Hi everyone! This is Narcissa, and this is my second fan-fic attempt. Please please please reveiw it, 'cos I really want to hear what you think! (Unless, obviously, you're one of those evil, embittered old hacks who are working for the dark side and will try and tell me I - 'Should be studying instead of doing this!' But we don't have any of those here, I hope!...) The action in this story is shown in brackets, and the conversation is written in script form. The story takes place on hallowe'en of Harry's fifth year at hogwarts, and, (and really I'm not just plugging it here!) I think it might help if you've read my first fan-fic, which might make sense of some of the stuff mentioned here. So, read, and hopefully enjoy! Love,etc. (Author) :-D
( Harry poured himself a second glass of pumpkin juice, and struggled into wakefulness. He felt weak and exhausted. What should have been a refreshing sleep after another entertaining, yet arduous quidditch practice had turned into the longest night of his life. He didn't actually get to sleep for about five hours, and when he finally did, his sleep was riddled with bad dreams. When he had finally tossed and turned his way through the night, far from feeling ready to face the day, he felt as though he'd been running a gauntlet of manticores throughout the midnight hours...On its own, the experience of another sleepless night wouldn't have troubled Harry too much; his dreams were rarely the halycon stuff of fairy-tales. But this time, he had other things on his mind. Exactly one year before, Harry had awoken from a nightmare, in which Lord Voldemort had warned him to beware, as he had made some troublesome 'alterations' to the planned halowe'en festivities, a muggle music day. Harry had only realised Voldemort was to blame at the last moment, but thankfully Ron, Hermione and Sirius had helped dispose of Voldemort, and foiled his evil schemes, which had involved making several people sing incredibly stupid songs all over the school. Harry frowned across the near-deserted Gryffindor table. Proffessor Dumbledore, ever keen to adavance the school's grasp of muggle culture, had announced the evening before that he had decided to add a third muggle music day to the annual halowee'n celebrations, following the success of last years'. Each student who sang a muggle song during the day would also receive ten points for their house. This idea was greeted with glee and great pleasure by almost all the students, but not by Harry. Although Dumbledore had not been present when Voldemort made his last appearance, in the cave Sirius and Buckbeak the Hippogriff shared on the mountainside near the wizarding village of Hogsmeade, Harry was sure he would have heard all about it through his correspondance with Sirius. If this had been the case, it seemed curious that he had chosen firstly to reinstate the muggle music day, and secondly to permit another Hogsmeade weekend. Still, Harry was sure Dumbledore had things firmly under control, and he wasn't going to complain at anything that gave him a chance to go and visit his Godfather. As an image of Sirius drifted into his mind, Ron and Hermione bounded into the great hall, appearing on his right and left sides, in a mood of cheerful good humour. They settled down next to Harry, and began to help themselves to breakfast.
Hermione: So, Harry! All set for the Hogsmeade trip?
Ron: (butting in) Mmmmm! I am! Can't wait to get back inside Honeydukes!
Hermione: (rolling her eyes) As I believe you may have mentioned once or twice already, Ron. Once or twice a second, that is...
Ron: ( finishes chewing to grin wickedly) Ignore Hermione, Harry. She's just angry 'cos she find the list of all the excellant new joke stuff I'm going to buy in Dervish & Banges. She thinks I'm going to pollute her precious books with insult-a-mate ink!
Harry: (laughing at Hermione's sour expression and noting privately how much she looked like proffessor McGonagall when the latter was cross.) Er..... yeah Ron! And in answer to your question, Hermione, yes I'm nearly sorted, but, (he lowers his voice), if you two can spare the time, I think it might be an idea to swipe some food for 'snuffles' and Buckbeak. I've arranged to meet Dobby behind the statue of the one-eyed witch, -you know the one I mean....
Ron: (raising his eye-brows and struggling to be heard over the noise of multiple muggle songs, which were erupting from various areas of the hall), Harry, is it really safe for us to be up there? I mean, last time we found we had Snape on your case - bet he's still bitter about that - and you nearly lost the invisibility cloak, and the marauders' map! We can't risk him catching us there again. He'd have you up before Dumbledore for sure this time, and we'd have a pretty hard time explaining a small food mountain and a load of bones away!
Hermione: (with an thoughtful expression) I know, why don't we go and meet Dobby down in the kitchens instead? What time did you say we would meet him, Harry?
Harry: (glancing at his watch and mumbling through a mouthful of toast) 'Bout fifdeen minitueth
(Hermione looked bemused , Ron impatient)
Ron: (sighing) Fifteen minutes, Hermione.
(Hermione's face cleared) Great! So all we have to do is go and find him in the kitchens now, before he sets off!
