TITLE: Realizing the Truth
AUTHOR: Leni
DISCLAIMER: Duh! Who do you think convinced Joss to make Riley disappear? It's only that HE is *so* stubborn when it comes to Angel & Buffy living happily ever after.... Ugh, men!
SERIOUS DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never will be. *Sigh* But at least Thiege and H'Anre are all mine - I even invented the names!
DISTRIBUTION: Want it? Tell me and take it.
TIMELINE: Just after 'Avoiding the Truth'
SUMMARY: Nope, not giving this away. Read it and find out.
AN: This one is dedicated to those who sent feedback, especially for the ones who attached a death-threat... No, I'm not crazy, it's only that the new bodyguard is *such* a hottie...
AN2: Just for the sake of the story Buffy and Willow are still roomies.
FEEDBACK: I *really* want to know what you think about this
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*Another realm*
Thiege remembered a time when humans knew exactly who she was. Once in a time they had named her and her sisters and worshipped each one of them. But centuries had passed and she had been forgotten along with the rest. And now, if a mortal remembered he confused everything and called all of them as one: Fate.
Fate was supposed to be unpredictable and tricky. Well, try working with hundreds of beings with the same power as you, each one wanting a different thing and under the eternal surveillance of Destiny. Unpredictable didn't *begin* to describe it.
Some of them wanted to protect the mortal world, some get revenge on it for forgetting them. And Thiege? She was the family's kid, if such a thing was possible there, the rebel one, and the hopeless romantic. She had brought Helena to Paris all those centuries ago, she had whispered stories of love and death to writers and poets and finally, she had reunited a vampire and a Slayer.
All in the name of Love.
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*Sunnydale, next morning*
Favorite ice-cream... Check
Box of tissues.......... Check
Appropriate music... Check
Taper under the bed....
Uh oh... I *knew* I was forgetting something. Ok, here it went...
...Check.
Now I only had to wait.
Right then I heard footsteps nearing the dorms. They stopped just in front of my door. Someone tried to open it. Time to panic, guys; forget the waiting part, she was already here.
I took a deep breath and readied myself to welcome my dearest friend.
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*L.A, same time*
I was mad. That was a statement. I had not gotten any sleep all night. I could swear there were dark rings under my eyes this morning. Ugh. Whoever said that helping a friend was a good thing for the soul obviously hadn't passed all night converting an office into an interrogatory room. It didn't matter if at the end it was for my own peace of mind... I mean, how much time could you watch the same person brood and brood and... BROOD. I was going to be crazy in no time if this went on. But *still*, it wasn't reason enough to stay awake following this damn confusing instructions. Only problem was: It *was* reason enough. Sigh. I only hoped he would be thankful after this. Rewind that: He WILL be thankful after this. If it went right, that is.
I checked the connections again. Willow had patiently explained me everything about these damn things over the phone. Plus, she had sent an e-mail with every little detail in it. I'm not trying to build an atom-bomb, you know; but this instructions made me doubt if I *was* building one... Well, I only had to trust Willow, Buffy's best friend, the little redhead witch with a secret passion for rats and messed up spells ... Groan. I was SO not thinking about Willow's failures. 'Think positive, Cordelia.' Yeah, that's it. Positive thinking: This could not fail, this would not fail and if it did -which wouldn't be happening - there would be a little witch less in the world... Yeah, that was comforting.
If this plan worked I would be busy enjoying the BIG raise Angel would give me and if it didn't - which wouldn't be happening - ... well, I'd be busy looking for a new work. Frown. This *had* to work.
Well, all seemed to be ok. All cables were on their rightful place and a person who didn't know about my little scheme wouldn't be the wiser. Smile. Now I only had to convince Mystery-Man to talk. Sigh. Oh yeah, the fun wasn't over yet.
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*Another realm*
Humans may not believe in her but the despair Thiege was feeling at the moment was very real. This was getting nowhere and time was running out. She had been discussing this for what seemed to be centuries and they still didn't understand.
She was silent now, looking for new arguments, new reasons for them to see the rightness in her plea. She sighed. Damn it. *Never* in her immortal life had she had to go to such lengths just to see her wishes come true. Usually just to ask was enough, being the 'little one' certainly had its advantages; but this time they wouldn't budge.
She had begged, she had explained, she even had threatened to just make them disappear but they knew her too well, they knew she wouldn't do anything against her favorite ones.
This was unfair. She had never imagined things could get so bad when she bonded them. It had been just so perfect: The vampire was doomed to remain alone, she to die young; both souls needing to love and be loved. Yes, perfect. And she had arranged it all, sent Whistler to him and with the very first spark of love she created an everlasting link between them. Some time later the girl reinforced it and since then not even she could have destroyed the force of Love.
Oh yeah, she had helped to create the most rare and beautiful love of all times. But she had also known that such a relationship was not meant to last in its 'natural' conditions
And so she had put herself to work.
After many discussions with her 'family' Thiege had managed to get the gift of humanity for the vampire. He would become mortal the day he admitted to be loved. She had even achieved the impossible and made Destiny promise to lift the burden from the girl's shoulders if she ever reached her twenties. Every detail had been carefully planned... but she hadn't counted with one small detail.
Damn gypsies.
