Malheureux L'un
Was she really the only thing holding their feeble lives up when the world went tumbling down around them?
They claimed her to be so.
Why did everyone have to depend on her?
Was she the unofficial Digidestined counciler or something?!
Did they ever bother to lend an ear to HER when she was having problems?!
Sometimes I think I'm gonna drown
'Cause everyone around's so hollow
And I'm alone
Sometimes I think I'm goin' down
But no one makes a sound, they follow
And I'm alone
She was so NICE, so CARING, NOBODY could EVER think anything horrible of her!
Of course, nobody ever thought she had any problems, either.
'Ooh, perfect little Kari, she takes care of everyone and solves all of our problems for us so we don't have to think at all!'
Frankly, she was getting sick of it.
Sure, she was the so-called Child of Light. But what good is light if people's dark problems block it out?
Kari sincerely hoped nobody turned up at her funeral. And if they did, it was just to make sure she was dead.
Or perhaps say something like "Kari was the biggest bitch I had ever known in my life."
But, no, of course not. Kari was too sweet and precious for anyone to ever do that!
She'd built up her reputation on nothing more than a lie.
Yeah, and if I make it, I'd be amazed
Just to find tomorrow
One more day and I'd be amazed
Just to see it waiting
Didn't anyone ever look anywhere except outside themselves?!
Were they too selfish to see that she was suffering more than any of them?!
Or were they just too stupid?!
People wouldn't believe the words that would come out of her mouth if she decided to become a bitch.
They'd continue with their stupid little responses.
T.K.? "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"
Ken. "Kari…can I…trust you with something?"
Yolei. HA! Of course there's Yolei. "Wow, you seem really depressed today!! What's up, Kari?" "Oh, I've just been thi—" "—Oops, gotta run, seeya!"
And Davis. Davis was the worst. "Hey Kari!! *drooldrooldrool*"
Did they give a shit about the fact that Kari was mentally collapsing?
Of course not.
Kari had thought about suicide numerous time. But she was always caught. Razors? "Kari!! Come on, get out of the bathroom, you've been in there for ages!!" Foiled again.
Damn.
And besides…Kari still wanted people to be convinced she was a bitch.
But how the hell would she convince people she was ruthless if they didn't LISTEN?!
And if I make it I'm still alone
No more hope for better days
But if I could change
Then I'd really be amazed
Ignored? Was she truly ignored?
In a sense.
People loved her. People loved the way she looked, the way she acted…she was oh so 'truthful' and always kept secrets! She was just a well of information and advice, and she could be trusted with anything and everything!!
But, of course, people shot her down with a sniper rifle when she wanted to talk about her problems.
"Hey, T.K.? I've been wondering recently, and I'm hoping you could offer me some advice…" At this point, T.K. was staring at his paper yet nodding vigorously. Annoyed, and showing it, Kari would begin to rant on something absolutely insane.
"I've been hearing voices and I think I'm going insane and I'm becoming depressed and I feel like my mental walls are falling down around my ears and I'm on the brink of a nervous breakdown and….do you have any Prozac?" T.K. would look up after scribbling something hastily.
"I'm sorry, Kari, could you repeat what you said?"
"Oh, no, it's nothing really big." Big smile, Kari, big smile. Keep the façade up for just a bit longer.
And when you know you can't relate
To one more shiny face
Your heart breaks
And no one cares
Mr. Cuddles was her true confidant. He cared!!
…even though he was just a raggedy old bunny who's seams were coming apart and some of the stuffing was falling out. He's always been right there, through it all, right along with Kari. He'd heard all of her secrets and he'd never tell a soul.
Never.
Of course, that's considering he can't talk because he isn't alive.
You know you're depressed when you can only disclose your deepest secrets to stuffed animals because they were the only ones that cared.
And when you know you can't go on
'Cause everything is wrong
Your heart breaks
But no one's there
Nobody knew what she was going through!! Everyone backed Ken up after he 'resigned' as Digimon Kaiser!! Everyone backed Yolei up when she was having doubts about this whole thing!! Everyone backed Davis up as a leader!! But who the hell backed Kari up?!
NOBODY!!
She was alone in her arduous journey called life. Hold up her hand for someone to wait, open her mouth and tried to speak..
But by then, the room was empty.
Empty.
Everything in Kari's life was empty.
She felt as though she had lost her soul years ago.
The always loving little sister, the always loving friend. Kari always managed a mental "What the hell?! Friend?!" whenever someone called her that dreaded word.
Yeah, and if I make it, I'd be amazed
Just to find tomorrow
One more day and I'd be amazed
Just to see it waiting
"I'm going to end it…"
And if I make it, I'm still alone
No more hope for better days
But if I could change
Then I'd really be amazed
Kari lifted the headphones from her ears, scribbled a few words onto a sheet of paper and let it float to the ground, as she headed to the bathroom.
"You should have treated me as a friend. Not as some pay-for-the-hour social worker.
Thanks for nothing,
Kari.
Now as the day is set, they'll line up all the same
And those that need the most will never get or gain
The ones you call your friends are failing you again
Reach into your bag of tricks and make it go away."
***
Author's Notes: Yet another one in the string of Kari-Angst-Suicide fics. I dunno, I kinda liked how they portrayed her thoughts and emotions, 'cause I get the same kinda crap everywhere I go.
O.o A bit TOO angsty for my tastes, though.
And..um...my French is horrible, but I think Malheureux L'un means "Unhappy One" or something...bleh...can't...remember...horrible...and...torturing...French...classes...
Oh, yeah, by the way…
The song used in this fic is "Amazed" by The Offspring. If you want angst, that song ownz j00.
And the last part in Kari's note is "Change the World", also by the Offspring.
I'm hooked. What can I say?