Final Fantasy 7-#16-Pain! Suffering! TORTCHA! Will our heroes ever escape? Do you care?
Part six in the Nintendo Strikes Back saga
Written by Gabe Ricard
Disclaimer: I own Gabe and…a porno mag with nude beach pics of Elizabeth Hurley so don't sue…or steal my mag…BUY YOUR OWN! YOU HEAR ME?! BUY YOUR OWN!
Nintendo Strikes Back continues…I'm hoping that despite the fact this is a good 6000 pages into the FF7 section that it's being read and enjoyed. As I said before I'm trying to get through this entire thing within the summer. I was hoping this intro would go somewhere but in all honesty I'm going to stop babbling to read something much funnier then this. No, it's not an STD pamphlet it's Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese which makes this series look like well…an STD pamphlet. But a glossy one damn it! With pictures and whatnot! And- I think I'll just salvage what dignity I was pretending to have and just get on with it.
Cid moved his Venus Gospel back and forth in his hands while at the same time wishing he hadn't run out of cigarettes and also having a strong desire to figure out where the hell he was. Actually that was a little unfair. He knew he was in some boiler room but that was about it. The distinct sound of nails being dragged along something suddenly pierced his surroundings. Cid turned around to where he heard the sound but saw nothing. Laughter from what seemed like nowhere began taunting him. Unlike the previous sound of nails this did seem closer and Cid turned around once again but this time there was someone standing in front of him. His face looked to be horribly burned and he wore a red and green sweater, black pants and a dirty old hat you'd find -on a drunk in an ally placed firmly on his head. It took Cid a rough six seconds to recognize who it was, Freddy Krueger. Cid knew right away he was in for a fight. That was okay. Cid had seen all his movies and thought he was a pussy anyway. He also recalled the story Aeris had told him when herself and Cloud met Freddy who had exploded upon seeing Cloud in the nude.
"I was kinda hoping for a busty teenage girl in a tight sweater," sneered Freddy clicking his finger knives at his side.
"Want me to get a sweater and give it a shot?" asked Cid. The former pilot was ready to attack at any moment.
"That's all right. I still could use a little exercise."
"Is this some sort of gay thing?"
"No…"
"You're sure?"
"Y…es."
"Just checkin."
"Anyway, What's say you let me tear your throat out old man?"
"Old man?" Cid's eyes twitched.
Freddy cackled, "Did I strike a nerve? I'm sorry."
"I'm gonna strike something in a minute, you burnt son of a bitch." Freddy raised is hands in a 'come on' fashion and stood back. Cid took the cue and went for the offensive.
Back in hell…
"Guess what Gabe!"
`"I don't fucking care Lundy. I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it for the 78th time!"
"Come on, guess what!"
"WHAT?!"
"You're…the Weakest Link!"
Gabe, who had anticipated hearing that phrase yet again sighed, "Okay Mr. Lundy…I'm the Weakest Link."
"That's right. Now, let's get into my six hour lecture on the color wheel!" Gabe looked over to the door and sighed again. He had tried to escape earlier but found the door lead right back to the art room and Mr. Lundy. Gabe hoped death would be swift for him.
"We got out!" cried Randal running out of a room with Maria close behind. "I thought it would never end!"
"Thank…GOD…." Agreed Maria. "Let's get out of here. There's a door." The young girl was about to walk through it without a second thought but was stopped by Randal.
"Wait. Let's see where this goes." Randal looked up at the sign on the door and when he saw that it read Exit breathed relief and opened the door, walking in alongside Maria. The moment they closed the door the Exit sticker peeled off and the real door sign could be seen. It read in simple, bold, black letters THE OTHER BURN WARD.
"No…" Aeris closed her eyes and covered her eyes. "Martha Stewart's…breasts…so…abnormal looking!"`
The Martha that could be seen on the countless TV screens that dominated the room suddenly ceased her nude dancing and put her hands on her hips, pretending to look thoughtful. "Hmmm…how many classic rock and roll songs have I stole and put to my stupid commercials so far?" she thought out loud.
