**Disclaimer: I don't own, sleep with, eat with or, chat casually with any of the cast, crew or staff of the 'Third Watch' production company. All rights, and some of the lefts, reserved by whomever owns them. And if there's anything missing in this disclaimer, pretend you read it and go read the story already.**
Dr. Dementia, Lord Zorkon... and a Little Teapot
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"So, when's your car gonna be fixed?" asked Bosco, rising from his seat in the waiting room. He had been waiting for over thirty minutes, and had every inch of the office firmly implanted in his memory. He knew it only took two steps to get from the couch to the front counter. He knew there were four treatment rooms down the hall to his left. And he knew there were no windows in the place, because it was situated in the basement of the NYC medical building.
There were also three potted plants located in three convenient places around the room. There was a drinking fountain just outside the open door of the office, that only spat out luke warm water. Bosco was even aware of the fact that only two rooms were occupied by patients at the moment; because he saw the another man go in for his own appointment.
None of this was important, but Bosco had nothing else to do while he waited, so he had tried to come up with as many irrelevant facts about the dentist office as he could. He had quite a list going when Jimmy finally emerged- hopefully ready to leave.
Bosco had made the mistake of ticketing the firefighters car the other day, and having it towed. It had been parked outside the fire house without a sticker. But little did Bosco know, Jimmy had recently purchased a new car and had not gotten around to changing over his parking sticker. So now, until Jimmy's car was un-pouned, Bosco had the displeasure of driving the firefighter around. It was that, or pay the ticket to have the car set free.
Bosco had planned on working overtime until Jimmy had given in on his own and paid the ticket. But no such luck. Yokas had already picked up the extra shifts. So, Bosco decided to play hardball. But now he was regretting it. Jimmy had scheduled his dentist appointment extra earlier in the morning, just to tick the police officer off.
"Not soon enough," replied Jimmy, as he approached the front desk of the small office. "As much as I love having a chauffeur, both you and your car are starting to make me smell."
"You can always pay the ticket, buddy?" snapped Bosco, already knowing the answer.
"No, no that's quite all right," countered Jimmy, with a smile. "You're suffering as well, and that makes up for it all ." He turned to the young nurse behind the counter and flashed a charming smile.
"And how was it today, Mr.Doherty?" she asked, taking the appointment card from his file.
"Still a winning smile," he replied, winking at the young woman. The nurse laughed and began rummaging again through his file.
Bosco approached the counter and motioned to his watch. "Hurry up. I got more important things to do today," he warned, tapping his wrist. Jimmy made a face and turned back to the pretty nurse. She was still sifting through his file when Dr.Johnson entered from his office.
The dentist came up beside Jimmy and leaned over the counter. "Hey, Janice, I'm just going to grab a coffee. Mr.Peters is still in the chair," he said grabbing a mug. "I'm just waiting for him to get settled before I start."
"All right, Doctor," nodded Janice. "Um...do you know where the copies of Mr.Doherty's X-rays are?" she asked, furrowing her brow.
"Try the lab, they're a little slow today." The Doctor nodded to Jimmy and Bosco then left the office.
"I'll be right back," smiled the nurse as she came out from behind her barrier.
"I'll be right here," mused the firefighter, watching the nurse walk past. A small smile played at his lips, and Bosco just shook his head.
It was several minutes later, and neither the nurse nor the dentist had returned. Bosco had impatiently returned to his seat, while Jimmy remained at the counter drumming his fingers repeatedly. The office stereo was playing some orchestral rendition of a Beatles tune, and Jimmy couldn't stand it any longer. He dropped his head on the counter and began banging it repeatedly.
"Pssst,"
Jimmy glanced up at the noise, but he didn't see anyone except Bosco. "Did you hear that?" he asked, giving him a side long glance.
"Hear what?"
"Pssst," Jimmy repeated.
"No, " replied Bosco, leaning back on the couch.
"Psst,"
"There it is again," Jimmy reported. He scanned the office once more and came up empty.
"I didn't hear anything," sighed Bosco, getting more impatient as the minutes ticked by. "I think you're losing it in your old age."
Jimmy ignored the comment, and started walking slowly down the hallway that led to the treatment rooms. He knew he heard a voice, and he wanted to find the face that it belonged to. He passed the first room on his left and had found it empty. As he approached the first on his right, a head poked out, it's eyes darting suspiciously around the hall.
The man looked completely wired, his face pale and sweaty. "Hey," he whispered in a hoarse voice. "Come here, would ya?" He grinned and crooked his finger at Jimmy, indicating for him to follow him back into the treatment room.
Jimmy glanced back down the hall over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching. The man seemed paranoid about something, but Jimmy couldn't figure out what. He leaned in close to the man to ask him why, when he was quickly dragged into the room. Jimmy tried to struggle, but the strange man had a firm grip of his shirt.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Jimmy asked, when the man finally let him go.
"Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on..." whispered the man, nodding his head as fast as he spoke. He was trying to get Jimmy to cross the room and look at something in one of the drawers. "I wanna show ya sompthin," he whispered again pointing into one of the open drawers. His voice was hoarse and rapid. It reminded Jimmy of some evil scientist from one of Lombardo's bad B-movies.
Jimmy looked at him skeptically. "What's in there?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Just come look." The man beckoned for Jimmy to come closer, but Jimmy didn't move. He just stood there staring at the man with a strange look on his face. The man came over and grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him across the floor. "You have to see it to believe it."
Jimmy shrugged and glanced down into the drawer. *It couldn't hurt to look.* He thought. "I don't see anything- " he started, as he looked back up at the man.
The man's eyes were about to pop out of his head, and he was grinning mischievously. "Look closer," he urged, poking Jimmy in the arm. "It's way at the back."
Jimmy shook his head. The man seemed to be high on something, so Jimmy couldn't help but be curious. He leaned over closer to the drawer to get a better picture and reached in with his hand to move some of the papers. That's when the strange, little man grabbed a large, heavy medical text book and cracked it against the back of Jimmy's unsuspecting skull.
He dropped to the floor in a heap.
"AHHHHhahahahahaha!" cried the man wickedly. "Now your mine," he whispered as he dragged his victim across the floor and leaned him up against the wall behind the door. "They will never catch me!" he cried again, as he rubbed his hands together in an evil fashion. "AHHHHHHHahahahahahahahaha!"
*** *** ***
"I'll play show tunes the whole way home if you don't hurry up," muttered Bosco, glancing at his watch. He was still alone in the waiting room. The dentist and nurse had not yet returned, and he was about at the end of his patience. Bosco was not a patient man, and here was Jimmy off on some dilusional man hunt wasting time. Bosco was about to go after him when he heard a noise.
"Psst,"
Bosco looked around the room startled, not sure if he had actually heard anything. As far as he could tell, the waiting room was empty. He leaned forward on the couch and tried to peer down the hall that Jimmy had taken. "Jimmy?" he called skeptically.
"Psst,"
Bosco jumped off the couch frowning, and headed for the hallway. "Jimmy," he spat irritably. "We don't have time for this- " He stopped short when he saw a little man peeking around the corner of a door down the hall. He had forgotten there was someone else still in the office besides him and Jimmy.
"Come on, come on, come one, come on, come on," beckoned the man waving to Bosco to come closer.
The cop gave him a side long glance, sizing the man up. Only his head and a shoulder were poking out from behind the door and from what Bosco could tell, he was only about five feet tall. He also had this exaggerated grin plastered on his face, and his hair was stringy and wild. Bosco wasn't so sure he wanted to approach the man, but he was very persistent. Bosco closed in slowly and scrutinized him. "Did you see a tall ugly guy come down here?" he asked slowly. "Brown hair? Irritating dimples?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in here....come on," the man whispered excitedly.
Bosco pursed his lips and thought about it for a second. The man was apparently in no mood for procrastination. He grabbed Bosco by the arm and yanked him inside the door.
"This is you're friend, no?" asked the man, his words flying out of his mouth a mile a minute. He pointed to the heap on the floor behind the door and smiled wickedly.
