The Normal Life of Mewtwo
(The world will never recover)
Mewtwo looked at his new house. It was a decent sized townhouse with two stories and a basement, overlooking the city. The movers had installed several pieces of furniture, and all he had to do was move in and be acquainted. He would buy a house secluded in an unknown countryside, but that was where he would more likely be bothered by an onslaught of Dark Pokémon. At least here, his only big worry was how to deal with these pathetic humans.
Entering his new home, Mewtwo took a rest on the couch. It was comfy. For human-made furniture, this wasn't bad, he thought. Unfortunately, just as he got comfortable, the doorbell rang. Irritated, he leapt up and went to deal with the problem.
Violently opening the door Mewtwo found absolutely nothing on the other side, though he paid no heed to the girl scout sent rocketing to the next-door neighbor's house. This naturally ticked him off very, very much. "Stupid humans!" he hissed, slamming the door and unwillingly attracting the attention of several elderly ladies, who stared at him in shock.
He went not TWO steps before the stupid doorbell rang shrilly once more. He burst open the door faster this time, but still saw absolutely no one, having knocked away the girl scout again. "I'm beginning to loathe these humans again already," Mewtwo snarled as he shut the door. Not going ONE step before the stupid doorbell rang AGAIN, Mewtwo was now purely outraged. "RRRRROOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!" Mewtwo burst open the door. The girl scout was smart enough to dodge the flying door this time, but she had no idea that today was the day she was going to feel the wrath of the mighty Mewtwo. "YOU FOOLISH HUMAN..." Mewtwo grabbed the girl by the neck and was threatening to choke her. "How DARE you disturb me AS A JOKE!!!"
"I-I-I'm sorry m-m-mister, but every time you came to open the door, you kn-knocked m-me a-a-a-away. I-I-I came to s-sell c-c-cookies. Interested?"
"NO YOU STUPID-wait! Was that a COOKIE, you say? OOOOOOOO!!!! Hold on, I'll be right back," and he shut the door. Using his psychic powers, he slowly drew the girl closer to the door until-
SLAM! Mewtwo punted open the door again and sent her flying into the next-door neighbor's house-again. "Ha! That'll teach YOU not to sell useless human cookies to the great MEWTWO!!" Mewtwo looked at the elderly ladies, still looking at him in disbelief. "What are YOU looking at??!!!" he shouted at them. They went back to what they were doing. Mewtwo shut the door and went back to the couch. Tenchi in Tokyo was now on and that so happened to be one of his favorite human shows. Cartoonist humans were actually funny ON PURPOSE, unlike the real-human comedies, which barely got a laugh from him, and those pathetic soap operas, which had him sprawling on the floor with laughter from the sappiness of it. Just as the show went off, the doorbell rang once more. "Holy crud," Mewtwo murmured. "But at least they didn't interrupt me..." he walked to the door and punted it open. There stood the strangest sight he had ever seen. An old man with strange red eyes who looked about his sixties, stood high and tall despite his age. In his right hand was the girl Mewtwo had punished so badly, limp and unconscious. Mewtwo looked bemusedly at the man, but the strangest was yet to come-as his voice.
"Is this your idea of a joke?" A high, loud, and cold voice bellowed from the old man, surprising him. "She crashed through my house a whooping THREE-" he wheezed out the number as if he was about to have a mad coughing fit, and Mewtwo shook to keep a straight face. "-times! Has she not suffered enough?"
"Ah, so you want house repairs, fine." Mewtwo focused his powers and in five seconds the repairs were done. "Hm? Hey, I recognize you. Aren't you the great-"
"Lord Voldemort," The old man swept a bow. "The AWESOME Mewtwo, I presume?"
"Correct!" Mewtwo swept a bow as well. "But what about the girl, you were saying?"
"Hasn't she suffered enough? Why don't you just put her out of her misery?"
"I long ago wished to stop killing humans..." Mewtwo sighed, remembering his promise to Ash. "Even the ones that annoyed me. For those who deserved it, I harmed them greatly and left them, alive but only just..." he glanced at the unconscious girl. "My... I'm even growing soft... even growing feelings for some of these humans."
