[Neon Genesis Evangelion][Fanfic][Chained 2]
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Evangelion: Chained 2
Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by...you know the drill lets get on with the fic. If you don't know who owns Neon Genesis Evangelion by now, what the hell are you doing here? But with that
note I do own all of the ACCs so just drop a line if you want to use them. The characters might be a little OOC, but wouldn't you be???
Evangelion: Chained 2 was written, created and whatever else you want to say by Ryo Kusanagi, Thang Khung and Sylph and published in the year 2001. And finally a BIG THANKS TO K-LEY LASKITT, who originally came up with the idea, but was too lazy to finish it.... (joking K-Ley)
Evangelion: Chained 2
Any email about the fic - Queries, comments, additions, fan/hate mail are to be sent to
storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Warning Section
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Warning: If anyone sees this fic as being an insight into their own lives, they should get out a lot more...
Warning: Writing fics and warnings are really hard. Please send money help the author churn out more extremely funny and weird stuff. (Large note denominations only)
Warning: This is a pointless warning.
Warning: Thiss warrnink is mmsipelt.
Warning: This fic was comprised during many late nights and when the author/s was suffering from extreme insomnia. The use (digestion, not drug related) of jelly crystals was also used on some occasions. If you ever feel that the author/s were ever in anyway trying to confuse the readers, you have every right to do so because that's what we intended. And finally if any part of this fic doesn't make sense, just sue us.
Warning: If you ever do become chained to someone (hopefully a person you actually like), the best thing to do is pull out a hacksaw, but as fate would have it, it won't work here.
Enjoy
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Lastime...
The doctor folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Listen, here, missy. You young bucks aren't the only ones who like to have a good time."
"Go grow a brain" mutters Asuka under her breath as her and the newly recovered Shinji left the surgery with Misato.
"Damn I need a beer." Misato sighed.
"My head hurts." Shinji complained.
"Shut up you idiot!" Asuka replied with a yank and almost pulled him to the floor.
"Now, you two tell me how in the world did you get to be like this?" Misato asked trying to keep calm.
"Well..." Shinji started.
"We woke up in an alley..." Asuka stated
"And we found ourselves chained together..."
"And that's when I hit the pervert for lying on my chest..."
"And it hurt..."
"That's when I found where his hand was..."
"And then she kneed me right where it hurts..."
"Okay, okay I get the idea. What did you do next?" Misato asked.
"We got out of the bin..." Shinji continued.
"And got to school..." Asuka finished.
"And that was when you to had a fight and you knocked out Shinji, right?" Misato asked Asuka.
"Yep." Shinji confirmed
"That's right" Asuka agreed with a smile "Good hit wasn't it?"
"Okay you two get back to school." Misato ordered
"Whhaaaaattttt!! What about us?!" Shinji and Asuka lifted up their chained hands.
"I'll go to the police station and see if I can get the keys to the chain and handcuffs". Misato explained to them.
"Okay, but hurry about it. I'm not sure if I can still hold down the urgers to knock him out again." Asuka glared at Shinji.
Shinji just cowered as far as the chain would let him go.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Back at school, the two troublesome teenagers where on their way to their P.E. lesson that's when trouble began to really stir up.
Asuka was walking to the girls' change rooms with Hikari and Shinji was on his way to the boys' change rooms with Touji and Kensuke.
"OUCH!" Shinji yelled.
"AHHH!" Askua howled.
Both Shinji and Asuka were yanked back toward each other.
Both of them didn't know what to do.
Hikari just shrugged and walked off to get changed.
Touji and Kensuke followed suit in the other direction.
"Lucky bastard!" Touji mentioned as he walked past.
"You don't know half of it..." Shinji replied.
"Shit! What am I going to do now?" Asuka demanded.
"Umm... Get changed?" Shinji suggested
"How, idiot?" Asuka shot back holding up her chained hand ready to knock him out.
Shinji backed away half a step as far as the chain would let him go and began to try and figure away out of this mess.
"Double Shit!" Asuka cut Shinji's deep thinking.
"What now?" Shinji asked.
"None of your business!" Asuka replied.
Shinji went back to his thinking.
"We can't go to P.E. because the gorilla Ms. Toma would send us to the principal's office. That would really be bad, since some idiot made a rule against wearing handcuff and chains. We can't get changed because the girls' change room is here and the boys' change rooms are over there. But... how if we get changed one at a time? Seeing Asuka getting changed would..." Shinji shook his head as he realised where his thoughts were getting to. That was when he noticed Asuka shuffling about and crossing her legs. That was the moment Shinji knew what Asuka's problem was.
"You need to take a wizz don't you?" Shinji quizzed Asuka and eyed her with a smile.
Asuka couldn't resist anymore and ran to the girls' toilets pulling Shinji with her.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Keep still you pervert. I'm trying to pee here."
"Well your not really helping?"
Shinji's face was pressed against the toilet door.
That was when Rei entered the female toilet.
"Hello, Shinji why are you in the girls' toilets?" Rei asked
"Well... ummm..." Shinji was completely lost for words as this was a new experience for him.
"Is it normal for you to escort Asuka to the toilet?"
"Shut up Wondergirl!" Asuka yelled out from behind the door. She was leaning forward, arm chained to Shinji while holding the door shut with her other hand.
"Fascinating. Would you like to escort me to the toilet Shinji."
"Jesus Christ Asuka, can you hurry up?"
"You can talk, you're the one who took half an hour to take a piss, remember?"
"How can I forget? You were practically holding it for me."
"Oh ha ha Shinji. I really wanted to be chained to you for this long. Oh yeah, I want you. I need you. Oh baby, oh baby." Asuka said sarcastically and gave the door an extra hard shove. Squashing Shinji's hand between the door and wall.
The chain only made it worse.
"Why thank you Asuka. I never knew I meant that much to you."
"You know were going to be late for PE right?"
"Yeah, but if you don't shut the hell up we'll won't be."
"You know this could be a lot easier if you just opened the door."
"What do you a peep show now? I'm not a $2 whore you know. I do have dignity."
"Oh sorry I forgot. Queen-of-fricken-everything has got a sense dignity. Can you piss a little harder so we can get the hell out of here?"
"Can you just shut up! I'm pissing as hard as I can here." Shinji returned to his thoughts, he was getting the idea that this was going to be a very, very long day. While his mind was thinking, his ears picked up something. Asuka had stopped pissing and was shuffling about in the small cubical.
"Can we go yet?" Shinji asked as he stared at his purpling arm. "My arm's loosing circulation."
"Is there something wrong with you? Just let me finish putting on my panties and we can go. It bloody hard with just one hand."
"Really? You need a hand back there?"
"I've gotten more than I've ever wanted Shinji." Asuka realising what she had just said tried to save face. "You even think of taking a peek you little perverted freak, I will smash your little brain out of your god damn nose!" Shinji remembering the incident from before with the classroom door tried to retreat without much result. Asuka just kept complaining out the situation with a string of Japanese, English and German swear words.
Meanwhile, the boys and girls of 2-A were busy getting changed...
"Man, I really feel sorry for Shinji getting chained up like that." Kensuke sat slumped on the bench.
"True, true. Well, at least while his there, he might be able to score a little action with that red headed devil."
Same conversation, different place...
"You know, I feel really sorry for Asuka getting chained up to a loser like Shinji." Hikari was getting her top on.
"Yeah, Asuka must really be having a hard time."
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Good work. It seems that the treatment is working on the subjects."
"Yes indeed. It seems that chaining them up together has made them more likely to be prone to anger attacks."
"These made be deemed as good when an attack comes"
The two scientists stared down at a chart full of numbers and graphs.
"Yes, it seems when the two are stimulated they react in a positive manner towards the target."