Bosco spun around and froze when he saw his tormentor propped up against the wall unconscious. "What d' you do to him?!" he cried, crouching beside Jimmy. He grabbed his wrist and tried to find a pulse. When he found a steady one, he stood up abruptly and focused on the demented little man standing there laughing. "I said, what the hell did you do to him?!"
The man started licking his lips obsessively, pointing at Jimmy. "Me...I did this," he sang. "Me, me, me, me, me, me. I did it all by myself." He grinned at Bosco excitedly, nodding his head.
Bosco was at a loss for words, at loss for a gun- and the man was demented. He turned back to the unconscious firefighter and tried to revive him. He was shaking Jimmy by the shoulders when a heavy object slammed into the back of his head causing him to slump forward over his friends legs, unconscious.
"AAAAAHHHHAhahahahahah!" cried the man, extending his arms upwards, shouting at the ceiling. "Now I have two of them!"
With an evil grin etched on his face, he began to roll his new victim onto his back and away from the door. He bolted around the room like a kid in a toy store. He grabbed things and put them right back down. He opened and closed drawers. He ran in one direction around the dental chair, then quickly changed direction. He finally spotted what he was looking for.
A chair.
He grabbed it and let out a loud evil laugh. He ran to the door and jammed it up under the knob to keep it locked, and stood back to survey his accomplishments. The little man was quite satisfied with himself as he spun around in circles trying to pat himself on the back. When he finally got too dizzy to continue, he stopped and tried to control himself from stumbling over.
When he was oriented again, he shook his head and smiled. "That was fun!" he cried, and began spinning himself in circles again. This time he collided with the dental chair and knocked several pieces of equipment across the floor. He steadied himself enough to notice what he had done, but just shook his head. The tools and canisters lying on the floor were of no interest to him. He licked his lips rapidly and began smacking his lips. He looked down at his victims and began his evil, ranting laugh once again. He raised a fist into the air and began shouting excitedly. "I have two of them now!" he cried, rolling his head back and forth. "You will never catch me now! AAAAAAHHHHHHHhhahahahahaha!"
*** *** ***
Jimmy started coming around first. Someone was yelling. He tried to follow the voice through the dizzy fog that clouded his mind. Slowly, he opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. Unconsciously, he began grinning as the room began to take shape. He was in his dentist's office.
He tried to shake the dizziness from his mind, but to no avail. He found himself giggling as he tried to make eye contact with the strange man dancing around the room with a lab coat tied around his neck like a cape. "Hey," Jimmy called weakly, his voice raspy and slightly slurred.
When he got no reaction from the prancing man, he tried again. "Hey," he called, a little louder. Talking was making him feel even more dizzy. He started giggling and tried to get up, but his arms were tied behind his back. He started tugging and trying to free himself from the binds when Bosco suddenly woke up.
"What the...?" Bosco said, yanking back on the ropes. His arms were also tied behind his back, and he could feel someone pulling on them. He glanced around the room, his head swaying slightly as he tried to focus.
"Bos?" asked Jimmy between fits of giggles. "Is that you?"
"What's going on?" Bosco asked, trying to turn around. The two of them were bound together, which made it impossible for them to look at each other without twisting their bodies. He tried tugging on the ropes himself, but gave up when he was suddenly overcome with the same laughing virus as his partner. "What happened?" he choked out.
Jimmy didn't answer him, he just kept on laughing until he fell over, taking Bosco with him as they hit the floor with a thud.
This caught the attention of their captor. He stopped his dance in mid stride and bolted to his two victims. "You're awake," he whispered. "Glad to have ya back." He pushed the two young men back up into a sitting position, and leaned them against the wall. Then he took two steps back and began shouting at the door. "They're alive!" he howled, as he threw his makeshift cape dramatically over his shoulder, and returned to his dance.
Jimmy suddenly jolted himself away from the wall with a look of pure fright. "Oh my god..." he stammered, looking up at the crazed assailant. "Am I shrinking? I remember being taller than that guy?"
Bosco glanced at Jimmy and saw the serious and confused expression on his face. "No man," he laughed. "You're sitting on the floor!" he cried, trying to contain himself. His sides were already hurting from all the laughing, but he couldn't stop.
Jimmy shook himself and remembered that he was indeed sitting on the floor. "Oh wow," he sighed. "That scared me for a sec."
"You know," started Bosco, finally able to control his urges. "I think we should be hurt or something?" He twisted around to look Jimmy over. "Are you hurt?" he asked, overly concerned.
"No, man," replied Jimmy, suddenly acting serious. "I should be though, shouldn't I?"
"I think we both should," corrected Bosco.
"But I feel great....GREAT! GREAT! GREAT!" cried Jimmy, reverting back to his incessant giggling. He couldn't stop his laughter and it was contagious. Soon, the both of them were laughing hysterically at absolutely nothing. A loud knock on the door jarred the three men into a frozen state. They all kept completely still, as they listened intently.
There was another knock, followed by a muffled voice. "This is Officer Yokas," called the voice from the other side of the door. "Who am I talking to?"
*** *** ***
Nurse Janice was standing on the curb outside of the medical building waiting for the police to arrive. Dr. Johnston had called them when they had returned to the office to find one of their patient's holding the two other patrons hostage in one of the treatment rooms. The demented little man had requested a black sedan, a million dollars and a box of raisons in exchange for his two prisoners, so the Doctor called the police.
Janice paced the sidewalk until she spotted the police cruiser turning into the parking lot. She ran over and began barraging the officer with the details as he climbed out of his car. "He's nuts!" she screamed. "He has one of our patients in there with his friend! He said he was going to kill them if he didn't get what he wanted!"
Officer Davis tried to calm the hysterical nurse as he made his way towards the building. By the time he had reached the door to Jimmy and Bosco's prison, he had heard everything. He had heard about the crazy assailant. He had heard about the abnormal request. And he had heard that it was Jimmy and Bosco in there being held prisoner.
The officer introduced himself to the dentist and made a call to headquarters. He figured he was going to need back-up for this one. It hadn't seemed like a big deal when the call had gone out- that's why only the single response. But with Bosco in there, Davis figured the assailant was probably going to require a bodyguard when this was all through. And the only one who could contain Bosco was, Yokas.
So Davis made a personal request to have the officer be assigned.
"How long have they been in there?" Davis asked, taking control of the situation.
"I think about forty minutes or so?" guessed the doctor. "I'm not completely sure. I'd stepped out for a sec to grab a coffee, and when I came back the door was jammed and that lunatic in there was screaming something about "they're never gonna catch me"!"
"Who's never going to catch him?" asked Davis, looking up from his notepad.
"I have no idea!" answered the dentist, throwing his arms in the air. "Do you think he will really try and kill them?" he asked, taking his tone down a notch or two.
Davis shrugged. "I don't know what I'm dealing with here yet," he confessed. "Let me try and talk to him." He approached the door and rapped purposefully on the frame. When he got no answer he tried again. "This is Officer Davis," he started. "Who am I speaking to?"
*** *** ***
"Well, answer him," laughed Bosco.
The man looked at them shocked. He had a paranoid, confused look on his face. "What do I tell him?" he asked ,in a hushed voice.
"How about your name?" suggested Jimmy with a giggle.
"I can't do that!" cried the man. "Then they'll know who I am!"
Bosco and Jimmy looked at each other at shrugged. "Why don't you make up a name?" offered Bosco with a muffled laugh. Jimmy nodded enthusiastically and began laughing himself.
"What name should I use?" asked the man, suddenly taking the situation very seriously. "Got any suggestions? What do I look like to you? A Bob? A Mac? Come on, guys, help me out here," he pleaded, creasing his brow with worry lines.
"You look demented to me!" cried Bosco, bursting out laughing again.
"Yeah," agreed Jimmy, between chuckles. "Call yourself, Doctor Dementia."
The man nodded vigorously. "Yeah, yeah, I like that. It has a certain sophistication to it." He stepped up to the door and waved his cape around in a dramatic flourish. "I am known as Doctor Dementia!" he called through the door, with a loud deep voice. "And I will kill these two men if you don't bring me my car and one million dollars!"
"Don't forget the raisons," whispered Bosco.