"Too…many," whimpered Aeris.
"Now…we're going to make…a TOWEL RACK!"
"AHHHH KILL ME NOW!!!"
Red XIII burst through another set of mirrors and felt confident that he had finally made his way through this horrible, endless maze of mirrors. Upon reaching the other side however, he found all that awaited him was another row of mirrors that seemed to go on forever. Nanaki gave a slight whining noise and took a few steps back ready to give it one more try. When he attempted to charge through, he made it through one mirror and fell through the other as if it where liquid. Red felt himself falling and it made him feel like it would never end. I don't care if I do fall forever, thought Red who was starting to enjoy the feeling that went with this. Just as long as I never see another- Red's falling at last came to an end as he crashed to the ground. He leapt to his feet and looked around, seeing only an endless circle of mirrors, "Mirrors."
"Mikey please! I-I can't take any damn more!" Austin once again made a futile effort to open the door out but it was still locked. Steve turned around to meet Mikey's fist which hammered Stone Cold's face four times then grabbed his throat and threw him across the room. Steve cursed himself for not realizing he would have had to deal with this since he was in hell. With the knowledge that his pain was far from over, Steve forced himself to his feet and once again went for the offensive on the evil Mikey Whipwreck.
Elsewhere…on the Plant of the Apes
"Well Dr. Zaiuss? Is he the hairless, non speaking monkey god?"
Dr. Zaiuss looked up from Silent Bob and gave a look that suggested that maybe, just maybe their guess was incorrect. "You morons! If this…this…man is a god THEN I'M REGIS PHILBIN!!"
"Woah. Really?" asked one ape who was ignored and later killed.
"So should we just kill them?"
"No…I have an experiment I'd like to try." He turned to face Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, Vincent, Billy, and Bart. "I only need four of them though. Those four will do." He pointed to Bart, Dante, Billy, and Vincent.
"What's the experiment?" asked Billy.
"Maybe it's to make you sound like a man," suggested Bart. Billy was about to respond but was cut down by Dr. Zaiuss, "Are any of you familiar with Mystery Science Theater 3000?"
"Mystery what?" asked Jay.
"Sounds stupid," said Bart who had a general distaste for Science Fiction in general. Except that sexy bitch from Lexx.
"In any event…the idea of this show is about a guy and some robots who watch bad movies and make fun of them. Meanwhile, mad scientists monitor how they react, We're going to do the same. We also have a theater just like they do so off you go!" he turned his attention to Jay and Silent Bob, "You two can ALSO be a part of an experiment."
"Sweet! What's the experiment?"
"We're going to test the human male sexual endurance with both male and female gorillas. Have fun." Two apes appeared and dragged Jay (who did not seem all to upset about it) and Silent Bob (who merely shook his head and sighed) away. The others were led down a long hallway and into a theater.
"If you try to escape you'll die instantly understand?" warned one of the apes.
"Sure."
"Okay…once you're in the movie will begin in five seconds now go!" The two apes shoved the four into the theater and stood back shutting the doors.
(Movie begins in five…four…three…two…one)
(Authors note: this refers to one of those making fun of the fan fic.)
Dante: So all we do to keep our sanity from this is to make fun of it.
Vincent: In a nutshell yeah. I've seen this show before so don't worry
Billy: Probably isn't all that bad
Bart: Say's you.
Billy: Bart…shut the-
Vincent: Let's just get through this
The Elevator
Dante: The thrilling sequel to The Stairwell!
Written by Gabe Ricard
Vincent: Hey, Gabe wrote this so we should be in hands
Bart: I have a feeling otherwise
"Yea…Chris? It's Rick…Yeah I got stuck here at work a little longer then usual. Sorry man"
Vincent: I can't believe they expect you to work an stuff here man!
Rick held the phone between his ear and shoulder and glanced at his watch.
Bart: Then he realized the marking on his arm was cancer and not a watch
"No no, don't worry we'll make the concert.
Bart: Even if I have to kill every god damn-sorry Chris
Yeah It's gonna be pretty sweet. This is gonna be Karen's first real concert eh? Of course I'm not counting that Backstreet Boys/Brittany Spears shit she went to over the summer.
