Again, Digimon is not mine...and I don't think it will be any time soon, but hey, I can dream, can't I? ^_~
Ch. 2: Sleepless Confessions
Ken snuck back into his dorm room as quietly as he could. Lucky for Ken, Daisuke and Chibimon were both heavy sleepers, and neither stirred a bit. The night's conversation with Tai and Yamato had made him feel better about himself, but that help would be short-lived if things didn't go over as well with Daisuke. Still worried and a little restless, Ken couldn't fall asleep and decided to just sit by the window of his unlit room and watch the twinkling lights of the city below. Minomon was awake by this point and decided to try and talk to Ken.
The little green digimon floated up into Ken's lap. "Ken-chan, what's the matter? You haven't been your cheery self lately, and your sleep patterns have been awful."
"It's something I'm going to have to face one of these days, Minomon. I don't know when that will be, but it will be soon. Don't worry too much, my friend. I'll be alright," Ken looked forlornly out his window at the horizon while lightly petting Minomon on his head.
"But that's what you said last time. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?"
"I should tell Daisuke first, that's all."
"Tell me what first?" a groggy Daisuke turned around in bed to face the silhouette of his Jogress partner.
Ken turned around and began to profusely apologize, "Daisuke! I'm terribly sorry. I hope we didn't wake you up with our conversation."
Daisuke sat up in his bed and vehemently waved his hands in protest. "It's alright, it's alright! I was worried about you anyway. Call it instincts that I know when my partner finally returns from being missing all day. So where have you been?"
"Out. I had a long conversation with Tai and Yamato at their place." Ken was offering as little information as possible. He didn't want Daisuke to know everything until he was ready to tell him.
"Oh. I see." Daisuke paused for a second, not sure what to say next. "Hey Ken, I know I'm probably not the one you want to talk to about this, but I know something's been bothering you lately. I know you've been taking sleeping pills to help you go to bed. What's upsetting you so much that you can't even sleep?"
Ken turned back around and faced the window again. Thoughts blurred their way through Ken's mind. /I don't want Daisuke to see me like this. I can't... no, I won't cry. I can't let him see the pain I'm going through. I want to tell him everything so bad, but I'm so afraid of how he's going to react./
"I just have a few problems to work out with myself," he said at last.
"You have a few problems to work out?" Daisuke wasn't about to take that for an answer. "Now, I know that having a few problems to work out is what it means to be a digidestined. And having problems all the time is what it means to be Ken Ichijouji. Call me crazy, but this problem is not your typical problem, even for you, is it? Come on, Ken, you can tell me. If you can't tell your best friend, then what am I here for? Room decoration?"
Ken had to smirk at that comment. Even when things were at their worst, somehow, Daisuke always found a way to uplift him, if only for a moment. Becoming serious again, Ken tried to convince himself that now was the right time. He was struggling for the right words, ones that would soften the blow that was coming up.
"I...I'm not sure how you're going to react to what I'm about to tell you, but I have to. I have to if I want to get any sleep from now on." Ken paused before he continued. Still facing the window, Ken lowered his gaze and blurted out his painful confession. "I like you, Daisuke. A lot. Not just the friendly "like" that we've felt for all these years, but..."
"Baka," Daisuke said affectionately. "You think I didn't notice, Ken? I may be thickheaded, but I'm not oblivious."
Ken just hung his head and closed his eyes. Minomon looked up at him with confused eyes.
"What's so wrong with liking your best friend, Ken-chan? I don't understand," the little one asked innocently. He obviously didn't catch the deeper meaning of Ken's confession.
Ken hugged Minomon tightly and simply said, "I'll explain it all to you later. I promise. But for now, no more questions, ok?"
Minomon still looked a little confused and sad to be left out, but trusted his human partner. "Ok. But can I still sit here in your lap?"
"Of course, my friend."
While Ken was talking to Minomon, Daisuke was wondering what he should say next. Being almost as bad as Tai is in these situations, where he actually had to talk about something so personal, he was trying to put his feelings into words. After Minomon settled back down onto Ken's lap, a shadow of silence swallowed the room.
Daisuke was the first to break the silence.
"Ken...I'm sorry, but you do know how I feel about girls...and the such right? What I mean to say is that I'm flattered that you, of all people, like me, but...well, I mean, oh darn it all." Daisuke was starting to get frustrated with his inability to say things in a less painful manner for Ken. He decided to just go with the direct approach and hope Ken didn't take it the wrong way. "I just don't know what you're expecting or where you think you can take this," he stated.
That last statement hit Ken like a slap in the face from the hand of reality. It wasn't that Ken thought that anything would happen between them, but when Daisuke said that, it just scattered whatever shreds of fantasized possibilities Ken may have had as though they were merely sakura petals during hanami. His heart twisted around itself and Ken could feel it trying to reject the harsh truth that his brain had known from the first day this whole mess started for him two years ago.
"Nothing, nowhere. I never thought or expected anything to happen between the two of us," Ken stated. Daisuke felt a bit of sadness in those words and could feel Ken's heart clenching to protect itself from the pain. His own heart was also aching from the pain he was causing. But he couldn't help this.
/Ken has to know how I really feel. I don't want to create any false hopes for him and he has to understand that I just truly don't feel the same way about him./
Daisuke kept telling himself that he was doing the right thing, even if his friend had to suffer for a while. Ken was strong, he'd overcome this, just like how he overcame his own darkness. And that sooner or later, things would be ok again.
Notes:
-Minomon still calls Ken "Ken-chan"...I just thought it'd be cuter that way. Minomon, and all the digimon, in some ways are still very innocent, so I thought that would bring out the innocence. I get the impression that digimon don't know a lot of "adult" things because they don't have a need to, and that's just not how their world is set up. The digimon from Digimon Adventure were still relatively innocent in 02, while their human partners matured into more adult-like people.
-Daisuke, the heavy sleeper, wakes up because of Ken and Minomon's conversation??...well, I'm taking a few things on a creative license...I'm assuming that being Jogress partners, Daisuke is much more sensitive to Ken's presence and his state of mind/heart The actual statement from the booklet for Digimon 02 song collection 2, "When two hearts become one, through the power of friendship, fellow digimon can combine bodies. This is Jogress shinka!" (futatsu no kokoro ga hitotsu ni natta toki, yuujou no PAWAA de DIJIMON doushi ga goutai shita. Kore koso ga JOGURESU shinka da!!) the Japanese word 'kokoro' can mean 'mind', 'core', or the literal, physical 'heart'...and besides, in the show, Daisuke actually heard Ken's heart in his mind when their digimon first Jogress shinka together... Daisuke's really genuinely worried about Ken and probably wanted to talk to him. He just dozed off waiting up for him.
-Sakura is Japanese for "cherry blossom" and hanami is a time period in early April when people in Japan lounge and have picnics to watch the cherry blossoms bloom and fall. (Hana=flower, mi=to see)