Part 10
He got into the back while Dawn got up front with Willow, after they dropped her off he would get up front, but for now he was taking in the landscape, marveling how different everything did look, and making a mental note to get his eyes checked as soon as possible because things were more than a little blurry around the edges. "Will, when does the bloody Mall open?" he asked her from the back seat.
"About nine. Why?" she asked, still trying to get used to actually seeing him in her rear view mirror.
"Can we make a run through there? I need to get some things real quick at a couple of the stores. Won´t take long," he promised.
"I guess, I didn´t want to be gone too long because of Tara and Buffy," she told him.
"I know, neither do I, but the Slayer was sleeping when I looked in on her ,and there´s Angel and Giles there too in case anything happens. Since we´re out I´d thought I´d ask," he told her.
"Yeah, we can do it. I´ll call Giles once we get there so they don´t worry," she told him and he nodded knowing she could see him now and he went back to checking out the sunlight view of the town.
They arrived at Dawn´s school, and she got out while Spike got out to move to the front seat. He looked at her pointedly. "You—stay put until one of us comes gets you, okay? We´ll get big sis, fixed up, I promise," he told her.
"I hope so. I can´t lose her too, Spike," she said giving him a quick hug which surprised him. "Be there when I get home—please?" she asked him.
"Yeah, I´ll be there Nibblet, just you behave, and do what you´re supposed to," he told her, his eyes letting her know he did care about her, but if she screwed up she would have to deal with him, and she nodded and headed into the building getting lost in the sea of similar age teenagers.
"Have a good day," Willow called to her, hoping that she had heard her. She sighed, looking at her watch, "the Mall should be opening about the time we get there. Where all are we going?" she asked being nosy as she looked at him, still trying to get used to seeing him in sunlight.
"The one hour glasses place for one," he said with a touch of embarrassment. "I´m bloody blind as a bat, more so since I don´t have the vamp improving the situation," he confessed, and she giggled as she pulled into traffic. "Hey, it´s not that bloody funny. I wore bloody glasses before I was turned, okay? And I still had to use reading specs even as a vamp. Being a vampire does not cure everything," he added, sloughing into his seat, trying not to look at her reaction to his weakness.
"It´s kind of hard to imagine you with glasses," she said, trying not to laugh and be more sympathetic.
"I´m going to see if I can wear contacts,. I don´t want Xander making fun of me. Had enough of that before from people, thanks," he told her, remembering all the teasing he used to get because he was young and had to wear glasses which at that time were very expensive and hard to make.
"Xander can be cool with it. Now that you´re human, he´ll calm down on the jokes and all," she reassured him as she drove.
"I bloody well hope so. Other thing I´m doing, and don´t start laughing on me, Red, is that I am going to do something about my bloody hair. Now that I can see myself, it´s got to go. It is pretty ghastly, and does make me stand out—too bloody much. I can see why the lot of you were making fun of me. I´m rebuilding my image, all of it. As long as I look like my old self then I´m going to be a bloody target, and I´m tired of being a bloody target. I´ve got to be a better man than I was," he said, folding his arms across his chest, his jaw set in determination.
"You are going for radical changes, aren´t you?" Willow asked looking at him as they pulled into the Mall parking lot.
"Maybe, don´t know yet. But this isn´t some over night whim, it´s stuff I´ve been thinking about for a while. Ever since the chip, I´ve had a lot of time to think, and try to figure what all I was doing wrong—you know? And then when I realized I was in love with Slayer, really in love with her, I knew I had to change if I had any bloody chance in hell with her at all. And I knew I didn´t have a chance as a vampire, the way I was—no soul, and all, but this being human was beyond my wildest bloody dreams. Whatever you did, thank you, Red, for giving me a bloody chance to be alive again," he told her sincerely. "It´s the greatest gift anyone could have given me, and anything you ever need, or want let me know—anything," he told her, meaning it sincerely.
"Don´t worry about it. Evidently, it was meant to be otherwise it wouldn´t have happened, that´s what I think, and have to believe. I´m just glad you´re cool with it—I was afraid you´d be mad, not being a vampire anymore," she said as they parked.
