Consequences
by Soul Hunter and TacomaSquall
Chapter 2:
An Unwanted Assignment
Merely a quarter past eleven and I was already dead tired. I
wonder what was wrong with me. It
didn't usually take this short a time or three morning subjects and one
homeroom to sap me of my strength. Well, there had been days when I'd feel a little less enthusiasm in
facing my daily regimen of facing both over-ebullient and half-hearted
students, and these were normally days when I'd come back from particularly
rigorous exercises that I have to perform in my duty as a SeeD.
Sometimes, I tend to wonder if it was worth holding both posts
at the same time. I used to be free of
these vain efforts to reconcile perpetually unresolvable questions. Times were a lot easier then. We didn't use
to worry about Galbadia's hostility or Esthar's position in international
affairs with their former stringent policy of keeping themselves invisible from
the outside world. We didn't have to
take into consideration the numerous countries and city-states that now
depended on us for keeping them on their toes with regards to security. We didn't give much thought to such things
then…
But that was before. That was during a time when we believed malevolent forces were much more
manageable… constrained to the now, with little references if ever to the
then. They didn't use to require much
of our attention. Besides, we were just
a military academy. We may be the
premier military school in the lot, but that didn't necessitate the vigilance
that we had to maintain now in lieu of what had just transpired some time
ago. Whereas before we can exercise a
degree of indifference with world affairs, now we just didn't have the luxury
anymore.
Not after Ultimecia… Not after a hatred-filled sorceress brought
to our attention the reality of a threat that can and did come from a time that
hasn't transpired yet. All of the
sudden, we started feeling that the blade fated to sever the world's life
string can come from any direction. We
began to realize that we just couldn't maintain the unruffled attitude that we
had before.
What brought us into this position in the first place? Was in enough reason that the warriors who
vanquished her came from our ranks? Did
it have to dictate the subsequent event of the world calling us the only force
that can protect this planet? I didn't
mean to sound ungrateful by asking that question. Ever since the culmination of the second Sorceress War, Garden
enrollment soared like never before. I
guess our destined mission of defeating Ultimecia brought more unforeseen fringe
benefits for Garden. And that should be
good. If anything, the whole incident
empowered us to do more than what we could by the mere explosive force of our
accomplishment.
But some wise old sage did say that with great power comes
greater responsibilities. And I don't
think that could apply more appropriately to anything else other than us. Now the world started looking at us as its
front line guardians. The first line of
defense.
And I don't think I appreciate that. It may look great at face value… but I've got enough problems of
my own.
Why did I have to be so damn loyal to Balamb Garden anyway?
This should be the point where I'd usually wallow in misery and
self-pity while pondering on the things that I wanted to accomplish and
blessings that were denied me. This
should be the time when I'd start wondering why no matter how hard I tried, I
just couldn't exactly reach the goal that for some reason, had remained unknown
to me. I knew I wanted to do something
with my life other than teach my students how to excel on their own using
skills that they would never even hear about if not for me. This should be the point where such glory
and right to exude vanity would only unveil the fact that something was missing
from my life. That the accolades would
prove to be nothing more than mere spotlights, revealing the truth that… I
sorely lacked for myself.
And around this time, I would start taking it out on myself and
on Squall. Why can't he love me like he
did Rinoa? Why couldn't he give me the
same devotion and importance that he so quickly and almost effortlessly gave
her? Why can't he…
No, I refuse to go there. Squall wasn't really my problem. Yes, maybe I did love him. Maybe
I still do. But the truth is… I don't
know if his love would eventually give me the completion that I badly
needed. His lack of ardor only stood as
a glaring result of my own inadequacy. If he weren't there, I'd probably be whining about something else. And it will all go to an endless cycle of
unrealized desires and the consequent self-reprisals until I found out for
myself what I really wanted to do.
What I really wanted to prove…
I suppose no matter how 'mature' others take me to be, there
will always be that certain level of uncertainty that I guess was inherent to
all teenagers. But somehow I don't like
the idea of seeing this as a mere result of the pressures of adolescence. I'm eighteen years old, shouldn't I be
beyond such concerns by now? What did
Selphie call me once… a late bloomer? Someone who got so engrossed in forcing herself to grow up that she
actually forgot to grow up….
Maturity wasn't something that can be measured by the thickness
of the eyeglasses or the moderation of one's voice. I should have learned that a long time ago. Going back to Selphie, now there's a person
who knew what she wanted and how to get it. Others called her ditzy and such for acting so lighthearted in the midst
of grim tidings. But for me, it was
more admirable than anything else. No
one could possibly possess the kind of heart that persistently laughed at the
face of danger and tragedy. Only
Selphie.
And I'm her complete anti-thesis. Myself and Squall. I
can't speak for him with regards to his longings, but I do wish sometimes that
I could have at least half of Selphie's cheerfulness. It definitely would make my life a lot easier.
Why am I feeling so cranky anyway? Maybe I'm just hungry. I
wish it could be as simple as that.
Anyway, it is already lunch time. Better go get something to eat before I head off to my fourth
class. Fortunately, Ms. Stepanicci
somehow read my mind and figured out that I've been wanting to have some
Winhill rib-eye. But… who am I kidding? Of course it was just a coincidence. If Rica won't bow down to Zell's perennially
vehement insistence to save some hot dogs for him everyday, what made me think
that she'd give a second thought to my request?
"Quistis? Instructor Trepe? Please report to my office at once."
