I know people think I'm just some boyfriend stealing, guy hoarding, constantly fucking little girl. And in the words of Sandra Bullock, I know that people don't like people like me. I don't like people like me. You want to know the real reason that I left Goten standing at that alter? The real reason I broke his heart? Because I didn't want him to have the chance to hurt me first. So I figure, getting laid is a lot better. Sleeping around is a lot better. No one gets hurt, no stings attached. And that's what I did.
I did what I wanted, when I wanted. And It felt good. At first, it felt good. But doing something like that is like smoking pot. It gets you on a high for only so long, and then BAM! Your down on your ass again. Your hurting again. And I was hurting, I still am. It's like a hot brick in your stomach that turns when you think about every single stupid thing you did while you were high, or drunk or just acting fucking stupid. And that is a lot of shit for me.
Goten sent me a letter a few weeks ago. I brought it to one of my session and asked my therapist to listen to it with me. He agreed. It started out with Goten simply stating that this song was how he was feeling at the moment.
"I love you," He said softly. Then he strummed his guitar, and behind him I could hear could hear a bass and a set of drums. And the song started.
Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'
Tired of livin' like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feelin
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no
It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
It must have been so bad
Cause livin' with me must have damn near killed you
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no
Never made is as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no
"Interesting." The therapist remarks scribbling down onto his paper. "What made you bring this today?" He asked.
"My Mama thought it might be a good idea if you listened to it with me." I reply folding my hands listlessly in my lap.
"You and she are speaking again?" He asks. I nod. "How did this happen?"
"It just did." I reply not wanting him to know about the elevator. He nods and scribbles something down.
"I said I love you and I still do." My therapist remarks in a singsong voice. I look up. "A lyric from his song." He explains. I nod. "Can you say the same for him?" He asks. I shrug, not knowing. He accepts this. "How long have you had this tape?" he asks.
"Three or four weeks." I remark with an unsure shrug. The timer goes off.
"Your mother isn't here today?" My therapist observes. I nod.
"But I'm a big girl. I can drive." He chuckles and shuts the door behind me. The office is empty. I'm his last patient of the day. Most of the building is closed off to. The janitor, give me a smile and lets me into the elevator. At first, being alone kind of creeped me out. But you get used to it. it gives you time to think. I thought about Goten.
I thought about going to see him.
And I decided that I would. The ground floor garage is quiet, and my heels click in the quiet.
authors note: the song is called This is how you remind me, and its from nickleback Good stuff..i suggest you download it.