Mac opened her eyes slowly. I'm so tired, she thought as she surveyed her surroundings. Where was she? She tried to sit up, but quickly realized she couldn't because of two casts and a serious headache. Her thoughts turned to Harm as they did every morning she woke up. Had she dreamed the eight years away from him and JAG? Mac realized she couldn't have when she remembered Natalie. She smiled at the thought of Natalie.
When Mac finally rose her head, her eyes widened and she almost gasped. The chair next to her hospital bed was occupied by a sleeping Harm cradling a sleeping Natalie in his arms. She almost reached out to touch them, but something stopped her. Her thoughts quickly turned to what she was doing in a hospital with a broken arm and leg. And what Harm was doing holding Natalie. She didn't know any of it, she couldn't recall doing anything to get hurt. Had Mic hurt them again? No, she thought, he's in jail.
Mac turned to see a small button near the side of the bed. She hit the nurse call button and soon Carol appeared. Carol's eyes widened as she set eyes upon Mac. "You're…you're awake," she stammered with her drawl.
"Mm-hmm. I want to know, why am I here?"
"You were in a car accident five days ago and you've been in a coma ever since. Well, until now, obviously."
Carol smiled as Mac frowned. "I don't remember any car crash. And I've been here for five days?"
"That's correct. You should really let those two know you're awake. They've been worried sick about you, the both of them."
"I will in a few minutes. They look like they could use the sleep."
Carol nodded again and walked out of the room to get the doctor. Mac's eyes drifted over Harm. Eight years had changed him, but he was still as gorgeous as Mac remembered. She wanted to wake him up, but she didn't know what to say to the guy who was holding her seven-year old daughter in his arms. She realized there was going to be a lot to talk about when Natalie wasn't around. That is, if Harm doesn't avoid me or leave, she thought.
The doctor entered the room quietly and checked Mac over. They were careful not to wake Harm or Natalie, and soon Mac was alone again with her thoughts. She glanced over at them again, and to her alarm, Harm started to stir. He casually opened his eyes and glanced around, his gaze landing on Mac, who was staring straight at him.
"You…you're awake," he said, obviously startled.
"That's correct," she said with a smile. It was easy to smile when there weren't any personal issues to discuss yet.
"Wow," he said, clearing his throat. "I'm just going to set Natalie down in the other chair." Harm picked her up gently and set her in the other chair, where she curled up in a ball and went on sleeping. He came back to sit next to her.
"We were really worried about you for awhile."
"I know. Thank you."
"Um…Mac, we have a few things to talk about."
The smile on her face remained, but it was faked. "Later, when Natalie isn't here," he said to Mac's relief.
"Okay." At that moment, Natalie turned in her sleep and whispered, "Daddy."
Mac's face turned white. "What does she call you?"
"Just Harm. Natalie is a really great little girl. She made friends with A.J. and Emily a couple of days ago."
"A.J. and Emily? Who's Emily?"
"Oh. Emily is Harriet and Bud's little girl. My goddaughter."
"I didn't even know they had another baby."
"Well, they did. It's sort of like I didn't even know you had a baby."
Mac's face looked pained. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he apologized.
"I guess it is true. I should have kept in touch."
"Yeah, you should have." He looked away, then turned back. "Do you want to see the latest picture of Emily and A.J?"
"Sure," said Mac. Harm took out his wallet and held out a picture of A.J. sitting with Emily against him. Emily's light blond hair and brown eyes complimented A.J.'s dark brown hair and blue eyes perfectly.
"She's gorgeous. How old is she?"
"Emily's six. She's just like Harriet."
"Yeah? Wow."
Finally, Natalie woke up. When she saw her mother sitting there, she yelped and ran over to hug her. "Mommy! You're awake! I missed you so much!"
"I know. I missed you too. Have you been being good for Harm?"
"Yeah." Natalie climbed onto the bed and sat between Mac and where Harm was still sitting in the chair.
"Mommy, know what? Sydney, Jean, Danielle, and me all got awards for helping clean our classroom. And Mrs. Flora said she was proud of us!"