The man looked down at him confused. "What?" he asked staring at him oddly.
"Don't forget the raisons," repeated Bosco with a grin.
"Oh yeah...yeah, the raisons," acknowledged Doctor Dementia. "How could I forget those." He turned back to the door and summoned his deep, most demented voice. "AND DON'T FORGET THE RAISONS!" he called.
Bosco and Jimmy doubled over in laughter and fell to the floor again. This time Doctor Dementia let them lie there. He was too caught up in his new character that he had forgotten all about them. He began twirling around the room, waving his cape behind him.
*** *** ***
"His name is Greg Peters, officer," corrected Dr. Johnston. "He's a patient of mine."
Davis looked the Doctor over skeptically, before questioning him. "What do you know about this Greg Peters?" he asked, pulling out his radio. He would send the name into dispatch to get a report. Maybe he had a record, or possibly there was a recent breakout at the local sanitarium. The latter seemed more viable to Davis, as he relayed the information that Dr.Johnston was feeding him. "His name is Greg Peters. He's about five one, stringy brown hair and bulgy eyes," Davis said into the handset.
A few minutes later he received the message there was no one on record with that name, or that fit that description. Davis sighed and glanced back at the door keeping him from seeing what was going on in the room. He could only assume Bosco and Jimmy were reasonable people, and wouldn't do anything stupid. But that hope didn't last too long. This was Bosco and Jimmy in there. And this was no crackhead on the street. This man was an all out lunatic. He was Doctor Dementia.
*** *** ***
Bosco and Jimmy had managed to right themselves on their own, and were watching Doctor Dementia closely. He was sitting on one of the counters stuffing cotton balls in any facial orifice he could find. The two restrained men watched in utter fascination as Doctor Dementia managed to stuff, yet another, cotton ball into his left nostril.
"How *does* he do that?" whispered Jimmy in complete awe.
"It takes talent, man," replied Bosco, nodding his head. He was equally in awe as his friend, and he couldn't pry his eyes away. "I'm sure he's had lots of practice. I don't recommend trying that on your own. You should probably have an adult nearby if your gonna do something that daring."
Jimmy began nodding his head slowly as he leaned towards the man- trying to get a better look. "Wow," he sighed, shaking his head. "That's incredible."
Bosco glanced at his friend and they burst out laughing.
Doctor Dementia jumped off the counter suddenly, and began searching the room in a frenzied state of panic. He began searching under things, over things and even in between things. Whatever he was looking for, it wasn't anywhere to be found. Finally, he stopped and patted himself down. Possibly the item that he was looking for was already on his possession. When he couldn't find it, he looked over at his hostages. "Have you seen it?" he asked worriedly, searching their faces for any recognition.
"Seen what?" asked Bosco, stifling a grin.
"Have you seen it?!" cried Dr. Dementia again.
"Seen what? What are you looking for?" repeated Bosco.
"It!...I'm looking for it!" Dr. Dementia began searching the room again, leaving Bosco and Jimmy to figure out what exactly "it" was.
"What the hell is he looking for?" whispered Jimmy, leaning in closer to Bosco.
Jimmy's sudden shift in body weight caused Bosco to lean uncomfortably forward, so he threw himself upright, knocking Jimmy into the same position. They continued to do this until they were engulfed in laughter yet again. Finally they were both able to get control of themselves and Bosco glanced at Jimmy frowning. "What did you ask me again?"
"I think I asked you, what the hell is he looking for?" Jimmy answered, nodding towards the frantic man searching for "it".
"I have no idea," responded Bosco, shaking his head. "But I don't think that man could find a cup of water if ya pushed him in a lake."
"What are you guys talking about?" Suddenly Dr. Dementia stopped his search and focused on his hostages. His eyes were suspicious and he crept up on them slowly. "I heard you two talking?" he whispered again, when he got no answer besides muffled chuckles.
"We were just wondering why you are holding us hostage?" Bosco lied, as he nudged Jimmy's arm and grinned.
The Doctor thought about this for a moment, then waved his hand, dismissing the question. "Everyone knows a captive man needs hostages," he began, taking a seat on the dental chair. "They won't catch me if I have hostages. I know them too well."
"Who exactly are they?" asked Jimmy, confused. His head was still spinning, but he managed to stay alert for this conversation. He hadn't even realized till now that maybe he and Bosco should be trying to get themselves out of this mess.
"Them!" cried Dr. Dementia.
"Them who?" Jimmy countered.
"Everyone of them!" answered the Doctor, as if it were common knowledge.
"Yeah," agreed Bosco, "them. You know, Jimmy, everyone of them."
Jimmy nodded his head in comprehension, even though he had no idea what they were talking about. "Oh right, them," he said slowly.
This was enough to initiate another fit of laughter in Bosco, soon to be joined by his friend. Doctor Dementia leaned forward on his chair and looked down at the two hysterical hostages. He swung the overhead light in their direction. He flicked on the light and glared at them sideways, his eyes bulging, his eyebrows raised. "Enough about me," he sneered. "Let's talk about you. Who are you? What are your names?"
Jimmy stopped giggling enough to flash an evil, crooked grin at the Doctor. "I'm a little teapot," he sang playfully.
"And I am Lord Zorkon, Defender of the Universe," replied Bosco, in a holier-than-thou voice.
"Damn," muttered Jimmy, mentally kicking himself. "Why didn't I say that?"
"Cause your not Lord Zorkon," stated Bosco, matter-of-factly.
Jimmy frowned. "That's right."
Doctor Dementia took this as gospel, and shoved the overhead light away from them. "Nice to meet you Mr. Pot, m'Lord," he nodded, giving them their due respect.
*** *** ***
Faith Yokas, working one of her overtime shifts, burst into the waiting room and pushed past the crowd of officers that had arrived. She made a beeline for Officer Davis. "What's going on?" she asked urgently. "Are Jimmy and Bosco still in there?"
Davis gave her a grim expression. "Yes, they're still in there," he nodded. "It doesn't look good. The man allegedly made a death threat before I got here, and I haven't heard anything from either Bos nor Jimmy. We can't do much until we know what were dealing with in there."
"He's holding them hostage right?" asked Yokas. Davis nodded. "Then what is he asking for?"
Davis took in a deep breath, released it slowly. "He's asking for a black sedan, one million dollars...and, uh...."
"And what?!" urged Yokas, her tension rising.
"A box of raisons," answered Davis sheepishly.
Yokas stared at him a moment. She furrowed her brow and shook her head in confusement. "A box of raisons?" she repeated.
"A box of raisons." Davis could see Yokas getting more upset by the minute, and he couldn't blame her. "Like I said," he continued, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We don't know what were dealing with in there, he's calling himself Doctor Dementia- "
"I know what were dealing with!" cried Yokas. "Were dealing with a man who's a few fries short of a happy meal! We gotta get Bosco and Jimmy out of there!"
"We're trying, really we are," replied Davis, trying to calm the irate officer. "I was just about to try and talk to him again when you came in."
"Don't let me stop you," spat Yokas, pushing Davis towards the door. "If you've got a reputation with the guy already, don't let me interfere."
Davis nodded and stepped closer to the door. He knocked gently and called to Doctor Dementia. "Doctor," he said. "We have your, uh...items coming, but we have to know that your hostages are all right. Can you do that for us? There are a lot of worried people out here and they would like to know that they're alive and well."
There was a loud thud from behind the door that sounded like a body hitting the floor. Everyone in the hall froze, waiting in a fearful silence. A few moments later Doctor Dementia responded. "The little teapot and m'Lord are a little busy right now!" called the lunatic voice. "Please leave a message at the beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
Davis looked back over his shoulder at Yokas and shrugged. How in the world was he supposed to answer that?
*** *** ***
Bosco and Jimmy were just coming out of another paroxysm of laughter when Doctor Dementia started stumbling around the room. He was holding his head and shaking it vigorously, trying to put the pieces back together. He backed into the dental chair, flipping over it and landing on the other side. Bosco and Jimmy watched anxiously to see if the man would get up. When they heard muttered giggles, they let out the breath they had been holding.
