TITLE: Dear Hikari-chan
AUTHOR: Trish
PARINGS: Kenkari (KenxHikari) with some Michi (MimixTaichi)
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Toei Animation, Fox Kids, and Bandai.
EDITED: June 30, 2006
I wrote this for Britni-chan. She was the first reviewer I had on so I offered to write a story for her. She wanted a Kenkari with a side of Michi.
One of the lines used in Ken's later was shamelessly pilfered from Wakaba's letter in Utena.
KEN'S POV
She's beautiful, and I guess that's why all the boys love her so much... But that's not why I do. It's different for me. It's deeper than that.
If you ever had the chance to talk to her... You would know what I mean.
Most people, they just respond to everything you say with a few "uh-huhs" and polite smiles. But they don't really care what you're saying. What your problems are. How you're feeling.
That's not how it is with Hikari.
When she talks to you... No, when you talk to her, it feels like she really cares. Like there's no one else in the world she'd rather be talking to.
That's not the only reason I love her.
She's really nice. And sweet. And smart. And I'm not going to go as far as to say she's perfect (I've been called perfect before; it's not as great a compliment as everyone thinks), but she's something really special.
I wrote her this letter. It's stupid. It's really, really stupid. I don't even know why I wrote it. I'm not going to give it to her. I couldn't.
It starts our "Dear Yagami-san", and ends, "Yours, Ichijouji Ken". Inbetween there's a lot of romantic-- well, emotional sentiments. If she read it, she'd laugh. Nice as she is, even she would laugh.
Because I'm not the type of boy any person would be interested in, romantically. And so many of our classmates like her already. All of them much more suited to her than I am.
But I wrote it anyway. It's two and a half pages long. It would have been shorter, but I couldn't stop finding things to say.
"Those the History notes, Ken?"
Daisuke is peering over my shoulder. Before he can get a good look, I slide the letter underneath my folder.
"N-no, just... something," I stumble on my words.
He puffs out his cheeks, irritated, "I wasn't going to copy them, I just wanted to compare them to my own."
Right, like I haven't heard that one before. But I fall for it everytime, because he gives me his sad, puppy-dog eyes. And even though the school knows me as the "cold genius", and sad, puppy-dog eyes shouldn't have any affect on me, they do.
"It's a letter I wrote to Hikari," I finally tell him, knowing that he'll keep bothering me about History notes if I don't.
"Oh yeah?" He leans closer to me, interested. He knows how I feel about her. I don't know if it's out of niceness or naïveté, but he always tries to convince me I have a chance. "Can I read it?"
"N-no!" I stammer, feeling my face heat up, "It's embarrassing!"
"Oh, come on!" He punches me in the shoulder, "You know I won't make fun of you!"
I do know he won't make fun of me. But I think that certain people shouldn't know certain things about you. And in this letter, for whatever reason, I say things about myself that I've never told anyone. I think this is what they call "pouring your hear out". It's very un-Ken Ichijouji-like.
But then he looks hurt when I still refuse.
So of course I give him the letter.
"Dear Yagami-san" he reads out loud, and then arches an eyebrow, "Don't you think that's a bit formal?"
Again, I blush, "Well, I've never written a love letter before. I don't know how I'm supposed to address her."
"Hikari-chan," he tells me, whipping out a pen from the pocket of his shorts and editing the salutations, "See?" He holds it up for me to see. The handwriting is unusually neat for him. I'm touched that he would try for my sake.
He continues reading, but no longer out loud. His lips mouth the words as his eyes rove over the lines.
After a few minutes, he's finished.
"S'nice," he says, finally, "It's very... Poetic. Hikari'll definitely like it."
"You don't think it was too cheesy?"
"Of course it was cheesy," he rolls his eyes, "Everything having to do with romance is. But that's what girls like."
I feel really anxious all of a sudden. He knows things about me now that he didn't before. He hasn't said anything about it at all... If he thinks it's weird, or unexpected, or typical of someone our age. "I'm gonna trash it." I announce.
"What?" he exclaims, loudly. Everybody in the library stares at him.
"S-sorry," he apologizes, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.
"I'm going to throw it away. I don't like it. I wasn't going to give it to her anyway," I tell him, trying to seem nonchalant.
"Then why did you write it?" Daisuke demands, irritated. Odd as it sounds, it's times like these that I'm reminded of how much he cares about me.
"I don't know... Because I'm stupid."
"If you're stupid then I'm brain dead," he laughs, "Look, you wrote it because your subconscious knows you should tell her how you feel. It's just, the rest of you doesn't know that, and it's making you chicken out."
"I'm not giving it to her," I insist.
Daisuke glares at me for a moment, then sighs, resigned, "Fine. Whatever. Don't give it to her. I won't make you."
"You won't?" I ask, half-relieved, half-suprised. I expected him to put up more of a fight. A part of me wanted him to.
