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Souled To Be, Or Not To Be Me
Part 16
by Phoenixstitch / Vickey Brickle-Macky
This was all brought on by all the discussions of Spike not being redeemable, or able to really love because he doesn't have a soul. What if he said the hell with it, and went all the way, and asked Willow to do a soul restoration spell on him (though it has always amazed me that no one on the show ever thought of doing one on him anyway if they were so worried about him being dangerous with, or without the chip.) I was also listening to VNV Nation tracks while writing this so this will get sort of weird. This is set after "Crush", "The Body", and "Forever", after Joyce's funeral, and after Spike gets bit . This sort of ignores the some of the story line in "Intervention", for the purposes of this story. Also I used parts of Willow's original spell in "Becoming II" with some modifications, and changes here, and there. Usual disclaimers all apply to not stepping on anyone's copyrights with Josh Wheldon, Mutant Enemy, etc.. I don't any of these characters, just borrowing them, especially Spike, and trying out different directions than the show has gone. Rating about PG-17. If you can watch the show you can read this.
Part 16
"So I gather there's new trouble brewing?" Xander asked cautiously after Buffy and Dawn left.
"Yeah, a bit of a mess with Buffy's father. If you hadn't heard he's finally going to show up in a couple of weeks, and wants to sell the house, and make the girls move to LA with him," Spike explained since the gang was looking blankly at him. "What Angel has gone to talk to Rupert about is that the law firm that's handling this is the same one that Angel has been having so many problems with. Seems they are bit on the demony side, and very bad news."
"Great!" Xander growled in disgust, looking at both Buffy and Dawn who had just come back and sat down. He was unhappy for them. They never seemed to get a break of any kind. Glory was dead but now they had to deal with demony lawyers—could it get any worse? "So you're thinking there's more going on that just the normal—huh?"
"Yeah, it has that feel to it. Wouldn't be awful surprised if these lawyers do know what Buffy, and Dawn are, and are trying to get their hands on them, Could be they're just using the father to get to them seeing that he doesn't know about either of them," Spike told him, and Willow truthfully. They both looked very alarmed, and worried.
"We'll I'll start checking out the lawyers, and see what can be done legally to stop them and Mr. Summers from taking Dawnie or Buffy," Willow told him determinedly. No way was she going to let this happen if she had anything to say about it.
"Angel is going to be doing the same, and he's gone to ask the Watcher if the Council has any info on this group, and if there's a law team on this side we can use to fight them. Failing that I still have some ideas to keep them safe. If we all could survive a Hell God, we bloody can survive a bunch of bleeding lawyers—right?" he said, and they all nodded. "Now can someone explain what the bloody food is on this menu because I don't have a clue?" he said holding up his menu.
"Huh? Xander said looking shocked, then it dawned on him that Spike might not know what half the stuff was since vampires didn't normally eat. "Okay, 'human', let me see the menu and I'll tell you what the stuff is," he volunteered.
Spike smiled at the use of the word 'human' from Xander. Probably couldn't figure out want to call him since the usual terms 'vampire', 'dead-boy junior', or 'bleach boy' no longer applied. "okay, you're on," he said handed the menu to him and scooting over so he could see and point stuff out. "I know what a soddin' hamburger is, fries, wings, and the onion bit, but what are those, and are they any good?" Spike asked pointing to something called a Bronze Stake Plate, and a Monster Melt.
After a bit of explaining and laughing, Spike settled on the Monster Melt, which was roast beef, pork and turkey, grilled onions and mushrooms covered with Swiss on toasted rye with a side of home fries and coleslaw. He had hoped to get a real meal like he vaguely remembered but most of the Bronze fare was sandwiches, soups, etc. for the young crowd that hung there.
Finally, they got the attention of a waitress, and ordered their food much to Dawn's relief. Then they sat back to wait because they all knew it'd be awhile. Spike began to fidget. He was trying to give up smoking, but being in the cigarette laden air was not helping his resolve, especially since he now didn't know what to do with his hands, or anything else. He was determined not to start smoking again, especially because of his new body and the fact that Buffy would disapprove—still he wanted a cigarette bad to relieve his growing nervousness. It was all so surreal to him still. The shock of his new life hadn't fully sunk in yet, and probably wouldn't for awhile. So far there wasn't much difference in things in general except he had a pulse, was warm and had to maintain his body just slightly differently from what he was used to. Before he had played at being a human, blending in as much, or as little as he had pleased, now he didn't have that opinion—he was fully human—and he was bored. Being normal had not changed that facet of him, and since he had slayer senses he was still highly attuned to everyone, and everything going on around him, including the group of vamps that had just come in and were sitting in a corner. They would have to do something about them and soon—had Buffy even noticed yet? By her unchanging expression it didn't look like it yet.
