Wolverine's
bond with Rogue overcomes big obstacles
***
WOLVERINE'S POINT OF VIEW:
I am alone.
Completely and utterly alone.
That's me ... Wolverine,
man who used to be known as Logan, a person who can't remember anything
before some bastards placed these claws in his body, and let's not forget
the metal skull, that has to be the best part of the deal.
I live my life alone, and
I like it that way. I like the isolation, I like putting up this wall and
letting no one in, I like only being responsible for me ... I can't stand
human contact. Why do people or even mutants themselves have the need or
urge to touch one another so damn much, it just seems useless to me. I
never liked touching, but the only thing I can remember about touching
is the sleazy cage fighting fanatic women groping me on my way out of the
cage after I won a match. I even growled at that sort of contact, but all
the affectionate shit Scott pulls with Jean is just something I don't need
and don't want. Isolation is better, at least when you're isolated you
don't have to feel, you don't have to feel the pain of losing someone or
knowing that you let that person down. I don't need that sort of crap on
my mind, I don't need that sort of damn thing on my shoulders, I don't
need to someone to look after. It's too much work, why should I care about
anyone but myself? I don't ... well I didn't. I didn't care about anything
or anybody but myself and winning those cage fights, drinking and smoking
those expensive cigars that I love ... but things changed.
She looked too ... country
... to be in a place like where the cage matches were or are, or whatever.
I remember seeing Rogue for the first time, she looked cautious, scared;
She wore that cloak and scarf like she was trying her best to keep herself
hidden from the outside world, she caught my eye, but that was all, who
cares? She was probably just some little rich girl that decided to slum
it until her daddy and mommy came and saved her and smothered her with
kisses and hugs. She kept staring at me, with those big brown eyes, I just
would glance at her before taking a puff of my cigar and taking a drink
of my beer --- god only if I knew that things would change completely that
night ... I would have never went to fight that night.
Some stupid asshole I beat
was a sore loser and figured that I was a mutant and that was why I won,
true but still, dumb ass threw a fit and then he went to leave but came
back to stab me in the back, only reason I managed to get my claws out
before his knife could be in my back was because the quiet, timid girl
with the cloak on screamed like there was no tomorrow, telling me to watch
out. To make a long story short, I got kicked out of the club/bar because
I let my claws out, which hurts like hell every time, and obviously known
to the humans, us mutants are bad and that was why he kicked me out. I
had gotten in my car and sped out of there but later I found out the cloaked
girl in the bar had sneaked into my trailer, sneaky little thing. At first
I was just going to leave her at the side of the road, who gave a shit?
I sure didn't, I didn't even know the girl for god sakes ...
But in the end I let her
come with me, it was stupid really. Why did I do it? The Wolverine doesn't
care about people, but I guess there was always something about Rogue that
fascinated me, there was always a glow to her. Poor thing she is though.
Rogue, real name Marie, can't
touch anybody, believe me I speak the truth. Rogue's skin is like poison,
if a human touches it you can kiss your life goodbye ... see ya ... send
me a postcard from the underworld please! But if a mutant was to touch
her skin, she would absorb their powers and then kill them. Sweet
deal huh? Yep that was me ... The Wolverine, being sarcastic. It's a curse,
I feel sorry for her, the poor girl is more isolated then me and she's
not isolated by choice. She always wears a cloak and gloves, protects her
and everybody else from touching her, I feel for her ... never to be able
to touch someone, very sad.
But I must be special or
just a glutton from pain, because I have touched Rogue twice ... add both
of the times we've touched, then it would amount to 58 seconds of touching
Rogue ... it's not bad, up until the part where I'm getting my life source
sucked out of my own body, never good I tell you. But yeah, I've touched
Rogue two times ... once by her choice, another by my choice.
The first time, was her choice.
I had been having a nightmare and I'm not talking about one of the
petty ones, no this sort of nightmare was horrible; the most awful thing
about the nightmare was that everything in the nightmare was true. It was
one of those nightmares that looked into your past, ya know? By the way,
the past is something I can not remember. I can't remember anything before
I was turned into Wolverine. Anyways, I had been having a nightmare and
I guess she (Rogue) was all concerned for me and she was trying to wake
me up, hovering over me, whispering my name in that sweet southern voice
of hers. By the way, now everybody knows not to hover over me when
I'm sleeping, although no one else but Rogue ever would; I had woke up
with a startle and before I thought, I took my claws out and lunged forward
and that was when I heard the distinct sound of flesh ripping. I stared
at Rogue, my eyes widening when I realized what I had done; I had stabbed
her. I just stared and I saw her flexing her hands, trying her best not
to touch me, and all I could do was scream for help, damnit someone help
us! She's dying! Oh god no! My mind raced but then everything stopped when
she brought up her hand to touch my face and I wanted to scream out no,
but I knew what she was doing, although at the time I didn't even know
she could absorb power, but at that moment where she touched my face; I
knew. I felt myself shrivel up and I could feel the veins in my face and
hands become more visible and before I thought I was dead, she let go of
me and I crumpled to the floor. She could have killed me if she had held
on longer; but she knew when to let go; I could have killed her because
I hadn't thought, I should have thought damnit. I felt so angered with
myself, poor lil' thing, she had only been concerned about my welfare and
all and I had almost killed her; I was so disappointed in myself and I
had no idea why.