"You're not going to do it, so my yelling at you won't make a difference," he says, blandly, "Anyway, I'm gonna go ask Mizuki-sensei if I can use the bathroom," he tells me.
"Why didn't you go before study hall?" I frowned.
"Because I didn't need to go then," he replies, simply, "You watch my stuff, okay?"
I agree, and turn back to my neglected History notes...
It's a full five minutes before I realize that the letter wasn't where Daisuke had last left it...
If I know Daisuke as well as I think I do (and I'm pretty sure I do), then he probably took that letter and...
No. He wouldn't.
Daisuke breezes back into the library, his hands in his pockets. He's grinning from ear to ear. He approaches our table at an excruciatingly slow pace.
"Daisuke, what did you do with the letter?" I demand.
"The letter?" He tries to seem innocent, "What letter? ... Oh, you mean the one you wrote to Hikari?"
I nod, vigorously.
"That letter!" he chuckles in faux-realization, "Well, I put it in her locker, obviously."
"What?" I want to communicate how incredibly angry I am, but it's difficult when you're in a library full of people during study hall. Since I can't yell, I rely on angry whispering to get my point across, "I thought we were supposed to be friends!"
"We are friends," he insists, "Which is exactly why I did this for you."
"For me?" I repeat, "Don't you mean to me?"
"Ken," he tries to explain, "I only-"
"No, no!" I interrupt him. I'm so angry right now. I don't want to hear anything he has to say. How could he be so stupid? Hikari and I are not even what you could consider friends. The second she reads the letter she'll never want to see me again. She'll show it to everyone, and I'll not only be disliked by the general student body, I'll be made fun of too.
The bell rings, signaling the end of Study Hall.
"Ken, just hear me out," he begins again.
"I don't want to hear it!" I snap and make my way to the exit as quickly as possible. Hopefully, Hikari won't have to go to her locker until the end of school, and by then, I'll already be home; my public humiliation delayed for tomorrow.
HIKARI'S POV
It's written on a plain sheet of white paper. The handwriting is smooth and elegant. I could go on and on about the letter. I've read it so many times, I've memorized every exact detail.
Hikari-chan.
That's what he wrote up at the top. He's never called me that before. I get a tingly feeling reading it. It doesn't make any sense. Everyone calls me Hikari-chan, and I don't get that feeling when I hear it from them.
But Ken's not the type of boy that uses nicknames or endearments. Not even with Daisuke, his best friend. So what does that say about his feelings towards me?
When I first found the letter, I thought it was a joke.
Why would Ken Ichijouji send me a love letter?
So I read it, expecting some childish garbage written by a very bored, mean-spirited person.
But it's beautiful. It's poetic. It's romantic. If Ken Ichijouji would write any type of love letter, this is the type it would be.
"I was dancing with you in my dreams" is what I remember best. I have to stop reading right after that sentence just so I can go back and read it again.
"I was dancing with you in my dreams".
I've gotten love letters before. 'Dear Hikari-chan, you're really pretty and I would like to go out with you'. Things like that. And I'm flattered that people like me.
But I don't take those love letters very seriously. They never seem to mean what they say. They can promise me good times, but when the infatuation has long since faded they promise a better looking girl more.
When I read this letter -- this outpouring of emotions from a boy who's usually so stoic -- I feel like I can believe eveything he's saying.
I remember the few times we've spoken.
He's quiet, but observant. He doesn't think much of himself. Even though he brings home perfect grades and soccer trophies, he still seems to feel like he could do and be more.
I think he knows what people think of him here at Odaiba.
They don't like him because he's so perfect.
He was popular back at Tamachi Academy because everyone there was so much like him. Intelligent, studious, highstrung, reticent... The kids at Odaiba are so different... They're louder, and they have more fun. They don't worry too much about grades, and they aren't impressed by academic accomplishments.
He's lonely. He doesn't feel like he fits in.
You know, if the other kids got to know him, they would be able to see him for what he really is. Aren't we all the same when you get right down to it? They would like him if they gave him a chance.
"What do you have for lunch, Hikari-chan?"
On instinct, I fold Ken's letter back into its neat little square... Almost like I'm ashamed to have it. But I shouldn't be ashamed. I shouldn't.
"Tenpura again," I answer, hoping the girl won't notice the square of paper in my hand, "And you?"
Tachikawa Mimi pushes her hair over her shoulder, "Oh... I'm thinking of dieting. I don't want the cheerleading squad to think I'm getting too heavy to be at the top of the pyramid."
I can't help but grin, "Mimi-chan, don't be ridiculous. You're the thinnest girl on the squad. Dieting would be plain unhealthy for you."
"Aah, thanks Hikari-chan!" she smiles, sliding in the seat next to me.
Tachikawa Mimi is the prettiest girl at school. It's no wonder my older brother swears he's in love with her. And even though she's popular, and the boys all want to go out with her, she hasn't let it go to her head too much.
