Trading Places
PG~13
Disclaimer ~ I don't own 'em.
Evelyn's head pounded as though it were ready to burst. She groaned inwardly, figuring any sound
that invaded her ears would more or less add to the pain. It was strangely quiet…what happened? She could feel the soft blanket under her,
the sand beneath that. Someone must
have brought her out of the temple and to the tent… But why? She had thought
about opening her eyes to see exactly where she was, but just the slightest
attempt at moving, the tiniest crack of light shot the pain attacking her head
through the roof. What in blazes
happened? She tried to think, tried to remember. She and Rick had been in the temple…there was a strange series of
drawings on the wall…she tried to remember, but between the pounding in her
head now and the lack of light in the temple then, she couldn't be sure she had
seen what she thought. She found an
inscription near the painting…she remembered reading the words aloud…the tunnel
filled with a strange light…then…then nothing.
Everything had gone black.
"Evelyn?" a strangely familiar feminine voice said. Who had arrived? She was the only woman on the dig with Rick and Jonathan. They had hired a few diggers to help find
their way into the temple, but they were all men… where did the woman with the
American accent come from? She tried to
shake her head, to open her eyes to see who it was, but nothing would
obey. "Evy, honey, wake up," the voice
pleaded. She finally managed to open
her eyes. She was staring up at
herself. She screamed, scrambling back
away, spraying sand everywhere. Her
hand went to her throat as she realized it wasn't her voice at all that had
come out of her mouth. She looked down
at herself; at her body and her hands…they were not hers at all. They were….
She glanced back up to her own body sitting crouched beside where she
had been laying, startling blue eyes that didn't belong to her staring
back. "Yeah, I know." The American accent, the eyes…the fact that
she was in someone else's body…
"Rick?" she gasped, hearing the deep voice that didn't
belong to her emanate from her throat.
"Yeah," she said—he said, standing. "I don't know what the hell you read in
there, but it did something all right."
"Well, I would say so," she replied, realizing that despite
the deep voice, there was a hint of her British accent in the words.
"Do you have any idea what happened?"
"I haven't the foggiest," she replied, shaking her
head. Rick's long bangs flopped in her
eyes. She blew upward, trying to shift
them out of the way.
"Okay, now that's weird."
"What?"
"Watching the word 'foggiest' come out of my mouth." He grinned at her and she knew now without a
doubt that it was most definitely Rick in her body; while they may have been
her soft features, that was certainly Rick's grin.
"Thank God you two are all right," Jonathan said as he
ducked into the tent. "You had me
bloody worried, Evy."
"Jonathan, you have to help us," Evelyn said, attempting to
stand on legs that were not her own.
"Me? Why, what
happened? And why are you speaking with
a British accent?"
"You know," Rick started, "that's a funny story." Jonathan's eyes widened as he turned toward
his sister. A grin suddenly spread
across his face, as he shook a finger at the two of them.
"Ahh, ho ho, very funny," Jonathan said with a laugh. "You almost had me there."
"Jonathan, this is not a joke," Evelyn said, stamping her
foot. It was a strange motion suddenly,
as her foot was now nearly twice the size it had been and it sent another spray
of sand in every direction.
"Jonathan, come here," Rick said, motioning with Evelyn's
slender finger for Jonathan to bend down.
Evelyn watched as her body whispered something into her brother's ear,
causing Jonathan's eyes to widen.
"Rick! I thought I
asked you not to tell her that!" Jonathan cried out, glaring at Rick's body, in
turn, Evelyn. Flabbergasted, she turned
to her own body.
"Tell me what?" she demanded. "What did you promise not to tell me?"
"Look, pal, I didn't tell her," Rick said to Jonathan. "I am Rick." He brought his hands hard to his chest, smashing the breasts that
wouldn't normally have been there. He
glanced down, wincing in pain.
"Careful with those!" Evelyn shot. "I would like to have them back intact please."
"I did not just hear that," Jonathan said, shaking his head. "You two have fun with your little
game. Good night."
"Jonathan," Evelyn started, grabbing his shoulder. She literally didn't know her own strength
as she nearly floored her brother.