Billy: Look, he slammed Brittany Spears and the Backstreet Boys…no on EVER does that
Dante: I've never seen it before
Able to get any more time with her? Well that sucks…this is why I'll never get married."
Vincent: That and the fact that I couldn't get a woman if I had a hundred-dollar bill hanging out of my zipper
Billy: Sounds like you Bart
Bart: Eat shit and die Billy
He glanced at his watch again.
Dante: This guy sure likes to glance
" I gotta get going if I wanna have enough time to pick you both up an make it to the arena in decent time. I'm telling ya we should have just reserved the damn things but ohhhhhhh no you said you-Yea, yea"
Billy: I'm a moron I know
He laughed "See you in an hour."
Bart: The Witching hour! Bwahahahahahah!!
Dante: What the hell does that mean?
Bart: (shrugs)
He hung the phone and yawned walking over to the nearest elevator.
Vincent: Which was four buildings down
Rick stood in front of the elevator and sighed muttering the Alice Cooper song Poison as he waited for the elevator with a mixture of anxiousness and annoyance.
Vincent: Known as anxinoyance!
"I should just take the god damn stairs…
Billy: If God's dammed the stairs he might now want to take them
I'd get to the first floor a hell of a lot faste-" Rick's words where cut short as the elevator door finally opened and Rick was about to get on but stopped at the person in front of him.
Bart: A real writer!
Billy: I don't think you'll find one of those near this story
She had to be at least 15 with a sleazy crack-whore gothic look to her that Rick had always found oddly attractive
Dante: Rick also had Dilbert/Wally slash fantasies so that should say something about the things Rick found attractive.
but felt it was one of those attractions that all people have but never act on or address as he did.
Billy: Wait, wait, wait go back to the last sentence
Vincent: I don't think we can do that. Why do you want to go back?
Billy: I need to read over that last sentence. It didn't make any sense!
Dante: A poorly written confusing sentence? In THIS story?
Billy: I know, I know…I'm being ridiculous
"Are you gonna get on the fucking elevator or what kid?" Rick looked to his right and saw a man at least ten years older then him wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt and faded blue jeans.
Bart: Sadly this was the highlight of Rick's meeting with the southern gym teacher
"Sorry." Apologized Rick quickly getting on and standing on the East End of the elevator a couple feet away from the girl.
Bart: So his leering would at least be from a distance
"What floor?" asked the man who still kept a scowl on his face reaching for the control.
Dante: Keep a scowl? How the hell do you keep a scowl?
"First."
Billy: Well at least we know Rick can count
Vincent: Lucky guess
The man stopped and stood back and Rick realized that must be the floor he was getting off as well.
Vincent: Rick's an observant one isn't he?
He realized he was on the 25th floor and groaned silently realizing it would be a couple minutes.
Vincent: Oh no! With this two-minute delay to his car will our hero make the concert in time?
Billy: Do we care?
Dante: I don't
Bart: Me neither
As he rubbed his temples he looked out of the corner of his left eye at the girl and turned cold as he saw her smiling at him. He was immediately taken by her missing tooth and shuddered to himself.
Bart: (as Rick) Mom?
"You're cute," she said "What's your name?"
Dante: Micke- I mean Rick
"Rick," he replied feeling slightly uneasy as it looked like she was getting closer to him.
Bart: Hey, maybe she's going to kill him and save us from having to read the rest of this!
Dante: How would that save us exactly? The story could go on without Rick
Bart: Shut up Dante
It looked like she was going to say something else when the elevator jerked to a halt and panic terrorized Rick's heart for a split minute before looking around and groaned again this time out loud. He didn't know exactly what had just happened but he had a pretty good idea.
Dante: These new AI elevators just aren't going to make it.
Bart: Then again, they might be trying to save us from this story
Dante: God I hope so
"We're gonna be here awhile," commented the man crossing his arms and closing his eyes resting his head on the wall.
Vincent: My god! This story is filled with so many bright insightful people!
