July 8,
2001
Disclaimer: Card
Captor Sakura and all its characters are owned by CLAMP, Kodansha, Mixx. No
money made, all for fun. Reminder: though this fic borrows aspects from both the
anime and manga versions, it will primarily follow the manga plotline. The Li
Family characterizations and non-canonical characters are figments of my
imagination.
Rite of
Passage
Chapter Eight: Of Roles and Obligations
By Ina-chan
Rivulets of sweat
trickled down my face, stinging my eyes. I did all I can to prevent myself from
moving my arms to wipe the annoying drops from my brow. I dared not to move them
apart from their involuntary shaking. The muscles in my arms were
already screaming in agony for even just a hint of relief.
"Your arms are dropping Xiao Lang-sama," Wei's voice thundered loudly
in the room, "If drop any of those books, you will get an additional five
minutes.
I could only clench my teeth and bite back the sardonic comment from escaping my
lips as I willed my protesting arms to snatch the heavy volumes of Taoist ethics
and philosophy from the strong steady tugging grasp of gravity. It wasn't
my fault. It really wasn't it. I wasn't the one who started it. Its so
unfair why I end up being punished.
"It does not matter who started it," Wei calmly stated, as if he read
my thoughts, "You used your gifts inappropriately. You already know that
all actions have
consequences. This is merely the consequence of that action."
"It wasn't my fault," I repeated out loud this time, measuring the
expression on Wei's face to determine how far I can push my luck in defending my
cause.
"Of
course," Wei replied bending down to accept my challenge, "I suppose
its an everyday occurrence for sudden gusts of wind to carry a 2nd grade student
neatly across 10 meters and deposit him right in the middle of the school
pool."
I lifted my chin, unwilling to back down from his intimidating gaze, "It wasn't
my fault that the jerk can't swim,"
The expression on Wei's face did not change at my comment. Nor did he give in to
this staring match round. By this time, the sensation in my arms have gone
beyond pain and reached dead weight numbness. My fifteen minute punishment was
most likely to have been long over by now. But dropping the books or reminding
Wei now might cause me to break eye contact. And I refuse to admit defeat. Not
this time. Not when I know that I'm right. That boy insulted the Li Clan.
He was lucky he got off so lightly for dishonouring our Family's name. Old
Grandmother would never have forgiven such a thing.
Sensing that this was one battle that cannot be won by his authority or
punishment, Wei finally gave in and motioned for me to hand him the books. He
paced quietly across the library and replaced the ancient heavy volumes in their
respective places. My arms tingled painfully as I lowered them and felt blood
circulating back into my exhausted muscles. But I dared not make a move to rub
them as I continued to glare indignantly at my teacher.
Wei studied me for a few moments before
letting out a long cleansing breath, "Pride has been the downfall of many
great men."
I, too, let out a long sigh. I've already heard this speech a million times
before.
"You will meet various people who are not very open-minded about your gifts. They
will try to hurt you with words and sometimes by actions. These are all signs of
weakness," Wei emphasized his words, the silence of the library emphasizing
his point with great dramatic flourish, "The Li Clan has always used their gifts and talents to protect.
Using your talents for petty revenge not only brings you down to the
level of their weakness, but brings dishonour to the family name as well."
I may have heard this speech a million times before. I still hate it every single
time I hear it. It wasn't fair. Ideals about turning the other cheek when someone
who is the level of a tiny ant stings you is fine and dandy. But when an ant
bites, no matter how small it may be, still hurts. Just because
I'm stronger doesn't give other people the right to walk all over me.
"The world is a great and intricate tapestry," Wei paused, " And
every single one of us is a strand of thread with an important role in its grand
design."
Eh? How did that fit into this? If there was one thing that I hate even more
than Wei's repetitive speeches, it would be these moments when he would spew
nonsensical philosophical statements out of the blue and expect me to understand
exactly what he means.