"I was shocked at first, and worried that I´d be bloody useless as a human, but somehow I still have part of the vampire. I still got the speed, and the strength, and abilities like I did, so I´m basically like Buffy now. There´s not that much difference—except the bloody bad eyes, but you can´t have everything, huh, pet?" he said with a slight laugh as he unbuckled his seat beat and got out to go around, and open her door for her.
"And wow, polite too. I could get used to this," she grinned getting out.
"I can be a bloody gentleman when I want to be, just wish Buffy would appreciate it more," he said as they walked towards the Lenscrafters whose entrance was on the outside of the Mall.
Once they got there it didn´t take long to get him in to see a doctor, and get his eyes checked. He was marveling, and how far things had come since he had gotten glasses as a human. Willow helped him pick out his frames as he had no idea what looked good or not and there were so many to chose from which was making him frustrated and agitated having too many choices. He ended up getting two pairs, and another set of frames for sunglasses, plus a prescription for disposable contacts. Since he knew he was going to be fighting having extras seemed like a good bet. Then he saw that they had specialty glasses, and goggles. He also put in a special order for night vision goggles. Though they wouldn´t be ready for several weeks, they would come in handy for some of their patrols even though he could still see fairly well at night, more than the other Scoobies could. Since it would take a while for the glasses to be ready they decided to go ahead, and do his other shopping instead of sitting around waiting.
The hair was next. They debated between just doing it at home, or letting a professional do it. Willow talked him into letting someone else do it, and drug him into a shop that catered to both sexes. He explained what he wanted, and the stylist look him in hand, and off to a cubicle in the back. Thirty minutes later he emerged sans bleach blonde hair. It was now a soft dark ash blonde in loose waves and tousled curls. Willow was very suitably impressed with the results, and began to wish she wasn´t gay, and that he wasn´t so in love with Buffy. Damn, he looked good, she sighed. He paid for his 'do´, and got some hair products to take care of new his hair, plus gave his stylist a big tip for the great job she had done on him.
Next was a trendy mens clothing store where he picked up several shirts, some slacks, some jeans, and T-shirts, plus sweats, and underwear. Most of his clothes were fairly conservative in shades of blues and grays, and he avoided anything that even vaguely looked like something Xander might wear. He even got a pair of running shoes, and a pair of dress shoes from the shoe store next door.
His shopping complete for the moment he turned to Willow, and asked, "See anything you fancy, or anything Buffy, or Dawn might like while we´re here?"
"Lots, but you don´t have to get me anything," Willow tried to protest.
He looked at her, raising a determined eyebrow. "I insist. It´s my treat to you for giving me back my life," he grinned down at her.
She squirmed a little under his intense gaze, and finally broke down. "Okay,… there was this dress I´d been eyeing, but couldn´t afford since I´m on a budget with school, and all," she said, and he smiled.
"Here," he said pulling out five hundred dollars, and handing it to her, and she looking at him in surprise. "You go get whatever you want. I want to go get something for Buffy. I´ll meet you back at the glasses place in about fifteen, twenty minutes—that okay?" he asked her.
"Yeah,… sure," she stuttered. "No problem, and like wow, …thanks," she said as she walked away, kind of dazed by his generosity.
As soon as she was lost in the crowds, he went into the drugstore, and made a couple of purchases, then he went over to the jewelry store. He had seen the perfect thing he want to give to Buffy a while back when he had wandered through around Buffy´s birthday, but at the time he had had only had enough money to get her the box of chocolates. Money was not a problem now. He could give her anything she wanted. It was a really good feeling.
Going inside he had the clerk get out the gold, intricate Celtic knotwork band that had the diamond chips in between the knots in each of the running dogs eyes. He had no idea why this piece seemed like her, and he felt he had to have it instead of just getting her a diamond solitaire, but he didn´t think they were quite up to engagement rings—yet. He hoped she´d accept it from him just out friendship if nothing else. For Dawn, he saw a necklace with a cute, goofy looking lock and key, and got it for her. For himself he got a watch since time was important to him now. In another case he saw a thick wristband made out of gothic style crosses and skulls, and a matching, large, carved with protection symbols, silver cross on a heavy chain to go around his neck and added those to his purchases. He wasn´t going to take any bloody chances now about one of his former kind trying to turn him back. He put the cross, the wristband, and the watch on before leaving the store, and had the girl´s gifts wrapped up with fancy wrapping and ribbons.
