Consequences

Consequences

by Soul Hunter and TacomaSquall

Chapter 4:

Conflict of Interest

I hate to have led him on that way. I know I told him that we may have a chance as long as we worked together. But to tell the truth, I only said that to somehow buoy his trust in me.

Why did I want him to trust me anyway? I don't know. And my confusion was further aggravated by the truth that I don't trust him at all. Yes, I did say that if I'd have it my way, I'd just let him go and allow him to go on with his life. But that didn't mean I trust him.

He was the enemy. He may have been an integral part of Garden, but that was a long time ago. That was before I saw with my own eyes how he willfully took his post at the other side of the fence while shouting to the top of his lungs how right he was with his decision. That was before I realized he had no intention of holding back when he poured all his strength in striking me with his sword inside Lunatic Pandora. That was before I felt the pang through my body brought by the sharp blades of that accursed Hyperion, which would have ended my life if I wasn't protected by my junctions.

That was before he betrayed us all.

Like I said, my full conviction had nothing to say but this: Seifer was guilty.

I would have placed a semblance of premium in the story he narrated if I hadn't been one of those tasked to face him. But as it was, his own account of why he did what he did hardly carried any weight as far as my resolve was concerned. It hardly mattered. From the subjective point of view, I believed it was in no ways an excuse to pardon his behavior. Not after the aches I had to endure. It was too flimsy to give reason to the way he behaved.

That was why I had to be fully objective in my approach here. I had to set aside my emotions if I want to harbor any hopes of winning this case. The case is as good as lost once I lapse into the sentiment that I most probably shared with those who will sit behind the prosecution's table.

But do I really want to do this?

One of the hardest parts in anyone's life was to be compelled to go against her own convictions. I had always detested being placed in such a situation. It wasn't that frequent, but the few times that I was put on such an undesirable predicament never failed to make me want to throw up. Despite my hidden insecurities, I still knew how to differentiate between right and wrong. That didn't mean that defending Seifer was wrong. But what he did… his betrayal… definitely was. And I just couldn't imagine myself taking the stand and raising my voice to its upper limits in defending what I believed to be wrong.

I spent the greater part of the night laboring to find a way to use his story in cooking up an effective defense. No, not effective. I don't know how anything in the direction of Seifer's defense could be called effective. Even the word 'decent' didn't fit the bill. I realized this, and it made the chore harder than the proverbial task of turning the late President Vinzer Deling into an altruist. But I had to try.

Sadly, until I fell asleep and up to this time when I found myself getting up two hours later than usual, I still can't find the answer.

The answer that I wasn't sure if I want to find in the first place.

I was there, dammit! I was one of those who almost got burned when he unleashed the Fire Cross against us.

How could the Headmaster expect me to do this?

I still felt groggy from the lack of sleep. I had always hated losing sleep. The resulting crankiness was the last thing I needed in my job as an instructor.

Fortunately, the faculty chief allowed me to take the day off. But this very rare instance of Instructor Aki capitulating to my request didn't exactly come as a reprieve for me. I requested for this leave to give me time to formulate my defense as well as to go to that meeting Xu scheduled.

But wasn't she the counsel for the prosecution? What did she have in mind in meeting with me? Hmph, she probably wanted to squeeze a plea from me in behalf of my client. That would definitely make things easier for us.

I had to resist the urge to plead guilty. I badly wanted to do so, but I had to resist it. Even my belief of Seifer's guilt wasn't enough for me to toss him to the lion's den.

If ever, that was the only thing that had been driving me to pursue this case. In spite of what he did, I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. At least… at least he could have sensed it in me after our meeting last night. I'd definitely appreciate even a slight trace of gratitude from him. Well, last night he had turned cooperative. But knowing Seifer, I really didn't know how long he'd stay in such a state. He could revert to his old, pompous self anytime.

For his own sake, I just hope it wouldn't happen anytime before the trial. For his own sake…

"I can see that you're taking this quite well."

I knew it. Xu wouldn't pass at an opportunity like this to ridicule me.

Her intentions weren't to be mistaken, though. Despite her sarcasm, Xu was my friend. Perhaps the best friend I ever had. I had lost count of the times when she beat everyone else to the draw in running to my aid whenever I really needed help. Xu had always been there for me, like the older sister I never had.