The second time, was by my
choice. I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life, it's planted
into my memory and no one will be able to take that away from me. Magneto
had captured Rogue from the train; We hadn't been expecting him, Rogue
had ran away because a boy at school told her the professor was furious
with her when she absorbed my power to save herself. I went to the station
despite what Visor boy (Cyclops or Scott), Wheels (Professor X or Professor
Charles Xavier), and Storm (Ororo Munroe) told me to do. That was the day
I promised Rogue I would take care of her. Magento had showed up and at
first I thought he wanted me, but then it clicked, he wanted Rogue and
I was unable to stop him. Magneto was going to kill Rogue, we all fought
the brotherhood to reach Rogue, at the end me and Rogue were on top of
the statue of liberty, you know on the torch? She had two streaks of white
in her hair from what the machine had done to her, I had held her limp
body in my arms and I could feel my heart breaking. Damnit no! She couldn't
die on me. I tried shaking her, I even lightly pushed her face, touched
her face, I had on my black leather gloves so I couldn't be hurt, but she
wouldn't move. That was when I realized what I had to do, to save Rogue
I had to touch her, I had to let her drain me, and I would gladly do that
for her. I took off my gloves and put my hand on Rogue's face mentally
screaming for Rogue to drain me but nothing happened; I cried, I remember
that more clearer then anything else that night, I remembering crying because
I felt the emotion that I was never going to see Rogue again and it killed
my heart. I held her close to me and I was about to let go when I felt
it happening, I felt my life source being pulled away from me, I felt myself
shrivel up and I could feel my veins become visible and I could feel Rogue's
face against my own. I could feel every last of my life being pulled from
me and the thing was that I didn't care, damnit if it saved Rogue, if me
dying saved Rogue, then so be it, just let her live. I promised to protect
her and I wanted to fulfill that promise, and if dying saved Rogue, then
I knew at least if I died, I would never be letting her down. I think Rogue
still doesn't know why, she knows that I saved her and that it was because
of a promise, but that night I was willing to put up everything for a 17
year old girl I was in love with, I was in love with her and I knew it
was wrong, so I denied it.
I lived, obviously; Was in
a coma for three whole days, Jean told me. Jean told me the day I left
that I saved Rogue, that Rogue would be alright, that she just had a few
of my interesting traits. I had felt relieved that Rogue was alive, I had
done one good thing in my life ... I had saved the kid. The Jean told me
that Rogue was taken with me; I was shocked, and happy ... but then I realized
I wasn't supposed to be happy about that, if Scott or even Storm found
out about my affections towards the kid, they would have my head on a silver
platter so I pushed my heart away and told Jean that she could tell Rogue
that my heart belonged to another. Obviously Jean had bought it, because
she had gotten all flustered ... truth be told, I couldn't love Jean. Sure
the red hair is ... wow ... hot, completely, but I wouldn't be able to
stand Jean, plus she's disgustingly in love with Scott aka Scooter ...
yes another nickname for my favorite X-Man. I loved Rogue, but I couldn't
love her ... she's 17 and god knows how old I am, it's wrong and I had
to realize that, I couldn't be in love with sweet, beautiful ... Rogue
... Marie. So I ran, I took the excuse that I was going up north to find
out about my past, but I was running ... and Rogue knew it and she called
me on it, but of course I denied it, I even gave her my dog tags, telling
her I would be back for them, should have said I would be back for her.
So I left. I've been everywhere
and nothing, nobody or nowhere has been able to help me find any answers,
all it has done was give me more questions. Nowhere felt like home, nobody
felt like home, I wanted Rogue, I wanted her to touch me even though I
knew it could kill me, I was that crazy ... I would touch her just to be
able to do it and I didn't care that it could kill me. I had to stay away,
because being even in the same city as Rogue made me want to see her, I
had to rid myself of the addiction I had to her. Rogue was like some sort
of addiction, I needed her so much, I needed her more then anything else
I had ever needed in my whole existence. Even the damn cagefights weren't
doing it for me, because everytime I fought in the cage I half expected
to see Rogue standing in front of the cage with a scared look on her face
while clutching onto her cloak, it was things like that got me distracted
which leaded to getting my ass kicked. She was always on my mind, I tried
to get her off my mind by paying attention to other women, but all I could
see in all the women, was that they were everything that Rogue wasn't ...
and that wasn't a good thing.