Wei gave me a small smile, as he absently took a small book from the shelf and
nonchalantly placed it on the desk, "So much has changed in the
world. Our traditions and magic don't seem to have as much relevance to
the modern world as it did four generations ago. So having these gifts and not being able to use them as you
see fit all seems very trivial, doesn't it?" Wei sat on the chair and
motioned for me to come closer
"Pretty much," I mumbled in reluctant agreement as I walked towards
him and I accepted his olive branch offering
"The old world that the Li Clan once knew is dead. It died the day the
reign of China's
last Emperor ended. Perhaps it already died at the dawn of the modern
era," Wei continued as he expertly massaged my
protesting arm muscles
"So why are we still here?" I asked curiously
Wei made another small sad smile, "There is much comfort to clinging to our
past. The modern world may not believe in magic the same way it did half a
century ago, but we are who we are. We cannot change that. And..." He then
looked directly into my eyes with an unreadable expression in his face,
"...there are still promises that are needed to be kept."
"Promises?"
Wei simply smiled yet again, as if guarding a well kept secret, "Until the
day of destiny arrives, a heart's prayer is answered, and our family is finally redeemed, we are obligated to continue
on with our roles."
"Roles?" I hated sounding like a parrot. But Wei is starting to make
less and less sense.
"My side of the family has carried the role of being the trusted caretakers
of the knowledge of our arts and our heritage," Wei continued making subtle
movements toward the various magically protected books inside the library that
only those who know the proper sealing wards can open, "For many
generations, we ensured that the exceptionally gifted children of the Li
Clan are given the proper knowledge, guidance, and training to help them bloom
into their full potential. If your father was still alive, he would be the
one standing here in my place."
Wei paused to another moment of silence and bowed his head out in respect for
his deceased youngest brother, before continuing, "Your mother is a direct descendant,
which is why she, you, and your sisters have such strong manifestations of the
Li Clan's gifts. Which is also why she inherited the role of being our family's
Clan Mother when Old Grandmother passed away. Now, you and your sisters are the
last direct descendants as well as the last future teachers and caretakers of
our past," Wei paused, as if waiting for me to digest all he had
said.
To
be quite honest, it was nothing new. Everyone made us aware of our position and
importance in the family for as long as I could remember. I already know about
this obligations and family expectations. Sometimes, it seemed more of a big
pain more than anything.
"But your role, Xiao Lang-sama..." Wei's voice faltered, almost
hesitating, "... I'm afraid is more complicated and more difficult to
comprehend, until it unfolds itself before you."
With that, I couldn't prevent a small frown of puzzlement from lining my forehead.
"Clow Read was the strongest magician ever to borne from the Li Clan. But
because of his very gifts, his own flesh and blood feared him to the point that
our family disowned his mother when she refused to follow the Clan's wishes. Li
Ying Fa would have been the Clan's greatest leader, and when the Clan decided to
abandon her... our Family started to fall apart. There were fights amongst
ourselves, bad leadership, loss of faith... and other extenuating
circumstances... Slowly, the magic line started to die and weaken... until
we are all that is left. When Old Grandmother became Clan Mother, she did her
best to reunite the family. But it was too little too late. Ying Fa has
long died... and Clow Read... well the man was an oddity. He never stayed long
in one place. We didn't hear anything from him at all until a package from him
arrived more than thirty years ago, accompanied by news of his death from
somewhere in Japan."
By now, I was beginning to regret not giving in to Wei's authority earlier. THIS
was even worse than being forced to hold twenty volumes of Taoist philosophy in
outstretched hands for an hour. At least there was the possibility of escaping
the punishment by passing out either from exhaustion or letting one of the books
drop on your head... What would I do to find an excuse to pass out right now...
"The only way to atone for the sins our ancestors committed is to pacify
Ying Fa's broken heart. To do that, we must fulfill our promise to protect the
legacy that Clow Read left behind. Clow Read left behind an artifact, and
several journals with notes and instructions relating to the sorcery he has
created that our family has been protecting all these years. One of them is a
particular journal with a magic seal. A seal that will only be broken when
the one chosen to fulfill that promise on the day of destiny comes at hand. Old
Grandmother vowed not to die until she held that child in her arms and made sure
that she has given that child all her strength to help carry this heavy
burden."
With those words, Wei carefully took the old book he has taken from the shelves
and held it out to me, "Here, Xiao Lang-sama. I think you're finally ready
for this."
"What is it?"
"A gift from Clow Read," Wei replied, "And your first step to
uncover your role in the world's grand design."
It was an old ordinary journal with yellowing pages. There was nothing outwardly
special about it at all. But Old Grandmother always said that people leave
imprints of themselves on objects that they own. The more important that object
was for that person, the stronger they leave parts of themselves. The moment
that journal touched my hand, I tasted it for the first time... A residue of
Clow Read's strength.
My chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe... light
in the room was suddenly uncomfortably bright... the soft rustling of Wei's
clothes as he moved was suddenly deafening... and a strange strong metallic
taste in my mouth... The sensations came over me all at once. So overwhelming...
for a moment I thought I was ACTUALLY going to pass out. They... ALL OF THEM...
expected ME to match this? This... this... is... this is... too... no...
no... I can't possibly.... no... I can't... I CAN'T!!!
"Xiao Lang-sama?" Wei concerned voice snapped me back to reality. I
could see the lines of worry etched on his face despite the blurriness caused by
the painful burning sensation in my eyes.
"I...
can't..." My voice managed to squeak past the tightness in my throat.
Without another word, Wei pulled out a handkerchief and put it in my hands to
wipe away the flood rising in my eyes. He knelt beside me as the uncontrollable
tempest of sobs, hiccups, and tears raged through me. And patiently stood by
until the storm subsided and I clutched the wet cloth in embarrassment.
"Are you done crying?"
I could only nod dumbly, feeling rather sheepish with my uncharacteristic
outburst. I've always hated crying. And having other people see me cry makes it
even worse. Even if it was Wei.
"It's all right to be scared... and to cry," Wei said gently,
"But make sure that after you're done, that you face what's scaring you
with a calm mind. Just focus on your task at hand. All this may seem impossible
and scary at the moment, but if you calm down, you'll start to understand the
reasons why this task was given to you. You are Li Xiao Lang, the youngest
direct descendant and the youngest son of the Li Family. And though it may not
seem like it yet, you are also currently the strongest and most magically gifted
of the Li Clan. You CAN do this. Me, your mother, your sisters, Old Grandmother,
and spirits of all our ancestors... All of us will be right beside you. To help
you, to guide you, to lend you our strength."
It was only then that I finally managed to summon enough courage to open the
book's well-preserved leather cover, and peer at the neat clear handwriting
printed on its yellowing pages.
"When
the seal is broken, disaster will befall on this world..."
I turned to you in half-surprise when you uttered those words. You looked back
at me with a calm and solemn expression. Completely opposite from the panicked
hysterical fit you had just moments ago. I have to admit, I can't help but
admire how quickly you adjust to a situation. It was hard to believe that the
calm and focused person in front of me was the same girl crying a storm and
scared witless at the strange events that just happened in what was supposed to
be just a stupid courage test.
"Did you hear that from Cerberus?"
"...Yes," came your hesitant reply
"The Li Family guards a magical book that Clow Read wrote," My mind's
eye wandered back to the countless sunny afternoons in my favourite spot in the
garden, where I poured over Clow Read's journals to the point of memorizing
every word, "Clow wrote inside: 'When the Clow Card's seal is broken,
there will be a disaster on this world. When the disaster begins, the day
of eternity will come because of a heart's prayer."
"... that 'disaster'?"
"I don't know." The flame on the candle flickered ominously in the
cave's natural breeze, "Clow Read has a strange personality to begin with,
even though he wasn't the type of person to get angry easily. But a twisted
person like him saying things like 'when the disaster begins' and 'a prayer of
destruction'... that's why I, the Li Family's current strongest magician, was
sent here to Japan to collect the cards."
"But!" You protested vehemently, "Kero-chan said that the
disaster depends on the person!"
Depends on the person? What could that possibly mean? "Could it mean that
it would be a great disaster 'for that person'?" I mumbled out loud. I
looked up only to see you watching my anxiously with tears starting to pool in
your eyes once again. AW MAN! This is one of the reason's why I can't STAND
girls, "B-but I still don't know. Let's go find that card fast!"
"Y-yeah..."
The rashinban was right. I could feel the Clow Card's presence much stronger
now. The unmistakable magical presence of Clow Read's aura was like a homing
beacon shining brightly in that tiny shrine.
"I'll use 'Fly' to get there..."
"No, the card will sense it. We've got to use something more quieter,"
And I have just the thing, "U Ho*" I couldn't help not holding back a
smirk of self satisfaction as the spell wound itself around our feet and took
effect as I tested it on the water's surface. I can't wait to rub it in to
Si-jie's nose that there was a use for this spell after all other than as an
amusing prank or a cheap party tricks.