"Indeed, if we can channel this energy for when they have to use their weapons, we will be able to have a chain of super fighters." The second scientist played around with the numbers as the first watched. The screen first blacked and then, a flash of colour and movement came on. The words "THE NEW AGE WARRIORS" flashed on the screen. Two characters were chained together, their wrists almost bleeding from them pulling on each other. They both wielded a huge sword that shone like the sun. The faces of the scientists were illuminated by the programme. (HA! Had you going there didn't I?)
"You know what Asuka, this "chain" experience could have a positive effect." Shinji was trying to look optimistic.
"What do you mean?"
"Well for a start, so far all we have done is bicker and curse at each other."
"Yeah, and your point is?"
"Well, FUCK YOU BITCH! I"VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! LET ME OUT!" Shinji's sudden outburst caused Asuka to jump back, pulling Shinji with her.
"You know we still have to get changed right?" Asuka was still stunned at the outburst, but her senses returned to her quickly.
"Huh?"
"What are you deaf?"
"How are we going to do this?"
"How would I know? You're the one who went to college and all."
"Well that never prepared me for this!"
"Who the hell cares! How are we going to do this?"
"Look I'll turn around and get changed while you stare straight at that wall over there. If I so much as hear, see, feel, or think that your looking at me, I'll knock you damn head off your neck. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Shinji saluted to Asuka as he turns around, military style.
"Oh God you're and idiot." Asuka opened her bag and pull out her P.E. clothes and shoes. She draped them over her bag as she pulled off her shirt. Shinji on the other hand was sweating, his brain was clocking a million miles an hour. Should he look? Should he pull the chain to make it look like he was scratching something so she would jerk around towards him? What should he do? What was right? He felt his own hand, the one on the chain, being pulled back and forth with Asuka. The shuffling from behind him had suddenly stopped. "Quick, hide." Asuka pulled over her baggy top as she barked out at Shinji. The two hid inside the door. "It's your turn."
Shinji turned around to a sight he though he would never see in a million years.
Two familiar voices weren't heard by the chained couple. "Did you get the shots?"
"Hell, yeah!"
"These will sell for heaps!"
"Who would of thought that Asuka was stupid enough to get changed in front of the change room instead of inside."
"Who cares? We got the shots of her getting changed now lets go make some cash."
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Oh, my, god. How can she go around walking like that?" Hikari thought to herself, as she watched Asuka charge into the room, with Shinji giggling behind her. The rest of the class didn't mind the view. Correction, the rest of the male part of the class didn't mind the view. The females except for one, however, were in shock. It wasn't the first time the boys had stared, so Asuka didn't mind. But the girls, why were they staring? It was probably the fact that they felt sorry for her. Why the hell was Shinji laughing? Asuka's brain was going as fast as Shinji's had. The two of them sat down, rather, Asuka sat down and then Shinji was dragged down. Hikari moved from her spot and whispered in Asuka's ear. "Hey, you only have half your shirt on."
"What? What do you mean?" Asuka looked down, she saw the state that she was in. Her P.E. shirt had only one arm in it. Her chained arm and her body were basically out of it. The shirt had crossed over one of her breasts and only part of her mid section.
Shinji's hysterically laugher spewed out at its hardest at this point.
The whole male student body in the P.E. class either gagged at the sight that was before them or were laughing. The girls were all shocked and surprised at the antics that the reputable Asuka had done. Asuka was now blushing in extreme embarrassment at the state she was in. When she saw Shinji laughing at her expense she grew more redder almost as red as the mane on her hair due to the anger building up inside her. Asuka just saw the boy laughing fit to burst. He was laughing at her. Asuka Langley Soryou. No one and I repeat no one can laugh at me! Let alone Shinji. Anyway he may be a no one. Fuck it! This bastard is dead! I wont forget this! Asuka jumped up yanking Shinji up to his feet and almost dislocating his shoulder, which made him, laugh and cry in pain in the same time. Asuka then ran out of the gym with Shinji in tow. She had to get out of this chain or Shinji will have to die!
"YOU BLOODY IDIOTIC PERVERT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT I WASN'T FULLY DRESSED?" Asuka yelled at sonic boom level.
"Huh?! What you say?" Shinji asked "I lost you after 'you...' Some plane must have been speeding in the low fly zone."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WASN'T FULLY DRESSED?" Asuka ear lashed Shinji.
"Hey take it easy. Don't get your tits in a tangle!" Shinji remarked. "I was so surprised when you pulled me for cover and shoved me under you I forgot everything when I felt your...um...hoo hoo's?" pointed at Asuka's breast "...on my head" Shinji explained.
"WHAT YOU GOD DAMN FEELER! TRYING TO GROPE ME WHEN IT'S A BLOODY EMERGENCY YOU PERVERT!" Asuka was reaching the upper limits of the decibel spectrum.
"Umm...how in the world did you get your school dress off let alone put on the sports top?" Shinji asked intrigued at this paradox (Trust me I've seen it before. I speak from experience. It's impossible.)
"YOU WERE PERVING AT ME WHEN I TOOK MY SCHOOL DRESS OFF!?! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE A DRESS OFF YOU SPINELESS WIMP!" Asuka set new records in sound level with mega distortion and poor quality. "The hell... how did I get rid of the school dress?"
"Huh? you finished?" Shinji inquired taking off his earmuffs, the blood from his ears had stained them.
"How the hell did I get rid of the school dress? And how would you know if it were possible to take off a dress when you chained to a brainless oak tree?" Asuka asked Shinji with a agitation but at a normal vacuum cleaner level.
"I dunno. But don't you get this weird feeling that parts of today are missing? Like we slept and didn't know anything that happened." Shinji asked.
"What?! Really?! Oak trees have these sort of feelings?" Asuka looked wide-eyed at Shinji. "Guess I'm the only sane person on earth!"
"No. I'm serious Asuka. This is really getting on my nerves. Like when we went to sleep and woke up chained together in some alleyway. And how the hell you got your dress off. But I guess you were the only one that would know. and how I got to the hospital." Shinji counting the times off
"I knocked you out then you idiot!" Asuka said, "And you woke up in hospital." Asuka smiled at the memory as Shinji was out cold.
"Could Asuka Langley Soryu and Shinji Ikari please come to my office. I repeat could Asuka Langley Soryu and Shinji Ikari please come to my office. Thank you." The corridor speaker blared
"What now?!" Asuka sighed. "Guess nothing could get..."
"Don't say it!" Shinji tried to stop her from finishing. But he was to late
"...worse."
A heavens opened and a thunderstorm ripped the sun to bits and made it cry in rivers.
"You just had to say it didn't you?!" Shinji said.
"Will you shut up?"
The rain began to fall in buckets as the two chained kids tried to run through the rain. Rivulets began to form on their faces. Asuka rounded a corner to get into some sort of shade from the rain, Shinji followed behind. Or rather, Asuka rounded the corner and Shinji was pulled into a corner wall. His head was banging, the bash had almost given him a concussion.
"Oh hurry up!" Asuka snarled. She yanked viciously on the chain, jerking Shinji out of his daze. They ran crazily on until Asuka skidded wildly on a patch of grass.
"Aaarrgh!" Down they went, face first into a big puddle that was far deeper than it looked. For a while they were a mess of arms and legs as both struggled frantically to get up. Asuka won, pulling her face out of the water. The cold water splashed over the two. Asuka's hair matted as she tried to clamber out. Shinji was face down as she tried to kick him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Asuka gasped, grabbing Shinji's shirt.
"Ggloomp, ggloomp, ggloomp." Bubbles of air burst out at the surface of the water. Shinji's head was still submerged. Swearing, Asuka yanked on a handful of Shinji's hair, pulling his head from the puddle. Chest heaving, he gasped for air.
"You moron! You could have killed me, you clumsy git!" yelled Asuka.
"Ha? Wha?"
"I almost suffocated down there, thanks to you! Come on! Get a move on, dammit!"
"How is it my fault?" Shinji protested. "Who's the clumsy git who slipped?"
"I could have drowned!"