Looking at his watch he hoped he hadn´t kept Willow waiting too long. He was almost at the door when he heard her come up behind him all breathless. "Sorry, I thought I was running late," she apologized trying to juggle her bags.
"Nope, right on time," he reassured her, opening the door for her.
His glasses were ready, and he sat down to get fitted. He decided to wear the gold rim ones because they had UV lens that would change according to light so he wouldn´t have to wear the almost black sunglasses outside. Those were more for show any way than sun protection.
"So what do you think?" he asked Willow, turning so she could get the full effect of the new him.
She looked at him, not believing it was him as he was looking so different now. He somehow looked kinder, gentler than he ever had. There was a vulnerability to him that hadn´t been present before. He was still damn good looking, and still had the bad boy edge, but it wasn´t as threatening as it had been. "Impressive, very impressive. If I didn´t know it was you, then I´d have a hard time knowing it was you," she told him smiling and thinking if Buffy didn´t like the new and improved Spike she be nuts. She´s take him in a heartbeat if she wasn´t gay and spoken for.
He was so very different looking now with the glasses, and different colored hair, almost a young Giles, but way, way better looking. He looked very studious, and scholarly in a way, probably looking closer to what he had originally looked like before he was turned. She wondered if were any pictures of him from then to compare to? All the Watcher´s journals said nothing about his former life.—she was getting real curious now as to who he had been. And what was with all this sudden money—where had it come from? She had seen Angel hand him an envelope of money, but she had gotten the strong impression that it wasn´t like it was Angel´s money, but rather his to begin with, and Angel had only been keeping track of it for him.
She also noted the new cross around his neck, the matching wristband, and expensive looking watch which he must have gotten while they had gone their separate ways shopping. Yeah, he was serious about staying mortal. And if the word got out about his changing then he really was going to be a prime target for the locals demons. When they got to the shop she´d see if he wanted to get his new items blessed and make them doubly potent protection wise.
"Good, that´s what I was going for," he grinned back. "God, it´s so good being able to bloody see again—so that´s what you really look like, Red—wow, not bad at all," he grinned eyeing her up, and down and making her blush under his teasing scrutiny. "This sure beats seeing you as a blob," he smiled, and she giggled at his look of childlike joy at being able to focus on stuff now. He collected his purchases, thanked the staff, and they left. They piled all their bags and purchases in the back seat, and sat back exhausted. "That was fun," Willow said finally, putting her seat belt on.
"Yeah, having money, is nice for a change. I had forgotten how nice it was being able to just go, and buy anything you wanted. Can´t steal anymore, too easy to get caught now, and besides, I want to do this the right way," he replied, fixing his belt. "So what did ya get for yourself?" he asked, and saw her blush.
"Just stuff, and yes, I did get stuff for Tara, and for Buffy, and Dawn. Thought maybe Buffy might like a new outfit once we get her back to herself. I just hope what I´m going to be doing is going to work," she told him with a touch of worry still in her voice as she started the car, and headed to the Magic Box.
"It´ll work. I have faith in you, Red. You´re one hell of a witch now. Quite the change from the girl I first met."
"Have I changed all that much?" she dared to ask.
"Lots. You were so scared back when I first came to town, but you always impressed me about how you could stand up for yourself, and keep your head when everyone else was bloody well losing it. When you teleported Glory—wow, I was very impressed. Not all witches can do that kind of high magick," he told her. He had woke up from being knocked out from Glory in time to see her do that and had been shocked that she had come that far along magick wise. He had also made a mental note to himself not to get her pissed off at him. Hard telling what or where he´s end up and very glad that Buffy didn´t have similar abilities to do such things.
"Yeah, I didn´t think I was that good—really. And Tara gets on my case for doing things she thinks I´m not ready for. I´m always studying, wanting to learn more, but she´s not liking it at all. But I got to learn so I can help. Tara just doesn´t understand," she told him, grumbling about her mate. And she and Tara had been fighting more and more over how advanced she was becoming, and in Tara´s opinion trying things that were too dangerous without taking enough safeguards.