(Hermione pulled Harry and Ron up out of their seats, and, spilling food everywhere and grumbling, they trudged after Hermione, who had marched out of the great hall and was heading down to the kitchens...Harry was pleased to note that all the muggle songs he could hear from the great hall behind him appeared to have their ordinary words...
* * *
(The Hogwarts kitchens were usually a sight to behold, but the traditional halowe'en feast was obviously keeping the hundred or so house elves even more busy than usual. Great mounds of creamy puddings glistened as elves scurried everywhere, fetching unusual ingredients, making enchanted pies which cackled when you cut them, or stirring great cauldrons of bubbling, treacle-like toffee, with which the students would glue their teeth together at the feast that evening. Harry stared around in awe, while Ron capered about, dipping a finger in a pan, or sniffing delightedly at a new smell issuing from one of the cavernous ovens. Hermione, however, would not be distracted from the job in hand.... Dobby could just be seen, swaying slightly beneath a great pile of assorted food and fleshy bones, neatly wrapped in cellophane, staggering around at the other end of the vast kitchens. As he looked up, (he was immediately recognisable because of his lurid socks, purple and green on the right foot, with orange pumpkins, gold, black, and white on the left foot, with a pattern of witches' hats), Hermione swooped on him, dragging Ron away from a pile of treacle tarts by the cuff, and beckoning frantically to Harry, who was still silently salavating.)
Hermione: Hi Dobby! I am glad we've found you! Look, is it O.K if we take the food from here? I think it'll be safer, and Harry is incli-
Ron: (interupts, looking glassy-eyed) Hi Dobby! nice to eat you again! Lovely pudding, er, morning!
(Harry strolled over in time to elbow Ron in the ribs, and greeted Dobby) Harry: Morning Dobby! Wow, thanks, that's loads of food!
Dobby: (bowing delightedly and grinning toothily) Aah! Nothing is too much trouble for you or your friends, Sir, of whose kindness and generosity Dobby and all of my kind know well! Are you sure there is not anything else I could be doing for you, Sirs or miss? We have a few spare cakes already which we would not be enjoying at all ourselves! House elves -(Dobby shivered slightly, and, huge eyes widening, turned to Harry)- is not liking caramel, Sir. We finds it all down our pillow-cases in a trice, Sir. (Dobby shook his head fretfully) Ooooh! It's tricksy stuff, yes certainly Sir! So if you would be so kind, if you could just take it with you Sirs, we -
(Dobby stopped suddenly, in mid flow, and turned to stare at Ron, who was starting to act very strangely. His expression had become extremely vacant, and, head on one side, he had the look of a dog, listening attentively to some far away sound that his humans can't hear. Slowly his mouth began to open, and a quiet little tune began to seep insidiously into the deliciously scented air. Harry and Hermione gaped in horror. Hermione paled, and shouted over the racket of clanking pans,)
Hermione: HARRY! Does this mean what I think it means????!!!!!!
Harry: Noooo! NO! It just couldn't happen again! ( Author's note: Ah, but anything can happen in 1 of my fan-fics, Harry!)
Hermione: But it is! HAHAHA!
(Harry stared at Hermione in amazement.) Harry: What on earth's so funny?! We have a voldey crises on our hands and you're having hysterics??!!
Hermione: (Still laughing) Yeah! I know, only I happen to think Ron really deserves this considering how he went on about MY song, last time! (She fights to adjust her huge grin) But, er, this is a really terrible thing, and, um, we'll sort it out! Yep! We've got to, -hehehe!- wait for Ron to come to his senses!
(In the mean time, the music was growing louder and louder and Harry, who had seen exactly the same thing last year, knew that they didn't have any choice. The situation was hopeless. They were going to have to endure Ron's singing. Aaaaah! Torture of all tortures! (Unless you count hearing Sirius sing, but then , we'll come to that later!) All the elves were stopping work around them, and turning to stare at Ron with their huge, orb-like eyes. Any minute now.....
And the tune of American Pie reverberated at top volume around the kitchen. Harry and Hermione could barely stand the noise, and the elves were all flapping their huge ears in pain. But then it got worse.......
Ron: (To the tune of American Pie)
A long , long time ago, I can still remember
how my Mum would make really great pies!
And I knew that if they could, at all,
Fred and George would scoff them all,
so I captured one and told a few white lies....
( Ron tosses caramel cakes into the air, and questions the house-elves)
Do you still want me to take these?
Well, you know me, I aim to please,
If the house elves tell me so!
Now do yo-ou believe in syrup roll,
and can roast beef save your mortal soul,
Or can you teach me why Hermione eats so-oo-o slow?!
(Ron, bounding around the kitchen with hands in the air, as the house elves sway, holding lit cooks' matches, and Harry and Hermione have noisy hysterics at Ron's squawking, faces Dobby)
Dobs, I know you've got the biscuit tin,
'cos I saw you hide it when I came in!