"That would have been something. Death of Asuka Langley Soryu, the Second Child, pilot of Eva Unit 02, drowns in puddle while handcuffed to her classmate and mortal enemy. Sadly missed by all who knew her...NOT!"
"Oh, speak for yourself, Shinji! Like anyone would care if you drowned!"
His eyes twitched, he saw something, something hard. Well two hard somethings anyway. He mustered up enough strength to blurt out, "Hey Asuka, your, umm.... are umm.... sticking ummm.... out umm...."
"What?!?" The rain soaked Asuka stuttered.
"You heard what I said." The belting rain was relentless, it was still pouring and the two of them were being soaked to the bone. Asuka and Shinji faces were a pale white as drops of water rolled down their skin. Their teeth were clattering, their bodies were shivering to conserver precious body heat. Asuka crossed her arms as she brushed over something hard.
"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" At this point, Shinji received his third concussion of the day.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Exhausted, drenched, bruised and bleeding, they stood dripping in front of Mrs. Kobayashi's desk. He looked coldly down at them, his eyes taking in the handcuffs, the huge bump on Shinji's head, and Asuka's barely-there shirt. "Major Katsuragi has told me of your predicament and I'm going to be easy on you and let you two continue on like this." Mrs. Kobayashi sat in her brown leather chair, with her back to the chained children. Likely for them, she couldn't see the state they were in. Unlikely, however, Shinji was still seeing stars and Asuka was, well, a newly indicted member to the University of Hard Knocks(ers). They were both still dripping from the recent rain and were very, very unhappy about it. "Now, since there is a rule stating that students are not allowed to come to school chained to each other, I will let you two off because I have been informed that this could be some sort of terrorist attack."
"Well, chained up to Asuka for most of today seems like being in a hostage situation." Shinji felt a sudden loss of blood in his leg. The vessels had clotted up and were creating a very large, blue bruise. Shinji's light humour did wonders for his physical condition. Mrs. Kobayashi turned around on her swivel and faced the children. "Miss Soryu, why is your shirt half on? And why are your umm... sticking out? Wait, I know that this occurs naturally, but can you please cover up before someone sees you."
"That's it I've had enough." Asuka grabbed a few handfuls of tissue paper and began stuffing her bra.
"Hmm, that's an improvement." As before, Shinji was getting nowhere with his humour. Asuka was beginning to get apoplectic. The reddening of her face was matching auburn hair. The phone on Mrs. Kobayashi's desk exploded into life. She reached for the phone, picking up the receiver and placing it next to her ear. Major Misato Katsuragi was on the other end. "Hello Major, yes I'm fine thank you, how are you? That's good to hear, the children? Yes, they're here with me. Yes, I'll tell them that. Anything else? Ok, good bye." Mrs. Kobayashi put the receiver back down.
"That was Major Katsuragi on the phone. She informs that you two are too be excused from school and sent home. She also tells me that she has the keys for the handcuffs you are wearing."
"Thank God for that." Asuka let out a sigh of relief.
"Finally. I can be freed from this prison from hell." Shinji was then hit over the head with Asuka free hand.
"Let's just get out of here."
"Good bye children."
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Now let's take a look at those cuffs." Misato's commanding voice towered over the children.
"Here." The two children raised their hands. Misato took Shinji's hand and turned it towards the keyhole of the cuff. She jiggled the keys inside the whole and inserted it into the lock. The metallic clink of the key hitting the lock echoed into the silent room. The trio stood in awe of what was about to happen. "C'mon, c'mon." Misato was trying to turn the key, but the lock wouldn't budge. Shinji was sweating from anticipation. Asuka was looking around the apartment, exhaling to pass the time. "Friggin' hell, open already." Misato was getting frustrated with the key and lock. "Here you try Shinji." She passed the keys over to Shinji. He played with the lock as Asuka interrupted him. "Give me the keys stupid."
"God damn it Asuka I almost had it."
"Oh, will you just shut up already. Your..."
"I'm what?"
"Complaining or saying you're sorry."
"Alright, I'm sorry I ever met you, I'm sorry that you had to move in, I'm sorry that your making my WRIST BLEED, I'm sorry that we're chained together, I'm sorry that your such a bitch, I'm sorry for today and I'm sorry that I don't live up to your standards. There, you happy?" Asuka was speechless. The stopped herself from playing with the keys as she looked up at Shinji's face, staring deep into his eyes. They were bloodshot and tearing. What he said was the truth, but it wasn't his fault. Thankfully Misato stepped in. "Hey, what's this?"
"Huh?" The two pilots asked in unison.
"EVA brand handcuffs, titanium plated, layers of armour, just like a real EVA?"
"No wonder the police keys don't work. This pair must of come from NERV."
"WWWWHHHHHYYYYYY?" Asuka raised her fists into the air and shouted out.
"Oh God." The doorbell rang.
"You two stay here." Misato ran off to get the door.
"It's not like we can go anywhere like this anyway." Shinji lost feeling in his wrist and left arm.
"Hey Touji."
"Hi Ms. Misato."
"Are you looking for Shinji?"
"Yeah, I've got something for him." Touji lifted up a hacksaw and pointed it towards his wrists.
"Oh I see. You can try if you want." Misato walked back into the living room with Touji. "Hey guys. (Insert cheesy chained joke here, yes this is meant to be here)"
"You want to try being chained to her for a day and you'll see."
"Don't have a hissy fit Shinji, I was only joking. Now, I here to help you guys out." He lifted up his hacksaw. "I found this at school during Workshop, I need you two to lay the chain out flat. Misato can you please get a cutting board or something?"
"Sure." Misato went off the get the cutting board, while Shinji and Asuka were trying to decide which direction to head. Asuka took control and jerked left, towards the TV. Shinji jerked right towards his SDAT player. They both ended up on the floor with red, sore wrists. "Here will do." Touji stepped into the middle of them. Misato returned with the cutting board and placed it under the chain. Touji took a firm grip of the chain and slid the hacksaw back and forth. The mechanical grinding shrieked into the room. A few minutes later Touji lifted up the hacksaw and stared at it. "The hell?" The cuffs had worn down the saw until there wasn't a blade attached to it. Shinji bashed his head against the floor, Asuka helped by placing her hand on the back of his head, slamming his head into the floor.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Kensuke had come over to the Katsuragi residence with his home made "welding kit", complete with face shield and oxy-flame torch. He got the two pilots to hold the hand out the window as he used the torch. The good news was that it failed miserably. The bad news was that everybody forgot about the conduction of heat through metal. Both Shinji and Asuka had now joined forces ear lashing Kensuke and proceeding to smack him out. The chain was red hot and Misato had a bright idea on putting it in water for it to cool down. Too bad, the water had other ideas. Instead of cooling down the burns and chain, it only cooled down the chain and aggravated the burns. Now, the two pilots had red, sore, burnt, blistered and extremely painful wrists. "Kensuke, when I get out of this I am going to kill you." Asuka shot a death glare at him.
"Same over here you little git."
"Huh, not even a thank you. So much for trying to help."
"Settle down guys." Misato stepped in. "Look arguing with each other is going to get you no where. I'm going to call Maya now and ask her to check the possibility of finding a tool strong enough to cut through that chain. So don't freak out on me yet alright?"
"Freak out? Freak out? You try being chained to a pathetic moron the entire day, then get ridiculed by your entire class, then come home to two of the dumbest stooges in the entire world. One of them wants to cut your arm of, while the other wants to burn it off. And you're telling me not to freak out? I am beyond freaked out. I am at the pinnacle of insanity." Asuka was fuming.
"I think I'll push you off that pinnacle. At least it would be funnier if you were a nutcase instead of an over-bearing sadistic bitch." Asuka pulled out her hand the bucket of water. She knelt over and dumped the contents of the bucket over Shinji, leaving the bucket on his head. She then did her best Muhammad Ali impression and repeatedly hit the bucket. Shinji's covered head swayed back and fourth until it finally rested on the ground not moving. "That should shut him up for a while." Asuka grinned satisfactorily. The phone rang, Misato grabbed the phone. "Katsuragi residence, yes, Maya it's you, yeah, yeah, your serious, their not going to be happy but I'll tell them, ok, bye." Misato put the phone down, she walked over to Asuka, Shinji and the now empty bucket. "Guys I have some good news and some bad news."