She hadn't known about the clause. The curse had been lifted and without the Soul the bond only served to make 'him' obsess over her. She, with the power to create and destroy at her whim, hadn't been careful enough and paid dearly for her mistake. And once done she had had no power to revert the damages. She had tried everything to help them, she had even gone to the PTB but they refused to help her.
She frowned. The selfish bastards obviously didn't want to lose their best Warriors, even less to lose them because of 'mere feelings'. And to make things worse Destiny refused to keep his word if it didn't serve Love's purpose anymore and so the girl would continue being the Slayer less she reunited with the vampire before her 20th birthday.
Time was really running out.
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*Sunnydale*
/ AN: *** means change of perspective. /
I was tired. I had been awake the whole night and every muscle was begging for rest. After leaving *him* I had just driven up and down through L.A and later through Sunnydale. Only when I ran out of gas did I begin to give some thought to returning to the dorms. Right now I just wanted to go into my room, go to bed and be lonely for a while... until Willow would come back and begin her 'Let's.Worry.About.The.Poor.Lonely.Slayer' routine. I loved her, I really did, it was only that these last days she had been so...
"Hi Buffy, where have you been? I was death-worried about you."
...noisy.
Oh great! She was still here. And apparently she wouldn't be going for a good time. Didn't she have a class right now?
"Just out there, trying to ease my mind..." What else could I say? 'Well, Willow, you know, stupid me went to L.A to her vampire ex and he ended up throwing me out.' Yeah, really smooth... It's not as if I was lying, after all. I *had* been trying to ease my mind all the way back. Willow didn't need to know that I felt like I was destroying it at the same time.
"I'm sorry for not telling you anything, Wills." 'No, I'm not' "Now I'm going to sleep for a while." 'So let me in peace for a LONG while' "Driving really eats up my energy" 'Especially when you have to pay double attention to the road because your mind is wandering through other problems' I laid on my bed and closed my eyes. Maybe a nap would help my aching head, and aching arms, and aching soul, and everything... Now if I could keep those brown eyes out of my mind...
***
The door opened. At first Buffy didn't seem to notice me so I spoke first. "Hi Buffy, where have you been? I was death-worried about you." Well, it *was* true. I really had been worried, especially because I *did* know where my friend was.
"Just out there, trying to ease my mind..."
Yeah, Buffy, sure. As if I would believe you... Buffy sat on her bed. I could guess she was exhausted.
"I'm sorry for not telling you anything, Wills. Now I'm going to sleep for a while. Driving really eats up my energy" She drew back her covers and then laid peacefully on her bed. She really needed her rest. She closed her eyes... WAIT! I panicked. Buffy couldn't go to sleep just now. She just couldn't! I racked my brain searching for a way to keep her awake and talking. Finally I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind. "You didn't go to L.A, did you?" Groan. 'Way to go, girl.' I resisted the urge to whack myself. 'Couldn't you be a little more subtle?', I scolded herself.
Buffy opened her eyes immediately. And sat rigid. Guess that drew her attention... a little too much.
Uh...oh... *how* did I know? Well, at least now Buffy wouldn't go to sleep for a long time, I reflected. "Uhm... Just a guess?" A look at my friend's face told me that she wasn't buying it. I needed an excuse... her brow furrowed... and I needed it FAST. Me and my big mouth. Well, there I went again..."Really, Buffy, I just guessed... hmm... you have that 'Angel-face' again so I just thought...", Pause. 'Angel-face'? Great, now I sounded like Cordelia... "I just thought that maybe you've seen him and since he is still living in L.A I just assumed... Did you go see your Dad or something?" Yeah, as if the Slayer would go visiting her Daddy in the middle of the night...
I received no answer.
"Buffy? You okay?"
***
Sleep. Sleep. I just wanted to...
"You didn't go to L.A, did you?"
Huh? L.A?! How did she know that? "How did you know?" I asked her when I finally regained my voice. It was impossible for her to know it already, less someone... No. I didn't think Angel would call here. He never did, why would he do it now? To ask for my well being? Ha! That would be funny... especially after what he did to help me. So where did Willow learn that information?
"Uhm... Just a guess?"
Sigh. She didn't think I was that silly, did she? Think something better, 'best friend' who spies me without my consent and keeps me awake when I only want to sleep. I wasn't liking Willow that much in those seconds and I guessed it showed in my face because she began to stammer excuses.
"Really, Buffy, I just guessed... hmm... you have that 'Angel-face' again so I just thought...",
'Angel-face'? Did I really have an 'Angel-face'? My rendezvous with him hadn't affected me that much, had it? I felt tired. But that was normal. It was all because of the long sleepless night, wasn't it? All my muscles were stiff and sore. So it was no wonder if I just felt like lying down... yeah... just to close my eyes and never awake again. I wondered idly if that was how Sleeping Beauty felt like in her castle: like a prisoner in her own body, always playing her good-girl act on everybody, always waiting... Would Charming Prince come for me too? Maybe he would have blue eyes and we would live happily ever after... or maybe he would have brown ones and leave me after stealing a kiss and my heart...
"Buffy? You okay?"
The voice shook me out of my reverie. "Huh?"