"HA! Funny! But at the same time, you have a point." Voldemort, for once after a LLOOONNGG time looked thoughtful. "I guess just killin' for the h**l of it is quite useless... Ah well! Enough of the mushy crap!" he tossed the girl away. "So, how's life as a human muggle?"
"Muggle?" Mewtwo was at first confused. But then he remembered that muggles were weakling humans with no magic. "Oh, it's tough, but I still have my psychic powers."
"Heh, I have magic still, but lately I haven't need any use for it. Muggles have their ways of going on without magic."
"Interesting. So, what's your story? Why have you been chucked to live as a muggle?"
"Beaten by Harry Potter, of course. Smelly boy always lucked out against me. I decided to leave the wizarding world alone and wreak serious havoc as a muggle for the rest of my jolly life," Voldemort explained. But suddenly, he piped up as if a new idea had shown itself in his head. "So, what are you going to try out for as a job?"
"Job?" Mewtwo raised his eyebrow, or what looked like his eyebrow. "Why do I need one?"
"The stupid muggles have something called taxes and bills. You have to pay them, or they come in these ridiculous blue suits and try to put you in muggle jail. Like a muggle jail could hold either of us, but being arrested constantly is annoying, so you have to keep these losers happy."
"I could open up a gym," Mewtwo thought, grinning sadistically. "But of course, it would be no challenge, I'd whoop the arse of any pokémon that came against me."
"Why stop there? There's a WHOLE WORLD to wreak havoc in!" Voldemort crowed. Both "villains" laughed maniacally, scaring the crap out of the whole neighborhood and causing all the dogs to bark madly.
****
That next morning, Mewtwo awakened to the sound of that annoying alarm clock.
"Stupid alarm clock..." Mewtwo muttered as he fried it with a psychic blast. As the clock was blown to smithereens, something conked Mewtwo on the head. "OW," he mumbled, picking up the object that had bruised his head.
Looking at it, it read, "Now that you have broken me, you MUST BUY A NEW ONE!!! Have a nice day."
"Ay, Caramba, gotta add THAT to my to do list today..." Mewtwo grumbled, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He lumbered downstairs into his kitchen, pouring some coffee, and he turned on the news.
"In the news today," began the news anchor, "There has been a recent amount of corrupted Gym Leaders in the Pokémon world. Some have reported to have sworn alliance with Team Rocket, and may be responsible for the rise of kidnappings happening around the world."
"Team Rocket?" Mewtwo looked in surprise. "Oh, brother."
"This isn't something to roll your eyes about, psychic boy," the news anchor shunned, much to Mewtwo's surprise and dismay.
"WHAT??!! You do not give ME a lesson in manners, foolish human," Mewtwo growled.
"Take it easy now," the news anchor responded, not a touch of nervousness in is voice, nor was there any Mewtwo could detect. "You may be a great help to stopping the force of Team Rocket, as the cop world is awfully pathetic here."
"You said it," Mewtwo took another sip of coffee.
"As I was saying, Team Rocket has made a wicked comeback, and these corrupted Gym Leaders, as well as that nefarious gang may be responsible for the disappearances of several important people."
"MAY?!" Mewtwo's coffee was reaching his brain. "They ARE!!!!"
"If you insist... goodbye," the news anchor waved as Mewtwo shut off the T.V.
"I HATE human coffee!! It makes me all excited! WHOOHOO WHOO HOO WHOHOO!!!!" Mewtwo began to bounce around like Daffy Duck. He bounced all the way to the Police Station where Voldemort was supposed to meet him.
Voldemort glanced at Mewtwo with a raised eyebrow. "What the h**l is wrong with you?"
"I hate human coffee! I HATE IT! HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE!!!" Mewtwo kept bouncing around like an out-of-control Igglybuff that had too much sugar. Voldemort, after trying to keep a straight face, pulled out a tranquilizer gun and shot Mewtwo several times. Mewtwo finally calmed down. "THANKS," Mewtwo muttered.
"You're very welcome," Voldemort swept a bow.
"So, what did you want me to meet you HERE for?"
"Take a job survey," Voldemort handed Mewtwo a slip of paper.
"A job survey?" Mewtwo looked at the strange piece of paper Voldemort had given him.