"Go on." Asuka turned around to face Misato.
"Well, the bad news is that there is no weapon known to the Magi System that can cut such a material. So you two will be spending some more time together."
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Asuka's cry echoed in the silent apartment block. Kensuke and Touji's jaws dropped. Shinji on the other hand was still unconscious. "But what about my future? My first date, my first boyfriend, my first experience of everything! How am I going to get married? Imagine that, I, Asuka Langley Soryu, the Second Child was to be married with a moron chained to her arm. What would people say? I would be ruined!"
"Asuka, you finished you "oh-woe-is-me" speech? You never let me finish, the good news is that there is still a small chance that Ritsuko could develop a tool, which could cut the cuffs. However, that would talk 7 to 9 months for designing, developing, testing and finally creating the finished product."
"7-9 months? Impossible! I'd rather die than wait another second!" Asuka was having a fit. A moan escaped Shinji's mouth. "Shut up you god damned idiot!" She backhanded the bucket.
"Could you just leave Shinji alone for a couple of minutes?" Touji asked the enraged Asuka.
"Leave him alone? Leave him alone? You try being chained up to him like this all day. My reputation is ruined because of him. I have no life anymore, I'm a social outcast!"
"Geez, settle down. If you took it like he did maybe you'll see that you're not so bad off."
"What? You want me to get knocked out several times a day?" Asuka smirked sarcastically.
"No, I'm not saying that..." The heated argument continued as Misato and Kensuke just watched.
Several Minutes later...
"What the hell are you on about Shinji?" Asuka screamed at the top of her voice. In the background, the television was glowing with a documentary of dinosaurs. Apparently, when a mummy dinosaur and a daddy dinosaur love each other very much they have baby dinosaurs. Slouched, Misato sat drinking a beer and watching contently. But anyway, broken glass, plates and assorted living room decor was scattered over the floor. Kensuke and Touji had claimed the overturned couch as a bunker from Asuka's rage. The both of them taken refuge as well as popcorn, both of them munched as they watch the raging Asuka and Shinji. "You know what Asuka? If there was anyone in the entire world capable of making one of those dinosaurs sterile with just an attitude, you would be it."
"You know what Shinji, I'm gonna hit you so hard, that you'll have to undo you fly just to say hello."
"You know what Asuka, you get smarter the shorter you skirt gets."
The room fell silent. Misato turned and looked toward Shinji and Asuka. Touji and Kensuke did the same. Shinji turned to face Asuka. He opened his mouth, and just as he was to speak, the doorbell rang. Misato go up and left for the door. "I'm here to help out Shinji and Asuka." Ritsuko stood at the door with a Swiss Army knife in her hand. With a quick flick, a blade popped open and started to glow.
Several hours later....
"Its so good to be free!" Asuka was elated. The music was pumping and the party was alive. The two newly free children had every single known person in their small apartment. Gifts lined the table, small handcuffs, hacksaws and files were the most common. A fish bowl with a fish and decorative thumb cuffs sat still near the middle of the table. "Yeah that's the best thing you've ever said." Shinji was overcome by the amount of people that turned out to the impromptu party. "What are you going to call your fish?" Hikari asked intriguingly.
"Umm... how about, Charlie?" Shinji pondered.
"Charlie?" Hikari questioned.
"Yeah, Charlie the Wonder Fish." Asuka jumped in. For once she was agreeing to Shinji instead of degrading him. "Hey I got and idea." Touji grabbed the fish bowl and placed it on top of a speaker.
"What are you doing?" Misato asked. He jumped to the controls and turned on the extra bass configuration. The fish started to jerk to the beat of the bass. The entire crowd erupted into laughter. (Why? I have no idea. Maybe someone spiked the drinks, but we'll never know...)
The night flew by, time passed like water through a sift. Party tricks were flying left and right. Touji was trying to prove his strength by head butting a block of ice cubes. He ended up with a sore head and was out cold for a minute. The girls weren't going to be left in the dark. They had a competition of their own. Obviously, the alcohol had gotten to them. Somehow, Misato organised a game to see who could take their bra off the fastest, without removing their shirt.
Misato, Ritsuko and Hikari had managed to do it. Rei was still trying to grasp the concept of doing. Asuka, however, in her haste had gotten stuck somehow. Her arms were tangled and her bra was painfully restricting her movement. "I feel about as smart as a potato right now." Asuka whimpered in her defeat.
"They're pretty smart you know." Shinji tried to lift her spirits.
"Yeah," Touji butted in. "They know how to make starch."
"Touji, you absolute tool, Hikari shook her head at him. "Asuka's in trouble and all you can do is laugh at her. You too Shinji."
Both they boys, now looking down at the floor, burst into laughter. Just the metal image of Asuka set them off. "As soon as I out of this, I'm going to throttle you both." Asuka warned the two laughing fools.
"Yeah, if you were so smart, you wouldn't have got stuck in the first place" Shinji managed to say between laughs. Asuka glared at Shinji. Kaji quietly chuckled in the background, Misato sitting braless next to him. Her well-trained gaze stared down at him. He quickly backed off. Asuka left the room and went somewhere. She returned with a liquid paper pen. "I'm going to enjoy this." She grabbed Shinji's head and forced him to the floor. His pitiful resistance was no match for Asuka's rage. The pen made its way to Shinji's nose, trying to force itself into his nasal canal. "Ha, who's an idiot now Shinji? I'm not the one who's going to die from Liquid Paper fumes." Asuka yelled, as she laughed sadistically.
Well, after that incident, everyone got drunk and was bombed out. Several hours had passed, and the group ended up just falling asleep on each other.
Morning.....
The bright sunlight shone into the alleyway. A sleepy Misato cuddled up against a sleeping Kaji. The two had seemed to have spend the night together. The ruffled dark hair was strewn across the two. Misato pulled out her hand to rub her eyes. A sudden weight grabbed at her left hand. The still sleeping Kaji was unaware of the sharp feeling in his right hand. Misato tried to stretch her sleepy body, her hands hitting garbage, and slightly being pulled down. "Hey Kaji, wake up. We're in an alleyway."
"Hmm... five more minutes mum." Was his only response.
"C'mon sleepy head, get up." Misato tried to get Kaji to wake up, but to no avail.
"What the?" Misato stared inquisitively at her left hand. A solid handcuffed stared back at her in the face. "Oh, shit....."
End
Secret Hidden Stuff Your Not Meant To See....
Gendo sat at his desk, Fuyutuski standing by his side. The two watching the previous day on a small television screen. "It seems that the project was a success. We were able to find a way for the Second and Third Child to communicate and share ideas with each other, whether negative or positive."
"Yes Fuyutuski. But that was not the only purpose of the project. I felt a certain resentment for not being there for my son. This was the only way I could get my son a date."
"Get him a date?" Fuyutuski was puzzled.
"Yes, this was the true reason for the project. It seemed a good idea at the time."
"Then how do you explain the Ryouji and Katsuragi situation?"
"Same thing, except that these two need to understand and work with each other better."
"You sly, sly, dog." Fuyutski shook his head in resentment. Gendo just smiled and admired his work.
Real End
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Author's Notes
Well there you have it. Like it or not you read it. Any questions, comments, fan/hate mail to storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Thanks to Jim Lazar for the ideas on warnings.
I would like to thank everyone who proofread, contributed (some without them knowing), acknowledged and read the fic. I would also like to thank my co-authors, ideas people, my friends for being weird, all those people who think that we can life in a happy world and finally my brain for putting it all together on paper. As well as this, I would like to thank everybody who was able to read this fic without having to wipe the tears from their eyes.