So far Buffy was just watching people dance, and he could see she wanted to join the action, but was unsure whether to get up alone, or what. He had always loved watching her dance. He hadn't even dared suggest dancing with her before, though he had thought about it—a lot. He was going to take a chance for once, and he leaned past Dawn and tapped Buffy on her shoulder to get her attention. "Wanna dance?'"he asked loudly over the music.
Buffy looked startled for a moment at his request, and mentally had to change gears, and keep herself from making an automatic reply of 'no'. This was not Spike the vampire, this was Spike the human, and it was okay to dance with him she had to tell herself. "Sure," she calmly replied getting up from her chair as Spike did the same.
Her friends looked at the two of them surprised. They had to shift mental gears too, and relax.
"We're going go dance. Someone come get us when the food comes, okay?" Buffy asked them.
"Sure, no problem," Xander replied, trying to relax just a little. He was still worrying about Buffy and Spike together. Them as a possible couple was still not easy to take among other things. Sure he was no longer a vamp, but he was still a guy—a guy that still wanted Buffy just as much, or more than he had when he had been a vampire. Xander still felt big brother protective about her when other guys were around. He knew that he, and Buffy would never be anything more to one another than friends, but in a way it bothered him that Spike wasn't wasting any time in going after Buffy now that he did have a real chance to. Even though Xander was trying to forgive, and forget Spike's past, and give him the benefit of a doubt it wasn't proving as easy as he thought it was going to be. He wasn't even sure how to react around the guy yet. Whether to treat him in the same old way, differently, or what? He looked over at Willow, and Tara and saw that their reactions were mirroring his own. "So, what do you think?" he asked his best friend hesitantly.
"Dunno yet. It's still wiggin' me out this whole Spike's now human thing. I find myself still reacting to him like he was still a vamp—old habits I guess—but I can't, can I—it's not fair to him—because he has changed—I think," she said, taking a sip of her drink as she watched the couple being discussed dancing, and dancing very well together.
"He did get a soul too?" Xander asked, also puzzled that there was a more dramatic change in Spike besides outwardly.
"Ohh yeah, big time. And it was painful too, but part of that could have been the transformation he went through body wise at the same time. Maybe he already had part of his soul to begin with, and it wasn't like such a big change for him like it was with Angelus when he became Angel. Let's face it, even as a full non chipped vamp, Spike was never the monster Angelus was. He helped Buffy before the chip lots of times on his own—that is not normal vampire at all," Willow told him
"Yeah, he did," Xander grudgingly admitted, "still when he got the chip he seemed to get nastier—Adam comes to mind."
"Maybe if we had been nicer to him then, helped to adjust more to having the chip, and not being able to feed or hurt humans he wouldn't have tried to team up with Adam. Spike came to us for help and let's face it we all treated him like dirt and never thought about what he might be going through. 'Course it didn't help that all Buffy and Spike seemed to do was fight whenever they got around one another—especially after the spell. It did get worse after that—remember?" she asked him, and he nodded remembering.
"You just had to bring that up, didn't you? That –them kissing and being lovey dovey was just sick—but yeah, they did get more and more nasty to one another after that. Then Riley came into the picture, and that's when Spike moved out of Giles' place. Whoa—you don't think?" Xander said stunned as puzzle pieces fell into place, conversations, actions, timing of things.
Willow frowned at him getting very confused at where his thoughts were going. "I don't think 'what'?" she asked, not having a clue so far of what he was talking about.
"The spell—that damned spell. What if they did have real feeling for one another, and the spell brought it all out for both them, and us to see. Then when it was over they freaked over all their feelings and actions, and suppressed it all because of our reactions. That's why they got so nasty to one another—yeah—it all makes sense now. If Riley hadn't showed up and if we hadn't been freaking so much over the spell--,"
"What you think they might have gotten together-- last year?" Willow asked shocked looking at Buffy and Spike hard now, dancing a slow dance, and seeing how easy they were with one another, and not awkward at all. If they danced any closer they'd need a room, she thought with a shock. With narrowed eyes, as she took in that all the moves weren't all on Spike's side either as Buffy was doing her own moves on him.