"That's great."
The rest of the day, Natalie chattered consistently about how great Harm was and what had been happening while Mac was asleep. At nine o'clock that night, however, the day took it's toll on her, and she fell fast asleep in the hospital room.
"I think now is as good a time as any," stated Harm quietly.
"I guess we have to talk sometime," she said sighing deeply.
He looked away from her before starting to talk. "I don't even know where to start. I want to know so many things. Why didn't you ever tell me you had kids, or that you had divorced him, or why didn't you come back to me, at least as a friend, afterwards? That doesn't even begin to cover the questions I want to ask you."
"I know. And there are no simple answers for your questions. I guess, after Natalie was born, I thought about calling you, but I was afraid you wouldn't be happy for me, which I now know is silly, but at the time, well… And I divorced him a few years ago. Natalie was five, but Mic never really showed any interest in her. He went to jail right before the divorce, and Nat hasn't ever expressed the need to see him. I never came back into your life, though, for one simple reason. I was afraid, that even as a friend, I couldn't do it. I made the wrong choice once; I didn't want to make it again."
"Mac, I wouldn't have turned you away," he said with a smile. "I was angry, sure, but I probably would have welcomed you back happily."
"Yeah, but I didn't want to take that chance."
"I don't want to upset you, but can I ask why Brumby is in jail?"
Mac sucked in a breath. Harm noticed and said, "If you don't want to tell me that's fine."
"No, its okay. Well, like I said, right before the divorce he was brought up on abuse charges. He had turned abusive towards both Natalie and I when I told him I wanted a divorce. The final time when I brought charges was when he broke my arm, gave me a black eye, and tried to hurt Natalie. I wouldn't let him and when he tried to still, I filed charges against him. The judge must have felt extremely bad for us because she gave him a five-year sentence."
Harm's face was red with fury. "He abused you?"
"It's over with. I never let him hurt Natalie."
He was still angry. "I can't believe he would do that."
"Well, I never have to worry about him again. He seemed very sorry after he was sentenced."
"That doesn't excuse his behavior."
Mac didn't say anything for a while until she asked about Natalie and his visits. "Was she very scared?"
"Well, no more than any normal child would be. But you know, Nat and I were visiting you the other night, and all of a sudden, she asked me if I liked you. Naturally I said yes, but then she asked me if I'd ask you out, and if I loved you."
Mac's face bore an embarrassed look. She couldn't help but ask, "And what did you tell her?"
"I told her that I loved you a long time ago, and that we needed to talk again. But she was right, I do still love you." He gave her a moment to let the words sink in. "Look, I know it's not great timing, but I never really had time on my side, now did I?" he said, attempting a smile.
She shook her head, which was swarming with emotions and feelings for him. "I think I'll let you get to sleep. I'm going to take Nat home and put her to bed. Think about what I said, because I mean it. I am still in love with you. We'll be back tomorrow morning, okay?"
Mac nodded; unable to speak for fear that words would just come tumbling out. Harm gently picked up Natalie and ushered her out the door.
She tried to get some sleep, but the words kept playing in her mind, over and over again. 'Do I love him too?' she wondered in her mind. It was strange that eight years ago, she had turned him down, but now here he was again, saying those words again. And another thing that bothered her was if he really did love her, or if he was just saying it for some reason. It didn't make sense in her mind, and even less said out loud.
How could she ever know if it was true? Mac was clearly confused that night, but it didn't stop her from sleeping for a few hours at least.
Before Harm came the next morning, she wondered how things were going to work out once she was out of the hospital, what with a broken leg and arm and still trying to care for Natalie. She wanted his help, but she wasn't sure if the love was still there. And she wanted to know how deep her feelings ran for him and how deep his ran for her.
When he walked into her room the next morning with Natalie holding his hand, it brought a few things to light. Not all, but a few.
With a guarded hello out of the way, they listened to Natalie chatter for a few minutes. "Mom, when are you getting out of the hospital?"
"The doctors say it should be in a few more days, probably by Tuesday."
"Are you going to stay at Harm's house for awhile?"