Willow gazed me with her annoyingly usual 'Let's.Worry.About.The.Poor.Lonely.Slayer' preoccupied look. "You okay?", she repeated herself.
Of course I was ok! Why wouldn't I! My life was perfect, college was perfect and there was no Apocalypses coming. Could it be better? "Yes." Was it the answer to my inner question or to Willow's one? I didn't care. As long as it made her happy... I glanced at my best friend. She was looking at me with those eyes that for the first time weren't sympathetic or pitying. They were searching for something now and I didn't like it. Guess that for the first time Willow wasn't believing my words. Bad sign. I certainly didn't need her to be even more worried about me.
***
"Yes"
The answer was whispered so softly that I had to strain my hearing to catch it. For the first time I actually saw the signs Cordelia had observed for a long time in Angel. Buffy seemed defeated, as if something was missing... I could not remember the last time I had heard her laugh heartily, not even a single true smile. And now she even was brooding! Cordelia was right. This couldn't go on! Sooner or later they would drive *us* crazy... I couldn't let it happen.
And then everything changed.
***
Nope. No more worries for the Slayer's best friend.
My voice automatically adopted an airy tone, it was louder and cheery this time. It would do the trick. "Yes, I went to L.A. I needed to vent up, you know, so I grabbed my keys and hit the road." I forced a smile on my face. One of those my mother and my friends loved so much. Willow wasn't buying it now. Soon she would begin to ask question and I wasn't prepared to answer them. Damn it! I kept on trying to dissuade her from questioning me further. "Suddenly I was in L.A and then I was in front of his building. And yes, I saw him..." 'and yes, I wish I had never done that' I could tell Willow was worried about me *again*. All my friends seemed to treat me with kids' gloves these days, especially the redheaded witch. I was fed up of that.
Of course, my redheaded clever friend just had to use the pause used for thinking to interrupt me.
"Is he ok?"
What did I say about some questions, which I wasn't prepared to answer?
***
"Yes, I went to L.A. I needed to vent up so I grabbed my keys and hit the road."
I started at the sudden change in Buffy. Her whole demeanor had changed. All traces of weakness were now gone. Buffy Summers had started her performance again. But now I *knew* that her friend was hurting. I had just witnessed it for God's sake! Why hadn't we thought of this before...? Cordelia had called me some weeks ago and proposed a crazy plan: Reunite Buffy and Angel. At first I had refused to do it. It wasn't necessary after all: Buffy was happy with Riley, she didn't need Angel. I had never been so wrong.
"Suddenly I was in L.A and then I was in front of his building. And yes, I saw him..."
At last she did seem to make a pause. Even Slayers need to breathe, I guess. "Is he ok?" I asked. Low blow. I knew it. I knew I was pushing the subject; but I had to do it. 'I hope you'll forgive me for this someday, friend.'
"Oh yeah, completely ok." Buffy said. Now I could hear the slight bitterness in her voice. Well, at last she was reacting to last night events. Score one for the matchmakers! "As a matter of fact he is way better than me." 'He doesn't need me anymore' A tear rolled silently. Maybe that was *too much* reaction. Buffy didn't even seem to notice it.
I had been prepared for a furious Buffy, one that damned her life and her men to hell and wanted them to stay there as long as she breathed... The Slayer was not supposed to be crying... like the normal young woman she is. Just then I guessed where we all had been mistaken. We expected too much from her. Buffy was only a girl like me. she had the right to mourn a past love, even if she didn't accept that. but still, I did not know what to do with this depressed friend... So I decided to do the simplest thing I could: I sat at my friend's side and gathered her in my arms.
***
I felt my heart breaking. How was it even capable to do so after so many times? Maybe... maybe I just needed to let go. That was why I had gone to L.A tonight. To let go... and instead I found *him* letting me go. It should be ok. My wish had been fulfilled. I had waited all night in the car for relief and contentment to engulf me... They never came. I *knew* I should be happy now. I had ended it all swiftly, in one stroke. No more silly dreams keeping me awake, no more crazy visions of sunlight and ice cream... so why didn't I feel happy? Why had she cried in the car? It made no sense... and she was so confused... It was over, it had been for a long time... so why did I go there to end it if it already was over? *It is never over* A past voice whispered faintly. My own voice. I just cried harder. I felt Willow's arms going around me.
"Are you ok?" She asked softly.
What a silly question! Hadn't I just answered it? Of course I was! I had just ended all the suffering... just killed my last hope and I had done it happily. No. I was not okay. I just kept on crying. I had cried in her car, too. But nobody had cared for me, hugged me, wiped my tears... I had to admit to myself that I had been waiting for him to do it. Why does it always return to him?
Maybe... maybe because I still was in love with him... That thought only made me cry harder. Just when everything between us was over did I have to realize that I still loved him. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't...
***
She continued crying in my arms for a long time.
"Are you ok?" I asked again when she calmed down a bit. I knew that the truth would come out this time.
Silence for a while. Then she began to talk to me for the first time in many months.
"I... I went to his office a-and everything just... Oh, Will. I'm such a fool."
I prepared myself to hear my friend's problems and fears. I hoped that Cordelia was doing her part too and that this plan wasn't that crazy after all.
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*Another realm*
Thiege was helpless. No one supported her, nobody believed in their love anymore. Only she... and that wasn't enough.