Keep on being the people you are,
Ryo Kusanagi
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Evangelion: Chained 2
Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by...you know the drill lets get on with the fic. If you don't know who owns Neon Genesis Evangelion by now, what the hell are you doing here? But with that
note I do own all of the ACCs so just drop a line if you want to use them. The characters might be a little OOC, but wouldn't you be???
Evangelion: Chained 2 was written, created and whatever else you want to say by Ryo Kusanagi, Thang Khung and Sylph and published in the year 2001. And finally a BIG THANKS TO K-LEY LASKITT, who originally came up with the idea, but was too lazy to finish it.... (joking K-Ley)
Evangelion: Chained 2
Any email about the fic - Queries, comments, additions, fan/hate mail are to be sent to
storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Warning Section
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Warning: If anyone sees this fic as being an insight into their own lives, they should get out a lot more...
Warning: Writing fics and warnings are really hard. Please send money help the author churn out more extremely funny and weird stuff. (Large note denominations only)
Warning: This is a pointless warning.
Warning: Thiss warrnink is mmsipelt.
Warning: This fic was comprised during many late nights and when the author/s was suffering from extreme insomnia. The use (digestion, not drug related) of jelly crystals was also used on some occasions. If you ever feel that the author/s were ever in anyway trying to confuse the readers, you have every right to do so because that's what we intended. And finally if any part of this fic doesn't make sense, just sue us.
Warning: If you ever do become chained to someone (hopefully a person you actually like), the best thing to do is pull out a hacksaw, but as fate would have it, it won't work here.
Enjoy
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Lastime...
The doctor folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Listen, here, missy. You young bucks aren't the only ones who like to have a good time."
"Go grow a brain" mutters Asuka under her breath as her and the newly recovered Shinji left the surgery with Misato.
"Damn I need a beer." Misato sighed.
"My head hurts." Shinji complained.
"Shut up you idiot!" Asuka replied with a yank and almost pulled him to the floor.
"Now, you two tell me how in the world did you get to be like this?" Misato asked trying to keep calm.
"Well..." Shinji started.
"We woke up in an alley..." Asuka stated
"And we found ourselves chained together..."
"And that's when I hit the pervert for lying on my chest..."
"And it hurt..."
"That's when I found where his hand was..."
"And then she kneed me right where it hurts..."
"Okay, okay I get the idea. What did you do next?" Misato asked.
"We got out of the bin..." Shinji continued.
"And got to school..." Asuka finished.
"And that was when you to had a fight and you knocked out Shinji, right?" Misato asked Asuka.
"Yep." Shinji confirmed
"That's right" Asuka agreed with a smile "Good hit wasn't it?"
"Okay you two get back to school." Misato ordered
"Whhaaaaattttt!! What about us?!" Shinji and Asuka lifted up their chained hands.
"I'll go to the police station and see if I can get the keys to the chain and handcuffs". Misato explained to them.
"Okay, but hurry about it. I'm not sure if I can still hold down the urgers to knock him out again." Asuka glared at Shinji.
Shinji just cowered as far as the chain would let him go.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Back at school, the two troublesome teenagers where on their way to their P.E. lesson that's when trouble began to really stir up.
Asuka was walking to the girls' change rooms with Hikari and Shinji was on his way to the boys' change rooms with Touji and Kensuke.
"OUCH!" Shinji yelled.
"AHHH!" Askua howled.
Both Shinji and Asuka were yanked back toward each other.
Both of them didn't know what to do.
Hikari just shrugged and walked off to get changed.
Touji and Kensuke followed suit in the other direction.
"Lucky bastard!" Touji mentioned as he walked past.
"You don't know half of it..." Shinji replied.
"Shit! What am I going to do now?" Asuka demanded.
"Umm... Get changed?" Shinji suggested
"How, idiot?" Asuka shot back holding up her chained hand ready to knock him out.
Shinji backed away half a step as far as the chain would let him go and began to try and figure away out of this mess.
"Double Shit!" Asuka cut Shinji's deep thinking.
"What now?" Shinji asked.
"None of your business!" Asuka replied.
Shinji went back to his thinking.
"We can't go to P.E. because the gorilla Ms. Toma would send us to the principal's office. That would really be bad, since some idiot made a rule against wearing handcuff and chains. We can't get changed because the girls' change room is here and the boys' change rooms are over there. But... how if we get changed one at a time? Seeing Asuka getting changed would..." Shinji shook his head as he realised where his thoughts were getting to. That was when he noticed Asuka shuffling about and crossing her legs. That was the moment Shinji knew what Asuka's problem was.
"You need to take a wizz don't you?" Shinji quizzed Asuka and eyed her with a smile.
Asuka couldn't resist anymore and ran to the girls' toilets pulling Shinji with her.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Keep still you pervert. I'm trying to pee here."
"Well your not really helping?"
Shinji's face was pressed against the toilet door.
That was when Rei entered the female toilet.
"Hello, Shinji why are you in the girls' toilets?" Rei asked
"Well... ummm..." Shinji was completely lost for words as this was a new experience for him.
"Is it normal for you to escort Asuka to the toilet?"
"Shut up Wondergirl!" Asuka yelled out from behind the door. She was leaning forward, arm chained to Shinji while holding the door shut with her other hand.
"Fascinating. Would you like to escort me to the toilet Shinji."
"Jesus Christ Asuka, can you hurry up?"
"You can talk, you're the one who took half an hour to take a piss, remember?"
"How can I forget? You were practically holding it for me."
"Oh ha ha Shinji. I really wanted to be chained to you for this long. Oh yeah, I want you. I need you. Oh baby, oh baby." Asuka said sarcastically and gave the door an extra hard shove. Squashing Shinji's hand between the door and wall.
The chain only made it worse.
"Why thank you Asuka. I never knew I meant that much to you."
"You know were going to be late for PE right?"
"Yeah, but if you don't shut the hell up we'll won't be."
"You know this could be a lot easier if you just opened the door."
"What do you a peep show now? I'm not a $2 whore you know. I do have dignity."
"Oh sorry I forgot. Queen-of-fricken-everything has got a sense dignity. Can you piss a little harder so we can get the hell out of here?"
"Can you just shut up! I'm pissing as hard as I can here." Shinji returned to his thoughts, he was getting the idea that this was going to be a very, very long day. While his mind was thinking, his ears picked up something. Asuka had stopped pissing and was shuffling about in the small cubical.
"Can we go yet?" Shinji asked as he stared at his purpling arm. "My arm's loosing circulation."
"Is there something wrong with you? Just let me finish putting on my panties and we can go. It bloody hard with just one hand."
"Really? You need a hand back there?"
"I've gotten more than I've ever wanted Shinji." Asuka realising what she had just said tried to save face. "You even think of taking a peek you little perverted freak, I will smash your little brain out of your god damn nose!" Shinji remembering the incident from before with the classroom door tried to retreat without much result. Asuka just kept complaining out the situation with a string of Japanese, English and German swear words.
Meanwhile, the boys and girls of 2-A were busy getting changed...
"Man, I really feel sorry for Shinji getting chained up like that." Kensuke sat slumped on the bench.
"True, true. Well, at least while his there, he might be able to score a little action with that red headed devil."
Same conversation, different place...
"You know, I feel really sorry for Asuka getting chained up to a loser like Shinji." Hikari was getting her top on.
"Yeah, Asuka must really be having a hard time."
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Good work. It seems that the treatment is working on the subjects."
"Yes indeed. It seems that chaining them up together has made them more likely to be prone to anger attacks."
"These made be deemed as good when an attack comes"
The two scientists stared down at a chart full of numbers and graphs.
"Yes, it seems when the two are stimulated they react in a positive manner towards the target."
"Indeed, if we can channel this energy for when they have to use their weapons, we will be able to have a chain of super fighters." The second scientist played around with the numbers as the first watched. The screen first blacked and then, a flash of colour and movement came on. The words "THE NEW AGE WARRIORS" flashed on the screen. Two characters were chained together, their wrists almost bleeding from them pulling on each other. They both wielded a huge sword that shone like the sun. The faces of the scientists were illuminated by the programme. (HA! Had you going there didn't I?)