Bart: Just your usual stables of characters created by Gabe
"Sounds good to me," grinned the girl resuming her slow walk towards Rick.
Dante: They're sure building up her four foot walk to Rick
"So um..what's your…name?" asked Rick.
Billy: I'm Charlie Sheen's daughter!
"Daffney," she replied an errie grin on her face as she was now a good two feet away from Rick who had slowly backed into the elevator. "I'm 15 by the way."
Vincent: Really? Cause I thought you where twelve
"But I never ask-"
Vincent: What?
"That's okay, I could tell you where wondering. You fucking anybody?"
Dante: Well…there's JuicyLucy134 in the singles room at Chatropolis
Rick was a bit taken back more by the way it had easily come out of her mouth then what she had actually said. "Not at the moment," he replied trying as hard as he could to be casual.
Billy: I have a feeling "not at the moment" is the same as "never"
"Wanna?"
"Are you a hooker?" asked Rick finally.
Bart: Cause I only like to sleep with underage girls that are certified prostitutes
Daffney laughed with an endless sort of voice.
Vincent: "Endless sort of voice" what the hell does that mean?!
Dante: How about we just stop questioning all the poorly written sentences in this story
Billy: Yeah, it isn't healthy. Besides, we'd be here a lot longer if we did
Vincent: Okay…
"Nope." Before Rick could say another word Daffney had cornered him and planted a long deep kiss on him.
Bart: Then stabbed him in the chest with one of her missing teeth
Rick simply took the kiss like a deer in headlights unable to get from under her grip.
Vincent: You know, it really speaks volumes about a man who can't break the grip of a 15 year old prostitute
Billy: Maybe, she's one of those Canadian prostitutes
Vincent: Hey maybe.
"What the fuck are you doing to my girl you fucking prick?!?!"
Bart: Look the stories going to take a turn!
Billy: For the crappy
Rick's eyes burst open and Daffney jumped back her errie smile never leaving her face.
Dante: The eerie smile eventually decided to take up permanent residence
Rick looked over to the corner where the man who had been standing in the corner with his quiet demeanor now had a face that was even more frightening then Dafnneys.
Vincent: He's probably just missing more teeth
His eyes where wild and his face contorted in a bizarre mix of anger and insanity.
Dante: Known as angsanity!
Bart: You're just full of those things aren't you
Dante: Working at a convenience store for eight years you make up games like this
Rick didn't know what to say, "What? I didn'-"
Billy: Must be kind of annoying to get cut off like that so much
Before Rick could finish whatever reasoning he could the man almost teleported to the other side of the elevator clutching Rick's head in his deceptively large hands and slammed his head against the wall.
Bart: (yelling) ITS TOO LATE BIG STUPID MAN! I DON'T THINK HE HAS ANY BRAIN CELLS LEFT TO KILL!
"Shut the fuck up!!"
Vincent: You're making my brain hurt with all your ten-dollar words!
Rick slumped to the ground and clutched his head with both hands. He tried to move away from the man but was kicked under his chin before he could get out of reach.
Dante: At least he knows how to circumcise gay rednecks
Daffney jumped up and down giggling like a demented child.
Billy: I'll bet that's a huge stretch for her
Rick could feel blood forming in his mouth and felt like he was in Natural Born Killers.
Bart: Or at least his old high school
"What a pretty kick Matthew."
Dante: Kicks do have a "pretty" quality to them don't they
Bart: I think you've been in this theater a bit too long
Matthew wound back and knocked Daffney into the wall then stalked over to her and planted a deep kiss on her face and grinned "Thanks baby." Matthew let go of her head and turned back to Rick while Daffney rolled over giggling.
Vincent: Daffney sure likes giggling doesn't she?
"So you wanna fuck my Daffney huh?"
Bart: Do you think he likes to use the word fuck a lot?
Billy: I haven't really noticed
Dante: Me neither
Vincent: I haven't
Rick tried to shake his head, "I-"
Bart: Look he's going to be cut off AGAIN
"Answer the fucking question, DO YOU WANT TO FUCK MY DAFFNEY?"