I'll just take some, a few,
Man, I want something to che-eeeew!
(Ron eyes the last remaining biscuit, eats it, and then adds,)
Hmmmmm, perhaps this lonely biscuit here
would like a bit of festive cheer?
So, where's the butter-beer, round here?
Aah! Please! A drink - I'm fried!
(Ron's atrocious singing is now finally getting to the poor house elves, who are attempting to put candy-floss in their ears. Dobby quickly offers generous quantites to Harry and Hermione, who have further hysterics. Ron continues, clearly oblivious... )
Chorus: My, my, what a nice pile of pies!
Could you hurry with that drink there, elves,
my throat's getting dry!
Get Harry one there, or he's going to cry!
Hermione: (Howling) From laughter!
Ron: (glaring at Hermione) So today is a good day to drink wines,
Oh, God give me some help with these li-iiines!
(Ron's shrieking reaches a new high, or rather, low, and Harry and Hermione, with a sudden flash of inspiration, finally manage to stop him by shoving the elvish candyfloss into his ears, so he can't hear the tune. Almost as soon as Ron stops singing, the music fades and dies, and he snaps out of his trance. Chaos now reigns in the kitchen...Elves are rolling around the floor, banging their ears with frying pans, and one particular elf (Winky!, notes Hermione) is trying to jump into the toffee cauldron. Dobby manages to save Winky from death-by-toffee, and has some advice for Harry...)
Dobby: Ah! Sir! Clearly you has been coming on one of Winky's bad days! Normally she is so much better now! Oh, Sirs and Miss, Dobby is sorry to say this, but he thinks you should leave! He wouldn't like you to see this! VERY bad service!
(The house-elves, hearing Dobby's words, start to sort themselves out, shamefacedly, and pull the candyfloss out of their ears...)
Harry: Don't worry Dobby, we aren't offended! We'll just take that food then! So... thanks, and bye!
Hermione: See you soon, Dobby! (Hermione and Harry grab Ron's arms and drag him away from the kitchen. 'Good-bye, Sirs and Miss!' echoes from behind them. They pull Ron into the library nearby, behind the transfiguration section, and wait for him to recover. Two minutes later......)
Ron: (Groaning) Urrrghhhhhh! Did I just do what I think I might have done???!
Hermione: (Sweetly) What, sing? No, it was much worse than that....Personally I thought it was more like the ghoul in your attic...
Harry: Ron, are you O.K? (Ron was looking slightly suicidal)
Ron: (hoarsly) Did anyone......Hear it?
Hermione: (gleefully) Oh, only about, hmmm, 100 house-elves, oh, and us, obviously. I had no idea you were so obsessed with food! I mean, I knew you liked it, but I might have been more sensitive if I'd thought -
Ron: Huh?!
Hermione: Oops! My mistake! You don't remember a thing do you? Must be the butter-beer!
Harry: (frowning) All right, Hermione, give it a rest! We've got to start thinking about what we're going to DO about this. Now we know it's...He's - definitely back, we have to do something fast.....
Hermione: Right. Well I think that's pretty simple. Who helped us get rid of Voldemort last time?? I think we should go and see Sirius. It's still only 8:45, and we need to take him this food, anyway.
(Hermione stood up resolutely, as though that settled the matter, and walked around the corner. Straight into an eavesdropping Proffessor Snape.)
Harry: (ironically) Getting a feeling of deja vu, anyone??...
Snape: Well, well, well....Potter, Weasley and Miss Granger! Plotting another daring little charade, I hear! Hogsmeade weekend, indeed...Visiting 'Sirius' are you? Well I see no reason why we shouldn't take this little episode straight to the h-
Harry, Ron and Hermione: OBLIVIATE!
(The three spells hit Snape at the same time, and he fell to the floor with an almighty crash that shook the library. The spellcasters themselves stared in shock)
Snape: (Dreamily) Who am I?! What am I?! Where are the armadillo's gloves, I had them just a minute ago!
Ron: God, we're really in for it now! I suggest we get out of here! And fast!
(Still in a dazed state, Harry, Ron and Hermione dashed out of the library, and headed for the path that would take them to Hogsmeade. And they might have got away with not having to hear Snape sing again too, except -
Except that I'm going to have to get this uploaded in more than one part or it'll get too long, and I sense a good place to stop!
So, even though this part one was slightly more boring than I'd hoped, everyone who managed to read this far, please go and read part two, because it can't get any worse than this, can it?, and really, how could anyone bear to miss Snape's song?! (Which is fun for me, even if it is a little insane...) So, hope to see you in part 2, guys!
Thanks for reading! - Narcissa :-D