"Yes, a job survey," Voldemort confirmed. "Trust me, it'll make the search MUCH easier. I even got the 'right brain' survey to better show our extreme power! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Everyone inside the room looked at him. "What are YOU looking at??!!" he roared. They went back to their business in the office.
A policewoman came up to them. Mewtwo recognized her as Officer Jenny. "Hello, you two. Would you like to do the survey on the computer? It would be easier!"
"What's a computer?" They both asked simultaneously.
Jenny's left eye twitched. "You mean, you don't know what a computer is..."
"Nope!"
"WHAT ROCK HAVE YOU TWO BEEN HIDING UNDER??!!!" Jenny roared. Mewtwo and Lord Voldemort grew huge sweat drops as Jenny went on. "THAT'S IT!! I'm dragging you to computer education class! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" She grabbed both by the tail(Mewtwo) or the foot (Voldemort) and dragged them to a classroom.
"NNNOOOOOO!!!!!" Both whined as she dragged them away...
****
After the class (NO, I will NOT waste valuable story space telling about a boring computer class!) Mewtwo and Voldemort headed for two computer stands in a computer lab. "That was pure torture!" Voldemort bellowed (That's tough to imagine, but please try). "Mewtwo, when I take over the world, remind me to kill those muggles first!"
"I would, but I'd have to give those muggles their due," Mewtwo grinned devilishly. "We now know how to use a computer. Let's get these stupid surveys done." And both started typing away.
(A/N: Now I will begin the survey. I'll list SOME questions that appeared and Mewtwo and Voldemort's answers to them. This is freelance, so anything goes! (Cackles evilly))
1.List your name and address. Mostly, the boring facts.
Mewtwo: Yes, I am the almighty Mewtwo. I live next to Lord Voldemort on Ozma Oak Way, 1550; San Francisco, California. I have no age, therefore I am immortal. I have a house, and I will give serious pain to any human that pesters me. That is all.
Voldemort: I am the GREAT Lord Voldemort! I used to live in a nice evil mansion, where I plotted the demise of the great Harry Potter. But now I've retired from the wizarding world and set a home next to Mewtwo on Ozma Oak Way, 1540; San Francisco, California. I'm actually 71, but that doesn't mean I can't get a decent job and wreak havoc!(Note: This takes place a year or two after the Harry Potter series) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
4. How much respect do you have for authorities? A. I kiss their feet B. A Lot C. Some D. Little E. None F. I like pickles or G. I OWN THEM. And why?
Mewtwo: G. I OWN THEM, because I am superior to you pathetic humans and you will do as I say, GOT ME??!! I almost feel sorry for any weak human who chose A. They must have no self-esteem at all. Ah well, the easier they go down!
Voldemort: F. I like pickles, because they are tasty, green, and I can throw them at useless muggles like you to make them obey my orders! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
8. What kind of Pokémon Gym would you run if you had one?
Mewtwo: I would have a gym that used HUMANS INSTEAD!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Voldemort: I would actually train baby pokémon. Why? Because cuteness is the ultimate way to deceive power in pokémon! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! EVIL!!!!
11. If you could write/draw/script a parody of Dragon Ball Z, what would it be like?
Mewtwo: Dragon Football Z: Let's see Goku try to survive the wrath off Freiza and Perfect Cell on the football field! Freiza would cheat by sending out an army of Dragonites, and Perfect Cell would mutilate anyone! Just hope that he can summon the eternal dragon before he breaks a rib! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Voldemort: Why is this question on here. I LIKE Dragon Ball Z! Ah, well. Here we go: Cotton Ball Z!!!
Gokooky must gather all the Cotton balls to summon the Eternal Cotton, but by the time he does, some fire-breathing monster will have roasted them for lunch! KWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
26. What is your ambition?
Mewtwo: To find a pokémon that can actually defeat me in battle. Much less any human who can withstand my wrath...
Voldemort: To take over the world. Kill Harry Potter, oh... the thought makes me relish with joy...
30. Do you enjoy working with kids? Why or why not?
Mewtwo: Traumatizing little kids is fun. It's too bad that their parents will come and roast you if they do.
Voldemort: What's a "kid"? Is it a muggle term for a goat? I heard that somewhere...
