Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay of this chapter. I have been kept super duper busy by schoolwork and my Prelims are coming in 3 weeks' time. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So this chapter is delayed and those after will not be out that fast either. I hope you won't mind. Oh, people keep asking me why my recent chapters are so short. Actually, it's not because I want to bring up the suspense. But I'm just following a literary technique used by famous writers. When there are shorts chapters following after long chapters or vice versa, the author is trying to highlight something important. Likewise, there is a theme in this chapter because this is the only chapter that has the longest thoughts mentioned, contrasted with short thoughts or even no thought taking place. This long stretch of thought does not have a name, and it's different from stream of consciousness. I will try stream of consciousness in the future when I have read enough about that and when I am capable of more mature writing.
Only at the sound of the click of the door as it settled in place did Syaoran allow himself to unwind himself in the comfort of his own sanctuary. The whitewashed walls and the faint smell of orchids purged his room as well as his mind and being.
Syaoran moved over to his table and flung his backpack onto it. His eyes caught sight of the small velvet box that had been resting on the table for a day already. He picked it up and carefully opened it to reveal a simple silver ring with a tiny pink flower at the center. Little words were engraved onto the inner side of the ring and at careful observation, they were deciphered as "My love, Sakura." Syaoran stared at the ring for another minute, before he refrained himself from continuing. He shut the box and stuffed it into his drawer, taking note of the uncomfortable, sad click as the drawer fell into place.
"Sakura…" He muttered as he sat down at the edge of his bed. He closed his eyes, allowing the gentle breeze in his room to cleanse his heart. Sakura, are you alright? Are you in a great amount of pain? He willed his feet off the ground and tugged them in a cross to form a yoga position. Sakura, I do want to believe you. I do want to believe that you are not the person that Tianxin and the others think you are. Yet, if you truly are innocent, why don't you speak the truth? Why do you hold back the details from us? Even if you cannot tell them, you can confide the secret to me. I always thought you have treated me as a friend, and that no secrets are hidden between the two of us. That is the very reason that I like you, the frankness and the considerations to others.
But yet, you did not tell us
what is the truth. You rather let them call you a bitch, a slut instead of
confessing the truth. It must have hurt a lot. The secret must have meant a lot
to you that you do not even tell us. What does that mean? That you can't trust
us with it? Or that our relationship is weak? I will like to believe that it is
neither of which. But how much possibility can I give to this belief?
How strong can our
relationship be since you didn't even tell me? If we can't have the basic trust
as friends, how much more trust can there be if we are lovers? Perhaps, that's
the very reason that I withheld my feelings for you.
Syaoran adjusted himself as the
stiffness of his sitting position stung him. But, if what they claim about
you is the truth, I know for sure that the person means more to you that I do.
How silly of me to vie for your love and even have the assumption that you will
accept me. But I know from the bottom of my heart that love knows no limits,
and I will still love you. I do wish you happiness, whoever he is that you are
spending your life with. Knowing that you are happy, I will be happy too.
Syaoran snapped open his eyes and shifted away from the bed. He drew himself to his desk as his eyes got used to the bright light that penetrated the room. "That is why, Sakura, I choose to leave behind the past and concentrate on the future."
* * *
Sakura pushed her comforter aside and lifted herself up into a sitting position. The faint sound of heavy breathing escaped through the slit between her lips, making a dense pressure in the silent air. She continued to remain in that position for the next few minutes before she allowed herself to slide off her comfort zone. Her feet felt wobbly as she stood in front of the mirror and examined herself.
The usual glow in her emerald eyes had faded and the emerald green had become dull. The puffiness in those eyes startled her as she looked at the pale complexion.
Sakura, what's the matter with
you? Enough of this grief and pity. You know very well the reasons you have
stood up for. Have courage! Things will work out right. You are not going to
give up like that, are you?
Sakura gently settled into the chair, never letting herself escape from her reflection. This is after all, a misunderstanding. There cannot be anything terrible. It's ok. Life still have to go on. More importantly, as long as the secret is safe, no one else will have to suffer.
Syaoran-kun… I hope you will
understand my predicament. I need to keep that secret, regardless of what cost.
All I ask from you is the simple 'trust'. I have always been truthful to you
and have never withheld any secret, except for this one? Can you understand?
In my heart, there are five
important people; Oto-san, Oni-chan, Tomoyo-chan, Meiling-chan and the last,
you, Syaoran-kun. I do not want you to be hurt. I will tell you the truth, once
I can do so. All I pray for is for you to wait.
I'm coming back for classes tomorrow. Will you still accept me? Will we still even be friends? No. I should not think that way. I must have confidence in Syaoran-kun. The teddy bear is gone but my heart remains the same. You are the most important person in my life. A tear fell as Sakura finally looked away from the mirror.
Author's Notes (again): I hate to tell people what they should be reading of the tone, but because I feel that I did not convey the idea across clearly, I think I will briefly mention it. So I hope you don't mind. Although it seems that Sakura is getting to her feet and she is encouraging herself to face the situation, she is not really taking it well. What she is saying is more of a self-assurance, a self-denial. Please don't kill me for saying this but from the vague tone and the description of what she was doing and her final reaction before the chapter ends, she is in this state of self-denial and that is why her argument is very weak. The fear in her is making her say things that she unconsciously did not realize the implications. This is known as irony. (There is a more exact term but I can't place it clearly).
Oh, I was out for dinner with my friends (one of which is a foreigner) and we were talking about getting into relationships. My foreigner friend, let's call him A, says that he can get into a relationship of he wants, but the whole point is that he will not stay here for long and eventually return to his homeland. So he rather not get into one now and suffer temporary 'loneliness', than to break up with the girl in the end and suffer long term 'loneliness'. This struck me because I begin to contemplate with the idea of whether long-distance relationships can last. What do you think? I'm sorry I'm a computer idiot so I don't know how to create those votes so you will have to tell me what you think, either through the reviews that you may make, or through my email account, angelstar297@ignmail.com. I will appreciate your comments and then, I will convert those points into another S+S fiction (and dedicate it to those who offer their opinions), though I think it will most likely a story without any chapters. Also, I will prefer you to tell me your opinions (with reasons to back them up) based as close to real life as possible. Don't tell me anything that existed in anime or manga. I like the concepts in them but I want them to be as feasible as possible. Thanks. J