"Maybe. Who knows. Once Riley showed up things did change between them. Actually they've been more civil to one another since Riley's been gone. Look at how much he has been helping her, and Dawn. And he was right there by her side taking on Glory. Without his help we'd still having to be worrying about her. And when she went into shock he went into her head, and got her to snap out of it. Wow—it's all just hitting me," Xander said with a touch of awe and respect for the former vampire.
"What?" Willow asked perplexed, as did Tara and Anya who had been listening.
What ever he was going to say was cut off by the arrival of their food. Xander started to get up, and go get Buffy and Spike, but saw that they were already heading back to the table—holding hands-- he noted with a shock. 'Okay, this was new,' he told himself, not sure whether to be worried or pleased about this development. "I was just coming to get you," he told them as they sat down.
"Saw the food arrive. Thought I'd save you the trip." Spike said eyeing his sandwich hungrily.
"Wasn't sure whether you'd notice, or not. You seemed kind of—involved," Xander said, fumbling for the right words.
Buffy blushed nervously, "yeah, kinda," she said looking over to Spike who raised a scarred eyebrow and smiled sheepishly. "But once we saw the food---," she added hastily.
"I was bloody hungry. Need to keep my strength up, you know," Spike added, trying to distract the group from any questions they might have over their dancing or anything else. He took a bite of his sandwich, and was almost purring at the taste of it. Buffy just shook her head, ignoring him, and began eating hers.
They all ate in relative silence. When they were done Xander suggested that he and Spike go play a game of pool, so the guys left. A couple of Dawn's friends from school had showed up and Dawn was off dancing with them. That left the four women alone, and Buffy was bracing herself for the questions about her and Spike she knew were coming up.
Willow was sure how to ask what was up, but Anya had no problems. "You and Spike make a cute couple. Are you?"
Buffy just looked at her. "Ahh, no…I don't know. Thanks, I guess," she managed to sputter.
"You two were awful close—dancing I mean," Willow jumped in.
"Were we?"
"Yeah, very, very close. Thought you two were going to do right there—close," Willow added and saw her friend blush to her roots.
"Ohh. I didn't realize we looked like that. That's first time we have ever danced with music and all," she explained, and saw puzzled looks on her their faces. "Spike calls what we do when we're fighting dancing—which maybe it is in a way."
"Okay, that makes sense. So is he any good? Dancing, I mean." Willow hastened to add..
"Yeah, real good. Surprised me as I didn't think he did dance—never saw him doing it before. Angel hates to dance. But Spike, he does know how to move," she blushed, thinking back to the very sensuous, slow dance they had had, and how it had made her tingle all over, and want much, much more of him touching her, and without the barriers of clothes as well.
They had almost kissed, but she knew that once they started they wouldn't have wanted to stop. She could finally admit to herself that she did want him, but she wasn't sure whether she was ready to give herself to him yet. There was still so much confusion in her head over him. Even though a quick tumble in bed would be wonderful, somehow she knew that's not what either of them wanted.
"Yeah, I noticed," Willow said with a smirk, and Tara and Anya agreed, almost envying her. "Let's face it Buffy, Spike is a major hottie, whether he's human, or not. He was turning heads before, but now he's really getting looks," Willow added, pointing out some of the girls watching Xander and Spike play pool.
"Other gals find him attractive?" she asked worriedly. She really hadn't been that interested in whether or not Spike attracted other women before—she was now. Yeah, she had noticed he was very good looking, and had definite sex appeal, but she had put that down to being some sort of vamp thing and any attraction or whatever she was feeling was some sort of sick slayer thing. Now she could see it was just him, being him. Whether he was a vamp, or not he had sex appeal in spades—even with glasses which gave him a vulnerable, approachable look too. Suddenly she was finding herself jealous of these other girls attention towards 'her man'—god, had she just thought that about him—that he was 'her man' like she owned him, or something. She hadn't even thought that way about Riley—at least not in a possessive way except when she found out about Faith, and him screwing in her body. But after that—no, she hadn't been possessive of him in the slightest. Spike, on the other hand, she had always considered him her vampire to do with as she wanted, more than even claiming Angel as hers.