35. What are your hobbies?
Mewtwo: Torturing Team Rocket, Watching Tenchi in Tokyo, learning new powerful psychic attacks.
Voldemort: Torturing Harry Potter, watching Soap Operas for laughs, learning new magic.
After they finished, Mewtwo and Lord Voldemort waited for the results of the test. The printer finally chimed, showing the results, as well as suggestions of what they should do BEFORE they get a job. "OOO!!!" Mewtwo crowed. "Neato! It even suggests things I should do to prepare! What does yours say?"
"I HATE muggles..." Voldemort hissed.
"Lemme guess," Mewtwo said, not using his psychic powers for once. "They suggested retirement, right?"
"That's not the only thing! Read here." He said. Mewtwo read the paper in amusement.
Lord Voldemort, we have come to terms that you should take the following steps before earning a job:
Step 1: Find a good nursing home, especially one that offers mental help. (Mewtwo shook to keep a straight face.)
Step 2: Open a trust fund.
Step 3: Stop hanging around this "Mewtwo" person. ("Yeah, these humans wish," Mewtwo muttered. Voldemort nodded.)
And Step 4: Read a WHOLE dictionary. EVERY WORD OF IT.
Once you have completed these steps, we suggest the following jobs:
Script Writer
Gym Leader
Traffic Conductor
Thank you for taking Latra's Job Survey! Have a nice Day.
"Don't worry," Mewtwo said. "At least you can try for Gym leader. Maybe we can open a joint gym."
"Yeah... HEY! Let's see yours!" Voldemort crowed. He snatched Mewtwo's paper and began reading it.
Mewtwo, we have come to terms that you should take the following steps before getting a job:
Step 1: Pay a visit to any Psychic Gym Leader (Especially Sabrina) and give them some pointers about how to remain undefeated. ("Oh, YES," Mewtwo cackled.)
Step 2: Aid this "Voldemort" guy should he start a gym.
Step 3: Get some Pokémon. Trust me, even if you ARE invincible (No doubts yet) you're not going to last long in a battle before crybaby trainers insist you're cheating.
Once you have taken the above steps, we suggest the following jobs:
Cop
Gym Leader
FBI agent (Mewtwo: "What the heck?" Voldemort: More focused version of cop, they take nightmare cases.")
Politician
Thank you for taking Latra's Job Survey! Have a nice Day.
"So, what are you going to do?" Voldemort said with a slight sneer.
"I'm going to help you start a gym." Mewtwo sneered right back. Both "villains" let out a chorus of evil laughter as they left, making all the dogs in the neighborhood bark again, and causing all of the police to look at each other. In fear.
****
"Hmph, so there they go," said a shadowy figure atop of a roof, spying on Mewtwo and Lord Voldemort. The shadowy figure had a shadowy ponytail and shadowy features. She was wearing a shadowy-
"WE GET THE POINT," hissed the shadowy figure.
Oh, okay! SorRY! ANYWAY, this figure was spying on our "heroes" alongside another shad-
"DON'T EVEN SAY IT!"
OKAY! So she was spying on them alongside another mysterious person. "Soon Mewtwo will be back along our ranks." The girl whispered in an EEEEVIL voice.
"THEN can I piggyback ride him and smoke every trainer on the planet??!!" Said the shadowy boy figure.
"NO you IDIOT," the girl smacked the boy upside the head. "And if you say the word 'shadowy' one more time, I'm going to make you implode, GOT ME?"
PPbbbbtthhh!! All right.
"Anyway, once Mewtwo is back, it's high tide for OUR team, Team ROCKET, that is!" and she began to laugh softly and evilly.
The boy laughed off-key and loudly, much like a six-year-old nerd. "MWA HA HA HA HA!!!"
"Stop that stupid nerd laugh, you'll blow our cover!" The girl smacked him. She then continued her own. "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha..."
That's it fer episode 1! Next Up!: Episode 2: Team Rocket Vs. The Super Annoying Sing Along!
Oh, no! Team Rocket is back and ready to return Mewtwo to their ranks! Who are the shad-er I mean mysterious boy and girl? And WHAT THE HECK IS THE SUPER ANNOYING SING ALONG?!! Find out in the Next Episode of "The 'Normal' Life of Mewtwo"!!!