"You know what Asuka, this "chain" experience could have a positive effect." Shinji was trying to look optimistic.
"What do you mean?"
"Well for a start, so far all we have done is bicker and curse at each other."
"Yeah, and your point is?"
"Well, FUCK YOU BITCH! I"VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! LET ME OUT!" Shinji's sudden outburst caused Asuka to jump back, pulling Shinji with her.
"You know we still have to get changed right?" Asuka was still stunned at the outburst, but her senses returned to her quickly.
"Huh?"
"What are you deaf?"
"How are we going to do this?"
"How would I know? You're the one who went to college and all."
"Well that never prepared me for this!"
"Who the hell cares! How are we going to do this?"
"Look I'll turn around and get changed while you stare straight at that wall over there. If I so much as hear, see, feel, or think that your looking at me, I'll knock you damn head off your neck. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Shinji saluted to Asuka as he turns around, military style.
"Oh God you're and idiot." Asuka opened her bag and pull out her P.E. clothes and shoes. She draped them over her bag as she pulled off her shirt. Shinji on the other hand was sweating, his brain was clocking a million miles an hour. Should he look? Should he pull the chain to make it look like he was scratching something so she would jerk around towards him? What should he do? What was right? He felt his own hand, the one on the chain, being pulled back and forth with Asuka. The shuffling from behind him had suddenly stopped. "Quick, hide." Asuka pulled over her baggy top as she barked out at Shinji. The two hid inside the door. "It's your turn."
Shinji turned around to a sight he though he would never see in a million years.
Two familiar voices weren't heard by the chained couple. "Did you get the shots?"
"Hell, yeah!"
"These will sell for heaps!"
"Who would of thought that Asuka was stupid enough to get changed in front of the change room instead of inside."
"Who cares? We got the shots of her getting changed now lets go make some cash."
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Oh, my, god. How can she go around walking like that?" Hikari thought to herself, as she watched Asuka charge into the room, with Shinji giggling behind her. The rest of the class didn't mind the view. Correction, the rest of the male part of the class didn't mind the view. The females except for one, however, were in shock. It wasn't the first time the boys had stared, so Asuka didn't mind. But the girls, why were they staring? It was probably the fact that they felt sorry for her. Why the hell was Shinji laughing? Asuka's brain was going as fast as Shinji's had. The two of them sat down, rather, Asuka sat down and then Shinji was dragged down. Hikari moved from her spot and whispered in Asuka's ear. "Hey, you only have half your shirt on."
"What? What do you mean?" Asuka looked down, she saw the state that she was in. Her P.E. shirt had only one arm in it. Her chained arm and her body were basically out of it. The shirt had crossed over one of her breasts and only part of her mid section.
Shinji's hysterically laugher spewed out at its hardest at this point.
The whole male student body in the P.E. class either gagged at the sight that was before them or were laughing. The girls were all shocked and surprised at the antics that the reputable Asuka had done. Asuka was now blushing in extreme embarrassment at the state she was in. When she saw Shinji laughing at her expense she grew more redder almost as red as the mane on her hair due to the anger building up inside her. Asuka just saw the boy laughing fit to burst. He was laughing at her. Asuka Langley Soryou. No one and I repeat no one can laugh at me! Let alone Shinji. Anyway he may be a no one. Fuck it! This bastard is dead! I wont forget this! Asuka jumped up yanking Shinji up to his feet and almost dislocating his shoulder, which made him, laugh and cry in pain in the same time. Asuka then ran out of the gym with Shinji in tow. She had to get out of this chain or Shinji will have to die!
"YOU BLOODY IDIOTIC PERVERT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT I WASN'T FULLY DRESSED?" Asuka yelled at sonic boom level.
"Huh?! What you say?" Shinji asked "I lost you after 'you...' Some plane must have been speeding in the low fly zone."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WASN'T FULLY DRESSED?" Asuka ear lashed Shinji.
"Hey take it easy. Don't get your tits in a tangle!" Shinji remarked. "I was so surprised when you pulled me for cover and shoved me under you I forgot everything when I felt your...um...hoo hoo's?" pointed at Asuka's breast "...on my head" Shinji explained.
"WHAT YOU GOD DAMN FEELER! TRYING TO GROPE ME WHEN IT'S A BLOODY EMERGENCY YOU PERVERT!" Asuka was reaching the upper limits of the decibel spectrum.
"Umm...how in the world did you get your school dress off let alone put on the sports top?" Shinji asked intrigued at this paradox (Trust me I've seen it before. I speak from experience. It's impossible.)
"YOU WERE PERVING AT ME WHEN I TOOK MY SCHOOL DRESS OFF!?! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE A DRESS OFF YOU SPINELESS WIMP!" Asuka set new records in sound level with mega distortion and poor quality. "The hell... how did I get rid of the school dress?"
"Huh? you finished?" Shinji inquired taking off his earmuffs, the blood from his ears had stained them.
"How the hell did I get rid of the school dress? And how would you know if it were possible to take off a dress when you chained to a brainless oak tree?" Asuka asked Shinji with a agitation but at a normal vacuum cleaner level.
"I dunno. But don't you get this weird feeling that parts of today are missing? Like we slept and didn't know anything that happened." Shinji asked.
"What?! Really?! Oak trees have these sort of feelings?" Asuka looked wide-eyed at Shinji. "Guess I'm the only sane person on earth!"
"No. I'm serious Asuka. This is really getting on my nerves. Like when we went to sleep and woke up chained together in some alleyway. And how the hell you got your dress off. But I guess you were the only one that would know. and how I got to the hospital." Shinji counting the times off
"I knocked you out then you idiot!" Asuka said, "And you woke up in hospital." Asuka smiled at the memory as Shinji was out cold.
"Could Asuka Langley Soryu and Shinji Ikari please come to my office. I repeat could Asuka Langley Soryu and Shinji Ikari please come to my office. Thank you." The corridor speaker blared
"What now?!" Asuka sighed. "Guess nothing could get..."
"Don't say it!" Shinji tried to stop her from finishing. But he was to late
"...worse."
A heavens opened and a thunderstorm ripped the sun to bits and made it cry in rivers.
"You just had to say it didn't you?!" Shinji said.
"Will you shut up?"
The rain began to fall in buckets as the two chained kids tried to run through the rain. Rivulets began to form on their faces. Asuka rounded a corner to get into some sort of shade from the rain, Shinji followed behind. Or rather, Asuka rounded the corner and Shinji was pulled into a corner wall. His head was banging, the bash had almost given him a concussion.
"Oh hurry up!" Asuka snarled. She yanked viciously on the chain, jerking Shinji out of his daze. They ran crazily on until Asuka skidded wildly on a patch of grass.
"Aaarrgh!" Down they went, face first into a big puddle that was far deeper than it looked. For a while they were a mess of arms and legs as both struggled frantically to get up. Asuka won, pulling her face out of the water. The cold water splashed over the two. Asuka's hair matted as she tried to clamber out. Shinji was face down as she tried to kick him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Asuka gasped, grabbing Shinji's shirt.
"Ggloomp, ggloomp, ggloomp." Bubbles of air burst out at the surface of the water. Shinji's head was still submerged. Swearing, Asuka yanked on a handful of Shinji's hair, pulling his head from the puddle. Chest heaving, he gasped for air.
"You moron! You could have killed me, you clumsy git!" yelled Asuka.
"Ha? Wha?"
"I almost suffocated down there, thanks to you! Come on! Get a move on, dammit!"
"How is it my fault?" Shinji protested. "Who's the clumsy git who slipped?"
"I could have drowned!"
"That would have been something. Death of Asuka Langley Soryu, the Second Child, pilot of Eva Unit 02, drowns in puddle while handcuffed to her classmate and mortal enemy. Sadly missed by all who knew her...NOT!"
