Orno Movie
Don't believe me? Well trust me. Or you can read if you don't believe me. Oh, um, I'm gonna turn all the humorfics into a series! Yes, a Dark Angel humor series! Just what is needed. =)
Read First:
Womannapped
Original Logan
The Noise Of Musac
*N Max's Addiction
Disclaimer: Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and...that guy...own Dark Angel. I don't own Dark Angel. If I did, I'd be rich and I'd be directing movies about unsinkable ships that sink, now wouldn't I?
[A movie set. Max is wearing her blue hat. That damn hat! Sorry. Hats have been bad to me lately. Anyway, she is sitting in a director's chair and there is a megaphone next to her chair. Dear Lord, she's directing a movie.]
MAX:
Eeeeeeeee! I'm so excited.
LOGAN (unenthusiastically):
That's great.
[Max picks up the megaphone and holds it next to Logan's ear.]
MAX (using megaphone):
Whatsa matter grumpy?
LOGAN:
People keep yelling in my ear using megaphones.
[Max throws the megaphone at a stagehand and laughs.]
MAX:
Ha ha ha ha!
STEPHANIE18:
I don't know if the HAing was nessacary. I mean, I *did* tell you she laughed.
MAX:
Give that back to me.
[The stagehand grumbles and gives Max the megaphone.]
LOGAN:
What's the name of the movie anyway?
MAX:
Um...I dunno. Shaving Brian's Privates I think.
LOGAN:
Oh my God.
MAX:
What?
LOGAN:
Uh, nothing. Nothing. [Pause] Say, what's the company that's producing this anyway?
MAX:
Oh, Horn-
STEPHANIE18:
We get it! We get it!
LOGAN:
Oh God. [Pause] What're the actors names?
MAX:
Um... Busty La Chest and Melty Ballzac.
LOGAN:
Max, I don't think this is the kind of movie that you should be directing.
MAX:
Why? It's a movie!
LOGAN:
It is a movie, but it's more of a...puberty stricken teenage boy and dirty old man movie. Get my drift?
MAX:
Oh yeah! [Pause] It's an action movie!
LOGAN:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's a-
[A very loud crash interrupts Logan's speech.]
MAX:
What the hell is an Orno movie? Logan, you're weird!
[Max walks away. Logan sits there, not believing Max could be so...unaware.]
LOGAN:
Why does the Blue Lady hate me?
[Suddenly, Zack comes from behind a curtain, only in a robe.]
STEPHANIE18:
Back Zack fans! Back I say!
[Zack walks over to Logan.]
LOGAN:
Hey Zack.
ZACK:
Shhhhhhh! It's Melty Ballzac around here!
LOGAN:
Oh my God.
[Max comes back and sees Zack in the robe.]
MAX:
Zack, you're a little scantly clad to be on a film set.
STEPHANIE18:
Who is she and what has she done with the REAL Max???
ZACK:
Max! Shhhhhh! As I just told Logan, it's Melty Ballzac. [Pause of realization] What're you guys doing here anyway?
MAX:
I'm directing this movie!
[Zack gets all smug.]
ZACK:
Oh? So, you'll be watching the firery love making?
STEPHANIE18:
Any hope of this being rated PG-13 is now gone.
MAX:
What are you talking about? God! First it's Logan with orno movies and now you with firery love making! God! Er...Blue Lady! Er...argh!!
[Max stomps off and Zack sits in a free chair. Logan shrieks.]
LOGAN:
CLOSE YOUR LEGS!!!!
ZACK:
Sorry.
[Zack crosses his legs. Logan makes a gagging face and hands Zack a towel.]
LOGAN:
Put that over your...ugh...just...just put it on.
[Zack covers his *ahem* with the towel.]
ZACK:
Listen, if you could, ya know, keep this little - I mean this large-
[Stephanie18 holds in lots and lots of laughter.]
ZACK:
Thing we've got here, ya know, keep it from Manticore and the guys.
LOGAN:
I never want to speak of what I've seen ever again.
[Logan walks away, leaving Zack...er...Melty Ballzac alone.]
STEPHANIE18:
*Ahem* 2 hours later...
[Max has her megaphone and is yelling through it.]
MAX:
Okay, Busty, just...what're you doing? Oh my God! That's not right!!!!