"Sorry," she said, biting her lower lip as she helped him to his feet. "Jonathan, please, look at me. This is no joke." Jonathan nearly jumped back when he realized the eyes staring at
him were not the normal pale blue eyes that scrutinized him…these were darker
eyes, eyes that belonged to someone else… He looked over to his sister as she
walked him, (rather manly he realized) who was staring back at him with pale
blue eyes…
"Oh, my God," he breathed.
He looked back to his brother-in-law turned sister. "Evy?" he whispered. At the affirming nod, he added, much louder,
"What the bloody hell happened?"
"Damned if we know," Rick said. He plopped down onto the sand, rather unladylike as he supported
the light weight of her body on her arms, leaning back, legs spread wide.
"Well, we're not likely to find out tonight, either," Evelyn
said, releasing the grip on Jonathan's shoulders. She sank down to the sand beside Rick, gingerly trying to cross
her legs, discovering it wasn't going to happen. She settled for stretching them out in front of her, realizing
she couldn't comfortably keep her legs completely closed.
"Umm…right," Jonathan stammered, watching the display before
him. He wasn't sure whether to be
afraid or laugh hysterically. "Well
then, I, uh, guess I'll see you two in the morning then." He ducked out of the tent quickly, his
riotous laughter filling the desert night sky.
Evelyn exhaled heavily as Rick shook his head. He glanced at his wife, laughing at the way she fidgeted with his
body.
"You know," Rick started, sliding up to his wife. He was glad to be sitting at the moment; he
knew if he tried to walk like she did when she was feeling frisky, he would
have massacred the way she rolled her hips.
Especially in the sand, in heeled boots of all things. It was a wonder he hadn't gone down face
first yet. "We're really going to have
to try to…you know…" He flicked thin
eyebrows, staring up at his own face.
"Rick!" Evelyn cried out, pushing him away. "How can you even…I mean….Ooooh!" Rick watched his own body shiver the way
only Evelyn could. He put his head down
in his hands, trying to stifle a laugh.
She scrambled to her feet, still slightly cringing.
"What?" he managed to say with an enormous grin. "You can't
tell me the thought hadn't crossed your dirty little mind."
"And just what makes you think it has, hmm?"
"You're telling me you never wondered what it felt like on
my end? 'Cause God knows I've wondered
what it felt like on yours that you scream like that." He grinned up at her, lopsided, tilting his
head as the long locks of hair tumbled down over his shoulder.
"I…well I…" She
sighed, exasperated. "Well of course
I've wondered what it felt like for you…and I do not scream."
"Yeah, ya do." Rick
shook his head, putting his relatively small hands up in surrender.
"But that…that would just be so…so…so bizarre to be staring
at myself!"
Rick rose to his feet ever gracelessly. "So you keep your eyes closed." He laughed at the thought; he could only
imagine what his face looked like contorted. "Doesn't matter really. This isn't
exactly the ideal place with all of these people running around."
"Funny," Evelyn said, turning back to face herself. "That's never stopped you before." Rick dropped a shoulder, his 'Oh really?'
look crossing Evelyn's features.
Without a word, he sauntered up to her.
Knowing his own center of gravity, he pushed squarely on her sternum,
toppling her to the chair behind her.
Rick climbed onto his own lap (a strange thought, but he pushed it
aside) and kissed his wife fervently.
Dazed, she barely knew what to do for a moment before returning the
kiss. It was definitely strange, but he
was right…all she had to do was close her eyes…
Evelyn awoke the next morning, quickly reminded of their
strange predicament as she realized her own head was lying on what was now her
chest. She sighed deeply, the movements
waking Rick. "Morning," he said with a
twisted grin. She returned the smile as
he kissed her gently before climbing to his feet to dress.
Out of habit, he grabbed his own clothing, before shaking
his head, throwing the pants back on the chair. He gingerly picked up her brassiere, looking at it
inquisitively. "Is this thing really
necessary?" he asked without looking back.
"Yes, as a matter of fact," she replied. "Trying running without it sometime." Out of sheer curiosity, he ran in a little
circle.