"Oh, speak for yourself, Shinji! Like anyone would care if you drowned!"
His eyes twitched, he saw something, something hard. Well two hard somethings anyway. He mustered up enough strength to blurt out, "Hey Asuka, your, umm.... are umm.... sticking ummm.... out umm...."
"What?!?" The rain soaked Asuka stuttered.
"You heard what I said." The belting rain was relentless, it was still pouring and the two of them were being soaked to the bone. Asuka and Shinji faces were a pale white as drops of water rolled down their skin. Their teeth were clattering, their bodies were shivering to conserver precious body heat. Asuka crossed her arms as she brushed over something hard.
"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" At this point, Shinji received his third concussion of the day.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Exhausted, drenched, bruised and bleeding, they stood dripping in front of Mrs. Kobayashi's desk. He looked coldly down at them, his eyes taking in the handcuffs, the huge bump on Shinji's head, and Asuka's barely-there shirt. "Major Katsuragi has told me of your predicament and I'm going to be easy on you and let you two continue on like this." Mrs. Kobayashi sat in her brown leather chair, with her back to the chained children. Likely for them, she couldn't see the state they were in. Unlikely, however, Shinji was still seeing stars and Asuka was, well, a newly indicted member to the University of Hard Knocks(ers). They were both still dripping from the recent rain and were very, very unhappy about it. "Now, since there is a rule stating that students are not allowed to come to school chained to each other, I will let you two off because I have been informed that this could be some sort of terrorist attack."
"Well, chained up to Asuka for most of today seems like being in a hostage situation." Shinji felt a sudden loss of blood in his leg. The vessels had clotted up and were creating a very large, blue bruise. Shinji's light humour did wonders for his physical condition. Mrs. Kobayashi turned around on her swivel and faced the children. "Miss Soryu, why is your shirt half on? And why are your umm... sticking out? Wait, I know that this occurs naturally, but can you please cover up before someone sees you."
"That's it I've had enough." Asuka grabbed a few handfuls of tissue paper and began stuffing her bra.
"Hmm, that's an improvement." As before, Shinji was getting nowhere with his humour. Asuka was beginning to get apoplectic. The reddening of her face was matching auburn hair. The phone on Mrs. Kobayashi's desk exploded into life. She reached for the phone, picking up the receiver and placing it next to her ear. Major Misato Katsuragi was on the other end. "Hello Major, yes I'm fine thank you, how are you? That's good to hear, the children? Yes, they're here with me. Yes, I'll tell them that. Anything else? Ok, good bye." Mrs. Kobayashi put the receiver back down.
"That was Major Katsuragi on the phone. She informs that you two are too be excused from school and sent home. She also tells me that she has the keys for the handcuffs you are wearing."
"Thank God for that." Asuka let out a sigh of relief.
"Finally. I can be freed from this prison from hell." Shinji was then hit over the head with Asuka free hand.
"Let's just get out of here."
"Good bye children."
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
"Now let's take a look at those cuffs." Misato's commanding voice towered over the children.
"Here." The two children raised their hands. Misato took Shinji's hand and turned it towards the keyhole of the cuff. She jiggled the keys inside the whole and inserted it into the lock. The metallic clink of the key hitting the lock echoed into the silent room. The trio stood in awe of what was about to happen. "C'mon, c'mon." Misato was trying to turn the key, but the lock wouldn't budge. Shinji was sweating from anticipation. Asuka was looking around the apartment, exhaling to pass the time. "Friggin' hell, open already." Misato was getting frustrated with the key and lock. "Here you try Shinji." She passed the keys over to Shinji. He played with the lock as Asuka interrupted him. "Give me the keys stupid."
"God damn it Asuka I almost had it."
"Oh, will you just shut up already. Your..."
"I'm what?"
"Complaining or saying you're sorry."
"Alright, I'm sorry I ever met you, I'm sorry that you had to move in, I'm sorry that your making my WRIST BLEED, I'm sorry that we're chained together, I'm sorry that your such a bitch, I'm sorry for today and I'm sorry that I don't live up to your standards. There, you happy?" Asuka was speechless. The stopped herself from playing with the keys as she looked up at Shinji's face, staring deep into his eyes. They were bloodshot and tearing. What he said was the truth, but it wasn't his fault. Thankfully Misato stepped in. "Hey, what's this?"
"Huh?" The two pilots asked in unison.
"EVA brand handcuffs, titanium plated, layers of armour, just like a real EVA?"
"No wonder the police keys don't work. This pair must of come from NERV."
"WWWWHHHHHYYYYYY?" Asuka raised her fists into the air and shouted out.
"Oh God." The doorbell rang.
"You two stay here." Misato ran off to get the door.
"It's not like we can go anywhere like this anyway." Shinji lost feeling in his wrist and left arm.
"Hey Touji."
"Hi Ms. Misato."
"Are you looking for Shinji?"
"Yeah, I've got something for him." Touji lifted up a hacksaw and pointed it towards his wrists.
"Oh I see. You can try if you want." Misato walked back into the living room with Touji. "Hey guys. (Insert cheesy chained joke here, yes this is meant to be here)"
"You want to try being chained to her for a day and you'll see."
"Don't have a hissy fit Shinji, I was only joking. Now, I here to help you guys out." He lifted up his hacksaw. "I found this at school during Workshop, I need you two to lay the chain out flat. Misato can you please get a cutting board or something?"
"Sure." Misato went off the get the cutting board, while Shinji and Asuka were trying to decide which direction to head. Asuka took control and jerked left, towards the TV. Shinji jerked right towards his SDAT player. They both ended up on the floor with red, sore wrists. "Here will do." Touji stepped into the middle of them. Misato returned with the cutting board and placed it under the chain. Touji took a firm grip of the chain and slid the hacksaw back and forth. The mechanical grinding shrieked into the room. A few minutes later Touji lifted up the hacksaw and stared at it. "The hell?" The cuffs had worn down the saw until there wasn't a blade attached to it. Shinji bashed his head against the floor, Asuka helped by placing her hand on the back of his head, slamming his head into the floor.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Kensuke had come over to the Katsuragi residence with his home made "welding kit", complete with face shield and oxy-flame torch. He got the two pilots to hold the hand out the window as he used the torch. The good news was that it failed miserably. The bad news was that everybody forgot about the conduction of heat through metal. Both Shinji and Asuka had now joined forces ear lashing Kensuke and proceeding to smack him out. The chain was red hot and Misato had a bright idea on putting it in water for it to cool down. Too bad, the water had other ideas. Instead of cooling down the burns and chain, it only cooled down the chain and aggravated the burns. Now, the two pilots had red, sore, burnt, blistered and extremely painful wrists. "Kensuke, when I get out of this I am going to kill you." Asuka shot a death glare at him.
"Same over here you little git."
"Huh, not even a thank you. So much for trying to help."
"Settle down guys." Misato stepped in. "Look arguing with each other is going to get you no where. I'm going to call Maya now and ask her to check the possibility of finding a tool strong enough to cut through that chain. So don't freak out on me yet alright?"
"Freak out? Freak out? You try being chained to a pathetic moron the entire day, then get ridiculed by your entire class, then come home to two of the dumbest stooges in the entire world. One of them wants to cut your arm of, while the other wants to burn it off. And you're telling me not to freak out? I am beyond freaked out. I am at the pinnacle of insanity." Asuka was fuming.
"I think I'll push you off that pinnacle. At least it would be funnier if you were a nutcase instead of an over-bearing sadistic bitch." Asuka pulled out her hand the bucket of water. She knelt over and dumped the contents of the bucket over Shinji, leaving the bucket on his head. She then did her best Muhammad Ali impression and repeatedly hit the bucket. Shinji's covered head swayed back and fourth until it finally rested on the ground not moving. "That should shut him up for a while." Asuka grinned satisfactorily. The phone rang, Misato grabbed the phone. "Katsuragi residence, yes, Maya it's you, yeah, yeah, your serious, their not going to be happy but I'll tell them, ok, bye." Misato put the phone down, she walked over to Asuka, Shinji and the now empty bucket. "Guys I have some good news and some bad news."