Doctor Dementia started laughing hysterically as he tried to stand up. Every time he got to his knees he would fall back down laughing. Bosco and Jimmy found this irresistibly hilarious and joined in his chorus.
Then a knock at the door interrupted them.
"Doctor, we have your, uh...items coming, but we have to know that your hostages are all right. Can you do that for us? There are a lot of worried people out here and they would like to know that they're alive and well." called the voice.
Bosco and Jimmy burst out laughing again when they heard the voice. "It's the fuzz," whispered Jimmy, snickering under his breath. Bosco nodded, and they broke down into another side splitting roar. They were out of control this time and fell over, hitting the floor with a thud.
Doctor Dementia watched this with delight, pointing and snickering at the silly men on the floor. He eventually tried to calm them down so they could answer the voice at the door, but to no avail. Finally, he gave up and responded for them. "The little teapot and m'Lord are a little busy right now! Please leave a message at the beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" He cocked an ear to the door and waited for a message.
"Um," came back the voice. "This is Officer Davis again, could you get back to me as soon as possible? It's kind of important....uh, thank-you."
Doctor Dementia let the message sink in then nodded. He turned back to his captives with a flourish of his cape and a wicked laugh. Bosco and Jimmy were still lying on the floor. The doctor righted them against the wall, and returned to his earlier exercise of dancing and prancing.
Jimmy's head was starting to hurt as he tried to stop the incessant laughing. He was gasping for air between each chuckle, and his lungs were beginning to burn. But even amongst all the pain, he still couldn't stop himself. "Stop," he stuttered, between breathes.
Bosco was enthralled with the same symptoms, and he too was having a hard time stopping the giggling. "Stop what?!" he cried, throwing his head back in wild abandonment.
"I don't know," laughed Jimmy. "Just stop!" He continued trying to catch his breath.
"Just stop," repeated Bosco slowly. "J----U----S----T S----T----O----P," he continued, dragging out each letter as he enunciated the two words. "Just stop. Just stop. Just stop." He paused and looked at Jimmy with a curious expression. "Ever notice how funny that sounds?" he asked. "J----U----S----T S----T----O----P."
"Yeah, it does sound funny," replied Jimmy, echoing Bosco. "Just stop. Just stop."
"J----U----S----T S----T----O----P," they slurred together. They found this so appealing, they continued to repeat it until they were doubled over laughing again.
"Hey!" called doctor Dementia, freezing in the middle of his dance and cocking an ear to the wind. "Did you just hear that?" He shot a paranoid look at Bosco and Jimmy.
Bosco and Jimmy froze and cocked their ears as well. They listened intently for a repeat of what ever Doctor Dementia had heard. "Hear what?" Bosco asked finally.
"I think I hear my mother calling me," whispered Doctor Dementia, fear flashing across his face. Bosco and Jimmy burst out laughing. "No, guys!" he gasped, petrified. "I hear her!" Bosco and Jimmy just kept laughing. "Man, is she ever gonna give me a whopping when she hears about this."
Doctor Dementia bolted for the door and tried to dislodge the chair. "I gotta get outta here!" he cried, throwing the chair over his shoulder and yanking the door open. An officer was standing stunned and flabbergasted just outside the treatment room. Doctor Dementia stared at him a moment, then charged down the hall towards the front door.
*** *** ***
It had been just over an hour, and neither Bosco nor Jimmy had emerged from the office.
Yokas was pacing the waiting room, worried and impatient. The longer they were in there, the worse their chances were of getting out alive. They had already discussed barging into the treatment room and catching the lunatic off guard, but on further analysis they decided against it. For all they knew, Doctor Dementia could have them at knife point and the sudden scare would only cause him to plunge the knife into one of their throats.
Yokas didn't even want to imagine what could happen if the man had a gun. Finally, deciding that pacing was getting her nowhere, she approached Davis talking with Dr. Johnston in the hallway.
"Can you think of anything that might be setting this guy off like this?" Davis was asking the dentist as Yokas stepped up to them. "What was he in for?"
Dr. Johnston scratched his head, then shot his finger in the air when he had an epiphany. "I got it!" he cried, clapping his hands together. "Nitrogen oxide," he continued excitedly. "He was in for a root canal, and I had just put him on the nitrogen when I left to grab a coffee."
"That would explain some of it," agreed Yokas, throwing in her two cents. "But I've never seen anyone react this insanely to nitrogen oxide."
"Hmm, it is a bit excessive," replied the dentist nodding. "But Doctor Dem...I mean Mr. Peter's was very scared about the whole procedure. He didn't want to get it done...he's kind of afraid of pain," he continued sheepishly.
"So, what are you trying to say?" asked Davis, raising his eyebrows.
"Maybe he took a little something extra before he got here?" suggested the dentist.
"You mean narcotics? Drugs? Like crack or LSD or something?" inquired Yokas.
"Who knows?" answered the dentist, shaking his head. "Pick one! You know as much as I do what some people will get themselves into these days."
Davis and Yokas stood there acknowledging the possibility. They shared a knowing look and Yokas put her hand on Davis' shoulder. "We better get them outta there," she pleaded. "Right now."
Davis nodded nervously and turned towards the treatment room. He was going to give this Doctor Dementia one more chance at diplomacy before taking action into his own hands. Or Yokas'- which was just a bad thought all together.
Davis raised his hand to knock on the door when it suddenly burst open revealing a small, paranoid, sweaty man with a lab coat tied around his neck. Davis froze and stared at the man. *So this is Doctor Dementia.* He mused to himself. Then the man bolted past him and charged for the front door.
Yokas saw the crazed man running down the hall and leapt for the open office door. As she blocked the only exit, Doctor Dementia crouched down and plowed right into Yokas' midsection, tackling her onto the hallway floor. Yokas was winded, but she grabbed the man by the shoulders and flipped him onto his back. She climbed on top of the struggling man and pinned his arms to the floor.
"Mom!" cried Doctor Dementia, trying to wrestle free from the officer's hold. "I'm coming! Don't start dinner without me!"
It took several minutes, but eventually the cops, along with the dentist's help, got Doctor Dementia restrained and sedated. When he was taken care of, Yokas ran for the treatment room to check on Bosco and Jimmy; who had yet to emerge. She skidded into the room and found them sitting on the floor rubbing their wrists. Davis had already untied them and was trying to get them to their feet.
"Are you guys all right?" Yokas asked concerned.
The two young men looked terrible. They were shaking their heads and stumbling to get up. Yokas rushed to them, and tried to help them up.
"I think they're fine," reported Davis, putting an arm around Jimmy's waist for support.
Jimmy started giggling when he felt the hand on his waist, but stopped suddenly and grabbed his head. "Man, do I ever have a headache," he whined, rubbing his temples.
"Wow, so do I," stated Bosco, massaging his own forehead.
"Well, I can only imagine how bad it's going to be tomorrow," offered the dentist from the other side of the dentist chair. He lifted a large, iron canister onto the dental chair. He patted it twice and smiled. "The nozzles broken," he said, his grin broadening. "This is the nitrogen oxide canister, and it's been leaking the whole time."
Yokas and Davis shook their heads and glanced at Bosco and Jimmy- giggling quietly in the corner. "So, that explains the raisons I guess," joked Yokas, with a chuckle of he own.
"Come on you two," she continued, as she pulled the two snickering morons away from the wall. "You could probably use a good dose of a cold shower right now."
Bosco and Jimmy, although not completely aware of what was going on around them, obliged Yokas and let themselves be guided into the hall.
Yokas followed behind, shaking her head and trying not to laugh. "So," she suddenly asked, grabbing Bosco and Jimmy by the shoulders and spinning them around. "Who exactly are 'little teapot and m'Lord'?"
Bosco and Jimmy burst out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Yokas just shook her head and shoved them towards the door. "I'm probably better off not knowing," she said giving them another shove.