She was feeling even worse than when the girl had to send her lover to Hell. Destiny and many of her Sisters had dictated it: No vampire should receive love, even less the one that tried to suck the earth into Hell. Why couldn't they see that the Soul and the Demon weren't the same? At last, after many centuries, she had defied her master and brought the vampire back using the force of the Slayer's love. She had even secured his soul; after all *that* hadn't been forbidden. But it was forbidden to intervene in Destiny's ways and she had been severely punished: No intervention in the mortal world until one of her favorites died.
She had had to witness the progressive shift between them, she had watched helplessly as he left her and she had begged for a miracle after seeing them turn their existences into a living hell. The miracle had come in the form of a Mohra demon... and been rebutted in the name of Love.
She was beginning to think that her cause was lost.
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*L.A*
"Hi Boss"
"Morning, Cordelia. Everything ok?" His smile didn't reach his eyes, his clothes were all wrinkled... Frown... Buffy had definitely been here.
"I should be the one asking you that. Have you looked yourself?" Angel raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, sure, blame your little allergy to mirrors. Well, if you can't see it for yourself I'll describe it for you." I neared him with two swift steps until I could scrutinize him at my whim. I realized that my first observation was fair enough... He was in far worse shape. "First: your clothes are worse than ever. I wonder how do you manage to break so many in-rules at the same time." - and still look so hot?- He was the only guy I had met capable of such an impossible thing. But returning to important matters. "Then you haven't shaved and your hair hasn't been combed at all and... are those dark rings?" Good, at least my appearance wasn't the only one suffering today. "It really wouldn't surprise me if you begin to brood right here and now. If I didn't know better I'd say you've just had a serious Buffy-moment." There. Plan A already at work. It did the trick.
"A 'Buffy-moment'?" he squeaked. I loved it when I managed to surprise him. It was a *very* rare occurrence.
"Yup. You know, those 'moments' where she comes and leaves you all depressed and broody and makes me go alone to my reunions because you refuse to step out the office." I said airily as if it didn't matter. In a normal occasion it wouldn't have. I left him there standing and veered towards my desk. I dropped my little bomb while I was reading the latest mail "It's such a luck that that spoiled brat doesn't come here often..."
"She is NOT a brat." He snarled.
I felt the urge to pat myself on the back for a job well done. This was going to be easier that I had thought. "Of course she is." I snapped. I threw the junk mail to the trashcan. "And quit defending her. I don't care if love is that blind, just don't deny the truth. We both know how selfish and spoiled she can be. To think she said *I* was a bitch..."
"She is NOT a-a... whatever you said." He said exasperated.
Yup. Really easier. Men are easily manipulated if you know their Achilles'' heel... and I knew Angel's. "B-I-T-C-H." I said calmly. I couldn't help but laugh at his angry face. It was funny. "Oh right, now comes her knight-in-shining-armor. And here I thought you were over her... serves me right for believing a man's words- living or not."
***
I remembered another time when someone else had been Buffy's 'knight'. Had it really been only three years ago? Cordelia's words interrupted my thoughts.
"...can't believe you are still in love with her. After that last stunt she pulled on you. To have the nerve to kick you out 'her town'! Unbelievable! And worse yet: you still love her. Pathetic!"
'Pathetic' The word stung. Especially because Cordelia was my best friend and I didn't want her to think that of me.
"I'm not pathetic!" I said defensively. And it was the truth. I *wasn't* pathetic and I *wasn't* in love with Buffy anymore.... then what had kept me awake all night holding my Claddagh ring? Sigh.
***
"...can't believe you are still in love with her. After that last stunt she pulled on you. To have the nerve to kick you out 'her town'! Unbelievable! And worse yet: you still love her. Pathetic!" Buffy-bashing and to attack his not-so-fragile ego were the best methods to obtain a response out of him. Even the one I was looking for. I knew I was pulling the right strings. I only hoped she wasn't pulling them too tightly.
"I'm not pathetic!"
Bingo! Just the reaction I had been waiting for. I softened my voice to impart the final blow. "No, you are not. You're only in love." There. That was the moment of truth. He just had to accept it and then we all would have a happy ending. If this didn't work... well, I would have just to search for another boss.
***
Cordelia's face softened and her voice changed. "No, you are not. You're only in love"
Angel couldn't say anything. What would it take to dissuade Cordelia of that crazy idea? Buffy wasn't a part of his life -unlife- anymore. They would never come back together. He wasn't in love with her. Last night was the ultimate proof.../A feather-kiss against my cheek and a scent of vanilla in the air./... /A slight caress and too sad, too old, too green eyes/ ... the ultimate proof of the contrary. Sigh In that single moment I realized the truth.
"Oh my God! I have let her go *again*! What have I done? "
***
"Oh my God! I have let her go *again*! What have I done? "
I smiled. 'You better be doing your part, Will.'
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*Another realm*
It seemed that her pleas had been answered. She thanked with all her immortal heart the Sister who had put the idea in the Seer's and the Witch's mind. This would work. Finally, after so much work and time, her greatest project would be a reality.
'Happiness ever after' was about to be delivered to two persons in love.
Her work with the Slayer and her Vampire was nearly over.