"Yeah, they do," Willow blushed, not wanting to admit that she was attracted to Spike too.
"If I didn't love Xander so much—yeah, I'd be after Spike. But wouldn't do me a bit of good. All he wants is you. It's been that way for a long time," Anya told her.
"Huh? Like before he told me?" Buffy asked.
"As long as I've been in Sunnydale, he's had it bad for you and he didn't even know it," Anya said smugly taking a sip of her drink.
Tara leaned forward in her chair so Buffy could hear her, and told her, "I could see it too, first time I met him. He was always watching you whenever we'd have meetings. He'd look really odd too, like there was some kind of war going on inside his head. Then about the time your mom went into the hospital something changed, that's when I really noticed he was trying to help us for real, and because he wanted you to see he was trying to change for you. He seemed to be becoming more human, and less demony over the months. I used to be scared of him, but not any more, even if he was still a vampire—which he's not--that is," she clarified.
"What about you, Wills? Did you see it too?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, but I kept telling myself it wasn't real—couldn't be real. He was just being all obsessive because you were the slayer. I didn't want to think there was more to it. But I really should have seen the signs. He's been acting all lovesick for years around you. The it was like he didn't know what to do about it, or how to get your attention the right way. He kept reminding me off some of the boys back in junior high or grade school who used to do dumb things to get girls attention. Like the name calling, the insults, starting stuff so you'd pay attention to him. Even the thing with the chains makes sense. He just didn't know what to do with a human girl."
"Yeah, and I didn't know that. I just found out that he had gotten rejected by this girl he was in love with, and that night he met up with Drusilla. So he's been with her all these years. The only other girl he's been with has been Harmony—eech. But I didn't know that, didn't want to know anything about his past, and wasn't going to cut him any slack. Which is my bad. Now that I do know, and can see what he had been trying to do the last months with no positive input from anyone, I can say I'm impressed, and feeling a bunch of guilt too because he could have given up, left town, and tried to get someone to take the chip out, but he didn't."
"Yeah, he could have," Willow agreed, grateful that Spike hadn't gone that route despite all of their rejection of him. "So are you two going date or what?" she asked.
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know—maybe. I'm hoping we can take it slow. This just sort of came out of the blue you know? I mean he's been around and all, but I'm like real confused right now, despite the pulse, he's still Spike, you know? More improved, better behaved, and less flashy but still damned good looking Spike who still pushes my buttons on all levels. It's like yeah I want to take the chance, but I'm still afraid—afraid he's going leave, or something, just like Riley and Angel did. I know he says he's not going any where, but I've also heard that before."
"Buffy, one thing I am sure of Spike isn't going walk away. Look at how he stayed no matter how many times he was threatened with staking by everyone, and the way all the demons in town want to kill him. He could have left with Drusilla but he didn't. He wanted you, and he stayed even after you uninvited him and shut him out of your life after that. He still stayed, he still helped. He even watched over Dawn, and all of us on his own. He isn't going leave, even if you push him away—and now you really don't have any reasons to—do you?" Willow asked her sincerely.
Buffy looked at her friend shocked. "No, I guess I really don't. So you're saying you approve of me and Spike if it happens?"
"Yeah, I guess, I am," her friend smiled in reassurance. "Look, we've all been wrong about a lot of things in your life. I'm beginning to see that maybe you and Spike are right for one another. I mean, he could have been made into just a regular guy, but instead he's got slayer power like you—that's saying something right there. It's clear you got feelings for him, and the two of you just sizzle whenever you're near one another. I think it'd be wrong for you not to try it with him, and see how it works out," Willow encouraged.
"All I can say is—wow. I was expecting everyone to still be anti—Spike. All I can say is I'll just see what happens," Buffy said, looking across the room to watch Spike bend over the pool table to make a shot and enjoying the view immensely.
She was still a bit shell shocked that she had the gang's approval to get together with Spike. Inside she was alternating between jumping up and down for joy and scared shitless at the same time. Yeah, she wanted him, wanted to give herself to him completely on all levels, but would it make her happy or be the worse mistake of her life—she still wasn't sure. Then he stood up and turned meeting her eyes. It was if everything but them had dropped away and she no longer had any doubts about anything, except when, how, and where were they going to get together.