__________________________________________________________________________________
**Author's Note: By no means was this story meant to offend. If there are any strange little men out there with bulging eyes and wild hair, please know that this character was completely coincidental. Thank-you. Also, Jimmy got his car back the next day. An anonymous citizen paid the fine. To this day, no one has stepped forward to claim responsibility...especially Yokas (cause she'd never do Bosco a favour, ahem).**
Dr. Dementia, Lord Zorkon... and a Little Teapot
****************************************
"So, when's your car gonna be fixed?" asked Bosco, rising from his seat in the waiting room. He had been waiting for over thirty minutes, and had every inch of the office firmly implanted in his memory. He knew it only took two steps to get from the couch to the front counter. He knew there were four treatment rooms down the hall to his left. And he knew there were no windows in the place, because it was situated in the basement of the NYC medical building.
There were also three potted plants located in three convenient places around the room. There was a drinking fountain just outside the open door of the office, that only spat out luke warm water. Bosco was even aware of the fact that only two rooms were occupied by patients at the moment; because he saw the another man go in for his own appointment.
None of this was important, but Bosco had nothing else to do while he waited, so he had tried to come up with as many irrelevant facts about the dentist office as he could. He had quite a list going when Jimmy finally emerged- hopefully ready to leave.
Bosco had made the mistake of ticketing the firefighters car the other day, and having it towed. It had been parked outside the fire house without a sticker. But little did Bosco know, Jimmy had recently purchased a new car and had not gotten around to changing over his parking sticker. So now, until Jimmy's car was un-pouned, Bosco had the displeasure of driving the firefighter around. It was that, or pay the ticket to have the car set free.
Bosco had planned on working overtime until Jimmy had given in on his own and paid the ticket. But no such luck. Yokas had already picked up the extra shifts. So, Bosco decided to play hardball. But now he was regretting it. Jimmy had scheduled his dentist appointment extra earlier in the morning, just to tick the police officer off.
"Not soon enough," replied Jimmy, as he approached the front desk of the small office. "As much as I love having a chauffeur, both you and your car are starting to make me smell."
"You can always pay the ticket, buddy?" snapped Bosco, already knowing the answer.
"No, no that's quite all right," countered Jimmy, with a smile. "You're suffering as well, and that makes up for it all ." He turned to the young nurse behind the counter and flashed a charming smile.
"And how was it today, Mr.Doherty?" she asked, taking the appointment card from his file.
"Still a winning smile," he replied, winking at the young woman. The nurse laughed and began rummaging again through his file.
Bosco approached the counter and motioned to his watch. "Hurry up. I got more important things to do today," he warned, tapping his wrist. Jimmy made a face and turned back to the pretty nurse. She was still sifting through his file when Dr.Johnson entered from his office.
The dentist came up beside Jimmy and leaned over the counter. "Hey, Janice, I'm just going to grab a coffee. Mr.Peters is still in the chair," he said grabbing a mug. "I'm just waiting for him to get settled before I start."
"All right, Doctor," nodded Janice. "Um...do you know where the copies of Mr.Doherty's X-rays are?" she asked, furrowing her brow.
"Try the lab, they're a little slow today." The Doctor nodded to Jimmy and Bosco then left the office.
"I'll be right back," smiled the nurse as she came out from behind her barrier.
"I'll be right here," mused the firefighter, watching the nurse walk past. A small smile played at his lips, and Bosco just shook his head.
It was several minutes later, and neither the nurse nor the dentist had returned. Bosco had impatiently returned to his seat, while Jimmy remained at the counter drumming his fingers repeatedly. The office stereo was playing some orchestral rendition of a Beatles tune, and Jimmy couldn't stand it any longer. He dropped his head on the counter and began banging it repeatedly.
"Pssst,"
Jimmy glanced up at the noise, but he didn't see anyone except Bosco. "Did you hear that?" he asked, giving him a side long glance.
"Hear what?"
"Pssst," Jimmy repeated.
"No, " replied Bosco, leaning back on the couch.
"Psst,"
"There it is again," Jimmy reported. He scanned the office once more and came up empty.
"I didn't hear anything," sighed Bosco, getting more impatient as the minutes ticked by. "I think you're losing it in your old age."
Jimmy ignored the comment, and started walking slowly down the hallway that led to the treatment rooms. He knew he heard a voice, and he wanted to find the face that it belonged to. He passed the first room on his left and had found it empty. As he approached the first on his right, a head poked out, it's eyes darting suspiciously around the hall.
The man looked completely wired, his face pale and sweaty. "Hey," he whispered in a hoarse voice. "Come here, would ya?" He grinned and crooked his finger at Jimmy, indicating for him to follow him back into the treatment room.
Jimmy glanced back down the hall over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching. The man seemed paranoid about something, but Jimmy couldn't figure out what. He leaned in close to the man to ask him why, when he was quickly dragged into the room. Jimmy tried to struggle, but the strange man had a firm grip of his shirt.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Jimmy asked, when the man finally let him go.
"Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on..." whispered the man, nodding his head as fast as he spoke. He was trying to get Jimmy to cross the room and look at something in one of the drawers. "I wanna show ya sompthin," he whispered again pointing into one of the open drawers. His voice was hoarse and rapid. It reminded Jimmy of some evil scientist from one of Lombardo's bad B-movies.
Jimmy looked at him skeptically. "What's in there?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Just come look." The man beckoned for Jimmy to come closer, but Jimmy didn't move. He just stood there staring at the man with a strange look on his face. The man came over and grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him across the floor. "You have to see it to believe it."
Jimmy shrugged and glanced down into the drawer. *It couldn't hurt to look.* He thought. "I don't see anything- " he started, as he looked back up at the man.
The man's eyes were about to pop out of his head, and he was grinning mischievously. "Look closer," he urged, poking Jimmy in the arm. "It's way at the back."
Jimmy shook his head. The man seemed to be high on something, so Jimmy couldn't help but be curious. He leaned over closer to the drawer to get a better picture and reached in with his hand to move some of the papers. That's when the strange, little man grabbed a large, heavy medical text book and cracked it against the back of Jimmy's unsuspecting skull.
He dropped to the floor in a heap.
"AHHHHhahahahahaha!" cried the man wickedly. "Now your mine," he whispered as he dragged his victim across the floor and leaned him up against the wall behind the door. "They will never catch me!" he cried again, as he rubbed his hands together in an evil fashion. "AHHHHHHHahahahahahahahaha!"
*** *** ***
"I'll play show tunes the whole way home if you don't hurry up," muttered Bosco, glancing at his watch. He was still alone in the waiting room. The dentist and nurse had not yet returned, and he was about at the end of his patience. Bosco was not a patient man, and here was Jimmy off on some dilusional man hunt wasting time. Bosco was about to go after him when he heard a noise.
"Psst,"
Bosco looked around the room startled, not sure if he had actually heard anything. As far as he could tell, the waiting room was empty. He leaned forward on the couch and tried to peer down the hall that Jimmy had taken. "Jimmy?" he called skeptically.
"Psst,"
Bosco jumped off the couch frowning, and headed for the hallway. "Jimmy," he spat irritably. "We don't have time for this- " He stopped short when he saw a little man peeking around the corner of a door down the hall. He had forgotten there was someone else still in the office besides him and Jimmy.
"Come on, come on, come one, come on, come on," beckoned the man waving to Bosco to come closer.
The cop gave him a side long glance, sizing the man up. Only his head and a shoulder were poking out from behind the door and from what Bosco could tell, he was only about five feet tall. He also had this exaggerated grin plastered on his face, and his hair was stringy and wild. Bosco wasn't so sure he wanted to approach the man, but he was very persistent. Bosco closed in slowly and scrutinized him. "Did you see a tall ugly guy come down here?" he asked slowly. "Brown hair? Irritating dimples?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in here....come on," the man whispered excitedly.
Bosco pursed his lips and thought about it for a second. The man was apparently in no mood for procrastination. He grabbed Bosco by the arm and yanked him inside the door.
"This is you're friend, no?" asked the man, his words flying out of his mouth a mile a minute. He pointed to the heap on the floor behind the door and smiled wickedly.
Bosco spun around and froze when he saw his tormentor propped up against the wall unconscious. "What d' you do to him?!" he cried, crouching beside Jimmy. He grabbed his wrist and tried to find a pulse. When he found a steady one, he stood up abruptly and focused on the demented little man standing there laughing. "I said, what the hell did you do to him?!"