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***Review this, PLEASE!***
AUTHOR: Leni
DISCLAIMER: Duh! Who do you think convinced Joss to make Riley disappear? It's only that HE is *so* stubborn when it comes to Angel & Buffy living happily ever after.... Ugh, men!
SERIOUS DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never will be. *Sigh* But at least Thiege and H'Anre are all mine - I even invented the names!
DISTRIBUTION: Want it? Tell me and take it.
TIMELINE: Just after 'Avoiding the Truth'
SUMMARY: Nope, not giving this away. Read it and find out.
AN: This one is dedicated to those who sent feedback, especially for the ones who attached a death-threat... No, I'm not crazy, it's only that the new bodyguard is *such* a hottie...
AN2: Just for the sake of the story Buffy and Willow are still roomies.
FEEDBACK: I *really* want to know what you think about this
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*Another realm*
Thiege remembered a time when humans knew exactly who she was. Once in a time they had named her and her sisters and worshipped each one of them. But centuries had passed and she had been forgotten along with the rest. And now, if a mortal remembered he confused everything and called all of them as one: Fate.
Fate was supposed to be unpredictable and tricky. Well, try working with hundreds of beings with the same power as you, each one wanting a different thing and under the eternal surveillance of Destiny. Unpredictable didn't *begin* to describe it.
Some of them wanted to protect the mortal world, some get revenge on it for forgetting them. And Thiege? She was the family's kid, if such a thing was possible there, the rebel one, and the hopeless romantic. She had brought Helena to Paris all those centuries ago, she had whispered stories of love and death to writers and poets and finally, she had reunited a vampire and a Slayer.
All in the name of Love.
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*Sunnydale, next morning*
Favorite ice-cream... Check
Box of tissues.......... Check
Appropriate music... Check
Taper under the bed....
Uh oh... I *knew* I was forgetting something. Ok, here it went...
...Check.
Now I only had to wait.
Right then I heard footsteps nearing the dorms. They stopped just in front of my door. Someone tried to open it. Time to panic, guys; forget the waiting part, she was already here.
I took a deep breath and readied myself to welcome my dearest friend.
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*L.A, same time*
I was mad. That was a statement. I had not gotten any sleep all night. I could swear there were dark rings under my eyes this morning. Ugh. Whoever said that helping a friend was a good thing for the soul obviously hadn't passed all night converting an office into an interrogatory room. It didn't matter if at the end it was for my own peace of mind... I mean, how much time could you watch the same person brood and brood and... BROOD. I was going to be crazy in no time if this went on. But *still*, it wasn't reason enough to stay awake following this damn confusing instructions. Only problem was: It *was* reason enough. Sigh. I only hoped he would be thankful after this. Rewind that: He WILL be thankful after this. If it went right, that is.
I checked the connections again. Willow had patiently explained me everything about these damn things over the phone. Plus, she had sent an e-mail with every little detail in it. I'm not trying to build an atom-bomb, you know; but this instructions made me doubt if I *was* building one... Well, I only had to trust Willow, Buffy's best friend, the little redhead witch with a secret passion for rats and messed up spells ... Groan. I was SO not thinking about Willow's failures. 'Think positive, Cordelia.' Yeah, that's it. Positive thinking: This could not fail, this would not fail and if it did -which wouldn't be happening - there would be a little witch less in the world... Yeah, that was comforting.
If this plan worked I would be busy enjoying the BIG raise Angel would give me and if it didn't - which wouldn't be happening - ... well, I'd be busy looking for a new work. Frown. This *had* to work.
Well, all seemed to be ok. All cables were on their rightful place and a person who didn't know about my little scheme wouldn't be the wiser. Smile. Now I only had to convince Mystery-Man to talk. Sigh. Oh yeah, the fun wasn't over yet.
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*Another realm*
Humans may not believe in her but the despair Thiege was feeling at the moment was very real. This was getting nowhere and time was running out. She had been discussing this for what seemed to be centuries and they still didn't understand.
She was silent now, looking for new arguments, new reasons for them to see the rightness in her plea. She sighed. Damn it. *Never* in her immortal life had she had to go to such lengths just to see her wishes come true. Usually just to ask was enough, being the 'little one' certainly had its advantages; but this time they wouldn't budge.
She had begged, she had explained, she even had threatened to just make them disappear but they knew her too well, they knew she wouldn't do anything against her favorite ones.
This was unfair. She had never imagined things could get so bad when she bonded them. It had been just so perfect: The vampire was doomed to remain alone, she to die young; both souls needing to love and be loved. Yes, perfect. And she had arranged it all, sent Whistler to him and with the very first spark of love she created an everlasting link between them. Some time later the girl reinforced it and since then not even she could have destroyed the force of Love.
Oh yeah, she had helped to create the most rare and beautiful love of all times. But she had also known that such a relationship was not meant to last in its 'natural' conditions
And so she had put herself to work.
After many discussions with her 'family' Thiege had managed to get the gift of humanity for the vampire. He would become mortal the day he admitted to be loved. She had even achieved the impossible and made Destiny promise to lift the burden from the girl's shoulders if she ever reached her twenties. Every detail had been carefully planned... but she hadn't counted with one small detail.
Damn gypsies.