She just couldn't pass up on this chance to drum another impending blunder into my head. She had always been that obstinate whenever she thought I was about do commit another mistake that I could easily avoid if I really wanted to. As I slumped my face against the table surface, I could just imagine that half-deriding, half-pitying smirk that she always sported every time I got into a predicament like this. She must have been saying that after all my bloopers, I still haven't learned my lesson.

"Xu, please don't start," I had to respond to defend myself. It wasn't fair. It wasn't like I landed on to this spot of my own accord. This was in compliance to an order.

An order that I hated. One that, according to Headmaster Cid himself, I could have avoided if I so chose.

I couldn't look at Xu's face because I knew she had a point. I was beginning to run like crazy again, with my eyes closed, unmindful that I was heading dead straight against a solid brick wall.

"So what made you do it?"

"What?" I answered while keeping my head down. I still wasn't ready to face her amidst this situation.

"What made you do it?" She repeated. I could hardly decipher the tone of her voice. It was sarcastic and at the same time sympathetic. I really couldn't blame her. "I know you, girlie. I know how you feel about Seifer. That's why it's driving me crazy trying to figure out why you acquiesced to the Headmaster's request."

Hmph, she even used the word 'request'. Xu knew better than to blur the difference between a request and an order. But I knew she did that on purpose. She was trying to drive the point that I could have and should have turned my back on all this. But I didn't. And that was the reason behind her vehemence.

"What the hell is your point, Xu?" I responded with a lot more display of agitation than I had otherwise been accustomed to. But sometimes, my best friend's character can get the better of my patience. It was quite rare, but it happens. good thing Xu never took such occasions like this seriously.

"My point is: you know I'm gonna jump all over your back for accepting this assignment. You yourself told me before, you couldn't think of any possible reason or excuse for Seifer to turn his coat. You yourself insisted that his attitude doesn't lend any leeway to pardon his irresponsibility, and that he should know to act his age more. You convinced me that he deserved the rub down he received after bungling his SeeD exam. And just the other day, you told me that if Seifer ever got to stand trial, you don't know if there'd be anyone stupid or crazy enough to act as counsel for his defense."

Ouch! Right where it hurt the most!

"Now what do you think are you doing? Excuse me, girlie, but I've never known you to willfully make a fool of yourself. So you might as well explain yourself to me before we start with this meeting."

Not even the most rabid display of righteous angst to defend myself would be enough. Xu knew that I couldn't reason myself out of this fix. And what's worse, I knew that I couldn't reason myself out of this fix. So I chose not to answer. At least, whenever I chose this position, Xu knew better than to stubbornly squeeze anything from me. Then she would have no other choice but to go with the flow.

"All right." Thank goodness she relented. "If you're not going to talk about this, we might as well get down to business."

It wasn't exactly the words that I'd been hoping to hear, but it was better than her effort to try to make me justify an unjustifiable cause. I straightened myself up in preparation for the counsel discussion. I needed all the composure I could muster for this.

"Quistis, what Seifer did was categorically treasonous. But I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, so I'll try to make it as simple as possible."

"Okay," I quipped back, almost dreading what she was about to say.

"Plead guilty, Seifer gets life. Fight the prosecution… he dies."

I looked up to her, hoping to see a face that was trying to hold back a smile. But really, I also knew it was a lost cause. After her declaration, Xu stared back at me with the same stoic look she usually showed to give others the message that she was dead serious.

And truthfully, I expected this from her. Xu's feelings about Seifer's betrayal were no big secret. She had always resented him for being such a rebel. She had always seen his attitude as something that should have made him unfit for admittance in Garden. She had said in countless occasions that despite his skills, Seifer was not and had never been SeeD material, that he surely didn't belong in Garden.

If I didn't knew better, I'd think Xu actually felt happy to see Seifer give in to treachery. At the very least, it finally provided her with just cause to come crashing on him hard with everything she's got. But no, Xu wasn't like that. She had always believed that everyone deserved a second chance. The only problem was she also thought Seifer had used up so many that he had to borrow everyone else's second chances.

And his act of betrayal, if anything, became the last straw for one who was too fed up with Seifer's infantile behavior. For someone who grudgingly tolerated his deliberate efforts at mocking his peers, it was the final nail to the coffin that he had been constructing for himself. For Xu, she could not, in good conscience, turn the other way like she did in numerous instances in the past. Seifer had finally done it this time. And this time, he had to pay the price. With his life if it could be so proven.