The man started licking his lips obsessively, pointing at Jimmy. "Me...I did this," he sang. "Me, me, me, me, me, me. I did it all by myself." He grinned at Bosco excitedly, nodding his head.
Bosco was at a loss for words, at loss for a gun- and the man was demented. He turned back to the unconscious firefighter and tried to revive him. He was shaking Jimmy by the shoulders when a heavy object slammed into the back of his head causing him to slump forward over his friends legs, unconscious.
"AAAAAHHHHAhahahahahah!" cried the man, extending his arms upwards, shouting at the ceiling. "Now I have two of them!"
With an evil grin etched on his face, he began to roll his new victim onto his back and away from the door. He bolted around the room like a kid in a toy store. He grabbed things and put them right back down. He opened and closed drawers. He ran in one direction around the dental chair, then quickly changed direction. He finally spotted what he was looking for.
A chair.
He grabbed it and let out a loud evil laugh. He ran to the door and jammed it up under the knob to keep it locked, and stood back to survey his accomplishments. The little man was quite satisfied with himself as he spun around in circles trying to pat himself on the back. When he finally got too dizzy to continue, he stopped and tried to control himself from stumbling over.
When he was oriented again, he shook his head and smiled. "That was fun!" he cried, and began spinning himself in circles again. This time he collided with the dental chair and knocked several pieces of equipment across the floor. He steadied himself enough to notice what he had done, but just shook his head. The tools and canisters lying on the floor were of no interest to him. He licked his lips rapidly and began smacking his lips. He looked down at his victims and began his evil, ranting laugh once again. He raised a fist into the air and began shouting excitedly. "I have two of them now!" he cried, rolling his head back and forth. "You will never catch me now! AAAAAAHHHHHHHhhahahahahaha!"
*** *** ***
Jimmy started coming around first. Someone was yelling. He tried to follow the voice through the dizzy fog that clouded his mind. Slowly, he opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. Unconsciously, he began grinning as the room began to take shape. He was in his dentist's office.
He tried to shake the dizziness from his mind, but to no avail. He found himself giggling as he tried to make eye contact with the strange man dancing around the room with a lab coat tied around his neck like a cape. "Hey," Jimmy called weakly, his voice raspy and slightly slurred.
When he got no reaction from the prancing man, he tried again. "Hey," he called, a little louder. Talking was making him feel even more dizzy. He started giggling and tried to get up, but his arms were tied behind his back. He started tugging and trying to free himself from the binds when Bosco suddenly woke up.
"What the...?" Bosco said, yanking back on the ropes. His arms were also tied behind his back, and he could feel someone pulling on them. He glanced around the room, his head swaying slightly as he tried to focus.
"Bos?" asked Jimmy between fits of giggles. "Is that you?"
"What's going on?" Bosco asked, trying to turn around. The two of them were bound together, which made it impossible for them to look at each other without twisting their bodies. He tried tugging on the ropes himself, but gave up when he was suddenly overcome with the same laughing virus as his partner. "What happened?" he choked out.
Jimmy didn't answer him, he just kept on laughing until he fell over, taking Bosco with him as they hit the floor with a thud.
This caught the attention of their captor. He stopped his dance in mid stride and bolted to his two victims. "You're awake," he whispered. "Glad to have ya back." He pushed the two young men back up into a sitting position, and leaned them against the wall. Then he took two steps back and began shouting at the door. "They're alive!" he howled, as he threw his makeshift cape dramatically over his shoulder, and returned to his dance.
Jimmy suddenly jolted himself away from the wall with a look of pure fright. "Oh my god..." he stammered, looking up at the crazed assailant. "Am I shrinking? I remember being taller than that guy?"
Bosco glanced at Jimmy and saw the serious and confused expression on his face. "No man," he laughed. "You're sitting on the floor!" he cried, trying to contain himself. His sides were already hurting from all the laughing, but he couldn't stop.
Jimmy shook himself and remembered that he was indeed sitting on the floor. "Oh wow," he sighed. "That scared me for a sec."
"You know," started Bosco, finally able to control his urges. "I think we should be hurt or something?" He twisted around to look Jimmy over. "Are you hurt?" he asked, overly concerned.
"No, man," replied Jimmy, suddenly acting serious. "I should be though, shouldn't I?"
"I think we both should," corrected Bosco.
"But I feel great....GREAT! GREAT! GREAT!" cried Jimmy, reverting back to his incessant giggling. He couldn't stop his laughter and it was contagious. Soon, the both of them were laughing hysterically at absolutely nothing. A loud knock on the door jarred the three men into a frozen state. They all kept completely still, as they listened intently.
There was another knock, followed by a muffled voice. "This is Officer Yokas," called the voice from the other side of the door. "Who am I talking to?"
*** *** ***
Nurse Janice was standing on the curb outside of the medical building waiting for the police to arrive. Dr. Johnston had called them when they had returned to the office to find one of their patient's holding the two other patrons hostage in one of the treatment rooms. The demented little man had requested a black sedan, a million dollars and a box of raisons in exchange for his two prisoners, so the Doctor called the police.
Janice paced the sidewalk until she spotted the police cruiser turning into the parking lot. She ran over and began barraging the officer with the details as he climbed out of his car. "He's nuts!" she screamed. "He has one of our patients in there with his friend! He said he was going to kill them if he didn't get what he wanted!"
Officer Davis tried to calm the hysterical nurse as he made his way towards the building. By the time he had reached the door to Jimmy and Bosco's prison, he had heard everything. He had heard about the crazy assailant. He had heard about the abnormal request. And he had heard that it was Jimmy and Bosco in there being held prisoner.
The officer introduced himself to the dentist and made a call to headquarters. He figured he was going to need back-up for this one. It hadn't seemed like a big deal when the call had gone out- that's why only the single response. But with Bosco in there, Davis figured the assailant was probably going to require a bodyguard when this was all through. And the only one who could contain Bosco was, Yokas.
So Davis made a personal request to have the officer be assigned.
"How long have they been in there?" Davis asked, taking control of the situation.
"I think about forty minutes or so?" guessed the doctor. "I'm not completely sure. I'd stepped out for a sec to grab a coffee, and when I came back the door was jammed and that lunatic in there was screaming something about "they're never gonna catch me"!"
"Who's never going to catch him?" asked Davis, looking up from his notepad.
"I have no idea!" answered the dentist, throwing his arms in the air. "Do you think he will really try and kill them?" he asked, taking his tone down a notch or two.
Davis shrugged. "I don't know what I'm dealing with here yet," he confessed. "Let me try and talk to him." He approached the door and rapped purposefully on the frame. When he got no answer he tried again. "This is Officer Davis," he started. "Who am I speaking to?"
*** *** ***
"Well, answer him," laughed Bosco.
The man looked at them shocked. He had a paranoid, confused look on his face. "What do I tell him?" he asked ,in a hushed voice.
"How about your name?" suggested Jimmy with a giggle.
"I can't do that!" cried the man. "Then they'll know who I am!"
Bosco and Jimmy looked at each other at shrugged. "Why don't you make up a name?" offered Bosco with a muffled laugh. Jimmy nodded enthusiastically and began laughing himself.
"What name should I use?" asked the man, suddenly taking the situation very seriously. "Got any suggestions? What do I look like to you? A Bob? A Mac? Come on, guys, help me out here," he pleaded, creasing his brow with worry lines.
"You look demented to me!" cried Bosco, bursting out laughing again.
"Yeah," agreed Jimmy, between chuckles. "Call yourself, Doctor Dementia."
The man nodded vigorously. "Yeah, yeah, I like that. It has a certain sophistication to it." He stepped up to the door and waved his cape around in a dramatic flourish. "I am known as Doctor Dementia!" he called through the door, with a loud deep voice. "And I will kill these two men if you don't bring me my car and one million dollars!"
"Don't forget the raisons," whispered Bosco.
The man looked down at him confused. "What?" he asked staring at him oddly.
"Don't forget the raisons," repeated Bosco with a grin.