"Give her time. It´s hard when you are better than your friends at something, especially magicks. I try to keep away from the bloody stuff as much as I can, but Angelus, and Dru--they were real hot to learn, so I did a little just for my own self preservation, so I would know what the hell they were bloody up to. I can do things in a pinch, but I don´t want to unless I have to, got it?" he told her being serious, and she looked at him in surprise, though she had suspected for a long time he knew more than he had let any of them know about having a real knowledge of working magick.
"Got it. I thought you did, but I wasn´t sure. You´re the one that did the ritual to restore Drusilla at the church, weren´t you?" she asked, wanting to make sure she was right in her suspicions.
"Yeah, had to because I wanted Dru back to her old self," he grudgingly admitted, not meeting her eyes. "That was a bloody mistake since the lot of you came in to stop it at the last moment, and the damn church came down around me putting me into the bleedin´ wheelchair for months. Then all she wanted was her damn daddy, not me after all I had done for her—bitch," he said angrily, sounding like his old self. "But that´s past, gone, and done. She´s done, and gone. Sent her back on her merry way when she came here to look me up and go back to LA with her. But I discovered I didn´t want her, Red. Even though she was all willing, and could have killed for me until I got the soddin´ chip out—I didn´t want her, all she did was repulse me. It was after she killed that couple at the Bronze that I knew I couldn´t go back to being like I was—my heart just wasn´t into being all evil anymore. It was finally over between her, and me. I was just about ready to send her on her way when I found Buffy down below going through my private stuff in the tunnels under my crypt. I keep replaying that whole scene over, and over in my head, and wished it all could have been different—like what the hell was the bloody slayer doing there anyway? Never could figure that out," he said, still puzzled about why Buffy had had to pick that time to go snooping, and had been there at all after their conversation. He hadn´t planned on her even coming near him for a while since she was so upset and he had planned to let her cool off—a lot before attempting to talk to her again.
"It was my fault, Spike. I told Buffy to go talk to you that night after she came back from the warehouse and told her mom and me what had happened. She was freaking. We all we kind of freaking because it seemed like it was coming out of left field, you know," she said looking over at him.
He nodded, embarrassed. "I know it seemed that way to her too. I hadn´t wanted to tell her—at least not that ways. I bloody well knew I was caught because evidently Dawn must have said something to her by the look on her face and what she said. So like a real bloody fool, I started confessing everything, and I could see Buffy freaking, but I kept on hoping that some way I could get through to her, let her know it was for real, and that I wasn´t going to be like Angel, or Captain Cardboard. All I wanted her to do was to admit that she had feelings too—and she does. I know it, I could feel it whenever we got near one another. But she was, and is too bloody scared, and hurting to let herself feel. All I wanted to was just talk about it, but she bolted, and ran. After she left I went home and there´s Dru waiting for me. On one hand I was glad to see her, and see that she did still want me, especially after the way Buffy had rejected me, still I didn´t feel right about it because of what I felt about the Slayer. Then bloody Harmony showed, and made a scene, and I threw her out because I was tired of her crap. After that Dru, and I went to the Bronze which was dumb—I admit it. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn´t stop her, because it was almost like old times, and I wanted to be her "William" again, but after Dru killed that couple, and I took the girl´s blood I realized I never would be, ever again. That William was dead, gone. I was too bloody changed by all that had happened to me to go back to the man Dru wanted me to be," he said with a sigh, shaking his head, replaying the events of that night in his head and wishing it had gone so much different.
"So what did happen at your crypt? I got Buffy´s version—what´s yours?" Willow asked very interested in actually hearing his side of the story.
"You´re really wanting hear all this?" he asked surprised.
"Yeah, I figured there was more to all of what happened then what Buffy told us."
"Glad to see someone opened minded for a change, and letting me explain my side of the mess. And it was a bloody mess—I admit it. If Buffy just hadn´t showed when she did, none of this would have gone down the way it did. To get back to what I was saying--anyway Dru, and I get back from the Bronze. I´m high on fresh human blood after months on the pig swill, and there´s Buffy nosing around, and she´s just found my shrine. And she´s in shock over that. It was my bloody shrine, and I never wanted her to know about it, or see it—I mean a guy has to have his private stuff, you know?" he asked, and she nodded trying to concentrate on the road and listen to him at the same time.