She hadn't known about the clause. The curse had been lifted and without the Soul the bond only served to make 'him' obsess over her. She, with the power to create and destroy at her whim, hadn't been careful enough and paid dearly for her mistake. And once done she had had no power to revert the damages. She had tried everything to help them, she had even gone to the PTB but they refused to help her.
She frowned. The selfish bastards obviously didn't want to lose their best Warriors, even less to lose them because of 'mere feelings'. And to make things worse Destiny refused to keep his word if it didn't serve Love's purpose anymore and so the girl would continue being the Slayer less she reunited with the vampire before her 20th birthday.
Time was really running out.
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*Sunnydale*
/ AN: *** means change of perspective. /
I was tired. I had been awake the whole night and every muscle was begging for rest. After leaving *him* I had just driven up and down through L.A and later through Sunnydale. Only when I ran out of gas did I begin to give some thought to returning to the dorms. Right now I just wanted to go into my room, go to bed and be lonely for a while... until Willow would come back and begin her 'Let's.Worry.About.The.Poor.Lonely.Slayer' routine. I loved her, I really did, it was only that these last days she had been so...
"Hi Buffy, where have you been? I was death-worried about you."
...noisy.
Oh great! She was still here. And apparently she wouldn't be going for a good time. Didn't she have a class right now?
"Just out there, trying to ease my mind..." What else could I say? 'Well, Willow, you know, stupid me went to L.A to her vampire ex and he ended up throwing me out.' Yeah, really smooth... It's not as if I was lying, after all. I *had* been trying to ease my mind all the way back. Willow didn't need to know that I felt like I was destroying it at the same time.
"I'm sorry for not telling you anything, Wills." 'No, I'm not' "Now I'm going to sleep for a while." 'So let me in peace for a LONG while' "Driving really eats up my energy" 'Especially when you have to pay double attention to the road because your mind is wandering through other problems' I laid on my bed and closed my eyes. Maybe a nap would help my aching head, and aching arms, and aching soul, and everything... Now if I could keep those brown eyes out of my mind...
***
The door opened. At first Buffy didn't seem to notice me so I spoke first. "Hi Buffy, where have you been? I was death-worried about you." Well, it *was* true. I really had been worried, especially because I *did* know where my friend was.
"Just out there, trying to ease my mind..."
Yeah, Buffy, sure. As if I would believe you... Buffy sat on her bed. I could guess she was exhausted.
"I'm sorry for not telling you anything, Wills. Now I'm going to sleep for a while. Driving really eats up my energy" She drew back her covers and then laid peacefully on her bed. She really needed her rest. She closed her eyes... WAIT! I panicked. Buffy couldn't go to sleep just now. She just couldn't! I racked my brain searching for a way to keep her awake and talking. Finally I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind. "You didn't go to L.A, did you?" Groan. 'Way to go, girl.' I resisted the urge to whack myself. 'Couldn't you be a little more subtle?', I scolded herself.
Buffy opened her eyes immediately. And sat rigid. Guess that drew her attention... a little too much.
Uh...oh... *how* did I know? Well, at least now Buffy wouldn't go to sleep for a long time, I reflected. "Uhm... Just a guess?" A look at my friend's face told me that she wasn't buying it. I needed an excuse... her brow furrowed... and I needed it FAST. Me and my big mouth. Well, there I went again..."Really, Buffy, I just guessed... hmm... you have that 'Angel-face' again so I just thought...", Pause. 'Angel-face'? Great, now I sounded like Cordelia... "I just thought that maybe you've seen him and since he is still living in L.A I just assumed... Did you go see your Dad or something?" Yeah, as if the Slayer would go visiting her Daddy in the middle of the night...
I received no answer.
"Buffy? You okay?"
***
Sleep. Sleep. I just wanted to...
"You didn't go to L.A, did you?"
Huh? L.A?! How did she know that? "How did you know?" I asked her when I finally regained my voice. It was impossible for her to know it already, less someone... No. I didn't think Angel would call here. He never did, why would he do it now? To ask for my well being? Ha! That would be funny... especially after what he did to help me. So where did Willow learn that information?
"Uhm... Just a guess?"
Sigh. She didn't think I was that silly, did she? Think something better, 'best friend' who spies me without my consent and keeps me awake when I only want to sleep. I wasn't liking Willow that much in those seconds and I guessed it showed in my face because she began to stammer excuses.
"Really, Buffy, I just guessed... hmm... you have that 'Angel-face' again so I just thought...",
'Angel-face'? Did I really have an 'Angel-face'? My rendezvous with him hadn't affected me that much, had it? I felt tired. But that was normal. It was all because of the long sleepless night, wasn't it? All my muscles were stiff and sore. So it was no wonder if I just felt like lying down... yeah... just to close my eyes and never awake again. I wondered idly if that was how Sleeping Beauty felt like in her castle: like a prisoner in her own body, always playing her good-girl act on everybody, always waiting... Would Charming Prince come for me too? Maybe he would have blue eyes and we would live happily ever after... or maybe he would have brown ones and leave me after stealing a kiss and my heart...
"Buffy? You okay?"
The voice shook me out of my reverie. "Huh?"