"Oh yeah...yeah, the raisons," acknowledged Doctor Dementia. "How could I forget those." He turned back to the door and summoned his deep, most demented voice. "AND DON'T FORGET THE RAISONS!" he called.
Bosco and Jimmy doubled over in laughter and fell to the floor again. This time Doctor Dementia let them lie there. He was too caught up in his new character that he had forgotten all about them. He began twirling around the room, waving his cape behind him.
*** *** ***
"His name is Greg Peters, officer," corrected Dr. Johnston. "He's a patient of mine."
Davis looked the Doctor over skeptically, before questioning him. "What do you know about this Greg Peters?" he asked, pulling out his radio. He would send the name into dispatch to get a report. Maybe he had a record, or possibly there was a recent breakout at the local sanitarium. The latter seemed more viable to Davis, as he relayed the information that Dr.Johnston was feeding him. "His name is Greg Peters. He's about five one, stringy brown hair and bulgy eyes," Davis said into the handset.
A few minutes later he received the message there was no one on record with that name, or that fit that description. Davis sighed and glanced back at the door keeping him from seeing what was going on in the room. He could only assume Bosco and Jimmy were reasonable people, and wouldn't do anything stupid. But that hope didn't last too long. This was Bosco and Jimmy in there. And this was no crackhead on the street. This man was an all out lunatic. He was Doctor Dementia.
*** *** ***
Bosco and Jimmy had managed to right themselves on their own, and were watching Doctor Dementia closely. He was sitting on one of the counters stuffing cotton balls in any facial orifice he could find. The two restrained men watched in utter fascination as Doctor Dementia managed to stuff, yet another, cotton ball into his left nostril.
"How *does* he do that?" whispered Jimmy in complete awe.
"It takes talent, man," replied Bosco, nodding his head. He was equally in awe as his friend, and he couldn't pry his eyes away. "I'm sure he's had lots of practice. I don't recommend trying that on your own. You should probably have an adult nearby if your gonna do something that daring."
Jimmy began nodding his head slowly as he leaned towards the man- trying to get a better look. "Wow," he sighed, shaking his head. "That's incredible."
Bosco glanced at his friend and they burst out laughing.
Doctor Dementia jumped off the counter suddenly, and began searching the room in a frenzied state of panic. He began searching under things, over things and even in between things. Whatever he was looking for, it wasn't anywhere to be found. Finally, he stopped and patted himself down. Possibly the item that he was looking for was already on his possession. When he couldn't find it, he looked over at his hostages. "Have you seen it?" he asked worriedly, searching their faces for any recognition.
"Seen what?" asked Bosco, stifling a grin.
"Have you seen it?!" cried Dr. Dementia again.
"Seen what? What are you looking for?" repeated Bosco.
"It!...I'm looking for it!" Dr. Dementia began searching the room again, leaving Bosco and Jimmy to figure out what exactly "it" was.
"What the hell is he looking for?" whispered Jimmy, leaning in closer to Bosco.
Jimmy's sudden shift in body weight caused Bosco to lean uncomfortably forward, so he threw himself upright, knocking Jimmy into the same position. They continued to do this until they were engulfed in laughter yet again. Finally they were both able to get control of themselves and Bosco glanced at Jimmy frowning. "What did you ask me again?"
"I think I asked you, what the hell is he looking for?" Jimmy answered, nodding towards the frantic man searching for "it".
"I have no idea," responded Bosco, shaking his head. "But I don't think that man could find a cup of water if ya pushed him in a lake."
"What are you guys talking about?" Suddenly Dr. Dementia stopped his search and focused on his hostages. His eyes were suspicious and he crept up on them slowly. "I heard you two talking?" he whispered again, when he got no answer besides muffled chuckles.
"We were just wondering why you are holding us hostage?" Bosco lied, as he nudged Jimmy's arm and grinned.
The Doctor thought about this for a moment, then waved his hand, dismissing the question. "Everyone knows a captive man needs hostages," he began, taking a seat on the dental chair. "They won't catch me if I have hostages. I know them too well."
"Who exactly are they?" asked Jimmy, confused. His head was still spinning, but he managed to stay alert for this conversation. He hadn't even realized till now that maybe he and Bosco should be trying to get themselves out of this mess.
"Them!" cried Dr. Dementia.
"Them who?" Jimmy countered.
"Everyone of them!" answered the Doctor, as if it were common knowledge.
"Yeah," agreed Bosco, "them. You know, Jimmy, everyone of them."
Jimmy nodded his head in comprehension, even though he had no idea what they were talking about. "Oh right, them," he said slowly.
This was enough to initiate another fit of laughter in Bosco, soon to be joined by his friend. Doctor Dementia leaned forward on his chair and looked down at the two hysterical hostages. He swung the overhead light in their direction. He flicked on the light and glared at them sideways, his eyes bulging, his eyebrows raised. "Enough about me," he sneered. "Let's talk about you. Who are you? What are your names?"
Jimmy stopped giggling enough to flash an evil, crooked grin at the Doctor. "I'm a little teapot," he sang playfully.
"And I am Lord Zorkon, Defender of the Universe," replied Bosco, in a holier-than-thou voice.
"Damn," muttered Jimmy, mentally kicking himself. "Why didn't I say that?"
"Cause your not Lord Zorkon," stated Bosco, matter-of-factly.
Jimmy frowned. "That's right."
Doctor Dementia took this as gospel, and shoved the overhead light away from them. "Nice to meet you Mr. Pot, m'Lord," he nodded, giving them their due respect.
*** *** ***
Faith Yokas, working one of her overtime shifts, burst into the waiting room and pushed past the crowd of officers that had arrived. She made a beeline for Officer Davis. "What's going on?" she asked urgently. "Are Jimmy and Bosco still in there?"
Davis gave her a grim expression. "Yes, they're still in there," he nodded. "It doesn't look good. The man allegedly made a death threat before I got here, and I haven't heard anything from either Bos nor Jimmy. We can't do much until we know what were dealing with in there."
"He's holding them hostage right?" asked Yokas. Davis nodded. "Then what is he asking for?"
Davis took in a deep breath, released it slowly. "He's asking for a black sedan, one million dollars...and, uh...."
"And what?!" urged Yokas, her tension rising.
"A box of raisons," answered Davis sheepishly.
Yokas stared at him a moment. She furrowed her brow and shook her head in confusement. "A box of raisons?" she repeated.
"A box of raisons." Davis could see Yokas getting more upset by the minute, and he couldn't blame her. "Like I said," he continued, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We don't know what were dealing with in there, he's calling himself Doctor Dementia- "
"I know what were dealing with!" cried Yokas. "Were dealing with a man who's a few fries short of a happy meal! We gotta get Bosco and Jimmy out of there!"
"We're trying, really we are," replied Davis, trying to calm the irate officer. "I was just about to try and talk to him again when you came in."
"Don't let me stop you," spat Yokas, pushing Davis towards the door. "If you've got a reputation with the guy already, don't let me interfere."
Davis nodded and stepped closer to the door. He knocked gently and called to Doctor Dementia. "Doctor," he said. "We have your, uh...items coming, but we have to know that your hostages are all right. Can you do that for us? There are a lot of worried people out here and they would like to know that they're alive and well."
There was a loud thud from behind the door that sounded like a body hitting the floor. Everyone in the hall froze, waiting in a fearful silence. A few moments later Doctor Dementia responded. "The little teapot and m'Lord are a little busy right now!" called the lunatic voice. "Please leave a message at the beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
Davis looked back over his shoulder at Yokas and shrugged. How in the world was he supposed to answer that?
*** *** ***
Bosco and Jimmy were just coming out of another paroxysm of laughter when Doctor Dementia started stumbling around the room. He was holding his head and shaking it vigorously, trying to put the pieces back together. He backed into the dental chair, flipping over it and landing on the other side. Bosco and Jimmy watched anxiously to see if the man would get up. When they heard muttered giggles, they let out the breath they had been holding.
Doctor Dementia started laughing hysterically as he tried to stand up. Every time he got to his knees he would fall back down laughing. Bosco and Jimmy found this irresistibly hilarious and joined in his chorus.