I don't know if I have a prayer to make her change her mind.

"So you're really going for it," I said dejectedly. She just nodded without even a semblance of change in her facial expression. I turned away from her gaze, not because I was intimidated by it, but rather because I didn't want to be irked by her obstinate display of righteous anger.

"You don't understand how I feel, do you?" She asked me straightforwardly. I wanted to say the contrary, that I understood her sentiments even though it went against the goal of my task. It was the truth. It was so true that if circumstances were a little different, I would have been with her on the side of the prosecution.

That was the reason for this cacophony of conflicting emotions I had been feeling. I knew she had a point, and whatever reasons driving her to such extreme measures was justified by Seifer's own foolishness. But I wasn't as hard-hearted as she was when wronged. I never shared the steeled chest to endeavor for someone's death, much more for that of my former student's.

"No… I do," I was compelled to answer. "I do understand how you feel, Xu. Unfortunately, I don't share your method of dealing with this problem. And YOU have to understand this about me. We're not talking here about some sanction to keep a student in the detention room for a whole day or even for that student to be expelled. We're talking about someone's life. A Balamb Garden student's life."

"Yes, that we are, Quisty. But we're also talking about the law, about justice. We're talking about the plights of innocent kids, whose families had to question the senselessness of it all and ultimately demand for this course of action when they were killed just because of this… man's asinine ambitions. Seifer was talking about some goal that he tried to attain. We never knew what his goal really was about. I never did. But I never cared either. At least not until his ambitions eventually meant the deaths of so many of our… HIS fellow students. IN HIS OWN SCHOOL. But did he show even the slightest remorse about it, about the consequences of his actions? No! Seifer didn't care."

"How the hell did you know if he cared or not, Xu? Have you tried talking to Seifer? Have you tried looking into his eyes to see that he'd give anything for the chance to undo what he did?"

I never knew I had it in me to show such resolve in defending Seifer. There was a time when Xu and I automatically agreed whenever we talked about his errant behavior. Actually, I still concurred with her. But never did the issue involve this much gravity. Seifer may have to pay the penalty for his crimes. I can live with that despite what I had been saying before. But not with his life. Yes, his actions cost the lives of so many of our colleagues. But taking a life as recompense for the same loss had never been a ruling principle for me. Two wrongs could never, ever equate to a right.

Especially after what I saw in him yesterday.

"You're wrong about Seifer, Xu. I may agree with you about his guilt. But not about his lack of grief. Seifer was sorry for what he did. It was as clear as day when I saw it in his eyes. He was sorry, Xu."

It was her turn to fall silent this time. As I looked at my friend, I realized to my appreciation that she wasn't far gone into the quest for retribution as she appeared just a few moments ago. This was the Xu that I knew, the one that became my friend mainly because we shared a lot of things in common. It just happened she never had the burden of instructing Seifer like I did. That she never had to connect with him the way I did as an instructor. I'm sure that if the situations were reversed, I'd feel the same way as she.

I likewise appreciated the softness in her voice when she spoke again. But not the words.

"Quisty, this case came about as the result of a petition from all the families of the students who were injured or died when Seifer commandeered Galbadia Garden against us. The tribunal of Balamb rallied Galbadia, Winhill and Timber into placing so much pressure on Headmaster Cid that he was eventually forced into calling in technicalities to make this into a charge of treason."

I didn't try to interrupt her this time as it appeared we'd reverted to our formal discussion. But that wasn't exactly the case.

"It's unfortunate that I feel this way about Seifer. And despite your insistence, I still couldn't bring myself to change my mind about him. I'm sorry for that. But you have to understand that even if my feelings weren't like this, I'd still push for the fullest extent the law provides. This isn't my call, but the prosecution's. My feelings have nothing to do with all this. I'm just doing my job."

"And I'm doing mine," I countered, but not merely for the sake of countering. It was quite ironic, really. Xu capitulated enough to relinquish her iron front and tell me her real stand. And I in turn built up a wall in telling her that despite my stand, I was still carrying on with Seifer's defense. It was all the parting words I could think of, so I just decided to adjourn the meeting with a quick step towards the door.

"Quisty…?" She went after me just before I opened the door. "We're still friends, right?"

"Yeah, we're still friends," I answered. "But let's try to forget about it until after the trial."

To Be Continued…