(The world will never recover)
Mewtwo looked at his new house. It was a decent sized townhouse with two stories and a basement, overlooking the city. The movers had installed several pieces of furniture, and all he had to do was move in and be acquainted. He would buy a house secluded in an unknown countryside, but that was where he would more likely be bothered by an onslaught of Dark Pokémon. At least here, his only big worry was how to deal with these pathetic humans.
Entering his new home, Mewtwo took a rest on the couch. It was comfy. For human-made furniture, this wasn't bad, he thought. Unfortunately, just as he got comfortable, the doorbell rang. Irritated, he leapt up and went to deal with the problem.
Violently opening the door Mewtwo found absolutely nothing on the other side, though he paid no heed to the girl scout sent rocketing to the next-door neighbor's house. This naturally ticked him off very, very much. "Stupid humans!" he hissed, slamming the door and unwillingly attracting the attention of several elderly ladies, who stared at him in shock.
He went not TWO steps before the stupid doorbell rang shrilly once more. He burst open the door faster this time, but still saw absolutely no one, having knocked away the girl scout again. "I'm beginning to loathe these humans again already," Mewtwo snarled as he shut the door. Not going ONE step before the stupid doorbell rang AGAIN, Mewtwo was now purely outraged. "RRRRROOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!" Mewtwo burst open the door. The girl scout was smart enough to dodge the flying door this time, but she had no idea that today was the day she was going to feel the wrath of the mighty Mewtwo. "YOU FOOLISH HUMAN..." Mewtwo grabbed the girl by the neck and was threatening to choke her. "How DARE you disturb me AS A JOKE!!!"
"I-I-I'm sorry m-m-mister, but every time you came to open the door, you kn-knocked m-me a-a-a-away. I-I-I came to s-sell c-c-cookies. Interested?"
"NO YOU STUPID-wait! Was that a COOKIE, you say? OOOOOOOO!!!! Hold on, I'll be right back," and he shut the door. Using his psychic powers, he slowly drew the girl closer to the door until-
SLAM! Mewtwo punted open the door again and sent her flying into the next-door neighbor's house-again. "Ha! That'll teach YOU not to sell useless human cookies to the great MEWTWO!!" Mewtwo looked at the elderly ladies, still looking at him in disbelief. "What are YOU looking at??!!!" he shouted at them. They went back to what they were doing. Mewtwo shut the door and went back to the couch. Tenchi in Tokyo was now on and that so happened to be one of his favorite human shows. Cartoonist humans were actually funny ON PURPOSE, unlike the real-human comedies, which barely got a laugh from him, and those pathetic soap operas, which had him sprawling on the floor with laughter from the sappiness of it. Just as the show went off, the doorbell rang once more. "Holy crud," Mewtwo murmured. "But at least they didn't interrupt me..." he walked to the door and punted it open. There stood the strangest sight he had ever seen. An old man with strange red eyes who looked about his sixties, stood high and tall despite his age. In his right hand was the girl Mewtwo had punished so badly, limp and unconscious. Mewtwo looked bemusedly at the man, but the strangest was yet to come-as his voice.
"Is this your idea of a joke?" A high, loud, and cold voice bellowed from the old man, surprising him. "She crashed through my house a whooping THREE-" he wheezed out the number as if he was about to have a mad coughing fit, and Mewtwo shook to keep a straight face. "-times! Has she not suffered enough?"
"Ah, so you want house repairs, fine." Mewtwo focused his powers and in five seconds the repairs were done. "Hm? Hey, I recognize you. Aren't you the great-"
"Lord Voldemort," The old man swept a bow. "The AWESOME Mewtwo, I presume?"
"Correct!" Mewtwo swept a bow as well. "But what about the girl, you were saying?"
"Hasn't she suffered enough? Why don't you just put her out of her misery?"
"I long ago wished to stop killing humans..." Mewtwo sighed, remembering his promise to Ash. "Even the ones that annoyed me. For those who deserved it, I harmed them greatly and left them, alive but only just..." he glanced at the unconscious girl. "My... I'm even growing soft... even growing feelings for some of these humans."
