Authors'
Note: For those of you who don't know me, I'm the author of "Shadows of an
Angel". The following story should be considered a prequel to that, but you
don't have to read it before viewing this. If you have read "Shadows of
an Angel", good for you—I'm sure you'll enjoy this short little fic, then.
*
Out
through my cloud of a window, I watch her. She doesn't see me but I see her
through Heaven's eyes. I touch her, I kiss her eyelids while she's in a deep
sleep so she will have sweet dreams. All the time I am wondering what kind of
bliss it would be if she were mine. She could have been, oh yes, we were so
close. But she had feelings for someone else. A serendipity it was that she was
my sister.
Oh
Max if only I were alive again. Two hearts entwined would make our lives our
own private Eden. We would make love underneath a waterfall filled from the
rivers of Heaven. All that is impossible now.
I
lie up here and think about Max constantly. She is only alive because of me. My
heart beats within her, underneath her breasts; I live there. They were not
going to let me up here because of it.
"You
committed the sin of suicide," they said. "You belong elsewhere."
"I
died for another," I told them. "Is there no leeway for martyr-ism?"
"One
would hardly call you a martyr, but lo, you did make a sacrifice. Deep down you
are a good person."
Now
I am up here eternally. I am Max's guardian angel.
I
am looking down now. I see her in Logan Cale's embrace. He kisses her hands and
whispers in her ear. What he whispers, I cannot tell. I tire of the sight of them together. They are almost never
separated. Two people couldn't be more close. I loathe that Logan Cale. He has
done no wrong but he is a thief in my eyes. He stole the heart of the one I
love therefore taking her away from me. Look where I am because of him.
Max
is pregnant now. How different she looks—disproportionate. Her slim body is now
burdened with the bulge of the growing child. She carries Logan's baby. They
have been married for six years and I have watched Max suffer through
miscarriage after miscarriage. Finally she is two weeks short of delivery. I
pray to God that she does not loose this baby or it will kill her. I know this
child already. I sent the child from Heaven to her. One has such powers living
up here. The child is a part of me as well as Logan and Max. I come down at
night while she sleeps and put my hands on her large stomach, feeling the
heartbeat and its kicks.
I
come down to her when she is alone and put my head on her shoulder. She looks
out the window and watches one of the many frequent rainfalls that happen in
Seattle. Her tears reflect the rain. I wipe her tears with my kisses but she
cannot feel my presence. I can read her mind when I touch her hair: she is
thinking about me.
Zack,
she says. I miss you. I loved you like any sister would love a brother all
though I knew you felt more than that. If only I could see you again it would
make everything much easier on myself, to know that you died for me without
remorse. Did it hurt when the bullet buried itself in your brain? Did you go
quick or slow? For ten years I have wondered…I wish you'd come to Earth and
answer me.
Of
course Max has no idea that I wish the same exact thing.
"I'm
with you every day, Maxie. You just don't know it," I whisper to her while she
is asleep. That is the only time she can hear me.
"Come
back to me," she murmurs her response, burring her face in the goose down
pillow.
"I'm
always here and always will be. We will be together again, Maxie," I promised.
I kissed her cheek and put my ear to her stomach. I could hear the heartbeat of
the baby and Max's heartbeat at the same time. It was wonderful.
"I
miss you, Zack," sighs my sister.
"Don't
worry," I stroked her hair. "I'm your guardian angel."