"All right, I get it, I get it." He surrendered to it, trying to think of it like a gun
holster. The thought did him little
good, for he never had to hook a gun holster behind his back. He fumbled with it for a good minute, Evelyn
laughing the entire time. "All right
already. Would you just give me a hand
here?"
"Oh, no," she said with a large grin. "I have to do that on an every day
basis. It's your turn to deal with it
for once." Exasperated, he fumbled for
another minute more before the hook finally caught, his arms shooting up
triumphantly. Evelyn rolled her eyes
with a grin, falling back on the blankets.
In idle curiosity, she continued to watch her husband dress her body,
though everything else was relatively simpler than the bra. He did have a bit of trouble with the
buttons on her blouse.
"Why in God's name are these backward?"
"Tradition I suppose," she sighed.
"Morning all," Jonathan stated as he slid into their
tent. Instinctively, Evelyn pulled the
blanket up to her neck, glaring at her brother.
"Jonathan!" she cried out.
His eyes drifted down to the sight of Rick holding the blanket up
modestly.
"Oh, my God! You two
didn't!!"
"Oh, like you can tell me you wouldn't have had you been in
our shoes," Rick said, struggling with the last button, still growing
accustomed to such slender fingers.
Without a second thought, he grabbed his gun holsters, throwing them on. He now had a greater respect for Evelyn when
it came to lugging their equipment around, as he realized how much smaller her
body was than his and how much even something as normal to him as his guns
weighed down on her body. *It's no
wonder the elephant gun knocked her over,* he thought nonchalantly.
"Well, I, um…" Jonathan stammered, but couldn't actually
deny that he wouldn't have. "You know,
Evy," he said, changing the subject as he turned to Rick's body. "You really don't have as much to cover up
at the moment." He grinned stupefied as
she all but flung a handful of sand at him.
"Oh, Jonathan, get out!" she bellowed, sure that the entire
camp had heard Rick's booming voice.
She sighed, exasperated as she started to fling the blanket aside. Despite the fact that only Rick remained in
the tent, her usual modesty overtook her, forcing herself to keep certain areas
of his covered. "Rick, could you hand
me your pants…" She thought about what
she said as he turned, trying not to laugh.
"You mean your pants?" he asked as he picked them up
casually.
"Whatever," she said, clamoring unsteadily to her feet. She turned her back to him, cursing her own
modesty. *For God's sake,* she
thought. *Not like he's never seen THIS
before.* She pulled on the pants,
making sure everything was properly tucked away as comfortably as possible
before zipping up. Now it was Rick's
turn to watch as he finished pulling on the heeled boots that he was sure today
he would take a fall in.
Evelyn turned as she shrugged on his shirt, catching his
eyes watching her every move. "What?" she
asked.
"Nothing," he said with a grin. "I just find this highly amusing."
"I'm sure." She
buttoned the shirt easily, but it was the rolling of the sleeves that she had
the most difficulty with. "Why on earth
is this so difficult?" she asked herself, fumbling with fingers that were much
too large. *No,* she corrected
herself. *They most certainly aren't
too large….you're just not used to using them.*
"Here," Rick said, walking over. "Let me help you."
"I can do it myself," she said defensively.
"Evelyn, stop being so damn stubborn." She sighed, offering up her arm to him. Even though it was her voice, she could hear
him saying it.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "It's just…it's just so odd."
"Come on, it's not that bad," Rick replied, running a finger
across her brow, pushing aside the hair falling in her eyes (and the thought
that it was his own forehead.) "Could
be worse…you could be stuck in Jonathan's body…then what would you do?" She smiled softly, with a small sniffle.
"I suppose," she said as he looped his arms habitually
around her waist.
"I mean, it's not like I want to stay like this forever, but
at least we still have each other." She
smiled down at him, carefully placing her hands on his shoulders, remembering
how she had crumpled Jonathan the night before.
"I certainly hope there's a way to reverse this. It's not like I don't enjoy being taller
than you for once," she said with a light smile, "but I have spent a rather
long time getting used to my own body, and by all means, I don't really care to
spend another twenty-four years getting used to yours in this manner." Rick returned the smile, leaning up to kiss
his wife.