"HA! Funny! But at the same time, you have a point." Voldemort, for once after a LLOOONNGG time looked thoughtful. "I guess just killin' for the h**l of it is quite useless... Ah well! Enough of the mushy crap!" he tossed the girl away. "So, how's life as a human muggle?"
"Muggle?" Mewtwo was at first confused. But then he remembered that muggles were weakling humans with no magic. "Oh, it's tough, but I still have my psychic powers."
"Heh, I have magic still, but lately I haven't need any use for it. Muggles have their ways of going on without magic."
"Interesting. So, what's your story? Why have you been chucked to live as a muggle?"
"Beaten by Harry Potter, of course. Smelly boy always lucked out against me. I decided to leave the wizarding world alone and wreak serious havoc as a muggle for the rest of my jolly life," Voldemort explained. But suddenly, he piped up as if a new idea had shown itself in his head. "So, what are you going to try out for as a job?"
"Job?" Mewtwo raised his eyebrow, or what looked like his eyebrow. "Why do I need one?"
"The stupid muggles have something called taxes and bills. You have to pay them, or they come in these ridiculous blue suits and try to put you in muggle jail. Like a muggle jail could hold either of us, but being arrested constantly is annoying, so you have to keep these losers happy."
"I could open up a gym," Mewtwo thought, grinning sadistically. "But of course, it would be no challenge, I'd whoop the arse of any pokémon that came against me."
"Why stop there? There's a WHOLE WORLD to wreak havoc in!" Voldemort crowed. Both "villains" laughed maniacally, scaring the crap out of the whole neighborhood and causing all the dogs to bark madly.
****
That next morning, Mewtwo awakened to the sound of that annoying alarm clock.
"Stupid alarm clock..." Mewtwo muttered as he fried it with a psychic blast. As the clock was blown to smithereens, something conked Mewtwo on the head. "OW," he mumbled, picking up the object that had bruised his head.
Looking at it, it read, "Now that you have broken me, you MUST BUY A NEW ONE!!! Have a nice day."
"Ay, Caramba, gotta add THAT to my to do list today..." Mewtwo grumbled, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He lumbered downstairs into his kitchen, pouring some coffee, and he turned on the news.
"In the news today," began the news anchor, "There has been a recent amount of corrupted Gym Leaders in the Pokémon world. Some have reported to have sworn alliance with Team Rocket, and may be responsible for the rise of kidnappings happening around the world."
"Team Rocket?" Mewtwo looked in surprise. "Oh, brother."
"This isn't something to roll your eyes about, psychic boy," the news anchor shunned, much to Mewtwo's surprise and dismay.
"WHAT??!! You do not give ME a lesson in manners, foolish human," Mewtwo growled.
"Take it easy now," the news anchor responded, not a touch of nervousness in is voice, nor was there any Mewtwo could detect. "You may be a great help to stopping the force of Team Rocket, as the cop world is awfully pathetic here."
"You said it," Mewtwo took another sip of coffee.
"As I was saying, Team Rocket has made a wicked comeback, and these corrupted Gym Leaders, as well as that nefarious gang may be responsible for the disappearances of several important people."
"MAY?!" Mewtwo's coffee was reaching his brain. "They ARE!!!!"
"If you insist... goodbye," the news anchor waved as Mewtwo shut off the T.V.
"I HATE human coffee!! It makes me all excited! WHOOHOO WHOO HOO WHOHOO!!!!" Mewtwo began to bounce around like Daffy Duck. He bounced all the way to the Police Station where Voldemort was supposed to meet him.
Voldemort glanced at Mewtwo with a raised eyebrow. "What the h**l is wrong with you?"
"I hate human coffee! I HATE IT! HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE!!!" Mewtwo kept bouncing around like an out-of-control Igglybuff that had too much sugar. Voldemort, after trying to keep a straight face, pulled out a tranquilizer gun and shot Mewtwo several times. Mewtwo finally calmed down. "THANKS," Mewtwo muttered.
"You're very welcome," Voldemort swept a bow.
"So, what did you want me to meet you HERE for?"
"Take a job survey," Voldemort handed Mewtwo a slip of paper.
"A job survey?" Mewtwo looked at the strange piece of paper Voldemort had given him.
