The elevator dings, and the doors open. I always expect to see Goten or Trunks as the doors slide back. But instead, its empty. My mother steps in first, and then I do. The doors slide shut silently. And I can tell that's how the whole ride will be. My eyes watch as the numbers light up, then fade away, as the next does the same. Something I have done sense I was a child. The elevator suddenly lurches to a stop, my hand snatches onto the bar to hold steady.
My mother is standing by the door, with her hand on the emergency stop button.
"What are you doing!" I snap. She glares at me.
"You need to get over it." She snaps at me. "I don't know what the hell you think is wrong with you, because there is nothing wrong with you. You've had a good fucking life. Your father never hit you, I never yelled at you. You get good grades, we let you do whatever the hell you want, so stop acting like a fucking victim." The elevator starts again. This time it's me who slams on the emergency stop.
"I didn't want to come to these God damn things in the first fucking place!" I snap. "Daddy-" She cuts me off with a hard smack. And that was it. I couldn't speak to her anymore. I couldn't even think.
"Don't you bring your Daddy into this. He may fall for your vulnerable God damn acts, but I know that's just what they are. Acts." She starts the elevator, and it reaches the bottom floor. The doors ding open to the garage and we step out. She walks quickly, and I follow quietly, my hand clasping the side of my cheek that she so violently slapped. He keys slip out of her purse, and she unlocks my door. Before she gets to the other side I call her.
"Mama?" I say. She turns to me, an expression I can't read on her face. "I'm sorry Mommy." I say, truly feeling sorry for the first time in a long time. She hugs me, and I feel better. "I love you Mama." I say.
"I love you too." She replies.
"Sure," I reply.
"Who did you choose?"
"Goten." I answer softly. This is one of the subjects that he tends to prod at.
"Why?" He asks.
"I don't know." I reply.
"Why did you hurt him?" If there was one question that I hated from this man, it had to be this one. Sure, I left Goten standing in front of hundreds of people alone on an alter, but I couldn't have very well married him.
"I don't know." I repeat.
"Marron, we go through this bullshit everytime," My therapist said blandly. He pulled his glasses off and set them on his note pad, after a few seconds of consideration, he set that aside too. "give me a strait answer, and stop with this childish 'I don't know' crap."
"I really don't know." He glares at me and goes to pick up his yellow notepad again. "I suppose, it's because I could." I say hastily. He nods, a sign for me to keep going. I began to speak again, and he holds up his hand to stop me.
"Start from the beginning." He suggests. And so, I do.
"Your not going to like this," I say. "But it's the truth. I really don't know why I chose Goten. Maybe it's because He seemed more secure, and less likely to go off and fuck some other girl. He was a committed guy. A guy who wanted me, and only me. I was the center of his world. Trunks..was..well..a fuck buddy to me. One that I grew to love nonetheless. But, like I said. Goten was more solid. More committed. And I soon found him out to be too committed. He wanted to marry me. And stupidly, I told him yes. My mother planned and planned, Gohan and Chi-chi even raised to money to pay half. And then the day came. So far, I hadn't minded in the least bit. But there was something about stepping out in front of all those people and letting them watch me give in to life at suck a tender age. I wasn't even out of fucking highschool, and I was getting married. Where was my honey moon supposed to be? On the play ground? So I though, fuck this, its retarded. And I left, never even stepping into the wedding dress." Getting that out felt good, right, like lifting a heavy burden from my own chest.
"Go on," The therapist pushed.
"I felt bad after words, even cried once or twice. But then I went out and had fun."
"You mean you got drunk and had sexual intercourse with a man you didn't know?" My therapist questioned.
"If that's what there calling it these days." I replied. He indicated I should continue. "And for five months I didn't see him. And it was good, it was fine. He;d call sometimes, and I'd ask my Mom to make up some lame ass excuse, and while she was doing that, I'd be in my room smoking pot or having sex. Daddy got really worried about it." I stopped when I mentioned Daddy. He was my soft spot. I idly hopped Daddy wouldn't be angry with me.
"And they sent you here?" The therapist questioned.
"Yep." I reply.
"Why do you think your here?" He asked.
I shrug in response.
"Did you love Goten?" Another question that pisses me off. Before I can respond, my timer goes off. Thank God.
"See you next time." Add I leave with that. It's not that I don't like my sessions, and it's not like I'm over fucking joyed when it comes to five'o clock. I don't mind. I personally think It's a waste of my time and my parent's money. Daddy thinks I should go. So I do.
"How did it go?" My mother asks as I shut the door behind me.
"Same as always." We walked out of the office and wait for the elevator.
"What did you talk about?" She asks.
"He wanted to know how I clean my guns." I reply. My mother doesn't ask anything else. I don't feel the least bit sorry for her. She wants me to show some emotion to her. Well, she can God damn well show me some too. The elevator dings, and the doors open. I always expect to see Goten or Trunks as the doors slide back. But instead, its empty. My mother steps in first, and then I do. The doors slide shut silently. And I can tell that's how the whole ride will be. My eyes watch as the numbers light up, then fade away, as the next does the same. Something I have done sense I was a child. The elevator suddenly lurches to a stop, my hand snatches onto the bar to hold steady.
My mother is standing by the door, with her hand on the emergency stop button.
"What are you doing!" I snap. She glares at me.
"You need to get over it." She snaps at me. "I don't know what the hell you think is wrong with you, because there is nothing wrong with you. You've had a good fucking life. Your father never hit you, I never yelled at you. You get good grades, we let you do whatever the hell you want, so stop acting like a fucking victim." The elevator starts again. This time it's me who slams on the emergency stop.
"I didn't want to come to these God damn things in the first fucking place!" I snap. "Daddy-" She cuts me off with a hard smack. And that was it. I couldn't speak to her anymore. I couldn't even think.
"Don't you bring your Daddy into this. He may fall for your vulnerable God damn acts, but I know that's just what they are. Acts." She starts the elevator, and it reaches the bottom floor. The doors ding open to the garage and we step out. She walks quickly, and I follow quietly, my hand clasping the side of my cheek that she so violently slapped. He keys slip out of her purse, and she unlocks my door. Before she gets to the other side I call her.
"Mama?" I say. She turns to me, an expression I can't read on her face. "I'm sorry Mommy." I say, truly feeling sorry for the first time in a long time. She hugs me, and I feel better. "I love you Mama." I say.
"I love you too." She replies.