Stuff to Read First: What do I do when I procrastinate??? I write psychotic parodies like THIS!! Um, Duo from Gundam Wing has a cameo appearance, but other than that, it's all FY people. Hope you like! ^_^
Disclaimers: Although I do own many Fushigi Yuugi video tapes and CDs (too many for me to be considered even remotely normal), I do not own the characters which appear in the following silly script. Likewise, I do not own Duo. He, like the others, lives in my mind and talks to me when I'm bored. ~.^;; BUT, he does not belong to me. Hmm, what else? I'm in this story, too. I own myself. Or, I like to think I do. ^_^
Warnings: Umm, this is a parody, so…OOC and then some, plus mocking of characters of whom I am very fond (so it's nothin' personal!).
The Cult of Masculinity
(A Dramatic Title for a Not-So-Dramatic Fic)
__________________________________
Mouse: Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I hate school!
Duo: Whazzup?
Mouse: I hate school.
Duo: Why?
Mouse: Because I have an oral presentation to give tomorrow, and I don't wanna do it.
Duo: Well, remember that time I was captured by OZ and they beat me up and stuff?
Mouse: …Yeah…
Duo: That was possibly worse than having to do an oral presentation.
Mouse: Shut up.
Nuriko: Yo, dudes! How's it hangin'?!!! [flops down on the sofa and wipes his nose with his sleeve] We have any pork rinds? Hey, Duo! How's the gundam, man?! Wow, I love machines! Machines and…metal and…uh…hammers! [punches Duo into the wall]
Mouse: What…the hell.
Duo: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Nuriko's trying to act more like a guy.
Mouse: By punching people into walls?! He did that when he was girly!!
Nuriko: Hey, you guys wanna go out later and wrestle alligators or something?!!
All: NO!!!
Nuriko: [mutters to himself] Buncha sissies.
Hotohori: Nuriko…I fear you are having a slight identity crisis…
Tasuki: Uhh, I think his identity crisis began a loooooooong time ago, if ya know what I mean.
Hotohori: Shut up. Nuriko…
Nuriko: [hacks up a loogie and spits it over the side of the sofa]
Hotohori: [winces] Nuriko?
Nuriko: Yes, Oh Wise Heika, Hotohori-sama, Ruler of Konan, whom I love but platonically because after all I'm a guy?
Hotohori: Look…you're not acting yourself…
Nuriko: Sure I am! [burps]
Hotohori: [whispers to Mouse] My goodness, he's far gone! What can we do??
Mouse: Just leave it to me. Hey, Nuriko!
Nuriko: Yah?
Mouse: Wanna go watch 'Titanic' with me?
Nuriko: 'Titanic'?!! I LOVE that m…uh…..I mean, uh, of course not!! That's a chick flick! I was, uh, just on my way out to rent 'Half Baked'…
Mouse: Nuriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiko…it's got Leonardo di Caaaaaaaaaaaaaprio……
Nuriko: What are you implying??? I don't like Leo!! He's been corrupted by Hollywood!! Now, that guy from 'Good Will Hunting', on the other hand…
Mouse: HAH!!! Gotcha!!!
Nuriko: Dammit.
Hotohori: Nice save.
Mouse: Sure thing.
Nuriko: [sniff] I just wanted to be manly!!!
Hotohori: Listen, Nuriko: we don't care if you're manly or not! We like you for YOU!! We like you for being a confused, girly, slightly neurotic cross-dresser. If you were really an obnoxious, loogie-spitting, nose-wiping, machine-loving, alligator-wrestling, pork rind-eating clod, uh…well, we'd like you too!
Mouse: …Possibly.
Duo: Of course you'd like him! You like Tasuki, don't you?
Tasuki: HEY!!! I don't eat pork rinds!!
Nuriko: Really, Hotohori-sama?
Hotohori: Of course.
Nuriko: Does that mean you'll go on a date with me?
Hotohori: Uhhhhhh…no.
Nuriko: Curses.
THE END
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mouse: AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS…Can anyone guess???
Nuriko: Ooh, ooh, I know!!! Always be yourself!!
Hotohori: Your true friends will like you for who you are.
Mouse: Ummm….sure, that works…I was thinking more along the lines of 'Don't consume sugar at 11:00 pm, for insanity will ensue,' but yeah, yours are very good, too. Very moral.
[Pause]
Nuriko: Mouse-chan, you need serious help.
Mouse: You know it's true when you hear it from Nuriko, of all people…
^_^