"Yes, a job survey," Voldemort confirmed. "Trust me, it'll make the search MUCH easier. I even got the 'right brain' survey to better show our extreme power! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Everyone inside the room looked at him. "What are YOU looking at??!!" he roared. They went back to their business in the office.
A policewoman came up to them. Mewtwo recognized her as Officer Jenny. "Hello, you two. Would you like to do the survey on the computer? It would be easier!"
"What's a computer?" They both asked simultaneously.
Jenny's left eye twitched. "You mean, you don't know what a computer is..."
"Nope!"
"WHAT ROCK HAVE YOU TWO BEEN HIDING UNDER??!!!" Jenny roared. Mewtwo and Lord Voldemort grew huge sweat drops as Jenny went on. "THAT'S IT!! I'm dragging you to computer education class! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" She grabbed both by the tail(Mewtwo) or the foot (Voldemort) and dragged them to a classroom.
"NNNOOOOOO!!!!!" Both whined as she dragged them away...
****
After the class (NO, I will NOT waste valuable story space telling about a boring computer class!) Mewtwo and Voldemort headed for two computer stands in a computer lab. "That was pure torture!" Voldemort bellowed (That's tough to imagine, but please try). "Mewtwo, when I take over the world, remind me to kill those muggles first!"
"I would, but I'd have to give those muggles their due," Mewtwo grinned devilishly. "We now know how to use a computer. Let's get these stupid surveys done." And both started typing away.
(A/N: Now I will begin the survey. I'll list SOME questions that appeared and Mewtwo and Voldemort's answers to them. This is freelance, so anything goes! (Cackles evilly))
1.List your name and address. Mostly, the boring facts.
Mewtwo: Yes, I am the almighty Mewtwo. I live next to Lord Voldemort on Ozma Oak Way, 1550; San Francisco, California. I have no age, therefore I am immortal. I have a house, and I will give serious pain to any human that pesters me. That is all.
Voldemort: I am the GREAT Lord Voldemort! I used to live in a nice evil mansion, where I plotted the demise of the great Harry Potter. But now I've retired from the wizarding world and set a home next to Mewtwo on Ozma Oak Way, 1540; San Francisco, California. I'm actually 71, but that doesn't mean I can't get a decent job and wreak havoc!(Note: This takes place a year or two after the Harry Potter series) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
4. How much respect do you have for authorities? A. I kiss their feet B. A Lot C. Some D. Little E. None F. I like pickles or G. I OWN THEM. And why?
Mewtwo: G. I OWN THEM, because I am superior to you pathetic humans and you will do as I say, GOT ME??!! I almost feel sorry for any weak human who chose A. They must have no self-esteem at all. Ah well, the easier they go down!
Voldemort: F. I like pickles, because they are tasty, green, and I can throw them at useless muggles like you to make them obey my orders! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
8. What kind of Pokémon Gym would you run if you had one?
Mewtwo: I would have a gym that used HUMANS INSTEAD!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Voldemort: I would actually train baby pokémon. Why? Because cuteness is the ultimate way to deceive power in pokémon! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! EVIL!!!!
11. If you could write/draw/script a parody of Dragon Ball Z, what would it be like?
Mewtwo: Dragon Football Z: Let's see Goku try to survive the wrath off Freiza and Perfect Cell on the football field! Freiza would cheat by sending out an army of Dragonites, and Perfect Cell would mutilate anyone! Just hope that he can summon the eternal dragon before he breaks a rib! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Voldemort: Why is this question on here. I LIKE Dragon Ball Z! Ah, well. Here we go: Cotton Ball Z!!!
Gokooky must gather all the Cotton balls to summon the Eternal Cotton, but by the time he does, some fire-breathing monster will have roasted them for lunch! KWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
26. What is your ambition?
Mewtwo: To find a pokémon that can actually defeat me in battle. Much less any human who can withstand my wrath...
Voldemort: To take over the world. Kill Harry Potter, oh... the thought makes me relish with joy...
30. Do you enjoy working with kids? Why or why not?
Mewtwo: Traumatizing little kids is fun. It's too bad that their parents will come and roast you if they do.
Voldemort: What's a "kid"? Is it a muggle term for a goat? I heard that somewhere...