End Part 16
Souled To Be, Or Not To Be Me
Part 16
by Phoenixstitch / Vickey Brickle-Macky
This was all brought on by all the discussions of Spike not being redeemable, or able to really love because he doesn't have a soul. What if he said the hell with it, and went all the way, and asked Willow to do a soul restoration spell on him (though it has always amazed me that no one on the show ever thought of doing one on him anyway if they were so worried about him being dangerous with, or without the chip.) I was also listening to VNV Nation tracks while writing this so this will get sort of weird. This is set after "Crush", "The Body", and "Forever", after Joyce's funeral, and after Spike gets bit . This sort of ignores the some of the story line in "Intervention", for the purposes of this story. Also I used parts of Willow's original spell in "Becoming II" with some modifications, and changes here, and there. Usual disclaimers all apply to not stepping on anyone's copyrights with Josh Wheldon, Mutant Enemy, etc.. I don't any of these characters, just borrowing them, especially Spike, and trying out different directions than the show has gone. Rating about PG-17. If you can watch the show you can read this.
Part 16
"So I gather there's new trouble brewing?" Xander asked cautiously after Buffy and Dawn left.
"Yeah, a bit of a mess with Buffy's father. If you hadn't heard he's finally going to show up in a couple of weeks, and wants to sell the house, and make the girls move to LA with him," Spike explained since the gang was looking blankly at him. "What Angel has gone to talk to Rupert about is that the law firm that's handling this is the same one that Angel has been having so many problems with. Seems they are bit on the demony side, and very bad news."
"Great!" Xander growled in disgust, looking at both Buffy and Dawn who had just come back and sat down. He was unhappy for them. They never seemed to get a break of any kind. Glory was dead but now they had to deal with demony lawyers—could it get any worse? "So you're thinking there's more going on that just the normal—huh?"
"Yeah, it has that feel to it. Wouldn't be awful surprised if these lawyers do know what Buffy, and Dawn are, and are trying to get their hands on them, Could be they're just using the father to get to them seeing that he doesn't know about either of them," Spike told him, and Willow truthfully. They both looked very alarmed, and worried.
"We'll I'll start checking out the lawyers, and see what can be done legally to stop them and Mr. Summers from taking Dawnie or Buffy," Willow told him determinedly. No way was she going to let this happen if she had anything to say about it.
"Angel is going to be doing the same, and he's gone to ask the Watcher if the Council has any info on this group, and if there's a law team on this side we can use to fight them. Failing that I still have some ideas to keep them safe. If we all could survive a Hell God, we bloody can survive a bunch of bleeding lawyers—right?" he said, and they all nodded. "Now can someone explain what the bloody food is on this menu because I don't have a clue?" he said holding up his menu.
"Huh? Xander said looking shocked, then it dawned on him that Spike might not know what half the stuff was since vampires didn't normally eat. "Okay, 'human', let me see the menu and I'll tell you what the stuff is," he volunteered.
Spike smiled at the use of the word 'human' from Xander. Probably couldn't figure out want to call him since the usual terms 'vampire', 'dead-boy junior', or 'bleach boy' no longer applied. "okay, you're on," he said handed the menu to him and scooting over so he could see and point stuff out. "I know what a soddin' hamburger is, fries, wings, and the onion bit, but what are those, and are they any good?" Spike asked pointing to something called a Bronze Stake Plate, and a Monster Melt.
After a bit of explaining and laughing, Spike settled on the Monster Melt, which was roast beef, pork and turkey, grilled onions and mushrooms covered with Swiss on toasted rye with a side of home fries and coleslaw. He had hoped to get a real meal like he vaguely remembered but most of the Bronze fare was sandwiches, soups, etc. for the young crowd that hung there.
Finally, they got the attention of a waitress, and ordered their food much to Dawn's relief. Then they sat back to wait because they all knew it'd be awhile. Spike began to fidget. He was trying to give up smoking, but being in the cigarette laden air was not helping his resolve, especially since he now didn't know what to do with his hands, or anything else. He was determined not to start smoking again, especially because of his new body and the fact that Buffy would disapprove—still he wanted a cigarette bad to relieve his growing nervousness. It was all so surreal to him still. The shock of his new life hadn't fully sunk in yet, and probably wouldn't for awhile. So far there wasn't much difference in things in general except he had a pulse, was warm and had to maintain his body just slightly differently from what he was used to. Before he had played at being a human, blending in as much, or as little as he had pleased, now he didn't have that opinion—he was fully human—and he was bored. Being normal had not changed that facet of him, and since he had slayer senses he was still highly attuned to everyone, and everything going on around him, including the group of vamps that had just come in and were sitting in a corner. They would have to do something about them and soon—had Buffy even noticed yet? By her unchanging expression it didn't look like it yet.