Vincent: That's right yell, he probably didn't hear you the first time
"No, I've never wanted to touch her."
Billy: I just wanted to stare at her and pretend I'm touching her!
For a brief moment Matthew's face resumed a completely calm state but within that instant the face returned to its original form and Matthew grabbed Rick by the collar and threw him into the wall.
Dante: Which devoured him instantly!
Rick's hand was now stained with blood from holding it over his mouth and he finally managed to stand up. However he wished he hadn't as Matthew pulled out a gun and at that moment Rick thought he was going to die.
Bart: Matthew might just become my new hero.
Vincent: Hey…mine too
"I see…So my Daffy-girl isn't good enough for you! Not enough fucking teeth in her head is that it motherfucker?!?!"
Billy: Look, he's trying to psyche him out
Dante: That'll take a good five seconds
"Why are you doing this?" mumbled Rick loudly.
Dante: Looks like Rick's asking the tough questions now
"Shut the hell up!" screamed Matthew still aiming the gun at his head.
Bart: For a crazy guy he sure likes to hold off on shooting people
"There's probably people near us! Shit there's probably someone working on this elevator!"
Billy: Even though I haven't heard a thing!
"I said shut your mouth!" screamed Matthew again Daffney standing behind him still giggling showing off her missing teeth.
Vincent: Seems like Gabe has a thing for teeth.
Rick's mind raced with what to do next and before he or Matthew could do anything the elevator door opened and everyone looked to the door to see a slightly overweight, simple looking repair technician.
Dante: He could have just said repair technician and we would have known all that other stuff
"You folks oka-Hey!"
Vincent: She has no teeth!
The man cried out as Rick shoved him away and bolted down the seemingly endless hallway never stopping until he was well down 95.
Dante: Heading for 96
End.
Bart: It can't end! There's still so many questions to answer!
Billy: Yeah, like weather or not Rick made the Alice Cooper concert
Vincent: Or what happened to the unsung hero of the story, the repair technician
Dante: Or whether or not Daffney and Matthew collect their welfare checks
Hope everyone enjoyed this. It's kinda of a rip off to NBK
Dante: Really? I hadn't noticed
but I thought it was decent enough. The whole exercise was to write about some people in an elevator so I kinda decided to try something different.
Billy: I've decided after reading this that "different" is just another word for "crappy"
The Empire fic is coming along very very slowly but it's coming along.
Bart: Whether it likes it or not!
It will be a very long time before I finish it to the point where I feel it's well written and faithful to the movie.
Vincent: Well, if that's true he could just not write it
While I'm working on the Empire fic I'll be doing more exercises.
Bart: Gotta get down to 150
Another wrestling list and my next thing the ninth FF7 fan fic which hopefully will be the best yet.
Vincent: What the hell is an FF7 fan fic?
And will give a little hint as to the huge epic saga that's about to dominate the next ten or s fics.
Dante: I just hope it doesn't involve an angry video game empire
Bart: Yeah, that'd be really stupid
Thanks a lot for reading and let me know what you think as feedback is always very much desired on my original works.
Billy: Gabe must be a glutton for punishment
One more thing a quick thanks to someone who took the time to read all my original stuff and review it. Check out the signed review on Bank Heist to see who I'm talking about and check out her great Alice Cooper song parody on my favorite Cooper song
Dante: The one about alcoholism! Oh wait that's all of them
He's Back(The man behind the mask).
Bart: (singing) And he's after your soul!
(All exit the theater)
"Wow…that was pretty bad," remarked Dante as they where led out of the theater by the ape guards. Everyone agreed in unison. They soon found themselves back in the room they had been in earlier where Dr. Zaiuss was awaiting them.
"Excellent! I should get some good information from this," he paused for a long spell of evil laughter.
"Hey that's a pretty good laugh," Bart said.
"Thank you. I've been practicing." A moment later another ape came in carrying the barely awake Jay and Silent Bob who's clothes were torn up and had delirious looks on their faces.
"You guys okay?" inquired Dante. Neither replied in a remotely coherent matter.
