It has come to the authors attention that some very disturbed individuals actually understood what happened in the last part. We apologise for any inconvenience, or random insanity, this may have caused, and have taken every effort to insure this cannot happen again.
Yob Patrol.
By Darth David and NX! (note the words 'Darth David and NX' were written by NX, thus making this co-authored)
Episode 2: Enter The Dragon / The Yobs Strike Back
In the last exciting episode…no I can't be bothered either.
The Yob Patrol is sponsored by circular CDs.
Bennet, David, Greg, Euan and Woods were sitting in Social Education, totally unaware Marcus was currently in jail.
"So wheres Marcus?" Greg asked
"He's currently in jail" David replied.
There was a strange clicking noise in the class. Slowly, the group turned round. There was a man with his hand in the air clicking his fingers. This continued until everyone rose their hands silently. Why, we don't know.
"Hi class! I'm your new social education teacher/best friend! I'm hear to answer all your teenage questions, all the things your really anxious about"
Many hands went up.
"What happens to characters in Neighbours when they die?"
"mmm, K, they go to Queensland!"
This new teacher had passed the test.
"Now, if you have any questions - and its not unusual to have them at your age, a lot of changes are happening in your body that will turn you in to hairy fiends, and that's only the girls!"
Nobody laughed.
"Anyway" Blank stares "If you've got any problems, I have a few numbers you can call"
"Well he seems nice!" Bennet said. He was issued with a card.
TIMMYYYY (apparently if you see South Park, this is funny. If not, like Darth David, you might wonder if your co-author is going to turn out like another Mooman)
Bennet read it.
"Any problems? Phone 666"
Greg glared at Mr Gilliland in his suspicious way, suspicious because he has no eyes.
"Mine says 999 and…" David turned his over "Marcus has been arrested. You must save him immediately or my name's not Mr Gilliland! Signed Anonymous"
"Right" Woods said "What's the plan?"
(NX: No seriously, what is the plan? DD: I was just writing what you said…)
The bell rang, conveniently at that point. Woods and Greg went to Bennets lab.
SCENE CHANGE! OUTSIDE JAIL! NX RESCUE ATTEMPT!
The Pokemon Master approached the foreboding gate.
"Man. What a foreboding gate"
"OY! PERSON! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
A drop down menu appeared, and David, The Pokemon Master trademark, chose 'trying to free NX' then pressed space bar.
"OH! YOU FIEND! GET HIM GANG!"
The gang didn't move. The man tried again.
"(&)&*&)) GET HIM AND (*&*&^$)"*&£$*"!£ MONKEYS (*&()&)&*) TO THE POWER OF TEN!"
"Ha! You can't stop me! I'm the Pokemon Master! Go, ORACLE!"
David held his Game Boy Pocket out toward the stranger and turned it on.
Nothing happened.
"C'mon Oracle"
"Erm…what are you doing…."
Again nothing happened.
"Why are you holding a Game Boy toward me and shouting Oracle go? What is Oracle fool?"
"'s my Starmie. Best Starmie in the world"
"Right, men, kick him in"
IN HISTORY! NX RESCUE ATTEMPT TAKE TWO!
"Now class. Today we will be looking at the conditions soldiers had to suffer in the name of trench warfare. To aid todays lesson we will be dividing the class in two and issuing everyone with equal amounts of live ammunition-"
Mr Smith was interrupted by a light shining down the isle of the History classroom. It cast its sultry glow upon the black back wall, immediately demanding the attention of everyone in the room.
"What's that!?" said an extra
"That's the bat signal. Come on Greg, sorry miss, we have to go" said Woods
"Are you sure it's the bat signal Woods? Looks more like a cat signal…"
A short pause.
"It's the bat signal Greg"
"Oh. Right." Greg finally fell into his part. "Holy Moly, you're right! Let's go Batma-Woods!"
"Sir can we be excused?"
"Of course! I'm not one of those sick teachers who refuse pupils their basic freedom to run around the community unmonitored"
OUTSIDE JAIL! BEAR WITH US HERE!
Woods and Greg aka Wombat and Puffin (see the Batman/Robin tie in there?) ran mightily toward the county jail, which was in the county.