"I…I really don't know yet," she stammered.
"Okay," said Natalie nonchalantly as she turned her head to the doorway. "I'm gonna so see if Carol is busy, alright?"
"Sure sweetie. Just don't bother her."
Natalie nodded and walked out to the front desk. Mac didn't say anything and neither did Harm. "So, we're alone to talk, I guess."
"Yeah."
"I…I thought about what you said last night, and I'm just not sure that I can tell you right now…"
"I understand," he said softly.
She looked at him, surprised at his reaction. It put the final nail in the coffin. She knew it in her mind that she loved him. But instead of voicing this revelation, she simply turned away and stared at the wall.
Harm didn't say anything for a while. When the nurse brought in Mac's lunch, she informed them that Dr. Pendrey would be coming in to do some tests after lunch.
"Okay," said Mac as the nurse left the room. "Boy, this stuff really shouldn't be called food, should it?"
He looked at her pouring the watery jello onto her plate and laughed. "It doesn't look gourmet, that's for sure."
She tasted it and decided it would be better off in the wastebasket. "Well, there goes lunch," she sighed.
"Do you want me to get you something else?"
"Well…could you? I mean, if it isn't a lot of trouble."
"Sure. I'll leave Nat here to keep you company."
"Thanks," she called as he walked out the door.
Dr. Pendrey came in while Harm was still gone. "Hello Sarah," she said cheerfully.
"Hi."
"We have some tests we're going to run on you. Don't worry, it's just some routine work. We'll be done in a few minutes."
"Alright."
Dr. Pendrey took some blood and sent the blood work to the lab. "Okay, we're done."
"Thank you." Dr. Pendrey left the room just as Harm came back into the room. He had a bag behind his back, which he handed to Mac.
"Thank you so much," she said as she pulled a burger out of the bag.
"There's something for Natalie too. I figured she'd be hungry too."
"Harm, thank you so much for taking such good care of her."
"It was my pleasure."
Natalie came back into the room and spotted the health burger for her. "Is it red meat?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.
"No, it's soy," said Harm as he handed it to her.
"Good."
"Nat!" Mac exclaimed. "What do you say?"
Natalie grinned sheepishly. "Thank you Harm."
"Sure."
That night, after Harm had taken Natalie home, he felt like going to see Mac again. He called Harriet and asked if she could watch Nat for a few hours so he and Mac could visit privately. She readily agreed and so did Nat.
"I get to go play with A.J. and Emily again?"
"Yeah."
"Yea!"
He dropped her off and then drove back to the hospital. He entered Mac's room to see that she was awake and watching TV. "Hey," he greeted her.
"Harm. I didn't know you were coming back."
"I didn't either. I dropped Natalie off at Harriet and Bud's place so she could play with Emily and A.J. They're taking good care of her."
She nodded. "So what's up?"
"I don't know. I just felt like visiting."
"Oh."
"I was just wondering, well, since you have a broken leg and a broken arm, if you'd like some help when you get out of the hospital."
"You mean stay at your house for a while?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure it wouldn't be too much trouble?"
"No trouble. Really."
"Well, if you're sure, okay."
"I'm sure."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Harm stood up to go. "I guess I'll head back and get Natalie," he said after clearing his throat.
"No! I mean, wait a minute," she said as her cheeks turned red.
He sat back down and looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to talk. She turned her head down and rested her hands on her deep blue satin nightgown Harm had brought her. "I don't know…you have to understand that I can't quite find the words. I don't see how you can know that you still love me after eight years apart. I don't think you're in love with me, I think it's the memory of you and I that you want," she said as the tears started to fall.
"It isn't." Two simple words out of his mouth and she knew it was the truth. But he kept on going as he came to sit next to her. He slid her hands into his and began talking once more. "I can't tell you the number of times I've dreamed, about seeing you again, and wishing that I had been able to say the words eight years ago. I'm not going to take the chance on losing you again."
Mac couldn't say anything, but she shivered as he wrapped her in his arms. She nodded vigorously. "I guess the only thing left for me to say is I love you too," she said simply.