LOGAN:
I told you.
MAX:
Melty, get in here!
[Melty (Zack) goes over to Busty and removes his robe.]
EVERYONE:
WE'RE BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Zack gets under the covers.]
MAX:
My eyes! My eyes! I need scalding water, stat!!!!
[A stagehand (with his eyes tightly shut) splashes scalding water on everyone's eyes.]
LOGAN:
Warn us next time!
STEPHANIE18:
This is SOOOO not PG-13. R? Hmmmm...PG? I dunno. Let me check.
MAX:
Okay, Logan, what is an orno movie?
[As Logan begins to explain, for some reason, 3 Doors Down music begins to play. Hey, that's what I'm listening to right now. *Ahem* Anyway, when Logan is done, the music stops. Max is just sitting in her director's chair flabergasted. Big word! Look it up.]
MAX (slowly):
Oh...my...God.
LOGAN:
Yeah.
MAX:
Melty, how could you?
ZACK:
The boyband didn't work out so I did the next best thing!
STEPHANIE18:
Who was she? Oh! Good one!
MAX:
This is not what I signed up for.
LOGAN:
I know. You signed up for the pony rides and juice.
MAX:
I cannot direct this stuff. It's...it's...it's icky!
STEPHANIE18:
Max, the walking dictionary/thesaurus ladies and gentlemen.
LOGAN:
Yeah...
MAX:
I wonder if Busty La Chest would be interested in directing.
[A Baywatch-looking blonde runs toward Max and Logan in slow motion.]
BUSTY:
Yes! Yes! Yes! Ohhhh yes!!!
[Everybody is speechless.]
MAX:
Er...um...when you're done practicing your lines, do you wanna direct?
BUSTY:
Yeah! Directing...I've always wanted to direct you know.
[Busty sits in the director's chair and grabs the megaphone. She struggles with Max for a few minutes, then finally grabs it away from Max.]
BUSTY (using megaphone):
Get ready for a film directed by Busty La Chest!
[Max leaves the set looking dejected. Logan follows trying to whipe the image of Melty from his mind.]
LOGAN:
I am going to need lots and lots of therapy.
THE END
Don't believe me? Well trust me. Or you can read if you don't believe me. Oh, um, I'm gonna turn all the humorfics into a series! Yes, a Dark Angel humor series! Just what is needed. =)
Read First:
Womannapped
Original Logan
The Noise Of Musac
*N Max's Addiction
Disclaimer: Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and...that guy...own Dark Angel. I don't own Dark Angel. If I did, I'd be rich and I'd be directing movies about unsinkable ships that sink, now wouldn't I?
[A movie set. Max is wearing her blue hat. That damn hat! Sorry. Hats have been bad to me lately. Anyway, she is sitting in a director's chair and there is a megaphone next to her chair. Dear Lord, she's directing a movie.]
MAX:
Eeeeeeeee! I'm so excited.
LOGAN (unenthusiastically):
That's great.
[Max picks up the megaphone and holds it next to Logan's ear.]
MAX (using megaphone):
Whatsa matter grumpy?
LOGAN:
People keep yelling in my ear using megaphones.
[Max throws the megaphone at a stagehand and laughs.]
MAX:
Ha ha ha ha!
STEPHANIE18:
I don't know if the HAing was nessacary. I mean, I *did* tell you she laughed.
MAX:
Give that back to me.
[The stagehand grumbles and gives Max the megaphone.]
LOGAN:
What's the name of the movie anyway?
MAX:
Um...I dunno. Shaving Brian's Privates I think.
LOGAN:
Oh my God.
MAX:
What?
LOGAN:
Uh, nothing. Nothing. [Pause] Say, what's the company that's producing this anyway?
MAX:
Oh, Horn-
STEPHANIE18:
We get it! We get it!
LOGAN:
Oh God. [Pause] What're the actors names?
MAX:
Um... Busty La Chest and Melty Ballzac.
LOGAN:
Max, I don't think this is the kind of movie that you should be directing.
MAX:
Why? It's a movie!
LOGAN:
It is a movie, but it's more of a...puberty stricken teenage boy and dirty old man movie. Get my drift?
MAX:
Oh yeah! [Pause] It's an action movie!
LOGAN:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's a-
[A very loud crash interrupts Logan's speech.]