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way! Free our friend or-"
"Actually, Wombat, Bennet hasn't pencilled in the diagram for the easy way yet, so we're reduced to having stagehands walk across the screen with signs saying 'pow', 'kerang' and 'sponsored by erickson' while we do our funky dance"
"Right. Erm….FREE OUR FRIEND!"
"I'd rather be cemented" said the guard. The fiend.
"Okay then! We're going to fight you!"
"Alright"
"So just be ready! It's coming!"
"…"
"Just getting warmed up!"
Woods realised there was no way out of this. He swung for the jail guard. A stagehand waved a sign saying 'kerrang' in front of the screen, creating the special effects for this part, but Woods fist bounced straight off the mans jaw.
"Holy ferret!"
Just as Woods fist was bouncing off, having dealt a whopping no damage, a personal best, the light reflected from his watch and hits the guards eyes. The guard fell to the ground. He was now blind and he couldn't see either.
"Wow Wombat, you showed him!"
"…my…hand…sore…"
"C'mon, lets go free NX!"
"…can't move…fingers…"
The two rushed toward the jail door. It was locked.
"Oh fiddlesticks" Puffin stated
"Careful with the language there Boy Blunder, we have to set an example for the kids!"
"Yes Wombat! I'd rather die than not be able to set an example to the kids!"
Time passed.
"That was a clever trick with the watch by the way Woods. Wombat. What's it for anyway?"
The caped crusaderer (he has a lisp) remembered his conversation with Bennet the same morning.
"Now pay attention Bond!"
"My names Woods"
"I'm particularly proud of this invention. Observe. It looks like a common or garden ordinary watch…"
"…but it has a built in laser cutting mechanism and door decoder?"
"…No, I was going to say it has a light that comes on automatically when dark"
"Oh. Well, can it tell the time?"
"No"
Anyway.
"Apparently right, the player guide says we have to duck behind the table with the two CMP's, whip out the ol' bombspy, fly it round the corner, whiz it past everyones face, attracting their attention all the way, put it to the place which is furthest away from us, and detonate, thus exploding all the guards and allowing us to just walk in there peacefully and get NX. Peacefully."
"Right, so go in guns blazing!"
"What, no!"
By the time Puffin had said anything, Wombat had ran around the corner guns blazing. It's worth pointing out that there was about fifty people in the room, and he didn't actually have a gun. However if he did, it would surely be blazing.
The guards started toward him.
"Oh dear. I wanted to show you all my new blazing gun, but I seem not to have one."
"INTRUDER ALERT!"
"Erm, right, can you just hold that thought?"
Wombat wrapped his cape around himself and assumed a dramatic 'escape pose'. Of course by this time he was pinned to the floor.
"Puffin, save yourself!"
The guards were puzzled.
"What, theres another one?"
Puffin stepped out.
"You know, if you hadn't said 'puffin save yourself' I would have managed to save myself, you, and possibly NX"
"Right" Wombat pulled out a notepad and scribbled down 'don't do that again'
INSIDE JAIL CELL! DON'T WORRY, NOT LONG NOW!
NX, Wombat and Puffin sat in a single seater jail cell, sighing at intervals.
Puffin's mobile phone rang.
"You know, if that happened before with all those guards, we'd have looked really silly" said Wombat, dressed in a bat shaped bin liner and his mothers tights.
"What do you mean we'd have looked silly? We got captured didn't we?"
"Well, yes, that's true"
"And the cavity search revealed a picture of Mr Scott's wife, a rubber banjo and some bleach. Which you said was in case we wanted to wash our hands. You don't wash your hands with bleach!"
"I can't believe you did that" said NX "And I bet there weren't any guards anyway. Hey, shouldn't you be answering that phone?"
"You think?"
"It is traditional"
Puffin, Greg, answered the phone.
"Please Press 1 if you would like to be liberated from a jail cell, Press 2 because I really love you, press 3 if its for eternity, press four to get down on the floor, press five and do a jive!"
Puffin chose 1.
There was a cracking noise from the wall, it grew, louder and louder, seeming to move.
Suddenly the wall subsided.
The trio looked on, tracing with their eyes the rope leading from the cell wall to the back of a motorcycle. The wall had been pulled in. And their liberator was none other than…Mr Gilliland!
"I mean this in the nicest way kids, but lets kick some ass"
TO BE CONTINUED