35. What are your hobbies?
Mewtwo: Torturing Team Rocket, Watching Tenchi in Tokyo, learning new powerful psychic attacks.
Voldemort: Torturing Harry Potter, watching Soap Operas for laughs, learning new magic.
After they finished, Mewtwo and Lord Voldemort waited for the results of the test. The printer finally chimed, showing the results, as well as suggestions of what they should do BEFORE they get a job. "OOO!!!" Mewtwo crowed. "Neato! It even suggests things I should do to prepare! What does yours say?"
"I HATE muggles..." Voldemort hissed.
"Lemme guess," Mewtwo said, not using his psychic powers for once. "They suggested retirement, right?"
"That's not the only thing! Read here." He said. Mewtwo read the paper in amusement.
Lord Voldemort, we have come to terms that you should take the following steps before earning a job:
Step 1: Find a good nursing home, especially one that offers mental help. (Mewtwo shook to keep a straight face.)
Step 2: Open a trust fund.
Step 3: Stop hanging around this "Mewtwo" person. ("Yeah, these humans wish," Mewtwo muttered. Voldemort nodded.)
And Step 4: Read a WHOLE dictionary. EVERY WORD OF IT.
Once you have completed these steps, we suggest the following jobs:
Script Writer
Gym Leader
Traffic Conductor
Thank you for taking Latra's Job Survey! Have a nice Day.
"Don't worry," Mewtwo said. "At least you can try for Gym leader. Maybe we can open a joint gym."
"Yeah... HEY! Let's see yours!" Voldemort crowed. He snatched Mewtwo's paper and began reading it.
Mewtwo, we have come to terms that you should take the following steps before getting a job:
Step 1: Pay a visit to any Psychic Gym Leader (Especially Sabrina) and give them some pointers about how to remain undefeated. ("Oh, YES," Mewtwo cackled.)
Step 2: Aid this "Voldemort" guy should he start a gym.
Step 3: Get some Pokémon. Trust me, even if you ARE invincible (No doubts yet) you're not going to last long in a battle before crybaby trainers insist you're cheating.
Once you have taken the above steps, we suggest the following jobs:
Cop
Gym Leader
FBI agent (Mewtwo: "What the heck?" Voldemort: More focused version of cop, they take nightmare cases.")
Politician
Thank you for taking Latra's Job Survey! Have a nice Day.
"So, what are you going to do?" Voldemort said with a slight sneer.
"I'm going to help you start a gym." Mewtwo sneered right back. Both "villains" let out a chorus of evil laughter as they left, making all the dogs in the neighborhood bark again, and causing all of the police to look at each other. In fear.
****
"Hmph, so there they go," said a shadowy figure atop of a roof, spying on Mewtwo and Lord Voldemort. The shadowy figure had a shadowy ponytail and shadowy features. She was wearing a shadowy-
"WE GET THE POINT," hissed the shadowy figure.
Oh, okay! SorRY! ANYWAY, this figure was spying on our "heroes" alongside another shad-
"DON'T EVEN SAY IT!"
OKAY! So she was spying on them alongside another mysterious person. "Soon Mewtwo will be back along our ranks." The girl whispered in an EEEEVIL voice.
"THEN can I piggyback ride him and smoke every trainer on the planet??!!" Said the shadowy boy figure.
"NO you IDIOT," the girl smacked the boy upside the head. "And if you say the word 'shadowy' one more time, I'm going to make you implode, GOT ME?"
PPbbbbtthhh!! All right.
"Anyway, once Mewtwo is back, it's high tide for OUR team, Team ROCKET, that is!" and she began to laugh softly and evilly.
The boy laughed off-key and loudly, much like a six-year-old nerd. "MWA HA HA HA HA!!!"
"Stop that stupid nerd laugh, you'll blow our cover!" The girl smacked him. She then continued her own. "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha..."
That's it fer episode 1! Next Up!: Episode 2: Team Rocket Vs. The Super Annoying Sing Along!
Oh, no! Team Rocket is back and ready to return Mewtwo to their ranks! Who are the shad-er I mean mysterious boy and girl? And WHAT THE HECK IS THE SUPER ANNOYING SING ALONG?!! Find out in the Next Episode of "The 'Normal' Life of Mewtwo"!!!