"Go on." Asuka turned around to face Misato.
"Well, the bad news is that there is no weapon known to the Magi System that can cut such a material. So you two will be spending some more time together."
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Asuka's cry echoed in the silent apartment block. Kensuke and Touji's jaws dropped. Shinji on the other hand was still unconscious. "But what about my future? My first date, my first boyfriend, my first experience of everything! How am I going to get married? Imagine that, I, Asuka Langley Soryu, the Second Child was to be married with a moron chained to her arm. What would people say? I would be ruined!"
"Asuka, you finished you "oh-woe-is-me" speech? You never let me finish, the good news is that there is still a small chance that Ritsuko could develop a tool, which could cut the cuffs. However, that would talk 7 to 9 months for designing, developing, testing and finally creating the finished product."
"7-9 months? Impossible! I'd rather die than wait another second!" Asuka was having a fit. A moan escaped Shinji's mouth. "Shut up you god damned idiot!" She backhanded the bucket.
"Could you just leave Shinji alone for a couple of minutes?" Touji asked the enraged Asuka.
"Leave him alone? Leave him alone? You try being chained up to him like this all day. My reputation is ruined because of him. I have no life anymore, I'm a social outcast!"
"Geez, settle down. If you took it like he did maybe you'll see that you're not so bad off."
"What? You want me to get knocked out several times a day?" Asuka smirked sarcastically.
"No, I'm not saying that..." The heated argument continued as Misato and Kensuke just watched.
Several Minutes later...
"What the hell are you on about Shinji?" Asuka screamed at the top of her voice. In the background, the television was glowing with a documentary of dinosaurs. Apparently, when a mummy dinosaur and a daddy dinosaur love each other very much they have baby dinosaurs. Slouched, Misato sat drinking a beer and watching contently. But anyway, broken glass, plates and assorted living room decor was scattered over the floor. Kensuke and Touji had claimed the overturned couch as a bunker from Asuka's rage. The both of them taken refuge as well as popcorn, both of them munched as they watch the raging Asuka and Shinji. "You know what Asuka? If there was anyone in the entire world capable of making one of those dinosaurs sterile with just an attitude, you would be it."
"You know what Shinji, I'm gonna hit you so hard, that you'll have to undo you fly just to say hello."
"You know what Asuka, you get smarter the shorter you skirt gets."
The room fell silent. Misato turned and looked toward Shinji and Asuka. Touji and Kensuke did the same. Shinji turned to face Asuka. He opened his mouth, and just as he was to speak, the doorbell rang. Misato go up and left for the door. "I'm here to help out Shinji and Asuka." Ritsuko stood at the door with a Swiss Army knife in her hand. With a quick flick, a blade popped open and started to glow.
Several hours later....
"Its so good to be free!" Asuka was elated. The music was pumping and the party was alive. The two newly free children had every single known person in their small apartment. Gifts lined the table, small handcuffs, hacksaws and files were the most common. A fish bowl with a fish and decorative thumb cuffs sat still near the middle of the table. "Yeah that's the best thing you've ever said." Shinji was overcome by the amount of people that turned out to the impromptu party. "What are you going to call your fish?" Hikari asked intriguingly.
"Umm... how about, Charlie?" Shinji pondered.
"Charlie?" Hikari questioned.
"Yeah, Charlie the Wonder Fish." Asuka jumped in. For once she was agreeing to Shinji instead of degrading him. "Hey I got and idea." Touji grabbed the fish bowl and placed it on top of a speaker.
"What are you doing?" Misato asked. He jumped to the controls and turned on the extra bass configuration. The fish started to jerk to the beat of the bass. The entire crowd erupted into laughter. (Why? I have no idea. Maybe someone spiked the drinks, but we'll never know...)
The night flew by, time passed like water through a sift. Party tricks were flying left and right. Touji was trying to prove his strength by head butting a block of ice cubes. He ended up with a sore head and was out cold for a minute. The girls weren't going to be left in the dark. They had a competition of their own. Obviously, the alcohol had gotten to them. Somehow, Misato organised a game to see who could take their bra off the fastest, without removing their shirt.
Misato, Ritsuko and Hikari had managed to do it. Rei was still trying to grasp the concept of doing. Asuka, however, in her haste had gotten stuck somehow. Her arms were tangled and her bra was painfully restricting her movement. "I feel about as smart as a potato right now." Asuka whimpered in her defeat.
"They're pretty smart you know." Shinji tried to lift her spirits.
"Yeah," Touji butted in. "They know how to make starch."
"Touji, you absolute tool, Hikari shook her head at him. "Asuka's in trouble and all you can do is laugh at her. You too Shinji."
Both they boys, now looking down at the floor, burst into laughter. Just the metal image of Asuka set them off. "As soon as I out of this, I'm going to throttle you both." Asuka warned the two laughing fools.
"Yeah, if you were so smart, you wouldn't have got stuck in the first place" Shinji managed to say between laughs. Asuka glared at Shinji. Kaji quietly chuckled in the background, Misato sitting braless next to him. Her well-trained gaze stared down at him. He quickly backed off. Asuka left the room and went somewhere. She returned with a liquid paper pen. "I'm going to enjoy this." She grabbed Shinji's head and forced him to the floor. His pitiful resistance was no match for Asuka's rage. The pen made its way to Shinji's nose, trying to force itself into his nasal canal. "Ha, who's an idiot now Shinji? I'm not the one who's going to die from Liquid Paper fumes." Asuka yelled, as she laughed sadistically.
Well, after that incident, everyone got drunk and was bombed out. Several hours had passed, and the group ended up just falling asleep on each other.
Morning.....
The bright sunlight shone into the alleyway. A sleepy Misato cuddled up against a sleeping Kaji. The two had seemed to have spend the night together. The ruffled dark hair was strewn across the two. Misato pulled out her hand to rub her eyes. A sudden weight grabbed at her left hand. The still sleeping Kaji was unaware of the sharp feeling in his right hand. Misato tried to stretch her sleepy body, her hands hitting garbage, and slightly being pulled down. "Hey Kaji, wake up. We're in an alleyway."
"Hmm... five more minutes mum." Was his only response.
"C'mon sleepy head, get up." Misato tried to get Kaji to wake up, but to no avail.
"What the?" Misato stared inquisitively at her left hand. A solid handcuffed stared back at her in the face. "Oh, shit....."
End
Secret Hidden Stuff Your Not Meant To See....
Gendo sat at his desk, Fuyutuski standing by his side. The two watching the previous day on a small television screen. "It seems that the project was a success. We were able to find a way for the Second and Third Child to communicate and share ideas with each other, whether negative or positive."
"Yes Fuyutuski. But that was not the only purpose of the project. I felt a certain resentment for not being there for my son. This was the only way I could get my son a date."
"Get him a date?" Fuyutuski was puzzled.
"Yes, this was the true reason for the project. It seemed a good idea at the time."
"Then how do you explain the Ryouji and Katsuragi situation?"
"Same thing, except that these two need to understand and work with each other better."
"You sly, sly, dog." Fuyutski shook his head in resentment. Gendo just smiled and admired his work.
Real End
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Author's Notes
Well there you have it. Like it or not you read it. Any questions, comments, fan/hate mail to storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Thanks to Jim Lazar for the ideas on warnings.
I would like to thank everyone who proofread, contributed (some without them knowing), acknowledged and read the fic. I would also like to thank my co-authors, ideas people, my friends for being weird, all those people who think that we can life in a happy world and finally my brain for putting it all together on paper. As well as this, I would like to thank everybody who was able to read this fic without having to wipe the tears from their eyes.
Keep on being the people you are,
Ryo Kusanagi
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