MAX:
What the hell is an Orno movie? Logan, you're weird!
[Max walks away. Logan sits there, not believing Max could be so...unaware.]
LOGAN:
Why does the Blue Lady hate me?
[Suddenly, Zack comes from behind a curtain, only in a robe.]
STEPHANIE18:
Back Zack fans! Back I say!
[Zack walks over to Logan.]
LOGAN:
Hey Zack.
ZACK:
Shhhhhhh! It's Melty Ballzac around here!
LOGAN:
Oh my God.
[Max comes back and sees Zack in the robe.]
MAX:
Zack, you're a little scantly clad to be on a film set.
STEPHANIE18:
Who is she and what has she done with the REAL Max???
ZACK:
Max! Shhhhhh! As I just told Logan, it's Melty Ballzac. [Pause of realization] What're you guys doing here anyway?
MAX:
I'm directing this movie!
[Zack gets all smug.]
ZACK:
Oh? So, you'll be watching the firery love making?
STEPHANIE18:
Any hope of this being rated PG-13 is now gone.
MAX:
What are you talking about? God! First it's Logan with orno movies and now you with firery love making! God! Er...Blue Lady! Er...argh!!
[Max stomps off and Zack sits in a free chair. Logan shrieks.]
LOGAN:
CLOSE YOUR LEGS!!!!
ZACK:
Sorry.
[Zack crosses his legs. Logan makes a gagging face and hands Zack a towel.]
LOGAN:
Put that over your...ugh...just...just put it on.
[Zack covers his *ahem* with the towel.]
ZACK:
Listen, if you could, ya know, keep this little - I mean this large-
[Stephanie18 holds in lots and lots of laughter.]
ZACK:
Thing we've got here, ya know, keep it from Manticore and the guys.
LOGAN:
I never want to speak of what I've seen ever again.
[Logan walks away, leaving Zack...er...Melty Ballzac alone.]
STEPHANIE18:
*Ahem* 2 hours later...
[Max has her megaphone and is yelling through it.]
MAX:
Okay, Busty, just...what're you doing? Oh my God! That's not right!!!!
LOGAN:
I told you.
MAX:
Melty, get in here!
[Melty (Zack) goes over to Busty and removes his robe.]
EVERYONE:
WE'RE BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Zack gets under the covers.]
MAX:
My eyes! My eyes! I need scalding water, stat!!!!
[A stagehand (with his eyes tightly shut) splashes scalding water on everyone's eyes.]
LOGAN:
Warn us next time!
STEPHANIE18:
This is SOOOO not PG-13. R? Hmmmm...PG? I dunno. Let me check.
MAX:
Okay, Logan, what is an orno movie?
[As Logan begins to explain, for some reason, 3 Doors Down music begins to play. Hey, that's what I'm listening to right now. *Ahem* Anyway, when Logan is done, the music stops. Max is just sitting in her director's chair flabergasted. Big word! Look it up.]
MAX (slowly):
Oh...my...God.
LOGAN:
Yeah.
MAX:
Melty, how could you?
ZACK:
The boyband didn't work out so I did the next best thing!
STEPHANIE18:
Who was she? Oh! Good one!
MAX:
This is not what I signed up for.
LOGAN:
I know. You signed up for the pony rides and juice.
MAX:
I cannot direct this stuff. It's...it's...it's icky!
STEPHANIE18:
Max, the walking dictionary/thesaurus ladies and gentlemen.
LOGAN:
Yeah...
MAX:
I wonder if Busty La Chest would be interested in directing.
[A Baywatch-looking blonde runs toward Max and Logan in slow motion.]
BUSTY:
Yes! Yes! Yes! Ohhhh yes!!!
[Everybody is speechless.]
MAX:
Er...um...when you're done practicing your lines, do you wanna direct?
BUSTY:
Yeah! Directing...I've always wanted to direct you know.
[Busty sits in the director's chair and grabs the megaphone. She struggles with Max for a few minutes, then finally grabs it away from Max.]
BUSTY (using megaphone):
Get ready for a film directed by Busty La Chest!
[Max leaves the set looking dejected. Logan follows trying to whipe the image of Melty from his mind.]
LOGAN:
I am going to need lots and lots of therapy.
THE END