Alright, looks like I won't be able to grab a bite after
all. There were some things in this
school that I shouldn't ignore if I want to perform my duties well. And Headmaster Cid summoning me to his
office was definitely on top of the list. Wasn't exactly new to me. He
calls me everyday just to keep me updated with Garden business, whatever they
might be. I was glad to know that he
trusted me that much. I wonder what
he'd feel if he learned that I didn't trust myself to the same degree…
No use thinking about it. I better get to his office at once. Lately, the Headmaster had been having certain headaches related to past
events involved in the second Sorceress War. He had been trying to hide it, but Dr. Kadowaki and I just knew him too
well. We knew that he was still worried
about Matron, thinking that what Ultimecia did could be duplicated by someone
else. I used to think that maybe we
should have done something about that prototype machine mimicking Ellone's
powers while we were in the future. This was what Headmaster Cid had in mind, and he had a point. Someone else might stumble on to it and pull
off the same stunt. I wasn't sure
whether to be feel worried about it too. Maybe, maybe not. Time paradoxes
are so confusing. Maybe it was safe to
say we had no reason to worry since if somebody thought of doing what Ultimecia
did, we'd have already known. Everything was still alright since we came back from the future, so I
guess that was a moot point.
I truly hope so…
And yet another after-effect of the Sorceress war still
existed. I didn't know what to think
about it, but Headmaster Cid insisted, owing in no small way to his advisors,
that Seifer be hunted down and made to pay for his crimes. When he told me
about it, I almost bolted out from my seat in disagreement. I wasn't exactly a Seifer groupie, and I admit
to still feeling this angst toward him for that stupid thing he did. But be hunted down like a common criminal
and tried? Maybe court martial would be
more in order if he was still here. But
he already resigned… or was expelled. He didn't belong in Garden anymore. I would have wanted for Garden to just leave him alone so he can proceed
with his life, whatever it was constituting it.
Of course, they do have a point in saying that he was still
dangerous and could still be planning something against us. While I think it was very possible, that
wasn't enough to convince me of the virtue of treating him like a common
criminal. What he did was wrong. Yes. There 'd be no way that I could condone that. But I feel all this manhunting business might not end up
well. It might just lead into something
more terrible.
I hope the reason why I was being called today wasn't connected
to Seifer's case in any way. Like I
said, I have enough problems of my own to involve myself with that.
… …
But who was it that said that if there was a chance for
something to go wrong, something will go wrong?
"You want me to WHAT?"
"You heard me correctly the first time, yes?"
I abandoned my usual habit of checking my voice tone whenever I
hear something disagreeable. What the
Headmaster just told me to do wasn't just that. It bordered on the insane.
"But Headmaster, you knew from the start how much I
disliked the idea of apprehending Seifer. I concur that he did a very terrible thing. But this is like trying to fan a fire that had just died down to
an ember back to life. If I could have
it my way, we'd have just left him alone. Now… you're saying that we've located him, taken him into custody,
putting him on trial… and I'm going to represent him in defense?!?"
"Yes."
"But… but why? And why do we have to proceed with this
trial in the first place?"
I knew there was something more to this than meets the eye. It was quite obvious from his morose
expression when I mentioned the word 'trial'. Headmaster Cid wasn't some stickler for discipline drill sergeant who'd
jump at the first opportunity to castigate an erring trainee. He cared for the students and their
welfare. Maybe I could even go as far
as say that we share the same desire to just leave Seifer alone. That was what was making all this trial
hullabaloo more confusing.
"Quistis, I can understand your reservation about this
whole thing. Putting a Garden student
on trial for whatever thing he or she committed also leaves a bitter taste in
my mouth. But there are some things
that we need to abide by if we want to maintain the pristine image of this
institution."
I assumed he was talking about Balamb Garden.
"It's a world of dirty politics and misplaced thirst for
retribution out there. People who were
affected by Seifer's past actions have been clamoring for blood. President Loire already has his hands full
in quelling some pocket movements who had been calling for Seifer to be
punished for his crimes. He feels the
same way about this as we do, but he has no choice. And the same goes for us. I hate the idea, believe me. But
this isn't something that we can just brush off."
"I can understand that part, sir." I replied, trying
to lower down my voice. But the basic
incredulity of the subject made it such a chore. "But… why me? Why do
I need to be the one to stand in his defense?"
"Why not?"
"Headmaster, I may have campaigned for tolerance, but that
doesn't suggest any degree of indifference on my part by thinking that he's
innocent. Because he's not
innocent. He's guilty as sin. I just don't want to awaken past nightmares
anymore but I do believe he is guilty. How can you expect me to defend one who I'd readily condemn if given
half the chance?"
"Quistis, you may refuse this assignment if you want, it's
not mandatory for you to accept it. But
also, if you do, it will also be tantamount to condemning him. The reason why we're going for this trial is
to save Seifer's life. Due process,
however trite it sounds, is the only thing I can think of to put a temporary
wall between him and a bloodthirsty mob. But… the choice is yours. You
used to believe in him, being his teacher. Given his attitude, it was a hard thing to do, but you were the only one
who managed to do it. That is why I
chose you to represent him."
He was right. Dammit!
"And… like I said, the choice is yours."
I felt like I've been asked to swim across a dry river bed. It was difficult enough to take his side on
an obviously lost cause, given the clear evidence of his guilt. What made this monumentally worse was the
fact that I did not believe in him anymore. How can I possibly do this with no semblance of heart whatsoever to
perform the task?
And I wasn't even sure if I believed in myself…
To be continued…