Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and UPN.
Finished: September 20, 2001
~~ She'll Be Made To Love Me ~~
Spike sat alone in his crypt watching the telly. After being threatened by Ripper to "move on" and tossed out of the magic shop by the Scoobies, he didn't feel like doing much else. Sure he'd acted a little rash when he'd chained Buffy in the cave beneath his crypt, but he had to get his point across somehow, and she just wouldn't bloody listen. The evening before all he'd wanted to do was make Buffy jealous by talking to that girl...but that stupid robo-bint was only interested in finding Warren.
A robot. Of course he'd had to go and show off to the pretty bird, only to get thrown through the window. What was it with him and dangerous women? Dru, Buffy, Harmony, not that she was really all that dangerous, and then he'd tried to pick up another superbitch. He didn't know how it happened, how he managed to pick the crazy, self-involved girls, but it happened every time. Wasn't there a girl out there just for him? Someone who knew what he wanted and could give it to him without question or pause? Someone to love and who would love him back?
Sighing, he flipped the channel. Another infomercial...there was just too bloody many on. Passions had ended hours ago and there was nothing on but infomercials. Where were all the comedy specials and movies that were always advertised to an endless degree? Hell, even kiddie shows would be more interesting than this drivel.
"Need help finding love?" a psychic reader began. Flip.
A man promoting CD's came on next. "For only $39.95 you can have your very own--" Flip.
A car wax infomercial continued, "Buff. Just look at the beautiful shine of her--" Flip.
"Hair." a woman holding a spray can said. "It looks so real, you can't tell that it's--" Flip.
"Fake. Accept no substitutes, they're cheap knock-offs of the s--" Flip.
"Layer. Just plug it in and--" Flip.
"She's ready for you. Call and she can fulfill your--" Flip.
"Craving for a hot, juicy--" Flip.
"Bite. One bite of the tender--"
"Body, full of strong muscles, and you can have--"
"A fine-tuned machine--"
"Detailed to perfection for your--"
"Satisfaction, guaranteed and--"
"Our promise that it will be--"
"Everything you've ever wanted--"
"In a girl."
Spike flipped off the TV and shook his head. As the words ran over and over in his head, he realized what he had to do. To get the perfect girlfriend, he'd have to make the perfect girlfriend. That's what that robot was...the perfect girlfriend. Only she went out of control. She turned into a stalker, and those were the worst kinds of exes.
He'd have to talk to that Warren bloke about that. His girlfriend would be better. He'd make her so she was around when he wanted her to be but not too clingy. She'd do what he told her, obey his every whim and command. Not to mention eager to fulfill his needs. She'd be like a female version of Captain Cardboard, only smaller, bouncier, blondier, and slayier. Yeah...a robo-Slayer, his own little Buffy. She'd love him back. She'd have to.
Spike climbed down the stairs to the basement of his crypt. Grabbing an old cardboard box, he began collecting the objects from his Buffy shrine and angrily tossing them into the box. All he'd wanted was her love, if not that, he'd have settled for friendship, hell, even co-worker status. Well, Giles wanted him to move on and stay away from his Slayer, fine. He'd get his own.
"Bloody right I'll move on."
Finished: September 20, 2001
~~ She'll Be Made To Love Me ~~
Spike sat alone in his crypt watching the telly. After being threatened by Ripper to "move on" and tossed out of the magic shop by the Scoobies, he didn't feel like doing much else. Sure he'd acted a little rash when he'd chained Buffy in the cave beneath his crypt, but he had to get his point across somehow, and she just wouldn't bloody listen. The evening before all he'd wanted to do was make Buffy jealous by talking to that girl...but that stupid robo-bint was only interested in finding Warren.
A robot. Of course he'd had to go and show off to the pretty bird, only to get thrown through the window. What was it with him and dangerous women? Dru, Buffy, Harmony, not that she was really all that dangerous, and then he'd tried to pick up another superbitch. He didn't know how it happened, how he managed to pick the crazy, self-involved girls, but it happened every time. Wasn't there a girl out there just for him? Someone who knew what he wanted and could give it to him without question or pause? Someone to love and who would love him back?
Sighing, he flipped the channel. Another infomercial...there was just too bloody many on. Passions had ended hours ago and there was nothing on but infomercials. Where were all the comedy specials and movies that were always advertised to an endless degree? Hell, even kiddie shows would be more interesting than this drivel.
"Need help finding love?" a psychic reader began. Flip.
A man promoting CD's came on next. "For only $39.95 you can have your very own--" Flip.
A car wax infomercial continued, "Buff. Just look at the beautiful shine of her--" Flip.
"Hair." a woman holding a spray can said. "It looks so real, you can't tell that it's--" Flip.
"Fake. Accept no substitutes, they're cheap knock-offs of the s--" Flip.
"Layer. Just plug it in and--" Flip.
"She's ready for you. Call and she can fulfill your--" Flip.
"Craving for a hot, juicy--" Flip.
"Bite. One bite of the tender--"
"Body, full of strong muscles, and you can have--"
"A fine-tuned machine--"
"Detailed to perfection for your--"
"Satisfaction, guaranteed and--"
"Our promise that it will be--"
"Everything you've ever wanted--"
"In a girl."
Spike flipped off the TV and shook his head. As the words ran over and over in his head, he realized what he had to do. To get the perfect girlfriend, he'd have to make the perfect girlfriend. That's what that robot was...the perfect girlfriend. Only she went out of control. She turned into a stalker, and those were the worst kinds of exes.
He'd have to talk to that Warren bloke about that. His girlfriend would be better. He'd make her so she was around when he wanted her to be but not too clingy. She'd do what he told her, obey his every whim and command. Not to mention eager to fulfill his needs. She'd be like a female version of Captain Cardboard, only smaller, bouncier, blondier, and slayier. Yeah...a robo-Slayer, his own little Buffy. She'd love him back. She'd have to.
Spike climbed down the stairs to the basement of his crypt. Grabbing an old cardboard box, he began collecting the objects from his Buffy shrine and angrily tossing them into the box. All he'd wanted was her love, if not that, he'd have settled for friendship, hell, even co-worker status. Well, Giles wanted him to move on and stay away from his Slayer, fine. He'd get his own.
"Bloody right I'll move on."