So far Buffy was just watching people dance, and he could see she wanted to join the action, but was unsure whether to get up alone, or what. He had always loved watching her dance. He hadn't even dared suggest dancing with her before, though he had thought about it—a lot. He was going to take a chance for once, and he leaned past Dawn and tapped Buffy on her shoulder to get her attention. "Wanna dance?'"he asked loudly over the music.
Buffy looked startled for a moment at his request, and mentally had to change gears, and keep herself from making an automatic reply of 'no'. This was not Spike the vampire, this was Spike the human, and it was okay to dance with him she had to tell herself. "Sure," she calmly replied getting up from her chair as Spike did the same.
Her friends looked at the two of them surprised. They had to shift mental gears too, and relax.
"We're going go dance. Someone come get us when the food comes, okay?" Buffy asked them.
"Sure, no problem," Xander replied, trying to relax just a little. He was still worrying about Buffy and Spike together. Them as a possible couple was still not easy to take among other things. Sure he was no longer a vamp, but he was still a guy—a guy that still wanted Buffy just as much, or more than he had when he had been a vampire. Xander still felt big brother protective about her when other guys were around. He knew that he, and Buffy would never be anything more to one another than friends, but in a way it bothered him that Spike wasn't wasting any time in going after Buffy now that he did have a real chance to. Even though Xander was trying to forgive, and forget Spike's past, and give him the benefit of a doubt it wasn't proving as easy as he thought it was going to be. He wasn't even sure how to react around the guy yet. Whether to treat him in the same old way, differently, or what? He looked over at Willow, and Tara and saw that their reactions were mirroring his own. "So, what do you think?" he asked his best friend hesitantly.
"Dunno yet. It's still wiggin' me out this whole Spike's now human thing. I find myself still reacting to him like he was still a vamp—old habits I guess—but I can't, can I—it's not fair to him—because he has changed—I think," she said, taking a sip of her drink as she watched the couple being discussed dancing, and dancing very well together.
"He did get a soul too?" Xander asked, also puzzled that there was a more dramatic change in Spike besides outwardly.
"Ohh yeah, big time. And it was painful too, but part of that could have been the transformation he went through body wise at the same time. Maybe he already had part of his soul to begin with, and it wasn't like such a big change for him like it was with Angelus when he became Angel. Let's face it, even as a full non chipped vamp, Spike was never the monster Angelus was. He helped Buffy before the chip lots of times on his own—that is not normal vampire at all," Willow told him
"Yeah, he did," Xander grudgingly admitted, "still when he got the chip he seemed to get nastier—Adam comes to mind."
"Maybe if we had been nicer to him then, helped to adjust more to having the chip, and not being able to feed or hurt humans he wouldn't have tried to team up with Adam. Spike came to us for help and let's face it we all treated him like dirt and never thought about what he might be going through. 'Course it didn't help that all Buffy and Spike seemed to do was fight whenever they got around one another—especially after the spell. It did get worse after that—remember?" she asked him, and he nodded remembering.
"You just had to bring that up, didn't you? That –them kissing and being lovey dovey was just sick—but yeah, they did get more and more nasty to one another after that. Then Riley came into the picture, and that's when Spike moved out of Giles' place. Whoa—you don't think?" Xander said stunned as puzzle pieces fell into place, conversations, actions, timing of things.
Willow frowned at him getting very confused at where his thoughts were going. "I don't think 'what'?" she asked, not having a clue so far of what he was talking about.
"The spell—that damned spell. What if they did have real feeling for one another, and the spell brought it all out for both them, and us to see. Then when it was over they freaked over all their feelings and actions, and suppressed it all because of our reactions. That's why they got so nasty to one another—yeah—it all makes sense now. If Riley hadn't showed up and if we hadn't been freaking so much over the spell--,"
"What you think they might have gotten together-- last year?" Willow asked shocked looking at Buffy and Spike hard now, dancing a slow dance, and seeing how easy they were with one another, and not awkward at all. If they danced any closer they'd need a room, she thought with a shock. With narrowed eyes, as she took in that all the moves weren't all on Spike's side either as Buffy was doing her own moves on him.