"Hikari-chan, what's that?" she asks, pointing to Ken's letter.
Oh no, oh no... "It's personal," I say, seriously. She'll laugh at me. She'll laugh at him too.
"Let me see," she says, and before I have a chance to argue, she takes it right out of my hand.
I watch her unfold the letter. I watch her eyes follow the text across the page. And I watch especially close for any signs of disgust or amusement.
"...Wow..." she says, when she's finished reading.
The fear in the pit of my stomach turns to anger. What right does she have to judge me or Ken? She doesn't know him. He's better than she thinks. He's smart, and kind, and good looking... I'm just about to tell her this when-
"That's so romantic," she sighs, a dazed, far-off look in her eyes.
"R-really?" I ask, meekly, ashamed that I thought so little of my own friend.
"Yeah," her eyes drop, slightly, "I wish there was a guy out there who liked me like that."
"What are you saying?" I joke, "All the guys like you!"
She laughs, "All the guys like you too. Which is exactly what I mean. We're practically interchangeable to them! I want a guy to like me for me... Even if... Even if I balloon up to three hundred pounds."
... You know... Maybe we're all lonely. Ken's lonely even though he has Daisuke. And Mimi's lonely even though she has the adoration of every boy and girl in school.
And sometimes, even I feel like I'm lonely.
"My brother is really crazy about you," I suddenly blurt out. I'm pretty sure I'm breaking some brothersister secrecy rule by telling her that, but I think it's too his advantage that I do.
"Taichi?" she asks, blushing, "Are you sure?"
"Oh yeah," I continue, "He's liked you since you were both little kids. He thinks you're amazing."
She suddenly finds her lap interesting, "I think Taichi is pretty amazing too..."
She doesn't say anything for a long time.
"Hikari-chan... Do you mind if I sit somewhere else today?" she asks, a bashful smile on her face.
"You mean... Over there?" I point to the table where all the Varsity soccer players usually sit. The only other people who sit there are their girlfriends.
Instead of answering my question, she blushes deeper.
"Don't break his heart," I pretend to warn, a smile spreading across my face.
She nods at me and walks to my brother's table. I watch them for a little while. They both seem so shy, although they're usually so talkative.
They're the only ones who can leave each other so speechless.
My eyes wander over to Ken's letter. I want... I want to read it again. It makes me feel something strange inside... Some odd sensation. It's warm, and tingly, and liquid. I can't even explain what it feels like, just that it's different from anything else.
I start to look around the cafeteria for Ken. I don't really know what I'm doing. This is a whole new experience for me. I'm playing it all by ear. I'm letting my heart control me now.
Ah, there he is...
He's sitting by himself, staring despondently at his obento. He looks really sad...
My legs start to move. I don't even realize that I'm walking towards him until I'm so close I can see the pretty lilac color of his eyes.
"Hi," I say.
He looks up. He drops his chopsticks in surprise.
"... H-hi..."
A silence passes.
"Can I sit down next to you?"
He looks at the seat next to him, then back at me. That's where Daisuke usually sits, I notice. I wonder where he is now?
"Of course," he finally says.
As I sit, I notice his ramrod straight posture and a tight, clenching in his jaw. Do I make him uncomfortable? Please relax, I think to myself. It's just me.
"Thank you for the letter," I tell him, not really sure what else to say.
"I'm sorry," he says immediately, turning his head down so I can't see his face, "I shouldn't have written it."
"But I'm glad you did," I tell him, wondering what about it he finds so offensive, "I liked it. It was... beautiful."
"You think so?" he looks over at me, and I can see the tenseness in his body ease, ever so slightly, "I know it must have come as quite a shock to you."
There's another silence... Except... I don't know. It's not awkward. It's very... comfortable. I like just sitting here with him, even if we're not saying anything. He has a tranquil presence.
"Yagami-san..." he begins.
I have never been so disappointed by someone being so polite to me. He called me 'Hikari-chan' in the letter. It made me feel wonderful.
"Yes Ken-kun?" I ask, sweetly.
"W-well..." his cheeks and neck are flushed red, "I was wondering if you would ever like to do something with me... L-l-like, maybe go out for lunch or watch a movie..."
"Like a date?" I question.
At first he looks alarmed. I know he was asking me out on a date, and he knows he was asking me out on a date. I wonder why it's such a big deal to call it that. But after a moment or two, I see him swallow hard, and finally he says, "Yes. Would you like to go on a date?"
I smile at him, "Of course... But only on one condition."
"Yes?"
"Call me 'Hikari-chan'."
NOTES
... Meh. I'm not crazy about this for a number of reasons, but I think it's alright. Hikari's really all over the place, isn't she? She's ashamed, then she's defensive, then she feels guilty. But I think it's a somewhat accurate portrayal of a teenager's moodswings. It's not a pleasent reality, and it's not even consistent, but there you have it.