I went to city to city, trying
to find answers ... trying to find out about my past but also trying to
escape my present, a present I shared with a girl with two white streaks
in her hair, a girl with the chocolate brown eyes, a girl I know was/is
everything to me. I wanted to escape my feelings, I wanted to escape my
heart, knowing if I ever let myself feel, I would be holding that girl
until the moment I drew my last breath, and I wouldn't care. So I stayed
away, I couldn't let myself fall in love, I couldn't give myself to one
girl and expect everybody to understand ... she was just a kid, and I was
the god knows how old man who was in love with her.
So I stayed away, probably
breaking that already fragile heart of hers, I stayed away and probably
hurt her, but by staying away, I saved myself and Rogue, from us, from
each other. I'd do anything for her, even breaking her heart, I promised
her that night on the train that I would take care of her ... and I may
be an ass, or a jerk ... but I am a man of my word.
I feel Rogue at night, when
I'm sleeping I can close my eyes and see her. I can see her and she's more
beautiful then I last remembered and I desperately want to reach out and
touch her, but I don't, even though I know it's just a image in my head
and there is no way I could be hurt by it ... I rather just let the beauty
of the image live, instead of ruining it by touching it.
I can hear her whimpers in
my head as she has a nightmare, I flinch everytime I hear it. I know she
is having nightmares of my past, of what those bastards did to me, and
I feel hatred towards me for her having to have those nightmares. I'm inside
her head, ever since the day she touched me I've been inside her head and
now I'm still in there. 58 seconds of touching and I'll be inside that
precious head of hers until god knows when. I want to help her, I want
to hold her against me, I want to touch that clothed cloak of her, even
though it's not her skin, I would be satisfied in just knowing that she
is near me and that if she was to have a nightmare I could be the one hovering
over her to make sure she is okay. 58 seconds touching Rogue and she'll
forever feel my pain, it's not fair ... my pain has always been just my
pain, I never had to share it with anybody because I never knew anybody
who would put themselves in the position to feel my pain ... no one cared
enough to bother feeling my pain, but the girl waltzed into my life and
immediately started sharing my pain with me. My pain is like poison, it'll
eventually kill you and she has that sort of pain embedded deep within
her head and I just want to make it stop. I want to be able to erase my
damn pain away from her body, but I can't even dull the pain when I'm not
even near her, so I just listen to the whimpers and I lay in my bed thinking
of ways to hate myself even more. Rogue's not the only one that has someone
stuck in her head ... ever since the night on top of the statue of liberty
I have had Rogue in my head and I can't get her out of my head and thoughts
of her tend to happen at the worst times. I can hear when she is in pain
and it never fails how hard it hits me ... the first few seconds I always
feel like I'm drowning --- drowning in Rogue's pain and I can't breathe
but then I can feel my breath come back but the pain of her pain never
goes away --- not even hours after her presence has left my head, and her
image, it just keeps haunting me at night, showing me what I left behind.
What I left behind ... what
did I care? So I left some isolated girl behind in a great mansion like
school ... the girl should be happy, I should be happy, but I always have
this feeling located in the back of my head, that if I asked Rogue to leave
with me that day I left, that she would have left with me. I have the feeling
that she would have gave up everything she had in that school to go on
the road with me and at nights I scream at myself for not asking her to
go with me. I should have asked her, I should have begged her to come with
me, but with one look at Rogue, and I lost all ability to speak. All I
could do was take my dog tags off and hand them to her and leave, praying
... no hoping, that she would be okay without me ... or vice versa.
I still don't know about
that one though --- am I okay without her? That seems to be the question
of the year ... I didn't think she was that *important* to me until I was
gone from the academy, it just hit me. Rogue was everything to me, still
is, she just transformed into that one day and sadly enough I have no idea
when she turned into that for me. It just happened, one day just having
me in my life wasn't enough, one day I wanted more ... I wanted someone
who saw the beast me in and wasn't afraid of it, I wanted a person wouldn't
be confused if I ever decided to talk about my dreams. I wanted Rogue,
I wanted the one person I could never have.
That's why I can't go back,
because I can't handle seeing the person I want everyday and knowing ...
just knowing I can't have her. It would be torture, and how can I be everything
to Rogue, when I'm nothing to myself? I've been searching my whole life
for answers to who I am, or was, and that was all that mattered to me ...
until the day I allowed some shy girl from Mississippi to ride in the front
seat with me; She wiggled her way into my life and now suddenly searching
for my past isn't all I feel like I need to do anymore. There are days
on the road when I'm trying to find out my past, I feel as if I need to
go to the store to get Rogue a new pair of gloves ... don't ask me where
that comes from, it just pops up in my head. I've never bought Rogue a
pair of gloves, but sometimes it's like I feel as if I need to. Again,
don't ask me. There are nights when I lay in my hotel bed and I think about
Rogue, I'll reach up to touch my dog tags but all I feel is my skin, because
I gave the dog tags to Rogue, and I'll sigh. That girl had everything of
me, she had the only thing that linked me to my past and all I had of her
was the things I saw when I closed my eyes. I can only blame that on myself,
I mean if I hadn't left, I could have more of Rogue ... more memories I
mean.
But I can't go back.
I just can't.