"Maybe. Who knows. Once Riley showed up things did change between them. Actually they've been more civil to one another since Riley's been gone. Look at how much he has been helping her, and Dawn. And he was right there by her side taking on Glory. Without his help we'd still having to be worrying about her. And when she went into shock he went into her head, and got her to snap out of it. Wow—it's all just hitting me," Xander said with a touch of awe and respect for the former vampire.
"What?" Willow asked perplexed, as did Tara and Anya who had been listening.
What ever he was going to say was cut off by the arrival of their food. Xander started to get up, and go get Buffy and Spike, but saw that they were already heading back to the table—holding hands-- he noted with a shock. 'Okay, this was new,' he told himself, not sure whether to be worried or pleased about this development. "I was just coming to get you," he told them as they sat down.
"Saw the food arrive. Thought I'd save you the trip." Spike said eyeing his sandwich hungrily.
"Wasn't sure whether you'd notice, or not. You seemed kind of—involved," Xander said, fumbling for the right words.
Buffy blushed nervously, "yeah, kinda," she said looking over to Spike who raised a scarred eyebrow and smiled sheepishly. "But once we saw the food---," she added hastily.
"I was bloody hungry. Need to keep my strength up, you know," Spike added, trying to distract the group from any questions they might have over their dancing or anything else. He took a bite of his sandwich, and was almost purring at the taste of it. Buffy just shook her head, ignoring him, and began eating hers.
They all ate in relative silence. When they were done Xander suggested that he and Spike go play a game of pool, so the guys left. A couple of Dawn's friends from school had showed up and Dawn was off dancing with them. That left the four women alone, and Buffy was bracing herself for the questions about her and Spike she knew were coming up.
Willow was sure how to ask what was up, but Anya had no problems. "You and Spike make a cute couple. Are you?"
Buffy just looked at her. "Ahh, no…I don't know. Thanks, I guess," she managed to sputter.
"You two were awful close—dancing I mean," Willow jumped in.
"Were we?"
"Yeah, very, very close. Thought you two were going to do right there—close," Willow added and saw her friend blush to her roots.
"Ohh. I didn't realize we looked like that. That's first time we have ever danced with music and all," she explained, and saw puzzled looks on her their faces. "Spike calls what we do when we're fighting dancing—which maybe it is in a way."
"Okay, that makes sense. So is he any good? Dancing, I mean." Willow hastened to add..
"Yeah, real good. Surprised me as I didn't think he did dance—never saw him doing it before. Angel hates to dance. But Spike, he does know how to move," she blushed, thinking back to the very sensuous, slow dance they had had, and how it had made her tingle all over, and want much, much more of him touching her, and without the barriers of clothes as well.
They had almost kissed, but she knew that once they started they wouldn't have wanted to stop. She could finally admit to herself that she did want him, but she wasn't sure whether she was ready to give herself to him yet. There was still so much confusion in her head over him. Even though a quick tumble in bed would be wonderful, somehow she knew that's not what either of them wanted.
"Yeah, I noticed," Willow said with a smirk, and Tara and Anya agreed, almost envying her. "Let's face it Buffy, Spike is a major hottie, whether he's human, or not. He was turning heads before, but now he's really getting looks," Willow added, pointing out some of the girls watching Xander and Spike play pool.
"Other gals find him attractive?" she asked worriedly. She really hadn't been that interested in whether or not Spike attracted other women before—she was now. Yeah, she had noticed he was very good looking, and had definite sex appeal, but she had put that down to being some sort of vamp thing and any attraction or whatever she was feeling was some sort of sick slayer thing. Now she could see it was just him, being him. Whether he was a vamp, or not he had sex appeal in spades—even with glasses which gave him a vulnerable, approachable look too. Suddenly she was finding herself jealous of these other girls attention towards 'her man'—god, had she just thought that about him—that he was 'her man' like she owned him, or something. She hadn't even thought that way about Riley—at least not in a possessive way except when she found out about Faith, and him screwing in her body. But after that—no, she hadn't been possessive of him in the slightest. Spike, on the other hand, she had always considered him her vampire to do with as she wanted, more than even claiming Angel as hers.