"So I guess we're going to just rot in a cell now?" asked Billy with a hint of desperate hope in his tone.
"Hell no. We're going to continue the experiment! We're going to switch you all around a bit and send two more of you off to take Jay and Silly Bob's place with the experiment they had been participating in." He looked them over, "How about…" he put his hand on his chin for the sole purpose of making it look like he was deep in thought. "You," he pointed to Bart then to Dante, "And you. Guards, take them away," the remaining apes in the room nodded and dragged Dante and Bart out. "As for the rest of you…are any of you familiar with the works of a Mr. Roger Corman?"
"Uh-oh."
Should we check in on Racoon City? Of course we should!
"We made it!" exclaimed Tifa her entire body aching as she stared down at the zombie filled streets from the skyscraper they had escaped onto.
"Thank god," agreed Rico who also had come to a point during the battle where he didn't know how much longer he would hold up.
Tifa looked behind her to see how Barret was holding up and saw him sitting over the edge of the building looking forlorn. Tifa knew Barret wasn't one to act like this without good reason. Well there was that time a few years back he used it as an excuse to come onto her but she didn't think that was currently the case. She took a deep breath and walked over to where her old friend was sitting and took a seat next to him, "Something on your mind?"
"I'm worried about Marlene," Barret said simply.
"Shera's with her remember?
"Yeah…but if that bastard Alice gets her…I don't know what I'd do."
"Well don't worry…we'll get back. I'm not sure how but we will."
"I know…so where do we go from here?"
"I wish I knew. For the time being we should stay here." Barret gave no answer only nodding as the two stared out into the night while Rico continued to stare down at the zombies roaming the streets.
Onto the Deathstar!
"I can't believe we killed every single stormtrooper! cried Norm.
"Me neither," muttered Bruce kicking one carcass away. "Are we gonna go through this ominous door in front of us?"
"Sounds good to me," said Fei who always loved to walk through evil looking ominous doors with certain death behind it. Bruce shrugged and was about to open the door but to his surprise it opened on it's own. Fei, Bruce, Norm, and Citan walked through and came to a large room that looked like a cross between a boiler room and a throne room.
"Well, you've made it. Good." The group took a few steps farther and saw Darth Vader emerge from the darkness. "Now one of you must battle me to the death!"
"Why?"
"Well…we've got nothing better to do so we sit here and wait for people to kill their way through a few thousand stormtroopers then come to me and die horribly. It's basically a time killer between movies. Now on with the duel! First you!" he threw a lightsaber to Norm who promptly threw it down and ran hiding a few feet away. "Okay…then you!" he threw another lightsaber to Bruce Willis then produced one of his own. "Let the battle begin! Now you will die."
"We'll see Vader."
Nearby (Well not really) in the boiler room of Freddy Krueger.
Freddy ducked under Cid's attack and drove his finger knives into his chest. He felt Cid's body seize up and knew he had the pilot. He pulled the knives out and kicked Cid into the bars that was the only thing between where they were and a forty-story drop into a sure death. "Motherfucker," growled Cid. He began to feel dizzy but shook his head and thought he had a chance if Freddy was stupid enough to underestimate him at this juncture.
"I should really consider a switch to killing the elderly," mused Freddy. "They're much easier to kill than teenagers. Let's see what your soul looks like." Freddy raised his gloved hand and ran at Cid thinking he'd be too weak to do anything. This proved to be a mistake as Cid suddenly came to life, clutched the Venus Gospel, and drove it into Freddy's chest then pulling him off and depositing him off the edge. Freddy slid off the spear and fell from view in moments. Wishing he had a potion, Cid slumped down and lit a cigarette. He didn't mind not having a potion. He'd hold out for a few more hours.
Munchkinland…
"Who would have thought we'd be overtaken by Munchkins?" mused Yuffie.
"Yuffie…" began Cloud. "If you say one more fucking word, I will kill you."
"How? You're tied up."