"Are you two quite finished?" Jonathan said, slipping back
into the tent. Evelyn pulled away,
curling her bare toes sheepishly in the sand.
Rick only sighed, turning to Jonathan.
"Right. So let's see
if we can find that inscription again," Rick said, squeezing Evelyn's
hand. She nodded with a small smile.
The three made their way into the dark temple, Rick leading
in with a torch in one hand, his small hand hovering near his guns. He wasn't sure why; they hadn't found
anything that suggesting another immortal flesh-eater to be nearby, but any
place that had curses and spells enough to switch his body with his wife made
him a little uneasy to say the least.
Evelyn followed close behind, realizing she had to duck
periodically through the small doorways, her pounding head reminding her that
she had already hit one. "It was right
around here, wasn't it?" Rick asked, holding the torch up near the walls. Evelyn's eyes scanned, but in the darkness
of the tomb, it was hard to tell.
"I think so," she said uncertainly, glancing over the
hieroglyphs. She read bits and pieces,
pushing back the bangs that continually fell in her eyes. "I can't see anything through your hair,"
she stated bluntly. She grabbed the
scarf around her neck, tying back the unruly hair.
"You get used to it," Rick said continuing to search the
walls. Jonathan looked to his sister,
laughing at the way he dealt with her husband's hair.
"You know, Rick, ol' boy," he said, indicating to his own
body, "that's a good look for you."
"Jonathan, shut up," Rick said, rolling his eyes with a
sigh. He suddenly stopped, holding the
torch high. "Umm…found it…" he said
with a slight laugh. Evelyn walked
behind, feeling the blush creep into her cheeks. Now she very clearly remembered the image that had caught their
attention, starting this whole mess.
"How in the world could I have forgotten that?" she asked
aloud, shaking her head.
"Good God, someone was a little twisted, I'd say," Jonathan
added. The image that caught their
attention was of two figures, male and female, in a series of three
images. The top showed them both as
they were and should be…the second showed them both nude, exchanging body
parts, so to speak. The last showed
them, as they were in the first image, though their places switched. Rick and Evelyn exchanged glances as
Jonathan started snickering. "You
didn't figure that one out before you starting reading?" Jonathan said.
"Oh, shut up, Jonathan," Evelyn said, stepping toward the
wall.
"Right, right…so I see no one's up for a little humor this
morning."
"You, uh, may want to get out of here," Rick said to
Jonathan, indicating back the way they came.
"What? I'm only
trying to lighten the mood," he replied hurt.
"He means if it goes awry," Evelyn said.
"Right…good thinking," Jonathan said with a small grin.
"Wouldn't want to end up in your body, now would I?" He started laughing as he turned.
"Just go already," Rick said. "Come back for us in ten minutes!" he called after, realizing
they would probably black out again if this worked.
Evelyn set to the task of reading the hieroglyphs, though to
herself this time and not aloud. "This
must be it," she said after a moment.
"There's no other spell; just the one…"
She glanced at Rick who merely nodded.
With a deep breath, she turned back to the wall, and began reading
aloud. The tunnel again filled with a
strange light and then, within a moment, all was black.
The pain was the same as it was before…the pounding, the
inability to move… Despite the pain, she forced her eyes open, bringing up her
hands slowly. Her fingers were long and
slender again, the wedding band on her left the tiny one with the small
diamonds set into the gold. She forced
herself to sit up, to find Rick and see if he was all right. To her left lay her husband, still
unconscious. She smiled with a small
sigh; it was indeed a funny sight the way she had tied his hair up. She glanced about, realizing they were still
in the temple. She nearly jumped out of
her skin when she head a groan come from behind her. She turned as Jonathan sat up slowly, shaking his head.
"Jonathan? What
happened?" she asked, looking at her brother concerned. He looked at her in disbelief for a moment,
before looking at his hands.
"Dammit Jonathan!" he cried out.
"Oh no," Evelyn said under her breath, trying not to laugh
as the body of Rick shot straight up, mumbling.
"What? What'd I do?"
"I told you to stay out of the temple!!" Evelyn shook her head…it was going to be
another long night…
