I don't own these people or The WWF/WCW etc.
This is my first crack at a humour story and I'm not really good at writing funny stuff, so I hope you'll find this funny or amusing.
Beside a busy loud city, there was a quiet little town with a small population. In one part of this town there was a line of popular little shops that many people loved to go to. Among these shops were: Billion Dollar Silicone, Assclown costumes, Hardy's Hardware, Raven's Nevermore Bookstore, who was also the author of Raven's For Dummies, Stoned Cold LCSOB, Albert's waxing and barbershop, and Dr. Beniot's Dentist.
However, one exceptionally popular shop was Rock's Bakery. It had all kinds of foods and goods from bagels to bread and cakes to pastries. Everybody loved going there and they all agreed that it was the best food they've ever had.
One day, a woman who obviously didn't live in town, came into the shop looking around at all the food. The Rock was looking at her from behind the counter and she seemed, to him, to be lost.
"Can…I help you?" he asked raising his eyebrow, the People's Eyebrow.
The woman turned around. "Um, yah, I guess."
"Now, what would you be looking for, little lady?" he asked.
She thought. "Hmm…I don't know really."
"What's the occasion?"
"I'm going to one of my friend's house," she replied.
"A friend, huh?" he said smoothly giving her a knowing smile and a wink, "Well, might I suggest something? Do you…like pie?"
She scrunched up her face and made a gagging sound.
Rock got offended, seeing as how pie was his favourite, especially a certain poontang. "Well, then, do you…. like strudel?" he asked pointing his hand towards her.
She thought and then smiled, "Yah, strudel's good."
Rock smiled smugly. "Do you…..like The People's strudel?" he asked lifting his shirt a bit and strutting.
"Is it good?' she asked.
"Oh," he chuckled and smiled seductively, "I garan-damn-tee you that it's the best.
"Ok, then, I'll take some strudel," she said.
She turned around and looked at the other desserts. When she turned back, Rock was leaning against the counter with his pants undone. He had on underwear that said, "open here and take a bite out of the sweet goodness. Poontang flavour. "
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" she shrieked.
"You wanted strudel. The Rock is giving you strudel."
"I thought you meant strudel. Actual strudel. The dessert that you eat. That's what I wanted. How dare you-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA," Rock said cutting her whining and shrieking, making a fist, "Let me get this straight. You want strudel. Not The Rock's strudel?" He looked incredulous. "What does this look like, a damn bakery?
"YES!" she shrieked again.
"Ugh!" Rock covered his ears, "You sound like a damn…. you know, those things that twirl and mush things. Now, help the Rock out."
Slowly she said, "A blend-"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER what you sound like," Rock cut in. "Just don't ever do that again. It hurts the Rock. The Rock has very sensitive ears, you know. The People's Champion has already heard enough of Stone Cold's whining: "Vince hug me, Vince love me." "Vince, I hate you, you didn't fulfil my needs, so I'm moving onto Shane." Whah, whah, whah. Why don't I just hit the most tasty move, the Rocky-road bottom, on Shane, and take Vince, stand him upright, shine him up real nice with some cooking oil, and stick him straight up Austin's candy coated redneck ass. Much, of course, to the enjoyments of the millions…"
He breathed the air around him,
"AND MILLIONS of the Rock's cookies. If you listen closely, you can even hear the machines chanting the Rock's name."
The Rock looks up. You can hear a combination of the operating machines and the clunking of chocolate chips being thrown around and it actually sounded like: VRRR-ocky, VRRR-ocky, VRRR-ocky.
The Rock looked back at the customer.
She was confused as hell and totally weirded out. She went to the door calling out "Freak" on the way.
The Rock glared at her. "Wait," he demanded.
She turned back.
Rock had his arm held out, the palm of his hand facing the floor. Then he turned his arm over and brought his fingers in and out of his hand. "Just bring it."
The women just gave him a strange look, flipped her hair, and walked out. So much for selling some pie, or strudel for that matter.
Later that day, Stephanie McMahon Helmsley came into the shop, wearing skimpy clothes, to buy some kind of food for a little get-together she was having. She looked around and then came to the counter with two loafs of bread.
"Hello, Rock," she said with disgust.
"Hello, free slut," Rock said flatly.
"Ugh," Stephanie said angrily, "You're almost as bad as Jericho. You know, I'm glad you didn't join the alliance. We don't need you."
"Oh, right, and you're breasts aren't bigger than Jennifer Lopez's ass," Rock retorted sarcastically, "The Rock couldn't care less if you didn't want me to join. The Rock would never even join Crap City especially because it's run by a half cent ho and a World Class Weenie." (get it, WCW)
"You know, I hope Shane and Booker T kick your ass at Unforgiven," Stephanie glared at him, with her finger, not to mention, her chest, pointing at him, "No, I know they'll kick your ass because Shane is the gladiator and Booker T is the 5 time WCW champion. And when they're done with you, you won't be able to get off of the floor. "
"Stephanie, Stephanie," Rock chuckled, "You'll be the one who won't get off the floor."