Willow gazed me with her annoyingly usual 'Let's.Worry.About.The.Poor.Lonely.Slayer' preoccupied look. "You okay?", she repeated herself.
Of course I was ok! Why wouldn't I! My life was perfect, college was perfect and there was no Apocalypses coming. Could it be better? "Yes." Was it the answer to my inner question or to Willow's one? I didn't care. As long as it made her happy... I glanced at my best friend. She was looking at me with those eyes that for the first time weren't sympathetic or pitying. They were searching for something now and I didn't like it. Guess that for the first time Willow wasn't believing my words. Bad sign. I certainly didn't need her to be even more worried about me.
***
"Yes"
The answer was whispered so softly that I had to strain my hearing to catch it. For the first time I actually saw the signs Cordelia had observed for a long time in Angel. Buffy seemed defeated, as if something was missing... I could not remember the last time I had heard her laugh heartily, not even a single true smile. And now she even was brooding! Cordelia was right. This couldn't go on! Sooner or later they would drive *us* crazy... I couldn't let it happen.
And then everything changed.
***
Nope. No more worries for the Slayer's best friend.
My voice automatically adopted an airy tone, it was louder and cheery this time. It would do the trick. "Yes, I went to L.A. I needed to vent up, you know, so I grabbed my keys and hit the road." I forced a smile on my face. One of those my mother and my friends loved so much. Willow wasn't buying it now. Soon she would begin to ask question and I wasn't prepared to answer them. Damn it! I kept on trying to dissuade her from questioning me further. "Suddenly I was in L.A and then I was in front of his building. And yes, I saw him..." 'and yes, I wish I had never done that' I could tell Willow was worried about me *again*. All my friends seemed to treat me with kids' gloves these days, especially the redheaded witch. I was fed up of that.
Of course, my redheaded clever friend just had to use the pause used for thinking to interrupt me.
"Is he ok?"
What did I say about some questions, which I wasn't prepared to answer?
***
"Yes, I went to L.A. I needed to vent up so I grabbed my keys and hit the road."
I started at the sudden change in Buffy. Her whole demeanor had changed. All traces of weakness were now gone. Buffy Summers had started her performance again. But now I *knew* that her friend was hurting. I had just witnessed it for God's sake! Why hadn't we thought of this before...? Cordelia had called me some weeks ago and proposed a crazy plan: Reunite Buffy and Angel. At first I had refused to do it. It wasn't necessary after all: Buffy was happy with Riley, she didn't need Angel. I had never been so wrong.
"Suddenly I was in L.A and then I was in front of his building. And yes, I saw him..."
At last she did seem to make a pause. Even Slayers need to breathe, I guess. "Is he ok?" I asked. Low blow. I knew it. I knew I was pushing the subject; but I had to do it. 'I hope you'll forgive me for this someday, friend.'
"Oh yeah, completely ok." Buffy said. Now I could hear the slight bitterness in her voice. Well, at last she was reacting to last night events. Score one for the matchmakers! "As a matter of fact he is way better than me." 'He doesn't need me anymore' A tear rolled silently. Maybe that was *too much* reaction. Buffy didn't even seem to notice it.
I had been prepared for a furious Buffy, one that damned her life and her men to hell and wanted them to stay there as long as she breathed... The Slayer was not supposed to be crying... like the normal young woman she is. Just then I guessed where we all had been mistaken. We expected too much from her. Buffy was only a girl like me. she had the right to mourn a past love, even if she didn't accept that. but still, I did not know what to do with this depressed friend... So I decided to do the simplest thing I could: I sat at my friend's side and gathered her in my arms.
***
I felt my heart breaking. How was it even capable to do so after so many times? Maybe... maybe I just needed to let go. That was why I had gone to L.A tonight. To let go... and instead I found *him* letting me go. It should be ok. My wish had been fulfilled. I had waited all night in the car for relief and contentment to engulf me... They never came. I *knew* I should be happy now. I had ended it all swiftly, in one stroke. No more silly dreams keeping me awake, no more crazy visions of sunlight and ice cream... so why didn't I feel happy? Why had she cried in the car? It made no sense... and she was so confused... It was over, it had been for a long time... so why did I go there to end it if it already was over? *It is never over* A past voice whispered faintly. My own voice. I just cried harder. I felt Willow's arms going around me.
"Are you ok?" She asked softly.
What a silly question! Hadn't I just answered it? Of course I was! I had just ended all the suffering... just killed my last hope and I had done it happily. No. I was not okay. I just kept on crying. I had cried in her car, too. But nobody had cared for me, hugged me, wiped my tears... I had to admit to myself that I had been waiting for him to do it. Why does it always return to him?
Maybe... maybe because I still was in love with him... That thought only made me cry harder. Just when everything between us was over did I have to realize that I still loved him. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't...
***
She continued crying in my arms for a long time.
"Are you ok?" I asked again when she calmed down a bit. I knew that the truth would come out this time.
Silence for a while. Then she began to talk to me for the first time in many months.
"I... I went to his office a-and everything just... Oh, Will. I'm such a fool."
I prepared myself to hear my friend's problems and fears. I hoped that Cordelia was doing her part too and that this plan wasn't that crazy after all.
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*Another realm*
Thiege was helpless. No one supported her, nobody believed in their love anymore. Only she... and that wasn't enough.