Then a knock at the door interrupted them.
"Doctor, we have your, uh...items coming, but we have to know that your hostages are all right. Can you do that for us? There are a lot of worried people out here and they would like to know that they're alive and well." called the voice.
Bosco and Jimmy burst out laughing again when they heard the voice. "It's the fuzz," whispered Jimmy, snickering under his breath. Bosco nodded, and they broke down into another side splitting roar. They were out of control this time and fell over, hitting the floor with a thud.
Doctor Dementia watched this with delight, pointing and snickering at the silly men on the floor. He eventually tried to calm them down so they could answer the voice at the door, but to no avail. Finally, he gave up and responded for them. "The little teapot and m'Lord are a little busy right now! Please leave a message at the beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" He cocked an ear to the door and waited for a message.
"Um," came back the voice. "This is Officer Davis again, could you get back to me as soon as possible? It's kind of important....uh, thank-you."
Doctor Dementia let the message sink in then nodded. He turned back to his captives with a flourish of his cape and a wicked laugh. Bosco and Jimmy were still lying on the floor. The doctor righted them against the wall, and returned to his earlier exercise of dancing and prancing.
Jimmy's head was starting to hurt as he tried to stop the incessant laughing. He was gasping for air between each chuckle, and his lungs were beginning to burn. But even amongst all the pain, he still couldn't stop himself. "Stop," he stuttered, between breathes.
Bosco was enthralled with the same symptoms, and he too was having a hard time stopping the giggling. "Stop what?!" he cried, throwing his head back in wild abandonment.
"I don't know," laughed Jimmy. "Just stop!" He continued trying to catch his breath.
"Just stop," repeated Bosco slowly. "J----U----S----T S----T----O----P," he continued, dragging out each letter as he enunciated the two words. "Just stop. Just stop. Just stop." He paused and looked at Jimmy with a curious expression. "Ever notice how funny that sounds?" he asked. "J----U----S----T S----T----O----P."
"Yeah, it does sound funny," replied Jimmy, echoing Bosco. "Just stop. Just stop."
"J----U----S----T S----T----O----P," they slurred together. They found this so appealing, they continued to repeat it until they were doubled over laughing again.
"Hey!" called doctor Dementia, freezing in the middle of his dance and cocking an ear to the wind. "Did you just hear that?" He shot a paranoid look at Bosco and Jimmy.
Bosco and Jimmy froze and cocked their ears as well. They listened intently for a repeat of what ever Doctor Dementia had heard. "Hear what?" Bosco asked finally.
"I think I hear my mother calling me," whispered Doctor Dementia, fear flashing across his face. Bosco and Jimmy burst out laughing. "No, guys!" he gasped, petrified. "I hear her!" Bosco and Jimmy just kept laughing. "Man, is she ever gonna give me a whopping when she hears about this."
Doctor Dementia bolted for the door and tried to dislodge the chair. "I gotta get outta here!" he cried, throwing the chair over his shoulder and yanking the door open. An officer was standing stunned and flabbergasted just outside the treatment room. Doctor Dementia stared at him a moment, then charged down the hall towards the front door.
*** *** ***
It had been just over an hour, and neither Bosco nor Jimmy had emerged from the office.
Yokas was pacing the waiting room, worried and impatient. The longer they were in there, the worse their chances were of getting out alive. They had already discussed barging into the treatment room and catching the lunatic off guard, but on further analysis they decided against it. For all they knew, Doctor Dementia could have them at knife point and the sudden scare would only cause him to plunge the knife into one of their throats.
Yokas didn't even want to imagine what could happen if the man had a gun. Finally, deciding that pacing was getting her nowhere, she approached Davis talking with Dr. Johnston in the hallway.
"Can you think of anything that might be setting this guy off like this?" Davis was asking the dentist as Yokas stepped up to them. "What was he in for?"
Dr. Johnston scratched his head, then shot his finger in the air when he had an epiphany. "I got it!" he cried, clapping his hands together. "Nitrogen oxide," he continued excitedly. "He was in for a root canal, and I had just put him on the nitrogen when I left to grab a coffee."
"That would explain some of it," agreed Yokas, throwing in her two cents. "But I've never seen anyone react this insanely to nitrogen oxide."
"Hmm, it is a bit excessive," replied the dentist nodding. "But Doctor Dem...I mean Mr. Peter's was very scared about the whole procedure. He didn't want to get it done...he's kind of afraid of pain," he continued sheepishly.
"So, what are you trying to say?" asked Davis, raising his eyebrows.
"Maybe he took a little something extra before he got here?" suggested the dentist.
"You mean narcotics? Drugs? Like crack or LSD or something?" inquired Yokas.
"Who knows?" answered the dentist, shaking his head. "Pick one! You know as much as I do what some people will get themselves into these days."
Davis and Yokas stood there acknowledging the possibility. They shared a knowing look and Yokas put her hand on Davis' shoulder. "We better get them outta there," she pleaded. "Right now."
Davis nodded nervously and turned towards the treatment room. He was going to give this Doctor Dementia one more chance at diplomacy before taking action into his own hands. Or Yokas'- which was just a bad thought all together.
Davis raised his hand to knock on the door when it suddenly burst open revealing a small, paranoid, sweaty man with a lab coat tied around his neck. Davis froze and stared at the man. *So this is Doctor Dementia.* He mused to himself. Then the man bolted past him and charged for the front door.
Yokas saw the crazed man running down the hall and leapt for the open office door. As she blocked the only exit, Doctor Dementia crouched down and plowed right into Yokas' midsection, tackling her onto the hallway floor. Yokas was winded, but she grabbed the man by the shoulders and flipped him onto his back. She climbed on top of the struggling man and pinned his arms to the floor.
"Mom!" cried Doctor Dementia, trying to wrestle free from the officer's hold. "I'm coming! Don't start dinner without me!"
It took several minutes, but eventually the cops, along with the dentist's help, got Doctor Dementia restrained and sedated. When he was taken care of, Yokas ran for the treatment room to check on Bosco and Jimmy; who had yet to emerge. She skidded into the room and found them sitting on the floor rubbing their wrists. Davis had already untied them and was trying to get them to their feet.
"Are you guys all right?" Yokas asked concerned.
The two young men looked terrible. They were shaking their heads and stumbling to get up. Yokas rushed to them, and tried to help them up.
"I think they're fine," reported Davis, putting an arm around Jimmy's waist for support.
Jimmy started giggling when he felt the hand on his waist, but stopped suddenly and grabbed his head. "Man, do I ever have a headache," he whined, rubbing his temples.
"Wow, so do I," stated Bosco, massaging his own forehead.
"Well, I can only imagine how bad it's going to be tomorrow," offered the dentist from the other side of the dentist chair. He lifted a large, iron canister onto the dental chair. He patted it twice and smiled. "The nozzles broken," he said, his grin broadening. "This is the nitrogen oxide canister, and it's been leaking the whole time."
Yokas and Davis shook their heads and glanced at Bosco and Jimmy- giggling quietly in the corner. "So, that explains the raisons I guess," joked Yokas, with a chuckle of he own.
"Come on you two," she continued, as she pulled the two snickering morons away from the wall. "You could probably use a good dose of a cold shower right now."
Bosco and Jimmy, although not completely aware of what was going on around them, obliged Yokas and let themselves be guided into the hall.
Yokas followed behind, shaking her head and trying not to laugh. "So," she suddenly asked, grabbing Bosco and Jimmy by the shoulders and spinning them around. "Who exactly are 'little teapot and m'Lord'?"
Bosco and Jimmy burst out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Yokas just shook her head and shoved them towards the door. "I'm probably better off not knowing," she said giving them another shove.
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**Author's Note: By no means was this story meant to offend. If there are any strange little men out there with bulging eyes and wild hair, please know that this character was completely coincidental. Thank-you. Also, Jimmy got his car back the next day. An anonymous citizen paid the fine. To this day, no one has stepped forward to claim responsibility...especially Yokas (cause she'd never do Bosco a favour, ahem).**