"Anyway, I´m all giddy from the blood, Dru´s standing there, the Slayer´s in shock, then she sees Dru and starts to react. From somewhere Dru has found this cattle prod, and she shocks Buffy who goes down, and then shocks her again before I can stop her, talking about tying her up, and playing with her. I get bloody pissed, grab the prod, and shock Dru who goes down. Then I get this really stupid idea to tie them both up, Buffy in particular, so I can make her sit still, and listen to me. So I chain Buffy up, then tie Dru up good, and tight because I don´t want her attacking Buffy. When Buffy wakes up she´s mad which is to be expected, but then I tell her why, so I can make her listen to me. She´s too mad to listen which makes me madder, then Dru isn´t helping with her bloody comments, and I almost stake her to prove to Buffy that I do love her. And none of it is going the way I wanted. Then in the middle of this Harmony shows back up with a bloody crossbow, and shots me in the back, and we start wrestling around. Meanwhile, Buffy and Dru are trying to get loose, and Dru does. She goes after Buffy. I see that happening in the nick of time, and knock Dru out of way, and let Buffy loose. Dru tells me I´m lost, and slinks off out the back way. Meantime Harmony has recovered, and is telling me off with Buffy looking on. As soon as Harm leaves Buffy decks me a good one into the shrine, and then storms off. After I pick myself up, I go run to catch up with her, which I did just before she gets to her house, trying to apologize, and talk to her. That´s when she tells me to get out of her life, her town—anyway, you know the bloody drill, and I tell her I´m staying, and she can´t shut me out of her life. She gets mad again, and I follow her still, and was hoping I could get Joyce or Dawn to help me out once I got inside, when bam I run into the bloody barrier that wasn´t there before, and I´m shocked, hurt—after all this time—now she puts up a barrier? Then she slams the door in my face, and after a while I finally go home," he explained, the pain of the memories of that night clear on his face.
"Buffy asked me to put the barrier up because she was so shook. Though I had forgotten it wasn´t up all this time. Yeah, after it being down for a year or so, it kind of blew me away too she wanted it. I mean before you had been threatening to kill her, and could have any time, and then when you tell her you love her it´s like worse than anything. I couldn´t understand why your caring about her was such a horrible thing, and neither could her mom. We were real confused. We thought it would have made you less of a threat not more," Willow told him as she pulled in front of the shop, and parked seeing that Anya was already there.
"You and Joyce thought she was nuts too? Thank god," he told her gratefully looking heavenward. "I just wanted her to know she was safe with me, and I would never ever try to hurt her, her family, or any of you, but somehow she just couldn´t see it, or didn´t want to. And then I messed up everything when Dru showed. Maybe now, I can set things right. I do love her, Red, more than life. She´s all I want, care about. I just hope that someday she will care about me just a little. God, I sound like a bloody wanker," he said, ducking his head embarrassed.
But Willow had heard the pain in his voice as he had told his story, and listened when he confessed how much he did love her friend, and she knew he was for real. Spike was totally in love with Buffy just like Dawn had told her. And she knew that Buffy did have feeling for him too beyond the loathing, and disgust like she kept trying to claim. She had watched her around the vampire for three plus years now, and knew there was something going on between them. But because he had been a vampire Buffy wasn´t going to reciprocate, and had been fighting herself when she had wanted to do the opposite, and just give in totally like she had under the spell. Even her relationship with Riley had been doomed from the beginning because Buffy had had feeling for Spike, and everyone had given her so much hell for Angel that Buffy had been afraid to be with who she did really want to be with, and had settled on Riley because he was normal and acceptable.
"No you don´t, Spike. You´re just real, and honest with your feelings. It takes a real man to be brave enough to say how he feels."
"Really, you´re just not saying that?" he asked hopefully.
"It´ll be okay. I´m sure you can work things out with Buffy. I think she does care, just give her some time to get adjusted to the new you and it´ll work out. You two were made for one another," she told him getting out of the car.
"Thanks, Red. I feel a whole lot better now. Let´s get whatever it is you need, and get her fixed up, and back to her old self," he said with a happy smile, and now real hope in his heart. He got out too, and they locked it up, with all the stuff inside.
End Part 10
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