Cloud felt like saying "Thank you captain obvious," but decided there was no point. Himself, Cait, Yuffie, and Emeralda had gotten beaten severely by the munchkins and where now being led to a giant pot that had been set up in the middle of town. Cloud saw the water in the pot boiling and had a fairly good idea what was coming. The munchkins leading them towards the pot stopped and Cloud saw that the surviving munchkins, all but the two Cloud had managed to take down where gathered in the center of the town.
The mayor approached them and smiled. "You have committed many crimes here today!"
"Murder, death, kill. Murder, death, kill." Came a chorus from the throngs.
"And for this…you will be boiled alive and served in burger form!"
"Wonderful!" murmured Cloud shaking his head.
"But first…six hours of singing."
"In that case, can we just skip to the pot?" asked Cait.
"No…" replied the mayor before bursting into song with the other munchkins.
"Are we…in hell?" asked Emeralda turning to Cloud.
"Yes," Cloud took a long look at the boiling pot and that point was having a hard time envisioning the pot would cause more pain then what was going on right now.
Tired of these headers? Me too…
"Ha ha ha! You're pathetic!" Darth swung at Bruce who blocked and tried to jump back and make an offensive move of his own but, Darth Vader was simply too fast and knocked brought the lightsaber down on Bruce's hand, taking it clean off. Bruce cried out in the moment of intense pain and fell against the wall. His remaining hand clutching the lightsaber. Vader laughed again, "God I love doing that!"
"Ten bucks says he goes down," whispered Norm who had come out of hiding to Fei and Citan.
"You're on," answered Fei.
"I just thought of something."
"What Citan?"
"Why are we standing here?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Why are we simply watching? There's no one to stop us from helping Bruce Willis."
"Hey that's a pretty good point. Let's go kick the fuckers ass."
"I'll wait here," said Norm.
"No surprise there," Fei whispered under his breath walking over to Vader with Citan pulling out Yamane. Vader sensed they where coming and turned around but it was too late as Fei figuratively kicked the living shit out of him while Citan cut his arms off then stood back as Fei dropkicked him into the wall. Bruce was on his feet and walked over to Vader who looked up Bruce.
"You can't kill me! I'm the lord of the Sith! I am a Jedi!"
Bruce raised his light saber, "Yippy-Ki-Yay Motherfucker," before Vader could say another word, Bruce brought the lightsaber down on his slicing his head in half.
"Damn Bruce, we need to get someone to look at that hand."
Bruce looked down at the hand and sighed, "We could do that. Or, we could go for a refreshing Mikes Hard Lemonade."
"I like that more," grinned Norm.
Fei shrugged, "Whatever." And the four made there out of the room to search for some.
Last header for this fic…I swear
"This is the place all right," thought Tosha. "I'd recognize this place anywhere." Standing at the beginning of New Nibelheim. She brushed back some of her freshly dyed blue hair that the dusk wind was constantly blowing in her face and looked up for the fourth time at the Nintendo ships. She wished she had gotten here sooner. But Gabe who hadn't changed much in the four years she had known him gave her poor directions when he invited her to visit several months ago (She did not come at the time due to simply not feeling like making the trip). She felt in the pockets of her long black trench coat and felt the cube Gabe had given her several months ago. At the time she didn't think it would ever come to any use. But here she was. She took yet another look at the Nintendo ship before making her way into the city. She didn't have much time.
End.
Well what did you think? I had a lot of fun tearing apart one of my own stories in an MST3K tribute. The reason I chose one of my own works and not someone else's besides laziness and ego was because I remembered when I was writing for Writercise and wrote several original works all of which can be found here. One such assignment was The Elevator which was an assignment in which we had to write about something taking place in…you guessed it, an elevator. At the time I was pleased (At the time I was also a Kid Rock fan which should suggest something) with it. But, it had also caused a bit of controversy as one person called in pornography and a bunch of people jumped down that persons throat causing a long and very stupid debate on freedom of speech, what's acceptable and what's not and so on. Looking back I read through it and couldn't believe I had ever considered it a decent story. The only way I could truly feel better about it was to make fun of it and this was the result. My ramblings done for now, so I'll shut up by saying thanks for reading and lemme know how the series is coming along and watch for part seven.