"Ugh," she said disgusted, but losing her patience, "I want to buy these loafs of bread."
"Bread. What do you need bread for? You've got two loafs of bread right there on you," Rock said pointing to her chest," You could even take those…. things and throw them in your "guests" faces like a whipped cream pie. Hey, let the boobies hit the faces, or better yet, let the boobies hit the floor. What with that rag you're wearing. Thanks for cleaning my floor, it's been very dirty."
"AAAHHH!" she shrieked and with a high voice said, "I'm telling Hunter. He's going to get you for what you just said to me, Rock."
"WHAAAH, WHAAAH," Rock mocked, "Ah, know your role and shut your mouth, you roody poo candy ass. You sound like a damn mouse. (I got that from my brother, cause whenever she talks, she has a high voice, so he says "squeak, squeak.") Your huge brownie of a husband isn't here and I wonder if he knows that you've slept with everyone in the entire world. I hear, you're even doing it with a gingerbread man."
"Ugh," she said disgusted again, "You'll pay for this!"
"Do you like icing?" The Rock asked unexpectedly
Stephanie looked confused and, yes, disgusted. "Uh..yah."
"Well, then, ICE your way down to the Smackdown hotel, and the least you could do is get a room."
Stephanie screamed, threw her head back, then stormed out.
Even later that day, someone else came into the bakery and looked around sickly at all the desserts and food. What junk. The person came to a stop at the counter where the Rock had his back to the person, making some kind of dessert. Finally the Rock turned around at the feeling of a presence and glared at the person.
Finally he spoke. "What in the BLUE HELL are you staring at?"
"I wasn't staring at nothin, sucka," said Booker T.
"Oh, that's not what I saw. Were you… just staring at the Rock's buns?
"What chu talkin about, sucka?" Booker T said disgusted. (ok, they're always going to be disgusted)
"You were just looking at the People's buns." Rock said.
"No, I wasn't, sucka. You must be blind"
"Oh, no, no, no, no. NO! The Rock has very good eyesight. I saw the way you looked at the Rock and his buns." He then stuck his butt in Booker's face, then turned back around. "Booker T, hell, Mr. T, I'm appalled. You just looked at The Rock's buns again."
"No, I didn't, sucka. You stuck it in my face."
"Are you turning into a hermaphrodite just like that midget Michael Cole? There's no use in denying it Booker She. You grabbed my buns and probably took a good whiff of it too. I see you looking at other men; I see how you look at other men. I know you like buns, hell, even strudel. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
"I don't know what chu're talkin about, but I don't like men or buns, specially not yours." Booker said angrily.
"Hey, hey, hey, HEY. Tell me he didn't say that, Rock. TELL ME he didn't just say that. I'll have you know, I'm the 5 time, 5 TIME winner of the best buns."
The Rock then held up his hand, faced it, and shook it. Then instead of the spinaroonie, he turned around and shook his butt.
Booker was furious. "You NEVER take my moves or my catch phrases, or else you're just writing yourself a death wish. You better write one now, because at Unforgiven, me and Shane are going to kill you. Can you dig that, sucka?"
"No, but I can scrape it," Rock said, "At Unforgiven, when THE MOST ELECTRIFYING, not to mention tasty and fresh, PERSON in sports entertainment and the kitchen, enters that ring with you two jabronies, The Rock will layeth the smacketh down on both you're candy asses right onto a tray and straight into a stove. Now, get out of here before I stick a cupcake straight up your candy ass. Now, what was my catch phrase again? Life is like a box of chocolates. Eenooo, that's not it."
Rock puts his hand on Booker's shoulder. Booker is confused and, of course, disgusted.
"Hmm… That sure takes the cake. Ah-noo, that isn't it either. Uh… An apple a day will keep the cavities away. Nooo, that definitely isn't it. Of course not, Stinker T, because it's…"
Rock grabs a spatula and looks up.
"IF YOU SMELLL…LALALALOW…WHAT THE ROCK…"
Rock beats some eggs for a dramatic pause.
"IS COOKIN."
Rock looks at Booker and gives him the Eyebrow. Booker is too disgusted, so he gets outta there.
Even later that day, Stacy Kiebler came into the bakery wanting some dessert just for the sake of it. She went to the counter where Rock was admiring himself in a pot.
"Ahem," Stacy cleared her throat.
Rock looked up. "Well, hello, pretty lady. What can I do you for?"
"I was just looking for a dessert. What's good here?" She said smiling at him.
"Do you…like strudel?"
"Oh, yes," she said seductively.
"Do you…like The People's strudel."
"Oh, very much," she said the same way.
The Rock looked at her. She was smiling. Then The Rock took his spatula and looked up.
"FINALLY…THE ROCK HAS MADE…. A SALE."
The End.
How was it?