"What? RI-KUN!!" You yell out in surprise after me, "Is this more
of your magic?"
Give the girl a prize! Really! Just when I'm beginning to think you're not such
a big airhead, you always succeed to prove me wrong, "You can walk over it
too." Just get over here. "I don't know what kind of card it is, but
if it's one of your partner's symbols, then he'll be able to transform. It could
be the one in the shrine."
"Right."
"RI-KUN!?" You cry out again, this time your voice filled with alarm
and horror
I glance down just in time to see my hands fading to transparency. Okay Xiao
Lang, just stay calm. You'll think of a way out of this, "Stay calm! You
have to seal it now while its working!"
"But..."
Its all right to be scared. Its okay to cry.
"CONCENTRATE!"
"..but..."
But you have to face what's scaring you with a calm mind.
"Is it okay with you if everyone disappears?"
"NOOOO!!"
Just focus on your task at hand.
"It's in there! Do it now!"
"Return to your true form... CLOW CARD!"
And once again, you sealed another card right under my nose. I even helped you
do it. The strange thing about this is that... this time, it didn't seem to
matter that I lost to you again. Seeing your face happy and lit up with genuine
gratitude was much better than seeing you scared and crying. Then again, I can't
stand seeing people cry anyway. Even though if that person is the one I hate the
most in the world.
But there is one thing I realized from this whole incident. I can sense
that weak magical potential within slowly growing stronger. And when you
concentrate hard enough, I can see it solidifying and strengthening. Somehow,
there is something strangely exciting and satisfying in watching you grow
stronger. Perhaps with a good teacher to
help you... to guide you... to lend you strength...
you could have become much stronger than you are now. Mind you, the rest of the
time, I still think you're hopeless.
"About yesterday," You whispered quietly so that our other classmates
wouldn't hear, "Thanks."
"I didn't do anything for you," I replied huffily. Where did you get
that idea? It was all for the sake of my role as the Li Clan's strongest
magician. It was all for the sake of preventing the world's disaster, just
as everyone at home expects me to do.
"Okay," You simply smile sweetly as you cock your head slightly to one
side. You really don't get it, do you? You really are an airhead, aren't you?
"But I'm still thanking you anyway."
"Sakura-chaaaan!"
"HAI!"
With that, you turned around and ran to your friends, leaving me alone...
feeling rather stupid for acting like a jerk. That annoying heat rising up on my
face again. I lived all my life in a household full of women, and I will still
NEVER understand how a girl's mind works.
End of Part 8
To be continued
Return to Part 7: The Value of a Warrior
Ina-chan's Squawk:
First of all, I want to thank all of you who
has been supporting this fanfic series. Specially Articuno2000. This chapter is
dedicated to you. ^_^. Your comments, criticisms, and words of
encouragement are great confidence boosters to help me continue on. ^_^. I'm
still only on Volume 4 of the tankubon... there are still a couple of major
storyline moments to go involving Syaoran. So I'm depending on you guys for your
support! ^_^.
As you can see, things
are starting to get more interestingly S+S, even though Syaoran-kun doesn't seem
to be realizing it yet. Even though I already have the final chapter planned out
to match the manga's finale... I still haven't figured out how I'm going to deal
with Syaoran's feelings re: Sakura and keep it unique from every S+S fic out
there. Mind you... even though this will eventually contain S+S moments... this
is Syaoran's story! ^_^. So I guess we'll just see how it goes when we're about
to cross that bridge, ne?
Hmmm... one note that I
need help in...
*U Ho - Could possibly be pronounced as
"Wu Huo". The kanji characters for this spell don't look Japanese. It
could be Chinese (though I can't find the kanji in my Chinese dictionary). I
would appreciate anyone who has the manga and knows how to read this and tell me
the meaning.
And also... made up this whole Li Clan background
thing! Don't take this as canon or anything.
As usual, reviews, comments
and criticisms will be very much appreciated. If you have a fanfiction.net
account, please don't hesitate to review my
fics on http://www.fanfiction.net. The
genre is under Anime-CCS-Drama. I would love some constructive criticisms for
the improvement of this fic series. ^_^. I'm also open for private mail CCS
discussion. You can reach me via ina_chan@yahoo.com!
Ja!
Ina-chan
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