She was feeling even worse than when the girl had to send her lover to Hell. Destiny and many of her Sisters had dictated it: No vampire should receive love, even less the one that tried to suck the earth into Hell. Why couldn't they see that the Soul and the Demon weren't the same? At last, after many centuries, she had defied her master and brought the vampire back using the force of the Slayer's love. She had even secured his soul; after all *that* hadn't been forbidden. But it was forbidden to intervene in Destiny's ways and she had been severely punished: No intervention in the mortal world until one of her favorites died.
She had had to witness the progressive shift between them, she had watched helplessly as he left her and she had begged for a miracle after seeing them turn their existences into a living hell. The miracle had come in the form of a Mohra demon... and been rebutted in the name of Love.
She was beginning to think that her cause was lost.
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*L.A*
"Hi Boss"
"Morning, Cordelia. Everything ok?" His smile didn't reach his eyes, his clothes were all wrinkled... Frown... Buffy had definitely been here.
"I should be the one asking you that. Have you looked yourself?" Angel raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, sure, blame your little allergy to mirrors. Well, if you can't see it for yourself I'll describe it for you." I neared him with two swift steps until I could scrutinize him at my whim. I realized that my first observation was fair enough... He was in far worse shape. "First: your clothes are worse than ever. I wonder how do you manage to break so many in-rules at the same time." - and still look so hot?- He was the only guy I had met capable of such an impossible thing. But returning to important matters. "Then you haven't shaved and your hair hasn't been combed at all and... are those dark rings?" Good, at least my appearance wasn't the only one suffering today. "It really wouldn't surprise me if you begin to brood right here and now. If I didn't know better I'd say you've just had a serious Buffy-moment." There. Plan A already at work. It did the trick.
"A 'Buffy-moment'?" he squeaked. I loved it when I managed to surprise him. It was a *very* rare occurrence.
"Yup. You know, those 'moments' where she comes and leaves you all depressed and broody and makes me go alone to my reunions because you refuse to step out the office." I said airily as if it didn't matter. In a normal occasion it wouldn't have. I left him there standing and veered towards my desk. I dropped my little bomb while I was reading the latest mail "It's such a luck that that spoiled brat doesn't come here often..."
"She is NOT a brat." He snarled.
I felt the urge to pat myself on the back for a job well done. This was going to be easier that I had thought. "Of course she is." I snapped. I threw the junk mail to the trashcan. "And quit defending her. I don't care if love is that blind, just don't deny the truth. We both know how selfish and spoiled she can be. To think she said *I* was a bitch..."
"She is NOT a-a... whatever you said." He said exasperated.
Yup. Really easier. Men are easily manipulated if you know their Achilles'' heel... and I knew Angel's. "B-I-T-C-H." I said calmly. I couldn't help but laugh at his angry face. It was funny. "Oh right, now comes her knight-in-shining-armor. And here I thought you were over her... serves me right for believing a man's words- living or not."
***
I remembered another time when someone else had been Buffy's 'knight'. Had it really been only three years ago? Cordelia's words interrupted my thoughts.
"...can't believe you are still in love with her. After that last stunt she pulled on you. To have the nerve to kick you out 'her town'! Unbelievable! And worse yet: you still love her. Pathetic!"
'Pathetic' The word stung. Especially because Cordelia was my best friend and I didn't want her to think that of me.
"I'm not pathetic!" I said defensively. And it was the truth. I *wasn't* pathetic and I *wasn't* in love with Buffy anymore.... then what had kept me awake all night holding my Claddagh ring? Sigh.
***
"...can't believe you are still in love with her. After that last stunt she pulled on you. To have the nerve to kick you out 'her town'! Unbelievable! And worse yet: you still love her. Pathetic!" Buffy-bashing and to attack his not-so-fragile ego were the best methods to obtain a response out of him. Even the one I was looking for. I knew I was pulling the right strings. I only hoped she wasn't pulling them too tightly.
"I'm not pathetic!"
Bingo! Just the reaction I had been waiting for. I softened my voice to impart the final blow. "No, you are not. You're only in love." There. That was the moment of truth. He just had to accept it and then we all would have a happy ending. If this didn't work... well, I would have just to search for another boss.
***
Cordelia's face softened and her voice changed. "No, you are not. You're only in love"
Angel couldn't say anything. What would it take to dissuade Cordelia of that crazy idea? Buffy wasn't a part of his life -unlife- anymore. They would never come back together. He wasn't in love with her. Last night was the ultimate proof.../A feather-kiss against my cheek and a scent of vanilla in the air./... /A slight caress and too sad, too old, too green eyes/ ... the ultimate proof of the contrary. Sigh In that single moment I realized the truth.
"Oh my God! I have let her go *again*! What have I done? "
***
"Oh my God! I have let her go *again*! What have I done? "
I smiled. 'You better be doing your part, Will.'
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*Another realm*
It seemed that her pleas had been answered. She thanked with all her immortal heart the Sister who had put the idea in the Seer's and the Witch's mind. This would work. Finally, after so much work and time, her greatest project would be a reality.
'Happiness ever after' was about to be delivered to two persons in love.
Her work with the Slayer and her Vampire was nearly over.
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