"Yeah, they do," Willow blushed, not wanting to admit that she was attracted to Spike too.
"If I didn't love Xander so much—yeah, I'd be after Spike. But wouldn't do me a bit of good. All he wants is you. It's been that way for a long time," Anya told her.
"Huh? Like before he told me?" Buffy asked.
"As long as I've been in Sunnydale, he's had it bad for you and he didn't even know it," Anya said smugly taking a sip of her drink.
Tara leaned forward in her chair so Buffy could hear her, and told her, "I could see it too, first time I met him. He was always watching you whenever we'd have meetings. He'd look really odd too, like there was some kind of war going on inside his head. Then about the time your mom went into the hospital something changed, that's when I really noticed he was trying to help us for real, and because he wanted you to see he was trying to change for you. He seemed to be becoming more human, and less demony over the months. I used to be scared of him, but not any more, even if he was still a vampire—which he's not--that is," she clarified.
"What about you, Wills? Did you see it too?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, but I kept telling myself it wasn't real—couldn't be real. He was just being all obsessive because you were the slayer. I didn't want to think there was more to it. But I really should have seen the signs. He's been acting all lovesick for years around you. The it was like he didn't know what to do about it, or how to get your attention the right way. He kept reminding me off some of the boys back in junior high or grade school who used to do dumb things to get girls attention. Like the name calling, the insults, starting stuff so you'd pay attention to him. Even the thing with the chains makes sense. He just didn't know what to do with a human girl."
"Yeah, and I didn't know that. I just found out that he had gotten rejected by this girl he was in love with, and that night he met up with Drusilla. So he's been with her all these years. The only other girl he's been with has been Harmony—eech. But I didn't know that, didn't want to know anything about his past, and wasn't going to cut him any slack. Which is my bad. Now that I do know, and can see what he had been trying to do the last months with no positive input from anyone, I can say I'm impressed, and feeling a bunch of guilt too because he could have given up, left town, and tried to get someone to take the chip out, but he didn't."
"Yeah, he could have," Willow agreed, grateful that Spike hadn't gone that route despite all of their rejection of him. "So are you two going date or what?" she asked.
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know—maybe. I'm hoping we can take it slow. This just sort of came out of the blue you know? I mean he's been around and all, but I'm like real confused right now, despite the pulse, he's still Spike, you know? More improved, better behaved, and less flashy but still damned good looking Spike who still pushes my buttons on all levels. It's like yeah I want to take the chance, but I'm still afraid—afraid he's going leave, or something, just like Riley and Angel did. I know he says he's not going any where, but I've also heard that before."
"Buffy, one thing I am sure of Spike isn't going walk away. Look at how he stayed no matter how many times he was threatened with staking by everyone, and the way all the demons in town want to kill him. He could have left with Drusilla but he didn't. He wanted you, and he stayed even after you uninvited him and shut him out of your life after that. He still stayed, he still helped. He even watched over Dawn, and all of us on his own. He isn't going leave, even if you push him away—and now you really don't have any reasons to—do you?" Willow asked her sincerely.
Buffy looked at her friend shocked. "No, I guess I really don't. So you're saying you approve of me and Spike if it happens?"
"Yeah, I guess, I am," her friend smiled in reassurance. "Look, we've all been wrong about a lot of things in your life. I'm beginning to see that maybe you and Spike are right for one another. I mean, he could have been made into just a regular guy, but instead he's got slayer power like you—that's saying something right there. It's clear you got feelings for him, and the two of you just sizzle whenever you're near one another. I think it'd be wrong for you not to try it with him, and see how it works out," Willow encouraged.
"All I can say is—wow. I was expecting everyone to still be anti—Spike. All I can say is I'll just see what happens," Buffy said, looking across the room to watch Spike bend over the pool table to make a shot and enjoying the view immensely.
She was still a bit shell shocked that she had the gang's approval to get together with Spike. Inside she was alternating between jumping up and down for joy and scared shitless at the same time. Yeah, she wanted him, wanted to give herself to him completely on all levels, but would it make her happy or be the worse mistake of her life—she still wasn't sure. Then he stood up and turned meeting her eyes. It was if everything but them had dropped away and she no longer had any doubts about anything, except when, how, and where were they going to get together.
End Part 16